The vacuum of space felt strange.
In theory, it should have felt the same as his soul did, at least the parts of it that weren’t in use, but the two were nothing alike.
For one, other than his soul feeling more familiar, which would be an obvious difference between one’s own body and the outside, there seemed to be a fundamental difference between the two.
The space he was linked to wasn’t particularly remarkable, as one would expect from outer space. The mystery of what exactly the constant collisions he felt on his soul, even to this moment, were, was something that he wanted to answer quickly, both out of curiosity and a concern for his own safety, but he’d also discovered something rather interesting when he compared the feeling of the space outside and inside himself.
Martin hadn’t been able to confirm anything beforehand, but now it was certain that his soul, rather than being completely empty, seemed to be filled with... something. He wasn’t sure what exactly, but it behaved somewhat like sheet of fabric stretched between the boundary of his soul, but in three dimensions. Or was it three?
Martin was very aware of how the mind’s limit when trying to picture anything above three dimensions. Changing one’s fundamental perception of the world seemed almost impossible, but now that he wasn’t restricted by the physical limitations of his brain, it didn’t seem as imposing as it would’ve been in the past.
Earlier, as he’d been exploring his current capabilities, he’d calculated it hadn’t even been 12 hours since he’d awoken as a mind enveloped in a soul, floating around aimlessly –at least, assuming his perception of time hadn’t somehow distorted as a soul, which had been entirely possible. If he’d come so far, so fast, how much further ahead would he be by the end of the day? Tomorrow? Next week?
Of course, if he’d made it so far, that meant there should be plenty of souls who’d made it further; others could have billions of years of a head start over him.
All brushes with death and future threats aside, Martin was excited.
Returning to his current situation, Martin observed the small pocket of space he was now linked to.
As he’d been lost in thought, he’d confirmed he could stably link himself to it without feeling any strain in any part of his soul whatsoever, and, once he became confident enough, could most likely cover a much larger area without much problem.
Trying to perceive the particles he could only feel with his soul felt hopeless. At first, he thought they might simply exist on the same wavelength souls did, and simply bounced off the outer edge of his soul without being able to reach his little pocket of space, he’d wanted to make sure.
By paying close attention to the membrane surrounding him and comparing just hundreds of the countless more collisions that happened each second, Martin had determined that whilst a few indeed seemed to bounce off, most particles seemed to somehow continue through, but he knew they weren’t entering his soul.
‘In that case, the problem’s with how I’m looking at the situation... literally’
Whilst Martin was linked to the space, he was suspected that, similarly to how he’d simply assumed the space inside his soul to be three dimensional, he was likely acting based on preconceptions he’d acquired from when he still had a body; that was to say, he was trying to see, but didn’t have eyes.
That might have worked within his own soul, but unless he’d somehow reached a level where reality would bend to his will, it wouldn’t make sense for it to be the same in the world outside.
First, he tried to focus on the link he had to... whatever cosmic entity it was, that had originally let him see outside. Rather than trying to cover a larger area, he tried to make his connection to the area he currently covered even stronger.
The results were different to what he’d expected. He didn’t think it would help in finding whatever the particles that kept eluding him were, but, in reality, he’d assumed he’d find some trace of atoms, photons, or otherwise, that would still be present in some capacity no matter how deep in space he was.
The fact that no matter how deep he looked, he found no trace of them, meant either that, miraculously, there was absolutely nothing there, or that he was looking wrong with regards to this too.
He didn’t even want to think about the final option.
Putting his concerns to the side, Martin turned to the alternative he’d thought of.
‘If it took me noticing the edge of my soul to be able to feel whatever’s colliding into it, that means two things:
One, the soul itself likely isn’t able to feel. That might have changed with my recent transformation, but I’ll assume me being aware of something existing is the minimum requirement to feel it. In a broader sense, that means ‘feeling’ is tied to the consciousness. That lines up with what I know already.
Two, if I want to be able to ‘feel’ outside my soul, at least when it comes to these particles, which all seem to carry some sort of feeling or concept inside themselves, I’ll most likely have to project my consciousness outside.
They really never make this easy.
I’m fairly certain I should be fine. After all, my soul is the source of my consciousness, so even if my consciousness is ‘broadcast’ outside, the source of it should still be here, safe from anything that might happen to it out there.
That comes with its own problems, though. What if the link is two-way? No, since I’d be mostly using the bridge to the outside world that my declaration comes with, I should be safe; if it’s constantly active, and I can look outside at any moment I want, then if anything was able to use it to get in here, it would have already.
