Lin Jian never thought he was doing that as a sin. He just thought it was a relief, a pleasure, a natural thing to do. It wasn't until he heard the word - masturbation - from the boys' jokes that he instantly understood. He realized that he had been doing something unspeakable since he was a child, something forbidden that could not be discussed seriously. That day, he grew up and was forced to grow up.

 It started in the fourth grade, when he moved with his mother from his rural home to the city where his father worked. It was a hot city, with heat waves on the asphalt during the day, but it would give him pleasure at night.

  （This kind of story is quite common, I'd like to see what you can come up with. No, no, no, I just made some adaptations of the collected stories, it comes from a distant galaxy, 30 million light years, these civilizations call it the solar system. No need to introduce, hurry up and start. Good ......）

 The mother was afraid that she would be away from home and could not take care of her son's diet, so she hired a nanny, Xiuli, to take care of the household chores. Zhang Xiuli is also a foreigner, but will be fluent in the local dialect, his man works in the factory, living in a group dormitory. She does not live through, and does not like to spend the day on the assembly line, so she simply go out. A friend introduced Xiu Li to Qiu Li, Chen Qiu Li look at her hardworking and willing to work, but also know the dialect can tease the children, stay with her at home, also counted as a personal favor.

   Father Xia He also did not object, the matter was settled. Xia He now has Qiu Li on the side to help her take care of the daily work of the garment factory, so she can free up her hands to focus on designing winter clothes, so as to prepare for the autumn exhibition.

 It's just that parents all over the world always seem to forget about their children when they think about their families. Because they are young they don't take their feelings into account. Lin Jian didn't like this kind of life. His mother went out early in the morning to the factory and came back very late. Even at night, his mother could no longer be by his side because she now had to sleep in a bed with a strange man she had never seen. Perhaps he had seen him, only in a childhood that he did not yet remember.

 He could only cry to express his discontent, to cry against his mother's cruel arrangement. The first morning she opened the door to go out he was like a puppy with a sad face, a snotty nose and a tear, shouting not to go, using the rural dialect to curse her rotten mother. Although Qiu Li is also heartbroken, but still teeth a cross. Listen to Xia He, can not spoil him too much! The mouth boom out: "Dad is still waiting for mommy down there, Jian'er good, play with Aunt Xiu Li at home ah."

 The door closed with a bang, Lin Jian like being thrown a slap which kind of shame red face, ran back to the room.

 Xiu Li is only just over thirty, not at all the age of an aunt, and has a natural and excessive motherly love for her children. She comforted the bereaved dog, telling him that his mother was just out working and would be back in the evening. He did not believe me and continued to cry. The company's main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers. The attractive color like breast milk makes him forget his mother, he took the milk candy away, the look like a puppy eager to Karma drink finally grabbed the teat from the mouth of his companion.

 Lin Jian's favorite part is the night. At first, when his mother drove him to sleep with Xiu Li, he cried for a long time. But now he is not afraid to burrow into Xiu Li's warm chest. He had seen the snow-white peaks between his head and hands when Xiuli had given him a bath - two tempting candies. The love for Xiu Li soon seeped into his mind, crowding out the place that originally belonged to his mother. In particular, he could greedily, unknowingly and contentedly enjoy the touch of Soo Ri's silky, plump peaks coming from his side in the embrace of the night, and feel a slight tide of warmth. In order not to let Xiu Li notice that he was pretending to sleep, he had to lie still and try not to make any movements. Time stands still in this heavenly land, which belongs to him in the garden of Eden flowing with honey and milk.

 He loved these nights, more comfortable next to Xulie than leaning his neck into the thick, fluffy fur of his grandfather's yellow dog. He slept in this land of honey and milk every night until he learned to masturbate.

 Usually when Xiu Li gives Lin Jian a bath, she also helps him clean that thing, and the two are not ashamed. One still does not know what to do, one has long been familiar with it. But, perhaps it is precocious, this time under the gentle touch of those rough hands that remain a little tender, it instinctively swells up. Although such a touch like lightning only a moment, but the strong impact is like a film imprinted into the mind, can not be washed out. The actual fact that Xiu Li noticed the difference, only to laugh and say: "Our little Jian also grew up, is a man. In the future, you should also learn to take a bath by yourself." Amidst the laughter Lin Jian blushed, not understanding what Xiu Li was saying.

 Years later, when Lin Jian sought answers for his abominable desires, Freud answered him from his books. It was from that day that you went from being a child to a boy, knowing what it means to be shy and what it means to be different from men and women.

 Lin Jian begged Xiu Li to give him a bath, but Xiu Li balked and insisted that he fulfill his manly promise of yesterday. He ran to his mother in tears, and before Xiu Li could say anything, his father, who was on the sidelines, had already impatiently scolded him: he had to wash himself when he was this old. He then complained that his wife had spoiled him too much in the village, leaving his son without any manhood. Lin Jian ran into the bathroom, snapped the door, covered his face and cried. Xia He looked angry on the heart, as if he was thrown a slap, hot and painful. He turned around and cursed at the bathroom a few words "only crying what look, crying can solve the problem ......" the bathroom quickly silenced, leaving only whimpering sobs. The kitchen has been in the show Li to see Xia He slowly subsided to sit back in the chair, then pulled open the door, to bring him a bath and a change of clothes - he can only take a bath himself. The small bathroom, how forbidding and how safe. Lock the door and you can isolate the whole world, whether you let out a loud song or cry, it's all about you. How many people shed tears in the bathroom? And how many people peek into the bathroom? Only when you grow up, Lin Jian will understand that there is no bathroom in this world that belongs to you, not to mention the things that only belong to you. The enclosed bathroom is just a joke, it will suffocate people.

 A big cry is really useless, after the tears dry up, the children still have to hold their chests up and try to behave fast and grow up. Lin Jian squinted at the bags under his swollen eyes and aimed at the tiny bath tub. Xiu Li will not wash him anymore. Understand such a simple fact but have to pay such a ridiculous price. The small hands grabbed the bath towel and rubbed it to the body, the water took away the heat, but not the dryness of the mind. The small hands gradually moved to the lower body near, unconsciously plucked up. At once, the bubbling water in the heart had an outlet. As if all the unpleasantness just now flowed out of the body, leaving only the pure and unadulterated peace. He was still far from the age of maturity to kill a part of his body's life. But something did get killed and hurt. That's all.

