My mouth was wide open as I looked at the school. It was a huge building with so many windows. We walked up these steps and the entrance doors were so big. As we entered the school, there were shiny wooden floors and panel walls. The place looked so posh as it could have been a palace in France. I looked at the walls and could see pictures of old pupils. This place had a spirit and a past. It was strange to think that I would now be part of it.

Dad told me to close my mouth as it looked as if I was trying to catch flies. I explained that the school was so big and it was so posh. This made Dad laugh and said that the school should be posh, with the huge tuition he had to pay. I could see the other boys walk and have a strange smile when Dad said this. This was one time that I thought that the ground should swallow me up. A fact of life is that sometimes, parents can be so embarrassing.

Luckily, a religious brother came and welcomed us to the school. His name was Brother Patrick. He did not smile and simply said that he would show us where the dorms were. He walked quickly as we went up steps like was in the titanic. The dorms were on the top floor. There were hundreds of steps to be carrying suitcases. Luckily my dad helped me.

As we walked up, Brother Patrick told us about the school. There were 1,300-day pupils and 200 boarders. The school was praised for its academic level and results. It also had a fine sports team and choir. The school had a strong catholic tradition and being a good Catholic with Catholic morals and respecting the church was important. Brother Patrick finished his speech by saying that I was coming here as a boy. When I left, I would be a man.

We were shown the cubical where I would sleep. This was not posh. The top floor was divided into cubicles. It basically had 3 wooden sides and a curtain that we could open and close. There was a small bed inside and a wardrobe, a small table, and a chair. This would be my home for a few years. It was not what I expected, but I could put up with it.

It was a bit annoying that Brother Patrick did not smile. In fact, he did not seem all that impressed with me. He warned me to not let my hair grow longer than it was. This surprised me, as I had a haircut before I came. He then looked at Mom and Dad and said a quick goodbye was the best.

This suited my dad. He said goodbye as soon as Brother Patrick went. Mom did not want to go. She was giving me one bit of advice after another. It became worse when she started crying and said that I was not ready for this. This made Dad shrug his shoulder and say that it was about time that I toughened up.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I seen my parents leave.

I went back to my cubical and decided that I would unpack. The first thing I did was to hang a Madonna poster on the wall. I was a Madonna fan and the poster made this small cubical feel like it was a bedroom, and not a stable. I did not know why I needed so many clothes, as I was going home in a month. I managed to unpack the suitcases.

I sat on the bed thinking “what now”. Then I saw a boy looking over the cubical. He must have been standing on the bed. He said that it was nice that new blood was at the school and asked me to come over and visit him.

When I found his cubical, I was shocked. He was sitting on his bed wearing boxers and shaving his legs. This was so new to me. Why would a boy shave his legs? I did not know if I should laugh or what. I just stood there in shock. His name was Andrew. He explained to me that he did not like the hair on his body and shaved it off. He wanted to know if I had the same problem. I was speechless. This made Andrew laugh as he said that I was one of the few that has not started puberty yet.

Some other boys joined us and they were talking about what they have done during the summer. I did not have much to boast about, as I spent most days helping my Dad with his work. It was strange listening to them, as they talked about holidays in exotic places all over the world. While I was slaving away on some construction sites, they were sunbathing in some resort.

Andrew turned his attention to me and asked if I was transgender. I asked why would he even think that. Andrew pointed to the pocket in my jeans that had small flowers sewn in. I must have gone red as a tomato, as I never really paid attention to this. Andrew also pointed at my head and said that I had long hair for a boy. Why was everyone concerned with my hair? I had it cut!

The other boys started joking and said that I had a high pitched voice. Andrew did not make it better by saying that it was because I did not start puberty yet. I wanted to reply but did not know what to say. Things got worse as one boy said the only logical answer was that I was gay. This made me get mad as I said that I was not gay. It was a sin to be gay! It also hurt as it made me think that they knew I was the victim of abuse.

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This was not the best introduction to the others at school. I decided to explore the school. There was after I changed my clothes and made sure there were no flowers on them. The building was huge. Two floors were used for dorms. The brothers lived on a floor as well as a small chapel. There was a floor for classes and the office. There was also a huge study hall here. There was a small school shop in the basement, a TV room, a games room, and a room for table tennis and billiards. The canteen was also in the basement.

I went back up to Andrew and hoped that he would be much nicer this time. He did not seem happy to see me. He told me that he had strange feelings about me.

