Proof of Existence

Edo, Japan.

1829 (Bunsei 12) February 2nd

Commander Takeru of the Ryoku and his charge, the Young Lord Shinosuke were on horseback traveling from the city of Edo to their village in the mountains. They rode hard at first, hoping to make it home before the storm hit but they were not fast enough. It was a very chilly mid-winter in the southern island of Japan. It was the first snowstorm of the season. And it left the trails leading to the villages completely hidden under a foot of snow.

Takeru lead the way with Shinosuke trailing behind him. He could feel his horse struggle to walk through the mounds of snow and it was moving increasingly slower. He urged his horse Takafumi on but he felt the animal groan in protest. By then, the snow was falling so thickly, it was impossible for human eyes to see even 5 meters ahead. The snow was not their only problem. Takeru was also worried for the Young Lord’s safety. Being an immortal Takeru was fine for he could not feel the cold. Shinosuke however was human.

“My Lord Shinosuke!” Takeru called behind him. “We must find somewhere to wait out the storm. We are still days from the castle.”

“Can you see anywhere we can take shelter?” Shinosuke answered, his voice carried by the wind.

Takeru scanned the area with his gifted eyes and spied a shrine. He saw no signs of any shrine keepers or priestesses so they were sure to not to disturb anyone.

“There is a dojo some distance away. We can take refuge there for the night,” he called to his young charge. He could see Shinosuke sigh with relief as his warm breath hit the chill air. Takeru screwed up his face and urged his horse on determinedly. As an immortal, Takeru could withstand the harsh temperature, but Shinosuke gifted though he was in spell casting, he was still mortal.

It took some time to reach the dojo in the thickening snow. It wasn’t very large. Just one main dojo in the middle of the compound with smaller structures surrounding it in the shape of a U. Takeru hoped that the owners would be willing to provide them with shelter through the night. If they refused, they had limited options. The horses were straining and Takeru could sense they were nearing their limit, as was the Young Lord.  They entered the dojo’s grounds cautiously, Takeru used his abilities to scan every inch for signs of the dojo owners of disciples.

The grounds were covered in thick layer of untouched snow, indicating that owners might have taken shelter elsewhere during the storm. But then Takeru saw a light coming from one of smaller structures on the right. He approached the small building on horseback and sensed mortal blood. Whoever was inside must have heard the horses neighing because Takeru heard some rustling and an elderly man came hurrying out the door with a weapon in hand. Takeru quickly jumped off of his horse and stood between the old man and Shinosuke who was still mounted but unarmed.

“What do you want? Come to pillage while the dojo master is away?” the old man called into snowy night brandishing a sword.

“No,” said Takeru softly holding up his hands. “We were on our way back to Edo when we were caught in the storm. We seek only shelter. Not treasure.” Silence followed his words, only the wind and horses made sounds as the old man considered them then he lowered his weapon.

“You were foolish to travel in this,” he said against the howling wind, his voice loud and gruff but Takeru sensed concern not anger.

“Come on, you can put the horses in the stable and take the room next to it. But just for tonight,” he added in a raised voice.

“We understand,” said Takeru bowing. “And we are very grateful.”  The old man took hold of the horse’s reign and began guiding them to the stables.

“Thank you so much for your hospitality Sir,” said Shinosuke his voice soft and full of sincerity. “We shall call upon the Master when the storm has passed to give him and you a proper thank you. What is your name so that we know who it is we are so obliged to?”

“You may call me Yoshinori young man,” he said “My Master will be most welcome to receive you. He is on a journey at the moment, with his disciples. He should return before the sakura begin to blossom.”

“We will remember,” said Shinosuke. Takeru smiled to himself thinking how proud he was of his young charge.

It didn’t take long to get the horses situated in the stable which was well equipped. They said their goodbyes to Yoshinori then Takeru draped his arm around Shinosuke’s shoulder. He looked up at Takeru, with his watery eyes and his paler than ever skin and Takeru held him even closer.

“Come My Lord, let’s get you warm,” he said as he led him to the sleeping quarters near the stables.  It was small, only about 8 tatami mats but it suited their needs perfectly; it had dry futons, a fireplace, and a tea kettle. Takeru started a fire in the small hearth in the middle of the room. It was a sunken fireplace with the tea pot bound to a contraption in the ceiling. Eager to make Shinosuke as comfortable as possible, he found supplies to make tea.