（Your picture is also too straightforward, I look too awkward, as if I am spying on people. This is the art of cinema that I learned from the scattered data collected by this civilization, you will feel awkward because you have too little exposure. You'd better watch it quietly and stop complaining.）

Akihari heard no sound in the bathroom, and worried. The company also no longer takes into account Xia He's sage advice on the side, pulling open the door and walked into the bathroom. Lin Jian is grasping the soap, clumsy in the body pen walking snake. When you see your mother come in, your face ripples in shock.

   "Come on, turn around, mommy will wash you."

   Lin Jian beamed and obediently turned around. The squatting mother is so short, not even as tall as Aunt Xiu Li. The heart thought so, but then went to see the mother's face. There were wrinkles on her forehead, and there were white hairs in her black hair. Oh! Mom is old.

  Looking at the squatting mother, Lin Jian's mind suddenly churned up a feeling of nausea. Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. He wanted so badly to get rid of this woman in front of him, so badly to get her away from himself. The memory of sleeping with his mother in the past began to sour and swell up into his throat, simply to be disgusting.

 "I'do it myself." He quickly drew back his right hand, which his mother had gripped tightly, and snatched the towel with his left hand without a second thought.

  A quick hint of imperceptible pout surfaced on Akari's face, and quickly turned into a smile in the words.

  "Good. It's good to learn to bathe yourself, you're a teenager too, you can't always let others bathe you."

  "Mmm." Lin Jian forcefully suppressed the feeling of vomiting before squeezing out such a word. He now only wished that his mother would hurry up and get out so he could ease his disgust for her. But Qiu Li seemed uneasy about leaving him alone to bathe by himself, standing by the side, watching, until the washing was done.

  That night, Lin Jian learned three things. He no longer cries loudly, will not let the tears flow straight down. Instead, he tried to restrain himself from crying, and when he couldn't help it, he just sobbed. A disgusting, repulsive instinct settled in his mind, which from time to time would rise to the surface and convert his affection for his parents into an abominable instinctive disgust. After such thoughts sink in, his fondness for his mother is restored as before. What an extreme and divisive experience this is. Only the last thing that brought joy to the ignorant Lin Jian. He had discovered a new world and was the Columbus of children. He was so careful to keep the secret, never revealing it to anyone. Or maybe he wanted to say it to show off, but he didn't know how to describe the act. He only knew the part called the penis and nothing else.

The summer vacation passed quickly, and Lin Jian's school transfer procedures were completed. It was time for his happy days to come to an end. Growing up in the countryside, Lin Jian was unable to integrate properly into the class. When Mr. Chen saw Lin Jian grabbing his mother's big hand and squirming as he walked to the desk to sign up, he had already guessed Lin Jian's character.

  "My Jian'er is just a bit introverted and too honest, so I need you to be more careful, teacher." Such words confirmed teacher Chen's suspicions, and he could now even foresee the development of the situation - Lin Jian would not fit in.

 It was only at the end of the year that Chen finally made up her mind to write those clichéd family report booklets, instead of writing the real situation one by one. "Love to answer questions, attentive to class, occasionally will be distracted to desert" and so on copy and paste, a student's evaluation is completed. But when it came to Lin Jian, he had a problem. Mr. Chen disliked these students the most. They have neither any strengths to praise nor weaknesses to blame. Fingers slowly turn the pencil, finally still from the mind turned out a bunch of bad words, combined into a paragraph of set words.

  "Your son's grades are good, there is still room for improvement ...... Although people often say that silence is golden, but Lin Jian is too silent is not good, should be a little more active and lively ......... ...Chen Hua." Well, finally the class of forty-six report book finished. Next year it's better to learn from Mr. Li, print off the online search and glue it to the top. Anyway, it's all a scene, what's the difference between handwriting and printing?

"Report!" A loud voice.

  "Enter."

  "Teacher Chen, Zihao and Zhiyuan are fighting!"

  "Okay, you go back to class first, the teacher will be here in a minute." ............

 Lin Jian is hooked on TV, from the first day he came to this new home, the TV has become his favorite. The old home that always snowflake TV simply can not compare to this OLED TV, small and dynamic, very pleasing to the eye. Parents are not at home during the day, and Xiu Li is not constrained. He can enjoy the TV all to himself and switch channels at will. There is something good and interesting, he stopped to station until the ads appear before cutting out again. As a result, the whole summer passed, "Sun Wukong three white bone spirit", "Huluwa, Huluwa, seven melons on a vine", "Tom, Tom", "Pleasant Goat", "Pleasant Goat ......" audio sound painting in the mind repeatedly echoed, the old home of the yellow hairy dog and adobe house, little grandpa's dried plum vegetables, the big pear tree in the lower entrance all forgotten. However, they will not disappear, will not forget, just become a language book written nostalgia, nostalgia belonging to adults.

 When his parents were home at night, he had to go to bed early. Can not sleep, after all, only eight o'clock, outside the door can hear parents talking about something unintelligible. Sometimes you can also understand some words. "Lin Jian can no longer spoil him after school starts." "I know." The mother's somewhat impatient reply aroused Lin Jian's attention.

  "It's not just you, it's Xiu Li too." Aunt Xiuli? What was Dad up to?

  "Usually when we're not at home, you know him best. I can also see, this kid so dependent on you more or less because you spoiled." Auntie is right, dad is the worst, the most annoying you!

  "Lin Jian is still young, still a child, it is inevitable to see him as his own child. I will pay attention in the future."

"Yes, you also do not have children yet, natural preference is also inevitable." Qiu Li hurriedly interjected and opened his mouth in front of Xia He.

  "After the start of the school year, let him watch less television, more supervision of his studies. He is also half young, it is time to study seriously." Hmph, I won't study. I'm going to watch it, stinky dad. Hmph.

  In the living room, some unintelligible words began to be spoken again, making people drowsy. Fortunately, Xiuli went to bed early tonight. Otherwise, Lin Jian would have lost a happy night.