...Can I really rely on something as unreliable at that? I’m not sure. If I’m not sure, then I can’t, at least not until it’s the only option left.’
During the time he’d had that chain of thought, he’d considered ways to test how dangerous exposure to the substance outside was. All of them required exposing either his soul or a part of his consciousness to it, which was rather counterproductive, since if it was dangerous, it would already be too late.
There, was, however, something Martin could do to test whether projecting his consciousness was possible without risking mental and/or soul corruption.
Feeling a small area at the boundary of his soul, he bent it inwards –he'd previously shrunk the area outside that he was linked to so that it was slightly smaller than his soul reached outside, so he didn’t stupidly connect somewhere his soul wasn’t, as he still couldn’t tell whether that was dangerous- and began to move the boundary of his soul to close around it, creating an enclosed bubble of space within his soul.
Martin had thought about it, and the only risks associated with doing this were either losing control of a small part of his soul permanently or creating a new conscious entity that just happened to be hostile and somehow far more competent in matters of the soul than he was. The first was something he was willing to risk, the second...
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‘I know I’m acting paranoid for my own safety, but that’s a little too unrealistic, even for me’
And thus, the idea had been decided on.
The inside of the bubble was unreachable to him. Despite the fact he could feel everywhere else in his soul –at least that he was aware of- it was seemed entirely unresponsive.
‘That makes sense. It’s surrounded by the barrier of my soul, but it doesn’t actually have any of the soul matter inside –at least, not any of mine; who’s to say it wouldn’t spontaneously appear because of some bizarre soul logic.’
Seeing the first part succeed, Martin did the opposite. By flexing his soul outwards, he made a new bubble, this time containing whatever was inside his soul. As he closed it off, he felt a feeling like a pinch, reminding him of the fact he’d just voluntarily experienced soul damage, however minimal.
Just like the first bubble, this second one, which he’d had to sacrifice a miniscule portion of his soul for –but part of it nonetheless- was also completely unreachable.
‘Perfect’
Summoning his link to the cosmic force, he first concentrated on the bubble containing part of his soul and looked inside. What he found was as expected. He could still sense whatever matter made up souls, since it seemed far more responsive to thought than the outside world was, but he couldn’t manipulate it in any meaningful way.
Next came the important step. He focussed a small part of his attention and, tried to place that part of himself into it.
‘Success’ he said with a smile. The first part of the test had succeeded.
Sidestepping his plan for a moment, he felt around inside the separated part of his soul.
With just that, he felt a change. He registered something about that part of his consciousness destabilising –he figured this was what it was like when he’d first unified with his soul- and in that same moment, he felt the presence of his declaration appear and help consolidate the two.
‘So I can’t cheat in that way to get another one,’ Martin half-sighed, ‘but I guess getting a mini soul will be all manners of helpful in its own right.’
He’d acquired the perfect subject to perform tests on.
At first glance, the sub-soul functioned in the exact same as his regular soul did but was worse in every manner. Martin theorised this was because of its small size, and therefore much smaller content of whatever made up the soul, rather than the consciousness that had been present in it during its inception, but he couldn’t be certain.
And he certainly wasn’t planning on sacrificing any more of his soul to experiment.
Probably.
Detaching his sub-soul from the outer edge of his soul so it could float freely inside of him and dedicating part of his focus to experimenting with it, Martin directed his attention to the other bubble he’d formed.
‘This one most likely contains whatever matter is outside. It’s the closest I’ll get to a controlled environment, but it’s still risky.’
At that moment, Martin had a genius idea. Returning to his sub-soul sooner than planned, he began something that, if it worked, would be the final test he needed before really making progress.
In almost no time at all, he’d found he could move sub-soul within himself by pushing it using the inside of his main soul –unfortunately, he’d found it couldn’t move independently, which forecast future troubles- and that, if he chose to, he could disconnect it from himself and have it function independently, then reconnect to it without much problem.
He was reluctant to use the method too frequently, but for now, he accepted that it was his best way forward.
‘Let’s begin’
He moved his sub-soul back to the edge of his soul, this time closer to the other bubble. Slowly, he pushed it inside and, knowing what he had to do, disconnected himself from it.
A much weaker version of Martin awoke, separated from his main self. It was a strange sensation, but one that he knew from the times he’d practiced with it only moments ago. Laughing a little at the fact he risked death to allow himself to live, he used his much weaker link to the still-unknown cosmic force to connect himself to the void he was now inhabiting. Then, as he had when creating the sub-soul he currently was, he broadcast his consciousness into the void.