Shinosuke sat on the other side of the fireplace still shivering slightly in his kimono. Takeru looked over across the fire and his eyes drooped at the sight of Shinosuke. How could he allow Shinosuke to come to such a pass. He chided himself while he stoked the fire, waiting for the water to boil. The Young Lord was silent as Takeru worked but he could feel his eyes on him. Once the water was brought to a boil, Takeru prepared the tea and handed Shinosuke a cup. He took it gently careful not to burn himself and began to sip the tea slowly. Takeru watched the tea do its work as it started to make Shinosuke’s body heat rise.

“We passed a small shrine next the entrance,” said Shinosuke staring into his tea. “Tomorrow I would like to make an offering to the spirits for guiding us here and ask them to bless Yoshinori.”

“Yes My Lord, we must,” Takeru agreed as he took a sip of his own tea. He looked down at the fire but the corners of his mouth were turned up.

In some ways, Takeru still saw Shinosuke as a boy even though he had come of age some years ago. It was difficult not. He could recall vividly the day Takeru was first assigned to look after him. Shinosuke’s father was the leader of their village and a great warrior. Assignation attempts were not uncommon and the threat of attack was always imminent. With his prestige he knew that the lives of his heirs were in danger, especially Shinosuke, the youngest who was a gifted shaman.

So it fell to protectors of their lands to look after the princes. The Kyuusetsuki known in the common tongue as vampires. They were the most powerful beings in the region. No one could challenge them, lest they be Gods. There were several clans of Kyuusetsuki, but the Ryoku and Madoushi were assigned to Edo. Through peaceful alliances, they co-existed with the mortals of the village, never hunting among their people.

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 Shinosuke’s older brother Kyoshi was looked after by Takeru’s leader and maker Tatsurou. Takeru who was second in command, was assigned to be the guard of the younger Shinosuke who was thirteen years old then. 10 years had passed since and yet Shinosuke still had the glow of youth. His face was not yet lined and his skin was as flawless as untouched snow.

Since boyhood, Shinosuke had looked up to Takeru. He wanted nothing more than to be like him. Now a young man, Shinosuke’s feelings for Takeru had grown from admiration to affection. The problem was that their relationship was of a nobleman and his guard. There was a thin line drawn between them that could never be crossed.

As Takeru stared at Shinosuke through the crackling flames, he pictured his fangs piercing that perfect skin while in the throes of passions. He bit his lower lip and blinked away the vision with difficulty. He recalled his Ryoku training after being sired. Learning to resist human blood was the first challenge. He received no such training in resisting his more carnal desires. And being alone with Shinosuke in an empty dojo all night did present him with a lot of possibilities. He thought knowingly that he would have to work hard to fight his urges, both vampiric and physical.

             “You should sit closer to the fire My Lord, you’ll be warmer,” said Takeru once Shinosuke had finished his tea. He was worried Shinosuke would freeze before the storm ended and they were safe to go home. He looked up at Takeru words, and then his eyes drifted down and away from Takeru.

“What troubles you My Lord?” he asked at once, eyebrows raised.

“Perhaps I would feel warmer if I could sit next to you,” he answered, taking Takeru so completely by surprise, that he nearly dropped his tea into the fire. He stared blankly at the look of longing in Shinosuke’s eyes. Takeru could sense how much the Young Lord wanted to be near him. It amazed him that he hadn’t sensed it before then. Shinosuke must have been holding back his emotions while his mind was focused on getting warm but at the moment they were loud and clear and focused on Takeru.

Staring at the flames instead of Shinosuke he said, “That would not be prudent My Lord.”

“Prudent,” Shinosuke whispered. His face falling. “That’s you, Master Takeru of the Ryoku; Prudence and propriety. Don’t you ever forget all of that and just…be?”

“I…,” Takeru started but then he closed his mouth and started again still staring resolutely at the fire. “We Ryoku are a noble clan. You and my honor are all I have My Lord. If I were to do something to jeopardize those things …my existence would mean nothing.”

Shinosuke did not respond at first. Takeru could feel Shinosuke staring at him even though he could not see him. He had hoped that Shinosuke would let the matter rest but then suddenly Shinosuke was on his feet and walking over to him. Takeru froze as Shinosuke sat on the ground directly beside him daringly.

“Is that the kind of existence you want? An existence of denying yourself, of denying who you are?” he asked him incredulously, his eyes piercing into Takeru's very soul. “I have lived that way for many years and I am sick of it,” he continued and Takeru finally looked at him and he saw the fire in his eyes. He saw the pain and passion there and he couldn’t look away. He understood Shinosuke’s pain well.

“My Lord, do not think me unfeeling,” Takeru started. “If I had the nerve to risk everything and dared to give into my desires, there would be no turning back. It’s something I could never take back, never undo. Like becoming immortal, it would change everything forever. I take risks with my life my Lord because I am immortal. I don’t take risks with my virtue.” Takeru was never a man of indulgence. He was not raised that way. He lived a life of denial and discipline as per the vows he took as a young man himself.