  The first thing you need to do is to lift the covers gently, for fear of waking the sleeping child. But she didn't seem to realize that the movement of straddling Lin Jian to her breasts in bed was entirely likely to run counter to her original intention of not waking Lin Jian. It's a good thing she never woke him up. Because you can never wake up a person who is pretending to be asleep.

 He just let her gather herself up against her warm, flushed breasts. He was completely enjoying and reveling in the softness of the touch. She, too, was completely enjoying and completely contented in the beauty of her mother's love. Both were content in each other's body. Every child wants such a gentle rocking blue song. Every mother wants such a warm and tranquil life.

  But the quiet surface of the years hides the truth of its rapid passing. Xia He read the family report book and then slate his face, a rare New Year's Eve dinner also followed the slate, serious look at the Lin Jian sitting on the side. Xiu Li went back home, his husband came to pick up the look of a good old man. It seems to come back only after the seventh day of the first month, the seventh day of the first month is what number? Look at the calendar should know ......

 "In my opinion that, must give my son enrolled in remedial classes, learn well, after two years on the middle school, can not fall ill."

   "This is too tiring, right?

   "What tired or not, classes can still be more tired than work? It's all because you're spoiling him, making him too dependent."

   "We can't spoil his little emperor's temper any more. Okay?" Xia He finally issued the final pass dish. The atmosphere at the table became more and more stiff and uncooperative. Only the sound of moving chopsticks was carefully penetrating.

   "Fine, fine, listen to you. But the cram school has to be my choice."

   "You don't know about cramming classes, you can't pick them, you can give people the benefit of the doubt."

 "OK, you can pick, you choose, you are better informed than me." Xia He took a sip of wine and raised his chopsticks to flip the bass with bulging white eyes. The fish resembled Lin Jian, who was lying on his back, with his body sprawled out and his head held up, ready to be gobbled up.

  "Here, yearning for fish." Xia He chucked up a piece of smooth fish to Qiu Li's mouth.

  "Humph, dead ghost, and yell at me ......," Qiu Li ranted and laughed.

  "This is not angry ......" The atmosphere at the table was cordial again, the unpleasantness just now had been replaced by the happiness brought by the delicious food. Xia He's anger mixed with the heat of the table steamed away, fog-like diffusion into the atmosphere, and tumbled and sank in the quiet night sky, enveloping the land of Wu County, gray and hazy, like Lin Jian's morning dream that elusive.

 Well, this dream feels like a long time ago, like living your childhood all over again. Who wouldn't want to go back to their childhood if they could? It's far better than the troubles I have now. The seven years were so long at first, but now I look back and see how short they were. It's better to die sooner or later. It's better to live than to die. How can a person as disgusting as me dare to pursue love? How do you dare to enjoy the pleasures of youth? I was too nervous to speak in front of the girls, afraid that people would know that I was doing that in private. I am really afraid that I will not be able to restrain myself one day and rape someone like the old pervert in the popular law section. No, it's better not to think about it, at least I'm just doing something that won't hurt anyone else, there's nothing to it ............

（This image change is good, more interesting than the previous calendar Yang Department of the An photo art.）

 With a bang, the door of the room opened, the traces of the dream washed away, and thoughts were interrupted. The intruder was as short and thick as a potato, and his face was as yellow as the color of potatoes, and his pockmarked face showed the history of years of farming.

  "Hurry up and get up, breakfast is getting cold."

  "I am still sleepy, you do not call me, I want to continue to sleep."

  "You don't even look at it, it's already three o'clock in the morning, still sleeping?"

   "You're so lazy at your age, how can you live in the future?" The original is a sharp voice throat to say such a questionable sentence, doubly rubbed the needle, pierced Lin Jian's last sleep bubble.

  "You are not my mother, what do you care so much about me?"

  "Not your mother can not educate you, grow up rebellious, not honest is it?"

  "At least I have watched you grow up, six or seven years, how can you be so irritable? I care about you and that's not enough?"

 "People say the older you get the more you know, you are the opposite. Don't think that you are proud of your good grades and that you can get into a good university and not put people in your eyes. In my opinion, you can't behave, you are not as good as a three-year-old child."

  Lin Jian tried to restrain himself and didn't say anything back. You can't reason with you, the old generation's thinking! I don't care about you, old hen.

  "Being human is the most basic, the minimum of manners should have ...... these most basic ...... out of society for life ...... these ......" Zhao Chundi finally got tired after a lot of nagging. Alas, this child is finally grown up, the wings are hard, can not control it. Come on, I also save a little. You don't know what's good or bad!

 The door flung shut again with a bang. It seems that if Chun Di is Lin Jian's mother, just now will certainly throw him a slap. It's a pity that she's just what the people of Wu County call a cooking aunt, to be more precise, a nanny.

  I remember my mother only hit Lin Jian once, or in the South City that year. Xia He's new winter clothes entrusted to his friend Wang Anyi hit the spot, the response at the exhibition was overwhelming, orders exploded, allowing Xia He to make a small fortune. After the Spring Festival he scouted around for news, often Wu County, South City, both running, the factory was left to Qiu Li care. She asked him what he was running around all day, he only replied that it was business. It was not until the Qingming Festival to the ancestral hometown, Xia He with the pride of a successful man in the Lin ancestral hall to everyone announced his plan to invest in the construction of a factory. In Wu County to build a factory, and in front of the clan relatives to announce such a big event, it is clear that Xia He has long planned. Qiu Li foresaw that this could be very dangerous decision, but since he had been hiding it from himself before, and now he said it, it must be a raw rice cooked to maturity and already signed the contract. And no longer say anything. After all, the clothes are so dignified thing, she also want to experience a long time ago. The big loss and then earn, she is not without that ability, not to mention Xia He.

 At the Qingming Festival banquet that day, Xia He toasted each table of relatives with an unprecedented air of smugness that lasted for days. When Lin Jian heard from Xiu Li about the impact of this incident, he hated his father more and more. Because of his father's decision, he had to move again, leaving the class he hadn't gotten acquainted with and the new friends he had just made. Before he had a chance to say goodbye, Lin Jian had already set foot on the land of Wu County in the summer heat. The red-hot burning sensation on his face still remains in his memory, it was last night, he cried and begged Xiu Li not to go, she did not answer, tramping. He went to beg his mother again, her thighs rippled in front of Lin Jian's small hands, and only his head was flopping wildly alone.

