“Welcome to the afterlife.”

Walter opened his eyes and blinked at the brilliance of the light. He was still dressed in his school uniform. His tie slightly undone hung listlessly about his neck and his unruly brown hair fell into his eyes. He brushed back his hair and looked around. He was lying on his side and staring at a pair of sandaled feet. Cute pink nail polish iridescently shone on each toe. Small enamel smiley faces decorating each nail.

He looked up to see a girl with bright blond hair and emerald green eyes. She wore a short toga and had a head bopper with two yellow smiley faces that were winking and sticking their tongues out. They wobbled on their springs as she looked down at him smiling.

“What?”

Walter stood slowly and brushed the wrinkles out of his coat. The room had unadorned white walls and the carpet was thick and white. Two sofas and a few chairs sat scattered haphazardly around the room. There was a reception desk with a name plate and papers scattered on top of it. A computer screen glowed illuminating the dark brown wood of the desk.

The girl smiled and replied, “I said, welcome to the afterlife. Well, really it’s just the waiting room.”

“So I’m dead?”

“That’s right. Dead. Gone. Not yet buried, but good enough for us.”

The girl grinned, tilted her head to the side, and gave him a thumb up. She was actually shorter than him and the bobbing smiley faces were grinning at him from eye level. Walter thought, “Wait! Were they grinning before?”

The last thing Walter remembered was walking home through a light rain and hearing a car’s breaks screeching. He had jumped and then felt and intense pain. After that he woke up here.

“So, did the car jump the sidewalk?”

The girl grinned and shook her head. She looked like she was holding back laughter.

“No, actually it’s quite an amusing way to die. You see you turned to see what was happening in the road behind you and --WHAM-- walked right into a telephone pole.”

“How did that kill me?”

Walter was confused. He could imagine that a concussion was dangerous, but that should not have done him in, well, probably.

“Well, actually that’s just the first part. You were on a hill, you see, and when you fell you rolled off the sidewalk and into the river.”

She rolled her hands around emulating his descent and threw them up in the air like water splashing upwards.

“So I drowned.”

Walter was stunned, but also a little confused. That did not seem that odd and certainly not something to produce such mirth. He though, “This girl is just strange.”

“No, no it gets better.”

“Better!?”

It was bad enough he was dead, but to be told that it was amusing was really starting to irritate Walter. He had never really considered being dead nor the aftermath, but so far it was just too confusing. Perhaps this was all a dream. Yes, that had to be it.

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“Yes, you see you floated right out of the city and ended up on the shore of the river. You started to come to and fell in the mud and knocked yourself out again. Oh, and stop trying to rationalize this. You’re as dead as old Marley.”

‘Old Marley’ is she making a Dickens reference? Well that really did not matter. Was she reading his mind? No, that was just impossible. This has to be a dream.

“And that’s where I died.”

“Stop interrupting! No. You got covered in mud and stumbled up through the woods once you woke up. But you ended up coming out of the woods near a bunch of drunken deer hunters. They thought you were a mud monster and shot you. Bang, right through the heart!”

She obviously could not stand it anymore and peals of laughter erupted from her small frame.

“Great. Wonderful. I’m glad you find that so very hilarious.”

“Spoilsport.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. Then shook her head and turned a more serious expression on him.

“Well whatever. So, guess what happens now.”

“No idea. I go to heaven or hell or someplace in between I suppose.”

Walter’s exasperation with the situation was getting the better of him and he was getting a sarcastic tone in his voice.

“Well, no actually your death amused me so much I petitioned for you to get another chance.”

She gave him a big smile and waved her hands in the air. Then she gave him a look that seemed to say, “You can praise me now.”

“Another chance? Just who are you anyway.”

“I am the goddess of comedy of course.”

Yep, dream. No other option. Though he was surprised his subconscious was creative.

Walter thought, “Hell it’s a dream. I might as well play along.”

“So, I get to start over back on Earth.”

“No, not quite. You see you don’t get to start over in the same place. Besides, I think it’s more…interesting to have you try out a new world. One that is more suited to such an amusing fellow.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Puzzled, Walter narrowed his eyes and tilted his head.

“Oh, don’t worry you’ll find out soon enough.”

“Wait, what are you planning on doing with that hammer?”

The goddess pulled out a rather large gold and silver sledged hammer. It had a cute pink bow tied around the haft and a big yellow face with an X where each eye should be.

“Oh, don’t worry. It will just hurt for a little bit. But damn will it hurt.”

She swung the hammer too swiftly for Walter to react.

She wasn’t lying.

It hurt.

A lot.