All of a sudden, a barrage of emotions, concepts, ideas and pictures filled his mind. They were so numerous it felt like a flashbang had been thrown into his mind, and he could feel his ‘self’ be slowly eroded.
Retreating his consciousness back to the confines of his soul, he took a moment to recover.
That had been... incredible. Overwhelming, but incredible nonetheless.
Excitement filled him; he’d found a world of ideas, of wonder, of potential.
A world for the taking.
Lamenting at the corruption to his personality, Martin almost stared in disappointment at his link to the cosmic force.
‘You’re meant to prevent that, you know?
...Well, I suppose it was mostly my fault. I’ll take it back’
He reasoned that going into something with the determination to die, even if the end goal was to live, was against his declaration.
‘So I want to survive without sacrifice. I didn’t realise I was so greedy’ he joked to himself.
The main reason he could afford to do so, knowledge that this wasn’t his main self aside, was that he’d already felt himself recover. For one, the determination to die had changed to thankfulness for being alive, restoring his supernatural link to its full strength, which then helped him recover.
But more than that, he’d immersed himself in a new aspect of his declaration: awe. The awe at existence that came from being alive, and the awe at being alive itself.
It had helped Martin recover the rest of the way, and it helped him grow. It was nothing close to the capability of his main self, but also far more than his ability had been before he’d fully become one with his soul.
In this state, he knew he could resist exposure to the outside for much longer. And so, he did.
Once again connecting to the void outside, he again felt the flashbang of a myriad concepts enter his mind with full force. But this time, it felt slightly less bright. Enough that he could begin to comprehend some of the whispers flowing into him, before again feeling his personality begin to erode.
Returning to himself again, he quickly recovered from the minor damage he’d experienced.
He thought of the concept of enthusiasm. It was something he’d had the ability to do for a long time, even before he’d become a soul, but direct exposure to concepts in physical form made it easier than ever.
With every moment, he grew further, faster than his full soul’s passive growth was, which seemed like little, but actually translated to the fact he’d grown at least an order of magnitude compared to before he’d broadcast his consciousness into the void.
Ironically, he felt himself touching on the ‘purpose’ aspect of life, although by the fact his growth hadn’t become even more absurd, he still hadn’t fully touched on it.
Again, he dove into the void. And again. And again.
Each time he did so, the burden on him lessened more; he grew faster; he understood the whispers of the void better –it sounded much more sinister when he put it that way.
More than that, with time, his enthusiasm died down. This wasn’t because of the task becoming monotonous –in fact, it had only become more interesting. Instead, Martin suspected at least some of his overwhelming enthusiasm had been due to the outside’s influence.
The fact that that part had decreased along with his growth proved, to his relief, that even the more subtle affects to his soul would first be fixed, then prevented, as he grew more.
Over several more trips, Martin continued to adjust to the exposure of the void. By the tenth trip overall, he didn’t feel pain upon entering and only began to be worn down after trying to comprehend the whispers too deeply. With each subsequent trip, he could last longer while simultaneously comprehending more. By the twentieth, he felt he could last indefinitely as long as he wasn’t actively trying to tire himself out.
Overall, he found something interesting: while he couldn’t confirm it, it seemed very likely the ‘whispers’ were a byproduct of existence. Or, to put it simply, things would passively give them off.
The main indicator was the overwhelming abundance of whispers that simply contained the concept of ‘light’ or one of out of ‘void’, ‘emptiness’, ‘nothingness’, which heavily coincided with what one might find in outer space. In contrast, certain concepts, mostly those associated with physical matter, appeared only a countable number of times across all visits, altogether lasting close to an hour.
In his current state, Martin was at approximately a hundredth of the full strength his main soul had been when he’d been separated from it. By now, it was likely far stronger; close to an hour had passed, and his growth seemed to be exponential.
Still, he decided to enter the void again until he was entirely comfortable with the sensation and was confident he wouldn’t be worn down no matter how long he spent or how much he focussed on the whispers. It only took 3 more tries.
Other than gaining his desired level of control, he’d also gained a new ability; by interpreting the countless whispers, their directions, intensities, density, and position related to other concepts, he simulated an improved version of something rather familiar to him: sight.
Everything was... beautiful. Serenity filled him as he took his first look at the new world around him.
(More than anything, he was relieved there was a world. That fear hadn’t gone until the very last moment)
This was something he wanted... himself, to see –for now, he avoided thinking of others.
At last, he was fully confident. Feeling for the link to the cosmic entity, Martin, rather than linking directly, sent a pattern –almost like a knocking- to his main soul that he’d agreed on before the two selves had separated.
He was close.