  "There's no way around it. Aunt Xiuli's unwillingness is unwillingness!" Lin Jian still kept shaking his head, shouting like crazy, not listening to advice at all.

 Ruthlessly, Qiu Li threw Lin Jian a big slap. The hand of her hand pain. Lin Jian stopped crying and ran back to his room like a puppy that had been kicked in the face.

  Lin Jian's mind is flooded with memories of a bad chill, the image of his mother floating in his mind and sour. Disgusting! Disgusting! Really disgusting! The stench of vomiting rushed up to the throat, and then sank, sinking to the depths of the Sea Horse Sea, deeper than the Marianas Trench, where no one can see. After a while, Lin Jian lay on the big empty bed, his mind floated to the rich flesh of Xuli, rich and round breasts. The bubble of desire floated again on the sea level, stimulating the young nerves. Small hands unconsciously moved to the vicinity of the lower body and stopped there. The sea was suddenly huge waves and thunder and lightning. A feeling of transcendence penetrated the chest, and not a moment later, the sea level was calm again as before, and the wind and sunshine. The calm after the storm carried a melancholy of reflection, thick and sticky on his pants, he knew he should get up, by the way, go to the bathroom to take a shower and change these shorts. You can't let Chun Di bump into you, and you will be nagged in the morning shower.

（This picture is more interesting, you did a good job this time. Nothing, the picture is just the spice, whether it's good or not is not something you can judge right now. Well, it is too.）

Only in the seemingly secluded and safe space and time, the foulest, filthiest, most unspeakable secrets within a person will naturally flow, drowning, soaking and suffocating him. Especially in sexual matters, concealing the guilt of stealing sex from himself caused a split in Lin Jian's mind - a shadow that was always condemning itself. He lusted once, and he bit him once. How deep he is, how heavy he is. Sometimes Lin Jian even felt that his left hand was evil and his right hand was good. The left brain wants to kill itself, and the right brain wants to sperm out. As if two people are at each other's throats, but can not do left and right, who can not beat each other, so tangled and twisted. At one time, they are good students who are righteous and gentlemanly. One moment is the camouflage is extremely deep old lecher, the brain is full of sick fantasy, regardless of age status relationship, are within his hunting range. Lin Jian feels like his whole person is fake, every time secretly vowed not to do that kind of thing less than a week after breaking his fast again. Then appear in the world again as if nothing is wrong. Like a rotten apple, shiny and bright on the outside, only to find that the inside is rotten, moth-eaten, covered with holes drilled by flies and insects.

 When I was young, I didn't understand, so I didn't feel anything after each time I did that kind of thing. When I grew up and grew up, I somehow realized that I was wrong to do so, very wrong, absolutely wrong! Why else would Li Kai, Lin Fang and the others always like to laugh at Luo Peng? Say he slut, and yellow and slutty, look at the little yellow book. Talking about girls is talking about slutty, looking at girls and saying he wants to grass cunt. Mom also said Dad came back late is to go to the lady, do not want her this old woman. Every time dad comes back to be scolded first, after interrogation. Forget it, do not want these, the bath water is going to be cold.

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

 The self-reproach of the penitent can only be understood by the person himself, and if the onlookers had listened to some of Lin Jian's complaints, who knows what would have happened? Maybe it's a relentless disgust, or maybe it's just a light-hearted phrase that it's okay, what's the matter?

  Lin Jian is most afraid of people laughing at him, not just because of the shame of shyness, more afraid of the sweat. A nervous sweat, sticky sweat smell lingering, let people feel uncomfortable, nasty. Because he doesn't like to sweat, he always says his feet hurt when he runs two laps in gym class. The morning recess run also invited the long-term sick, the reason is not feeling well. Ma teacher lazy to care, since the class drew away the top 5, Lin Jian is the only seed player in the class, a book is only count on him.

 Under the shower, he was thin and weak, like stretched stem segment of the bean sprouts, brittle and easy to break. Qiu Li said his son was too tall, too thin, feeling like malnutrition. She urged him to eat more rice, it is the time to grow. But Lin Jian could not listen to these, still maintain a bowl of rice.

  Lin Jian was most afraid of those female students to ask him questions, not because he thought they were not talented and could not teach them. It's that kind of gaze, that inquisitive gaze that hides a hint of sizing up, that gaze that contains a wisp of fondness. God knows what they would say behind their backs about this aloof teenager. He only knew that Luo Peng's group would sometimes taunt himself, who was surrounded by female students, "Yo, quite popular? Little white boy!" . Perhaps he realized that in the eyes of others, he was impeccable and enviable in terms of family background, education, looks and character. Lin Jian became more and more cautious, definitely not allowing these young girls to intrude into his private domain when chatting with himself. When asked what his plans are for Saturday afternoon, or what he is doing on vacation. He always said in an unquestionable tone that he was just reading books and doing homework. If she or they want to go deeper and ask him what he reads, he throws out the titles with undisguised confidence: "Oh, I read Global History, A Brief History of Humanity, The Interpretation of Dreams, The Yellow River and the Green Hills, just a bunch of miscellaneous books." At that point she or they just couldn't think of how to answer because they had never heard these terms before, so they just said woodenly, "No wonder you got such good grades." In this way, she or they could no longer find the entry point, so they had to go back unhappily. Xu Jiahuan was an exception, she asked one more question: "What is it all about?" The first time a girl asked this obviously made Lin Jian a little surprised, but he did read it, not afraid to answer. Lin Jian did not look at her, just lowered his head and stared at the book: "Well, how to say it, is about the history of the world, about the development of human history, like a chronicle of history. From the earliest stone age to modern history, anyway, a sentence or two can not be finished, you read to know." She softly "Oh." She gave a soft "Oh." and went away. Lin Jian looked at her black hair floating into the air to form a dynamic trajectory swinging around, the bell rang before realizing that he was fascinated, did not feel a light sigh.

