In my darkest hour, I was well enough to get a roommate, her name is Rosa Torrez. No one wants to room with her because she is dying with something called AIDs so they dumped her with me. I keep reading my magazine enjoying her company, I say to her, “Audrey Hepburn is a pretty face, isn't she?” I am not sure what she expected me to say but apparently that wasn’t it. “E-excuse me?” she says softly.
“Audrey Hepburn, I dare say she popularized high bosom sleeveless dresses,” I say and show her my magazine in her full glory. I would totally nail that woman if I could. I would nail her so hard she will call me daddy. “Sh-she’s pretty,” she says with a kind smile and looks away from me to avoid any conversation.
“It gets boring after awhile,” I say and toss her the magazine over her lap and I produce another from underneath my mattress. “Everything seems duller when death knocks on your door…” she whispers. I won’t lie, most of the patients in the wing I used to reside in were real pessimists and wet blankets, I am one of those wet blankets. You know the ones, the cold cum slobber that sticks uncomfortably on your skin during your period? “Come on, death ain’t so bad,” I say and gained her full attention. “Think about his job for a moment, no one receives him with a smile and he himself hates his job because no one likes him. We have to make him feel good, what happens if he randomly kills himself because of low self esteem? Then we are stuck here till someone is brave enough to escort us to the other side.” Nothing I said is funny but it got a chuckle out of her. “I suppose he gives you more time for giving him a chuckle or two…?” she says smiling.
“No, ma’am. I am death,” I say grinning deviously before joining her laughing.
“I didn’t think you would be so comfortable with me…” she says.
“I see demons, no one is comfortable with me.”
“Oh, your the queen everyone complains about.”
“Damn, some rep I manage to build…” I giggle. “I am Odyssey, what’s your identifier?”
“Rosa Torrez,” she says. “I honestly didn't expect you to be so approachable…” she adds.
“I have to be hostile to protect myself, honey. Also, after six, take off that bag off your veins.” I feel this need to warn those around me, specially the weak.
“What? Why?”
“That is more than salt and sugar…” I say as I scan the glossy pages for the latest trends. “You really are paranoid…” she says rather scared of me.
“You will fall asleep at seven,” I add.
She didn’t believe me, normally no one ever does till it is too late. I’m not going to beg her either, or anyone for that matter. If you wish to heed my warnings good for you, but I won’t repeat myself and I most certainly will not force you to do so.
I have an appointment with Dr.Smith, I just got out of my bed and walked to her office to get the session over with. Yeah, normally the doctor sees you in the hospital room, but as of late she wants to see me in private. I do not like that, mostly because I feel trapped.
She isn't here yet, so I wait in my little white couch till she walks in. I sit here combing my thick hair thinking about how the investigation of the doctor was going. No detectives came by after that day and no one really spoke about it. The nurses and doctors sound more tense than they did originally when they did sparked up the conversation, sucks for me because I love hearing about people's problems as long as I don’t have to help solve them.
Just as I finished my fifth braid, Dr.Smith walks in along with the uncomfortable aura she carries around. “Good afternoon, Your Highness.” She took her seat behind the desk. “You look lovely as ever.”
“Sure,” I say looking at my bare feet. I really should get some sandals or slippers but nothing matches tacky paper robes. God my toes look so gross, I feel like I was walking though pig shit. Perhaps I can steal nail polish from one of the young nurses, or I could pick the dirt from under the nail with a the scalpel I keep under my pillow. Wait, do I still have it? Now that I thought about it, I think they took it from me thinking I was suicidal. I really should check it out once I get back to my room. “Your Highness?” Oh yeah, my session. “Are we done?” I ask.
“Of course not,” she laughs. “We got another two hours…” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Mm…” I hum instead of voicing my thoughts.
“Now, Your Highness--”
“My name… is Odyssey…” I say looking at her with the corner of my acid green eyes. “Say it right…”
“Right, right.” She smiles before she walks over to me to place her hand on my thigh. “Have the nightmares subsided?” I stare down at her hand as the question went through one ear and out the other. I don’t like where this is going, she is a lesbian right? I mean we established this already. “You cured it, hurray” I push her hand off my thigh and leave the room.
That was weird, that was the first, I guess, sexual advance anyone had done to me in this establishment. I may flirt but that was uncalled for. And let’s be real here, she is not my type.
I walk in my room and ignore Rose when she greeted me and dug up my scalpel from underneath my pillow. I feel secure now that I held the cold weapon between my fingers. I hide it again and climb on my bed. “Odyssey?” Rose calls to me. “Yes, doll?” I hold my catalog of exquisit brands as we speak.
“You… You look shaken… did you have an appointment with Dr.Smith…?” she hesitates to say. I look up forward for a couple of seconds before I look at Rose. “Why do you ask?” By the look on her face I can safely say wasn’t as lucky as me. “I can’t believe she still works here…” she whispers.
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“Why do you need a psychic working on you anyway?”
“I’m dying from aids. She treated my chronic depression. She exclusively worked with women till she had no choice but to work with men after… the allegations came to light.”
“What were those?”
“She… she abuses of her power and…” So, Dr.Smith is a rapist. I was right with the runaway tactic. “Rose,” Dr.Smith calls from the door with a serene smile, unlike the woman in question who shook in her boots.
“I didn’t imagine you to be his roommate,” Dr.Smith says.
“Y-yes…” her voice trembles with fear.
“She’s nice,” I say with my nose deep in my magazine. I want nothing to do with this. This woman is pure psycho. She walks over to Rose’s fluid bag and inject it with a metallic substance. “Oh dear, my sweet Rose… You really should have kept your mouth shut.” Dr.Smith leaves not without giving me the look. I watch Rose with horror as she slowly melted and screamed for help. I scrambled out of my bed and carry her to the emergency room with my adrenaline stuck in my throat.