“It is like you need to be protected,” he said, “I feel as if I should be your big brother. This means that I want to give you advice and help you, but I do not want to be seen with you. That would be bad for my image.”

As I was in my bed that night, I thought about everything that happened that day. So much happened and so much was new. Andrew did not want to be my friend because I would hurt his image. This was strange. What was his image? He shaved his legs! Did that mean that people thought I was weird?

I fell asleep and was soon woken up by a boy beside me. He told me that he could not sleep because I snored. This was something that plagued my family. It was so embarrassing. The next day everyone was making fun of me that I snored. When I tried to speak with others, they would either remind me that I snored or ask if I was transgender. They would tell me they heard that I wanted to be a girl and did not even start puberty. It did not help when I would answer in a high pitched voice.

I decided to explore the school once again. I tried to convince myself that I was a good person, and they would get over the things that they noticed and see the positive side of me. I was a newcomer and they did not know me. I was convinced that God would help me and I would be accepted and have some friends.

These two boys that were very young and small came up to me. They were giggling and asking why I wanted to be a girl. I replied that this was not true. I was a boy and proud to be a boy. The two small boys just giggled as they chanted words such as “sissy” and “gay”, I wanted to hit them but did not want to get in trouble so soon. I just walked away from them as they chanted names at me. It hurt as they chanted. What they were saying was not true.

The first day at school was a disaster. The English teacher told me that he did not see me before. He asked me who my former teacher was. This was a strange question, so I told him his name was Mr Donovan. I wondered why he wanted to know this as he hardly knew my old school. The English teacher got mad and said there was no Mr Donavan at this school. I told him that I am new here and I just came from another school. The English teacher was not impressed. He asked why I was in advanced English when I was so daft. Why did I not say from the start that I went to another school?

I was always good at maths and did advanced maths as well. When I went to the Maths class, no one wanted to speak to me. As we were waiting, one boy said a joke which made me laugh. The boy that joked looked at me asked why I laughed and why I was listening to him talking with his friends. The next time I went to maths, no one wanted to sit close to me.

It did not help that I did not understand a word the teacher said. I blame him. He spent most of the class telling jokes. He always wanted to be a comedian and he had an audience when he was a teacher. At the end of class, he would rush through what he was supposed to which was fast-talking and a lot of scribbles. I felt like he was trying to teach us rocket science!

On the way out of class, I met a boy called Garret. He looked like a nerd and had these big thick glasses on. I didn't care as he was the first one that said something nice to me. He told me to meet him by the sheds out in the back of the school.

I was on my way there when I meet Brother Aiden. He was a plump man who looked like a good friend with the pupils and always in a good mood. He presented himself as the choir teacher and said I should be in the choir. He told me that he could hear that I had a nice soprano voice and would do well in the choir. I could also meet some friends there. I smiled and thanked him.

Finally, things were going my way.

I found a group of boys in the back smoking. This was new to me that a school would allow smoking. They told me that they were allowed to smoke there, and no other place. I just stood there thinking that the school must be very liberal. I smoked cigarettes since I was 10. I was by no means a chain smoker but did it occasionally.

Garret, the boy that invited me here asked what music I like. Everyone became quiet as he asked this and waited for an answer. I was honest and said that I was a huge Madonna fan. Silence followed my answer and then everyone started laughing. How could I like Madonna? She was a slut and used her sexuality to sell music. I defended her music and said it was fresh and new and put people in a good mood. She was different and had a lot of courage. Then one of them said that only girls and gays listened to Madonna. Everyone looked at me and started laughing.

“Are you a Madonna fan because you want to be a girl?”

“Are you a Madonna fan because you are gay?”

It was now dark, but they continued smoking. One of the other boys gave me a cigarette saying that I had the courage to be different. I smiled at him and accepted the cigarette. I figured that he was right. All my life, I have been different. Being cool was not something that I understood. I just did things my own way. I also assumed that if I smoked, I would be more like them and they could accept me.

The worse thing happened as I lit the cigarette from the wrong side. The filter lit up in flames as everyone started to laugh. I tried to laugh with them and blame the darkness for the mistake.

Garret said that he had to go and I decided to walk back to the dorms with him.

“I did not ask you to walk back with me,” he snorted at me, “In fact, it's embarrassing that you are walking with me. Everything they say about you is true. You are a sissy and a faggot. You are the school's princess.”