  "It's a pity that she can't understand."

 The boys were not interested in what he was looking at, and they preferred to play and laugh between classes anyway, with nothing more than funny games or unbridled cursing. In the mouth of the boys, say 'fuck' 'grass' 'dick' and other words as common as drinking water, and like a fart do not feel ashamed at all, but rather to loud, like a thunderstorm The "fart" was announced as one's own. In the dormitory, the roommates always talked about some extremely nasty and whimsical jokes. If there was a beautiful young female teacher in the class, she would be the object of all the boys' jokes. She would be raped in fantasy, fucked to orgasm, and then made available to other male students, repeating the cycle of rape and orgasm. What an energy-saving and environmentally friendly imagination! No one is victimized, but all participants enjoy the pleasures of heaven. The person who invented the yellow paragraph is simply beyond the existence of the Greatest Sage, and genius is just like that.

 Lin Jian only found it amusing, sitting contemptuously on his bed reading a book each time, never participating in their group parties. Although he tried desperately to focus on Confucius, his ears were still distracted, sending him raucous and vulgar words. He dreaded hearing them talk about so-and-so boy watching action movies, someone jerking off in the public restroom in the middle of the night, a guy and a girl sneaking off to an unoccupied place to fuck after class at night ............ Although no one said anything bad about him, he always worried that they were talking about him behind his back and that One day someone will reveal their disguise, like giving someone the pants off to reveal the most honest and soft side. The emperors also know the importance of the buttocks, so they love to punish the board, find a reason to pick up the minister's pants, and beat down hard, skin open, dignity sweeping.

  Lin Jian still remember just transferred to the elementary school in Wu County, the boys like to reveal each other in between classes - picking up pants, also considered to have the wind of Yao Shun, the emperor's will. At that time there was a prick, often and Lin Jian against. Not only to pick his pants, but also to beat his ass. Stab head force, Lin Jian wrestling can not fight, had to run like crazy. He ran until the bell rang and then ran back to the classroom, when the prick suddenly flashed out of the doorway and stripped his pants to reveal his shy ass. In the angry, annoyed and ashamed, he hated him, put on his pants and pounced, he flashed again, so he pounced, so the two chased each other in the classroom. The two were stopped by the teacher and sent to the office to see the class teacher amidst the laughter of the class. Lin Jian could not wait to run home in one breath and close the door to his room and never come out.

 After the incident, the class teacher just softly mediated the conflict between the two children and warned the prick not to bully his classmates and passed. After a few days of peace and quiet, the prick came back with new tricks to bully Lin Jian. He also came up with a response, using his fingernails to pinch him, twist him, and scratch him like a knife. After that, Lin Jian grew a pair of long nails, green and gray, like a defensive weapon to follow him forever. Junior high school classmates said he was practicing the nine yin white bone claws, he just smiled, smiled so forced.

   Can not remember is that time and prick fight, lost the fight. Was hit by the fist to the stomach. He wailed in pain. He didn't want to go to the teacher, who couldn't do anything about the prick. He had to run down from the fourth floor to the third floor, pretending to go to the teacher, shrugged off the prick and went into the toilet, locked the door and waited for the bell to ring, and figured there was no one outside before he came to the sink to wipe his tears. The faucet clattered, but his tears did not clatter, but slowly coalesced like dewdrops, and only slowly dripped when the leaves could not bear it. The mirror seems to have a pair of puppy dog eyes, and an innocent and lovely face, but the reality is that he is so down and out, so pathetic, like a dog in the water. He stared at his own eyes, he also stared at his own eyes, he saw that his face was still as white as his childhood, only with a few additions of English. He felt that it was not his own face, his face should be like Luo Peng waxy yellow and obscene, covered with acne and pimple marks. What the heart is born, it is all nonsense!

 Breakfast and lunch became the object of venting, a brain swallowed into the stomach, there is a feeling of emotional pleasure after overeating. Needless to say, blood was transferred from the cerebral cortex into the stomach cavity, and hunger was transferred from the stomach to the mind. Lin Jian must have a sleep ............

  ............ "What a coincidence, are you shopping here too?"

  "Ah! Uh, yes, quite a coincidence."

  "Haha, this is the first time I bumped into you outside of school, if I hadn't called you, we would have lost each other."

  "Well, what did you come to buy?"

  "The teacher is here, what else are you buying? Hurry up and go back."

  "Huh? Oh!"

  "Hey yo, you kid can ah, just Xu Jiahuan looking for you to talk about what?"

  "Nothing."

  "Nothing? Nothing and you can talk to her alone for one class period?"

  "Stand up!"

  "Teacher... good!"

  "I'm just teaching her to do problems."

  "Don't lie, with your usual style, would you talk to a girl alone for so long? There must be a ghost!"

  "Hello students, sit down."

  "Today, that bitch is pretending to be a woman again, she's very proud of herself, damn it, I'm not used to seeing her like this."

  "The fourth period of evening study is almost finished, and there is no teacher, chatting and bragging about what is wrong? She is good, on the podium to yell at us."

  "What's all the noise?"

  "Yes, that's right."

  "Oh, you two don't say, she's like that. When I used to sit behind her, she also chatted with Liping at the same table in class, didn't she? How dare you talk about us, you bitch!"

  "Shit, beat this bitch to death."

  "Yo, don't just talk but not practice, you fatty."

  "Don't mind him, he's just a mouthful, who can't brag."

  "Cut!"

  "By the way, I heard from Huizai that Lin Jian likes Xu Jiahuan, and recently the two of them are always talking in between classes."

  "Oh yo, I didn't even notice that. Hey, don't read the book, say, do you like her? Did you get that far?"

  "No way, I'm just teaching her homework. No such thing."

  "Don't explain, explanation is a cover-up, cover-up is the truth. You must like her."

  "Shit, fuck it, why are the lights out so early today."

  "...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ... ... ...................... ………………………"

  "Lin Jian, this question why choose C not B ah? The teacher spoke I still ...... ......"

