For the first time in weeks, perhaps even within months including his briefly interrupted leave on Terra, Alex felt truly at peace and it felt wrong. The warped colours of purples, seafoam greens and light blues pulsed in through the yacht’s skylight and exposed wall windows, bathing the beige carpeting and cream-coloured padded walls with soft tones that would keep any other person in a relaxed state.
The yacht’s jump drive was minimal compared to the Phoenix’s massive engines. Only good enough for short trips away from its mother ship and only a small number of supplies. Well, it was minimal with the five crew on board; Alex occupied the master bedroom on board the yacht while Christopher and Clemens shared the spare bedroom adjacent to Alex’s. Meanwhile, poor Liyurch and Silas shared the lounge room with the young dragon resting atop the cushions and Silas curled into a ball on the soft floor.
The Naga claimed it was more comfortable than it looked and was content with the sleeping arrangements, as was Liyurch and yet a small part of Alex felt guilty about it. Then again, the yacht wasn’t designed for a makeshift lifeboat, as luxurious as it was.
Two days after witnessing the destruction of his ship, Alex was distraught; he struggled to hide it in front of the others but at night, when everyone slept, when no one would hear him, it was then that he would let out tears of mourning for his friend. How am I going to tell his sister? Would she forgive me, would she understand? Is she going to hate me, kill me? Over and over the endless cycle of anxious predictions, worry, regret and what could have been done played out in his mind as though to torture him, to punish him for not saving his friend like he should have. And thus began the lack of sleep. Never being in a calm enough mental headspace to get rest and tiring out the rest of the day only served to irate him.
Thirty-six hours after the destruction of the Phoenix, Alex finally collapsed from exhaustion. He remembered being hunched over on the couch and then suddenly experienced flashes of memory that only lasted a second but the impressions remained longer. First, he only witnessed snippets of seeing that Lykan officer getting butchered in front of him followed by seeing the engine room on fire; the sound of fires rumbling and crackling as it burned away the excess oxygen and synthetic oil, filling the room with a thick haze of smoke and bright red emergency lights bouncing off the smoke, giving the room a much more hellish appearance than what it really was.
And then he woke up with a startle under the sheets in the Master bedroom, the door slightly ajar letting both sounds and a sliver of light creep into his otherwise darkened room. He heard coughing coming from the central room that served as both the common room and lounge room within the small luxury craft. When he exited his room, still in his torn and compromised space suit he noticed the bandage dressing wrapping around his wound on his shoulder, small dots of blood stained the dressings surface in two equal rows. Silas, Christopher and Liyurch sat on the couches staring at each other solemnly as they processed what had just happened. Christopher had another coughing fit that devolved into a fit of wheezing that sounded like he was trying to get something out of his lungs. Liyurch was the first to spot Alex emerging from his room and leapt off the couch like a cat with wings as he rushed over to his captain.
“Captain, Captain Rowan I am so glad you are awake! You look less terrible than you did seven hours ago” He happily said. The young drake’s change in emotion was almost instantaneous as he had gone from looking mournful to happily carefree in only a few seconds. Alex admired the young dragon for that.
“Seven hours!? I don’t even remember falling asleep. I just remember seeing a few bits of memory that were fuzzy.” He said groggily, rubbing his eye with the ball of his palm. “Has there been any new developments?”
“Well, our distress beacon is working.” Clemens piped up as he exited from the cockpit, swinging his legs forward while he held onto the furnished wooden railing to throw himself down the stairs. “Any ship with a working receiver within three AU’s are going to hear our plea for help.”
Alex sat down on the couch adjacent to Christopher and Silas.
“But if our recent guests know what a distress signal is or if some opportunistic pirates want to take some pot shots at us, well… let's just say I can put on a good stunt display.” Clemens finally concluded.
The young English pilot plopped himself down on the couch, choosing to sit next to Christopher who stared blankly at the carpet while Liyurch looked around the group.
“What do we do now?” The young dragon asked.
“First,” Alex spoke up. “Has anyone performed a stocktake on what we have in here?”
Everyone shook their heads.