According to the hospital I had another “psychotic break”. I was screaming and I actually assaulted Dr.Smith. I was sedated and was transported to the psych wing. Yeah, I was finally and officially crazy. Dr. Smith recommended to isolate me for the time being till I recovered. I refused but I have no say in the matter on the count that it was in her best interest to help me. That’s how it starts… She isolates me.
“Your Highness…” Dr. Smith calls to me. She sits on my bed placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. I avoid eye contact and just shrugged her hand off. “My name is Odyssey.” I have this tick I do when I need to get a grip; I throw my hair back and run a hand through it while I tilt my head to the side. I avoid it entirely when she is in the room because I catch her biting her lower lip with that dim look in her eyes. I never felt so backwards in my life. “I want to be alone… Go away.” I say as I gather my legs close to my chest. Yes, I am a ball, there for she can’t speak to me. It works, try it.
“Is that anyway of speaking to me after I got rid of all the obstacles in your way?” She smirks as she crossed her arms. What did she mean? I lift my head in fucking realization. She had been playing me like a goddamn fiddle, she made sure no one was near me enough for me to spill the tea I hear every day. Women are fucking scary, and I hate them as much as I love them. “Now, if you behave I will allow you to go to the bathroom.”
“Yeah, well, take it with the bladder…” I dig my head again between my knees. I am sure I will die. How degradding will my death be, no fucking idea, but I hope I am not cool enough- hold the fuck up… I fought a demon I can just walk out of here! So I stand up and walk over to her. Aaand she has a chain around my neck. When the hell did she do that? No fucking clue. But I am starting to think my powers act according to what God is in the mood for.
“Don’t try anything, I will be back soon." She leaves. I wanted nothing more than to take a piss and a shit and I know if I did I would die.
Don’t give me that, I am sure I will think of something to escape. I lay down on my bed thinking about a possibility of escape.
I am drifting off when I see Dr.Smith standing beside my bed injecting something in my IV bag. My heart leaps from my chest as I sit up to confront her, “What the hell are you doing?!”
“I am giving you something to help you fall asleep,” she says apathetically. After a moment I feel dizzy and so sick that even breathing is a hassle. I lay back holding my lips thinking I am going to puke. “What is this…?” I ask breathing heavily to make the nausea go away.
“Relax…” Miss Smith of the Night says quietly with a devil’s smile on her barbie pink lips. The psychic removes my garments eyeing at my reactions as sadistic and deprived a human can be. She whispers my name in the shell of my ear romanticizing of all the horrible things she has planned for me. “I never expect you to fall on my lap, much less a broken man,” she grins and turns my other cheek tracing a long vile tongue, it burns like acid and wine on a fresh wound.
My breath hitches, the cold fingers dipped in helheim explore my ebony splendor. Bile and tar rises and dances at the tip of my tongue, spilling and cascading through my jagged curves she entices to break.
I am lost, but it is a familiar feeling I somehow took refuge in, fear, degradation and love. I never had a name, all I was and will be a tool to combat carnal desires and curiosities men fantasize about. My eyes refuse to stay open, they rather shield me of my nightmares that come to life.
I can barely count them, 1, 2, 30, 40, infinity, the seconds of my life were slower and mundane as counting the stars above my head. There is only one star above me as my body dumbs and it flickers like a horror cliche. My eyes stung from the blinding lights and flashes of wet paint painting my skin a hot red ruby.
I remember this feeling, handled by strong hands capable of breaking the toughest of prides for the adrenaline rush. I sing. I sing a song of last redemption, perhaps that is what they want. Smith sounds pleased, I sung louder, begging the gods, the stars and my mother to yank me from this orgy of thrills and sickening kinks.
I am too small to fight back the monsters that pin me down, but with pride I wear their badge of honor as their seed dripped down my infant face.
“I didn’t expect you to cry when I broke you,” I hear someone say. I can also hear a crow crowing somewhere. It feets nostalgic... but I can just be imagining it.
I never realized how gritty and dark my life spiraled into. I started to scream. I don't know why I am screaming. I guess another psychosis. I scream so loud nurses rush in to calm me down but nothing works. They ask me what happened but I can only scream. All I want is my dad and my father to save me from drowning in that tube of clear gel in that white sterile room.
I feel a cold rush in my veins, and I feels… good. I stop screaming gradually and I can see the crows surround me again as the room became a void of stars. I feel a cold hand go through my soaked hair, whispering sweet nothings and encouragements, “Don’t be afraid, Odyssey, the storm will pass…” he says.
I scream again as I hold shaking body. The cold of the salt water I rose from replenished and washed away my sins and fears. I draw a cold breath and slowly sunk into the muddle water dyed in crimson. I miss him so much honestly. He was so small and frail and I failed to protect him. I don't fucking know, I am insane. Don't expect a valid answer from someone like me.
I stare at the new moon's reflection through the water before It hit me like morphine, what the actual fuck happen? I see my hands, still covered in blood. I look back as the sounds rushed into my ears. Screaming, fire, and sirens. I scan behind me over my shoulder and an old man gawked at me with concern. Next to him, the body of a monster is ripped in half on the sand. Did I do that...? Cause if I did I would have love to see that instead of my rape.
Now I am seriously questioning what the actual fuck happen to me. I was raped and woke up taking a bath in the beach. God this sucks...
"A-are you alright...!" the old man draws my attention. "Shall I take you to the hospital--" Nope, I don't let him finish, I run the hell away from him. No more hospitals and no more doctors, thank you. Fuck those assholes to hell.