  (Well, I'm having some trouble seeing this series of screen transitions, so you rewind and let me watch it again. Good)

夢ですね？Really, why every dream is like this, will not think, only follow the script. At best, I realize that I am dreaming, but I can only watch ............ ah - so annoying! I can't sleep at all. Better to watch anime!

 Anohana:The Flower We Saw That Day, Well, this is it. “何 なん ページもついやして 綴 つづ られた 僕 ぼく らの 気 き 分 ぶん

どうしてか 一 いち 行 ぎょう の 空 くう 白 はく をうめられない

押 お し 花 ばな の 栞 しおり はさんで

君 きみ と 転 ころ がす 使 つか い 捨 す ての 自 じ 転 てん 車 しゃ

忘 わす れかけの 煉 れん 瓦 が を 積 つ み 上 あ げてはくずした

イコールへとひきずられていくこわいくらいに 青 あお い 空 そら を

遊 あそ びつかれた 僕 ぼく らは　きっと 思 おも い 出 だ すこともない

そうやって 今 いま は 僕 ぼく の 方 ほう へ

押 お しつける 日陰陽射しの束たば

まだ二人はすぐそこにいるのに

「どうかまた会えますように」なんて

どうかしてるみたい ”

 At some point, watching animation became a hobby for Lin Jian, at first just because of the novelty, and later because of its charm, a complex and penetrating charm. This hobby often delayed his arrangements for reading, and books were apparently forgiving as his confidant. It's a good thing that Akari didn't enroll her son in drawing classes, or books would have been replaced by pictures. There are indeed such characters on the website, who taught themselves to draw because of their love for animation hoping to one day fulfill their dreams. But Lin Jian does not have that kind of consciousness.

 The song was influenced by the song, or a feeling. Lin Jian's nostrils are a bit clogged and sour, eyes hiding behind the tears, and for a moment can not see the slowly falling petals in the screen. He did not know why Renta was crying, as he did not know why he was crying. "You guys have too low a tear point, I didn't even cry when I watched it." Words pierced into the eyes. Well, emotions do not know why, crying, laughing, dying, is not normal? Why do you have to ask why? Is there an answer to everything in the world? ...... Why do such people always exist to destroy the emotions of the viewer?

 In a fit of pique, he quit. In his mind, he cursed the group of pop-ups. His feelings of beauty and emotional experience were all ruined, and he couldn't watch any more for the time being. I don't want to see half of it and suddenly be choked with a cold heart. When watching CL, Hyouka, brainsbase, xxxHoLic fortunately did not open much pop-ups, otherwise it is impossible to watch ............

  "Xia He, do you just leave your son's phone unattended?"

  "Just put it in the cabinet. I asked yesterday, unless we submit a request with the manufacturer, we can't open it at all. Besides, it has nothing to do with the matter, even if we know what he usually plays with his phone, it's useless."

  "Okay ............ Then it's okay if I leave his room as it is, right?"

   "Well, let's go to the hospital later." Xia He turned to watch Qiu Li close the room door, only to find that just now Qiu Li's voice raspy and pale, the body hunched against the room door, aging. It's only been two nights!

  Forget it, I'd better watch something else. Lin Jian rubbed his eyes and realized that he had just shed a tear. Thumb sliding on the screen. Emotions gradually returned to calm, just now also shrouded in the sea level of the dark clouds have long dissipated do not know the edge, as if never in the mind set off fluctuations.

   A bright and shiny video cover with the thumb slide to the center of the screen, it is a vibrant, extremely attractive face, a blonde hair draped recklessly on the shoulder nest, white arms to guide the eye to the curve of the chest bulge, slow over and then let people indulge in the frank snow-white soft fragrance of the belly, and finally left a curve of the buttocks, just the right amount of white space with the most common uniform The purpose of this is to arouse desire. Needless to say, it must be the work of a male artist. Lin Jian no longer has the energy to pay attention to the words of 136,000 plays aside, he only felt that a certain string within his heart was plucked, vibrating, echoing louder and louder, until he clearly heard its voice: to do?

 He clicked on the video, surveying her dancing curves with blazing eyes, observing her delicate body boldly weaving among the robots, his thoughts swaying with her breasts, his gaze creeping up from knee-high white socks to that absolute realm, lifting the lace hem again with the light breeze. Do? Do??? No? He could no longer contain his inner frenzy, his mind had boiled to a hundred degrees, the drum was bubbling and boiling, steam rushed straight to the valve, the gears rattled.

（I think a few of the images here could be bolder and changed to the woman asking him, instead of by his inner self. Well, it seems to be, so why don't I change it after you read it? No, don't judge yet, it's not too late to change it when I think it's qualified enough.）

 His fingers skillfully opened the browser and went to the edge of law and morality to release his hot fire. There are thousands of such sites, and whenever one visits, one can see picture after picture of naked female bodies with the same expressions mechanically serving the consumer, even the poses are so uniform. This is a free porn market, selling all the coveted flesh. While he was still picking out the goods in the store, the sound of an alarm came to his ears - ta-la - ta-la - ta-la - there was no mistaking it, it was the sound of Chun Di coming up the stairs. The wildfire was immediately splashed with cold water, and the swelling desire shrank back and hid inside the skin to peer out. Tada, tada, tada, tada, snap!

  "Since you are up, go downstairs, I need to clean the rooms on the second floor, you are too much of a nuisance to stay here."

 You're the one who's in the way! "Cleaning? Why can't you come back tomorrow? I still want to sleep a little more."

  "If you don't do it today, will you do it after New Year's Eve? Tomorrow will be the 28th, so you can't drag it."

  "Okay..." Lin Jian stretched out the syllables in a breathless manner, which made "okay" sound like a "horn".

  Chun Di had gone to the next storage room with a broom, and did not hear this demoralizing shout. Turn over, put on shoes, walk to the stairway bathroom, habitually pull down the pants, the dissatisfaction just now all pissed into the ceramic toilet, with the water tumbling together, disappearing in the dirty sewer. Lost in the commode, along with the website's browsing history.