“Right, then let’s do that; fan out, see what you can find and report back so we can understand what resources we have at our disposal.”
And just like that, the group nodded approvingly and got up and went their separate ways. Clemens took to the cockpit while Liyurch walked into the dormitory compartment with the bedrooms and bathroom and smaller miscellaneous rooms. Christopher and Silas took to searching the main entertainment room all the while, Christopher continued his fit of coughs. Alex took to the open floor planned kitchen with its marble benchtop and low hanging rangehood obstructing the kitchen from the rest of the entertainment area. A brief sigh of relief escaped the exhausted Alex when he saw the kitchen cabinets fully stocked with long lasting meal packets. It didn’t surprise him, but it was a welcome change of pace from the recent string of events.
Thirty minutes later, the remaining crew met back up and reported their findings. Liyurch claimed he found a small onboard medical bay that was primitive compared to the Phoenix’s infirmary, but then later reported that the medicine cabinets were fully stocked with chemical reagents and medicinal synthesisers. Clemens’ report was more austere as he claimed the cockpit only offered a basic maintenance kit with patch seals before commenting on the yacht's defensive armaments consisting of only a handful of short-range asteroid lasers and homing flares.
Damn, he wasn’t kidding. If we are caught in a fight all we can do is hold tight and pray he can somehow get us out of whatever fight we find ourselves in.
Silas started speaking next, listing the different brands of alcohol he found stashed in one of the cupboards ranging from the human centric brands such as Albatross Whisky, Chernigov Vodka and to Alex’s surprise, Silas produced a bottle from behind his long slender body that looked to be carrying over a litre of alcohol with a yellowed and partially faded label on the front that read in an ancient font: Canceron Sublimatum.
Holy shit, how long has that been here!? Maybe we can even use it to celebrate or mourn the loss. I wonder what year it is…
“And that’s not even the best part!” Silas said happily. “ According to the label, this is a bottle from Two thousand and fifty.”
Everyone chuckled and smiles were worn on all their faces. For a moment, Alex actually had forgotten about everything that just happened. He was okay to forget for a moment and just enjoy the small victory of finding such a rare bottle in their possession. Now the only thing that puzzled his mind was: How long had that bottle been there? Surely, he must’ve seen this yacht in its entirety by now and only now was he learning that such a prestigious bottle of brandy was hidden aboard. Christopher’s light fits of laughter devolved into another fit of coughing, nobody else seemed phased by this, not even Liyurch. Maybe he just has asthma or breathed in more of those burning engine fumes than any of us realised.
And just as quickly, Christopher returned his expression to one of happiness as he turned to face Silas who had set the bottle down on the wooden coffee table in the centre of the couches. Something didn’t seem right about him, he couldn’t help but glare towards his subordinate in an attempt to figure it out but Alex knew something was wrong. He set his doubts aside, with the intention of returning to Liyurch to address them and then decided to propose that they open up their bottle of alcohol later before they go to bed.
When the yacht’s clock ticked over to show that it was normally the crew’s bed time, the occupants sat around and kept themselves occupied with Liyurch running his dark grey claws through the carpet creating a muffled RRRRRFFFF sound as he dragged it across the fabric, Silas laid on his back staring into the skylight hypnotised by the colours flashing past. Alex walked into the room with five shot glasses held together with his fingers inside the rims and pressing against each other and then proceeded to set them down on the coffee table with a loud sharp CLINK, the collective gazes of the occupants were instantly drawn to Alex and the coffee table.
Then Alex reached for the bottle of four hundred brandy that sat idly on the other side of the table and with effort he twisted the stubborn cork until his hand suddenly jerked away from the bottle with a satisfying pop as air rushed in the bottle for the first time in centuries. Suddenly the strong scent entered his olfactory senses, opening his nostrils up as the scent of the aged liquor wafted around the room when Alex poured the golden coloured liquid in each of the glasses and then presented them to each of the crew members who graciously took their assigned glasses from their captain. Finally when Alex poured his drink he set the bottle down and forced the cork back into the bottle's neck and raised his glass above him and everyone else, likewise did the same.