“Aren’t somethings worth risking everything for?” Shinosuke asked incredulously. Takeru did not respond. He just looked back into Shinosuke’s marble eyes as a voice in the back of his head thought how stunning his charge was; his princely robes fell delicately on his slender shoulders, his milky white collarbone peaked out from the top of his layered kimono. His lips were the color of cherry blossoms and at the moment they were parted slightly and the pained expression on his exquisite face only made him look more irresistible. Luckily his shoulder length black hair covered the veins on his neck for it was not the time to test Takeru’s need for mortal blood when Shinosuke was mortal with warm blood pumping through his veins. Takeru had to shake off the urge to throw his arms about his young charge. He wanted to look away but Shinosuke’s deep expressive eyes held him captive.

“I know you are frustrated My Lord but you must know that I am no good for you. I’m not good for anyone in that way. You belong with a human like you.”

“You think it matters to me whether or not you have a heartbeat?” Shinosuke asked as disbelief spread across his face and he inched closer to Takeru. He was too close to him Takeru thought distracted by the scent of Shinosuke which was intoxicating.

            Takeru could hear Shinosuke's heartbeat quicken as his warm blood rushed through his body. It was all he could do not to tear the delicate cloth away from the Young Lord's shoulders and taste his milky white skin. “What matters to me is whether or not you feel something for me and if you want me the way I want you. Well?” Shinosuke waited for Takeru to answer with his hands on his knees.

There was no way he could lie to Shinosuke. He was the only other person besides Takeru's maker that he couldn’t lie to. Watching him wait for his response only made it more difficult. He sighed and looked down away from Shinosuke and he could almost feel Shinosuke’s heart breaking as he broke eye contact with him.

“I honestly can’t say yes or no to that. I don’t know what it is I feel because all of this is very foreign to me. I was sired before I really understood anything about myself. What I do know is that I can’t bear to be separated from you, that I would hunt down anyone who tried to harm you, that I want to be your side my Lord," he said with his eyes still on the ground and he noticed the gap between them was smaller now. Takeru could feel his self-control slipping.

“I couldn’t bear to be separated from you either,” said Shinosuke as his hand slide across the floor. He rested it on top of Takeru’s hand and Takeru did not pull away. He couldn't. “I've wanted you since I was a still a boy in your eyes, but I knew I couldn’t have you. Your honor and your duty to my family made it impossible for me to pursue you. Therefore I hid my true feelings as best as I could. I knew that not having you as a lover would not be as difficult as losing you as my guard. I had to be content with just having you by my side."

"So I distracted myself with concubines but no more Takeru. Unlike yours, my time on this earth is limited. If I died tomorrow knowing that I didn’t even try, I would be mourning what we could have had in my afterlife. My soul would not be a peace. Now I sit here as a man, not a boy telling you that I love you, asking you if you love me too.”

Takeru looked back up into Shinosuke's eyes and he saw it. It wasn't lust and it wasn't infatuation, it was love. Then without saying a word Takeru pulled Shinosuke by the hands into his arms and kissed him fully on the mouth. He didn’t know what made him do it. All he knew was at that moment he couldn’t think of anything else. Shinosuke responding quickly by pulling his hands free and wrapping them around Takeru's neck, kissing him back. Shinosuke's mouth was moist and slightly sweet with remnants of the tea he drank. And they were soft, pressing against Takeru's lips lightly. Suddenly they were on their knees caressing each other as their mouths moved together rhythmically amidst the howling wind and the crackling flames.

They stopped briefly, Shinosuke panting as they stared at each other. Then Shinosuke smiled. The grinned spread across his face and then he laughed. “My Lord?” Takeru said slightly concerned with his reaction to their first kiss.

“I woke up this morning thinking of this journey home,” he said while putting a hand up to push Takeru’s long black hair out of his eyes. “I was hoping that I could have a chance to speak with you freely about my feelings. I never imagined that this day would end with me in your arms Takeru,” and they kissed again, this time more playfully, his tongue excitedly exploring Takeru’s as his hands moved up into his hair.

 Takeru could practically feel Shinosuke’s elation. Takeru was elated as well. He knew nothing had changed, that his feelings about their situation were the same but when Shinosuke said that he loved him, Takeru knew that he felt it too. There was no other explanation for it. He was in love. He knew that they would never be able to go public with their relationship, that their love would be pushed into the shadows. At that moment however, it didn’t matter to them.