 Snaps! Damn, always can't resist like this. Just smash this hand and chop it up. A remorseful face reflected on the mirror, the five senses twisted up and at each other's throats. Slap! Another slap on his face, but it doesn't hurt. How can it hurt? You can't hit yourself with full force. The person on the mirror again bit on the right wrist with his teeth, leaving a bright mark. I told you to grow up and not to do it again! He stared at himself again mournfully for a while - silence - a silence without words, shaking the water stains on his hands and walking away. The sunlight outside the window lightly sprinkled, diagonally through in, in the porcelain white floor leaving a light yellow shade, it seems that today is a rare small sunny spring in winter in Wu County. Lin Jian did not think much after seeing such a view, nor did he hesitate, put on his down jacket, put on his sneakers, zipped up as he walked, pushed open the door and went to the garage.

 Every time you do sanitation, it's the dirtiest and hardest place to work, there is dust everywhere, and there is not even a place to land. Such a small emperor is really good life, family conditions are not to say, people are also handsome, but really ancestral virtue ah. I'm too old to have a chance to enjoy the blessings. Chun Di's rickety body twisted, just turned his body to the window, the shadow on the ground pulled long. A blue mountain bike flew out of the compound, riding against the direction of the light into a two-meter wide concrete road, and soon after turned left into the wide road, disappearing into the traffic. It's good to go out, at his age, he should go out more, can't stay in the room all day, people will be suffocated. They are good in this era, there are TV, computers, cell phones, bicycles, cars, parks, alas, when I was a child, no TV, no cell phones, living in the mountains, get up at dawn, feed the ducks, cut fish grass, picking firewood ............ Chun Di again into the memory of past events The strength of her hands also loosened. Suddenly, she remembered something, hand tightly clenched on the mop, heart secretly cursed: this loser, all ruined in his hands!

 A girl asked Lin Jian casually after he finished answering her math problem: "Where do you usually go to play?" The male and female students who were listening to his explanation immediately echoed the sentiment. "The park, the exhausted water park." The questioner was overwhelmed by the short and definite answer, but luckily the class bell rang just in time to avoid embarrassment. The park is located in the southern part of the county, on the bay of the Dushui River, and has little character beyond its name, far less than the Perfume Park in the northern part of the city. There are a large number of flowers planted there, there are moonflowers, camellia, azaleas, plum blossoms, and patches of osmanthus forest, once to be opened, the air has become sweet fragrance belly foo. Perfume Park was built within a few years completely took away the popularity of the exhausted water park, along with the surrounding land prices have also risen. Only Lin Jian did not enter the stream to enjoy the tranquility of the river bank of the exhausted water, let the thoughts in the mind to flow freely, randomly dispersed, waiting to produce unexpected results, as the exhausted water in the west of the city and the Xiang water rendezvous all the way west to converge into the Gan River, a hundred turns back and forth after the north into the Yangtze River, and finally to the east of the sea rushing away.

 At the moment, the exhausted river is wheeling round and round with ripples, shaking the sun out of the water in a flashing halo. Only occasionally does the wind stop, interrupting this repetitive eternal movement. It's cold! Lin Jian retracted his hands into his pockets, looking at the flowing water as if in thought. The down jacket looked very clean and white under the brilliant sun, but there was little heat to warm the cold west wind. The dead are like the people of the world, they do not give up day and night! Well, this can also be seen as people, referring to the running around and worrying about people just like water, always in a hurry, clattering and flowing. I am different, I do not worry about those mundane things. Why bother? People always have to die. The dead are like the world, they never give up! It's really wonderful, the dead are like the river, it never stops, people die day and night. The dead, the dead! In other words, watching the flow of the river is like watching the flow of death; I, and these pedestrians, are not watching the water, but watching death. The river is a symbol of death. What an interesting meaning! The words of the sages are just interesting. Well, the dead are like the world! The wind is soughing and the water is cold, and the brave man never returns. I remember the long life of the world, and I feel sorry for myself! Well - my life is only a hundred years, short as non-existence. Will anyone remember me after I die? I'm sure no one will remember me, I'm just a backdrop for history, just like those idle people, there is no need to record. Why do I still think about this? What history, what scriptures, what scientific knowledge, in our ordinary life is still bullshit. Damn, and masturbate all day long, hypocritical and selfish, what is the difference with ordinary people? I'm not even close to ordinary people, they don't even bother with this. Woo ............

 Yikes! Lin Jian's annoyed kicked the marble bench, and this angry catharsis was about to continue when the sound of the old people's laughter came from far and near in the aisle. He hurriedly put his hanging left foot down, tiptoeing, making a stretching motion, and then stood in front of the railing like a statue, turning his back on the old man who was approaching, looking out across the river. The opposite bank of the exhausted water is under construction, and the crane cable on the tower is hanging high. Although no one could be seen, I could hear the sound of dang, dang, bam, bang, zi, zi across the riverbank. A little further away - about three to five hundred meters - is the outskirts of the city, where there are three or four-story high concrete bungalows. There are a few pieces of farmland sporadically empty around. Further away, you can only see the mountains that envelop the county like dumplings. Here you can't see the exhausted water bridge, but you can hear the dull and powerful "toot~~" "toot~~" sound of the truck on the bridge echoing over the county of Wu, languid, like the sound of the flute of a cargo ship.

 Ten thousand feet high building. High building - high building - yes, I can ......, just now also tightly held emotions instantly transformed into Lin Jian's action. He pressed on with unhurried steps, weaving through the pedestrians, back to the roadside, and straddled his bike in the direction of the bridge. The blue mountain bike braked at the moment it was about to hit the bridge, like a man who had forgotten his keys and turned back in a hurry, riding in the opposite direction, following the tarmac road to the east, where the new city was emerging and many of the completed buildings had not yet had time to pull down their topping-out banners. He parked the car to a quiet road, and did not lock it, like a hunter looking for prey in the concrete jungle, and like a dying elephant looking for a place to be buried. When he came to the entrance of a tall building, he stopped and looked around - no one was there, and ran in in a flash, the elevator was dead, so he just ran up to the roof.

