Prologue

“Captain, the humans have gone mad. They have declared a holiday and refuse to work. I tried to question them but they simply babbled about a new alliance they had formed. Human Resources have received several requests to land on the nearest human colony to meet these new Xenos. Sir, I have no record of any new contacts, certainly not one that only the humans know about.”

The Captain scanned all her available data. Humans everywhere were on the verge of madness. Throughout the Fleets, humans were drinking alcohol and laughing and declaring a universal celebration. Her med-bay was filling up with the results.

“We will return to port. Whatever madness is possessing them will pass or we will have to replace them. Right now I am more worried about a bunch of drunken Engineers on my ship than their new friends. Take us back and scan for brain slugs. The Humans don't usually go mad without reason.”

Every ship in the Fleet was crowding into the station, and most of the Captains were equally baffled. A quick comm check had summoned them to a dark and discreet conference room.

The first Captain simply hissed, “I have nothing. All I heard was a scream from the engine room and then every human was embracing and laughing. My Chief Engineer was dancing. The human barely smiles and now he is dancing. It exceeded every parameter we have on human behaviour and I had to return. I hope one of you has more information.”

A dark and stony Captain joined in, “We have just updated our entire database on humans but nothing suggests collective madness. I warn you now that we have been seriously wrong about this species before. I suggest we do as they ask and allow them to meet this unknown ally of theirs. My Engineering crew refuses to leave until this is accomplished. We will be armed and ready if some foul infection has taken them.”They decided to allow the humans to leave their ships and shuttle to their colony. Once they were clear the ships, station, and everything else would be checked and sterilized. Weapons were issued to darken an already confused mood. Humans were good, helpful creatures. No one wanted to start shooting. Unless they had all gone mad. One crew reported that their Engineer had begun building a small house in his quarters. It was clearly too small for a human.

The shuttle landed quickly, driven by sheer impatience. The humans disregarded the fact that the ship only carried humans and instead filled with more babbling nonsense and strange words. Intel became increasingly unhappy as they filed nonsense names and childish memories from the humans that added nothing.

A single human was waiting at the spaceport. He had a serious expression and blocked the exit. “All right. I know why you're here. I need you to calm down. I have updated your translators but, and I'm serious, if you can't control yourself you have to leave. Form a line and choose a spokesman.”

The first in line was junior engineer Shona Bois and nothing on Earth was going to move her. “Me!” She looked at the gatekeeper, “It's real? Really, truly real?”

The man smiled for the first time, “Yes. You will understand and so will he. It worked.”

She stepped past him and waited. He was gorgeous! She called out to the waiting crowd, “He says he's a good boy and his name is Dropje!”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

‘/New Friend!/'

Following the Canine Alliance protocols, all humans are permitted to keep and maintain a Canine on any and all ships. Terms and conditions apply.

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Xeno Contact Committee, Aix-en-Provence, RF Earth

The office was notable for its calm silence and comforting voices as humanity mediated its way across the galaxy, one disaster at a time. In a previous generation, they would have been air-traffic control or a mix of emergency numbers sending aid or justice to the incoherent, the unlucky or the damned. They still were in many ways. One of the coordinators scratched his head for a moment and signalled that he had an Event, Level 4 with an unknown. His team were already digging for more detail as he stood up. He looked exactly like most of the humans that worked here. Tall, thin and tired. There was probably more grey hair in this room than you would expect but it seemed to come with the job.

He knocked softly on the door and stepped in, “Director, I have a strange one for you. Are you familiar with one of our new Engineers shipping out on the Dangerous Toys?” He didn’t expect the Director to actually know any of that but it was a shorthand way of kicking off the search. By the time he reached the desk, it would be appearing on the screen.

The Xeno Contact Committee was the central database for humanity's travels across the Galaxy. The database ran to millions of names, histories and ships. It also had excellent AI.

“Engineer Patrica O’Neill. First posting to Dangerous Toys, the third candidate for the Canine Alliance Protocols...trained on the HDF Poseidon Affair, Reserve rank Engineer First-Class. Below the minimum recommended size but ranked with an exceptional performance review. Registered for a First-Contact bonus, as yet unfulfilled. Currently on the third month of her contract.”

The Commander collated the information against what was known about the ship. Zero military interests, standard central world design. Xeno built, but nothing unusual. No records of anything except that it had been in space for a hell of a long time before someone paid up for a decent Engineer. The Captain was listed with an ‘Uncontacted Species’ tag. Presumably where the Engineer expected to earn her bonus. He nodded to himself. Clever.

He looked at his Coordinator, “So what has she done? Who do we need to apologise to now?”

He and his staff were proud of their work but it was generally putting out fires started by some Engineer or innocent human crashing heavily into a Xeno culture and breaking stuff. In all his years he had seen things that could make your eyes bleed. Yet the show must go on, even if sometimes it was a show of force. This Galaxy would eat you alive if you let it go all feral and it had taken ages to housetrain it.

The Coordinator smiled, “No this is probably good news but if not we are definitely going to have a very short war. The Captain of Dangerous Toys is from System 30.910.277.04. Unvisited and we have no trade links. Scent-based communications species, peaceful. Our only record of a name for their world would translate as ‘Flowers Early.’ Sounds nice. The problem we have is that I am getting massive traffic from their governments and private citizens about dogs. They are looking for types, feeding habits and prices… they are downloading seventy terabytes per second from the Library ships about Terran Canines and the new protocols. A Librarian thought we should know. Now I have a request for a diplomatic mission from them to Earth itself. Someone important wants to visit.”

The Director leaned back. He had been in this job for twenty years and all the exercise in the world wasn’t going to take away the spread or give him back his hair but these were the moments that had kept him at his desk. What were the Xenos up to now?

“So either they like puppies and we are going to be best friends or they think they are delicious and mankind will squash them like a bug? Allow the diplomatic visit. Then get the Engineer on my screen. Tell the fleet to prepare her papers, just in case I need to pull her back into the HDF. This is her first posting so I’d prefer to leave her in peace but if they have eaten her dog…” He checked the file, “...Loki, then they are already at war with at least one Engineer and we can expect casualties to mount.”