 Now ...... jump ...... go down ...... on ...... foot... ............... enough. .................. phew! If your head hits the ground, you will die, but it won't hurt. If it is other parts will hurt first, then die. ...... should come to a leap of faith posture natural fall, so that there is no need to jump, head heavy head on the ground. But--? -- no matter! Anyway, dead is dead, what are you worried about? If I die, I don't know how my parents will cry and be sad, and it's none of my business. What do I care about others? If you die, you can't hear or see. Death is nothingness, death is eternity, and if you die earlier, you will reach the end earlier than others. Life is finite, but death is infinite. That's why death is better than life! When you die, you don't have to see your damn classmates anymore, you don't have to listen to them chew and spit in the dorm. And no more worrying about doing nasty things like a pervert. People always have the right to die!

 He poked his head out to look down, and the vertical drop only brought him a great sense of emptiness, followed by an intense fear and trepidation. He retreated to a meter from the outside, his legs stiff and not trembling, but he felt it trembling in his heart. The expression on his face was indescribably stiff, barely recognizable as a look of hesitation and unease. He slowly poked out another half of his body to look down. The wind whistled, a burst of blowing, ears blew cold, the heart also blew cold. This time Lin Jian saw six or seven men and women wearing helmets and suits gathered around discussing something in the small square below. Lin Jian lifted his legs and leaned back a few steps, standing at a safe distance. A golden warm sun sprinkled to the snow-white down jacket, reflecting a silvery white cold light.

（I suddenly realized that his eyes were so cold, completely different from when I was a kid. Don't spoil the atmosphere, be quiet, will you?）

 How about, on the count of three, I'll jump? One - two ---- three! No, no, no, forget it, there are people down there now, it's better to wait for the night when no one is around. We'll talk about it then ...... Well! Ouch! My head hurts, I'm so dizzy -- mmm! --Ah! ---- Yikes! --uh!

 Lin Jian shakily touched a wall, hurriedly leaned his back and stood hard to keep his balance. He felt his eyes went black for a moment, rubbing his eyes hard did not work. The mind floated with the boom of an explosion, and in near madness the right hand slapped him, while the left hand gave the right hand a fist. In a moment, the strong sense of weightlessness was replaced by a sense of balance, and a clear image emerged on the retina, and the intense discomfort in the mind finally dissipated. Lin Jian slowly sobered up, which stood up from a half-squatting position, rising too quickly, the blood in the lower half of the body swarmed to the brain at once, making the eyes blurred again for a while. Is it possible that I am even disgusted with myself? It's so ironic. At first, I hated my mother, then my father, and now this strange feeling is finally directed at me? It's good that I hate myself. Maybe one day I'll go crazy! That would be no different from dying. After all, if you're crazy, you don't want to think about anything, and you'll be pure.

 After calming down Lin Jian habitually opened his phone to look at the time, only then did he notice that Ma Huizai sent him a message at three forty-six, and now it's already fifty-five. This may be because just now too nervous, too focused, Lin Jian did not notice the phone ringing.

  "Are you there?"

  "Lend me a copy of the big questions on those eight papers of your history." The small print of 15:46 was marked at the bottom, and it seemed that Huicai had long been accustomed to his silence.

 The boy sitting behind him, Ma Huicai, as his name suggests, really looks like a horse face, very comical. Perhaps it is the simplicity of the countryside, or the strength of his heart, he himself does not care much about his appearance, let others comment. He was a little taller than Lin Jian, so he was seated behind him. The company's main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public. Huizai bad grades, often want his homework copy, contact information naturally added.

  You kid, only this time will find me. The green and gray nails stopped on the screen for a moment, the flashing black vertical line eventually moved from the right side of the input box to the left, he still did not send this sentence.

 "Okay." Huizai on the other side of the screen looked at the short reply and immediately realized that this was an opportunity.

  "By the way, give me a copy of the politics and geography ones too if you've done them."

  "Wait until I'm done." It was done, he was right, just getting the word out was enough.

  The empty roof never sounded again. Only the bright sunshine and the slanting west wind remained to dash about with abandon. When you are almost out of the building, Lin Jian carefully poked his head out, just now the group of people do not know where to go, the tarmac road only a few street trees standing against the wind. He then put down his heart, rubbing his hands, ha a breath, straight out.

 The blue mountain bike once again appeared on the northeast-facing tarmac, only in the opposite direction. I didn't jump after all, was it because I wasn't brave and determined enough? No, maybe I'm not sick, just a little depressed. I can't help it, the instinct of life is too strong, I'm afraid I will not kill myself for a while, there must be a strong change of heart before it is possible. Forget it, I'll continue to watch the animation at night, even if I think so much I will not jump. Tch, it's too cold, my hands are freezing, I shouldn't have forgotten to bring gloves. The bicycle gradually into the center of the street, the traffic soon crowded up. Only then did Lin Jian realize that the traffic was more than usual because of the arrival of the New Year and people returning home from work. Another red light, have to wait for a minute more ...... or I miss a traffic accident? The green light is on, and the crowded traffic is slowly moving forward in the sound of the horn. Forget it, just think about it. The bicycle turned into a fork in the road, a sharp horn sounded, in that critical moment, the front wheel tilted into a 45-degree angle, forked the motorcycle head, sensitive slide over. Lin Jian's palms and feet are sweating, just now the reaction is completely out of instinct, such a short period of time is unable to think. He braked like a bell sheep that had escaped the wolves and looked back for a while to make sure nothing was wrong before continuing on his way. When I get home, Chun Di must be gone to get some snacks and see the world of Truman all over again. It is estimated that they will not return until after seven o'clock in the evening ............ blue bell sheep slowly into a fork in the road.

 "Where is Li Yunpeng going?"

  "That piece of shit, huh? Must be hiding in the Internet cafe playing games."

  "Oh, his parents are very strict, often ......"

  "Stop it, I want to laugh when you say it. How about we find him a piece of ......"

  "Wait, there's a car in front ......"

  "Hmm?!!!"

  A burst of teenage girls' carefree laughter came from far and near, followed by a buzzing sound that interrupted Lin Jian Youyan's planned arrangement. This blue bell sheep seems to have forgotten that jackals never act alone.

 （It seems that the story is not so good at the moment, it feels a little twisted. Uh, twisted is inevitable well, after all, it is the first time to do the film, you will watch a little longer, if you feel bad, do not watch. Just what I wanted）