Weird to celebrate now. Perhaps I should mourn the losses, it’s the best I can do after not going down with my ship. Yeah, but how should I start? ‘to our lost comrades’ ‘to the fallen’? Do I include those lost in the nebula? All those ships? What if I made a round for each ship, no, there isn’t enough of this stuff. Maybe I can just name one or two and then group all the others together.
“It is believed that our bodies consist of elements that once belonged to a star. A star that has long lost its light and disappeared into the night. Our fixation with the idea of exploring the cosmos and seeing what is out there may not be because we are curious. Perhaps a small part of ourselves calls, yearns to be back where we came from. Tonight, we honour our comrades and fellow shipmates who have fallen and their own light extinguished in the line of duty and we honour their memory by fighting to survive. Because the ones who have passed on are not just part of the cosmos once again, they have simply gone home.”
Then Alex raised his glass even further concluding his speech.
“Here here.” Everyone said in unison, raising their glasses before throwing it down their throats.
Warmth seeped into the flesh of his mouth shortly after the liquor touched it. An assortment of sweet and earthy flavours hit his tongue, his chest rumbled with delight as the warmth spread down his throat and coated his heart muscles with the embracing comfort. Then he let out a sigh of relief.
Then, the rest of the group let out their collective exhales of relief as they set their glasses down on the coffee table, clinking against the polished wooden surface. Alex grabbed the bottle, poured another round of alcohol in each of the now empty glasses, then raised his once more and said. “To the Phoenix, she served us well. Now it's her turn to rest.” Before downing the shot.
Shortly after, Silas placed the bottle back in the cupboard where he found it, all eyes watching him slither over the carpet to place it amongst all the different brands of alcohol that was stocked in the yacht. Then, Clemens called it a night and grabbed a cotton blanket from the guest bedroom to sleep on the floor while Christopher proceeded to take the bed, stifling another coughing fit as though to hide it. Alex looked over to Liyurch at his side, resting on his belly with his wings spread out flatly over the carpet and his eyelids struggling to stay up.
“Doc, can I talk to you?” Alex spoke softly.
The young dragon suddenly perked up and his eyes shot wide open. “Yes! Yes? Yes you can sir, how can I help?”
Alex jerked his head towards the kitchen then got up and proceeded to go to the kitchen, behind him, he could hear the Dragon’s claws peel themselves off the carpeting as he walked closely. “Doc, can you check up on Christopher for me. Something isn’t right and I need your professional opinion on this.”
“You know, now that you mention it, something isn’t right about him. I dismissed it as a bad case of smoke inhalation from the Engine room.”
“That doesn’t seem like something a good doctor would do.”
“Perhaps not, however, given all that has transpired, I don’t think Christopher is keen on being subject to a physical.”
Neither one of them spoke for a moment between each other, the silence left hanging in between the humming of life support machinery through the walls and artificial gravity plates. Then Liyurch took a deep breath in before speaking.
“However, if it puts you at ease, when we both wake up I will get him to the medbay and I will do an examination on him.” Liyurch concluded.
“Thank you, doc,” Alex nodded.
Without saying anything more, the young dragon turned around with the side of his tail brushing against Alex’s leg. He heard the dragon utter an apology but he sounded too tired. Alex couldn’t blame him. Then the captain leaned on the island bench looking out to see the dragon and Naga making their makeshift preparations in the lounge room to sleep and only after pushing himself off the benchtop did Alex decide to go to sleep himself.
However, in a realm of his own making, Alex found no more peace than he did in the waking world. First the darkness consumed him and then the colourful kaleidoscope of colours flashing in his mind's eye, then shapes began to take form, sounds could be understood, objects became recognisable and with a sudden snap of clarity, the blurry world around him suddenly took form into the primary school classroom.
Where the hell am I?
Nothing about the classroom made sense and yet it all seemed vaguely familiar. The desks were empty, none of the walls were littered with class projects of arts and crafts and perhaps even stranger was the windows were open to show night so dark that light was swallowed up in it and nothing was returned for his eyes to see. Except for the small collection of snow that accumulated on the sill of the windows. Alex turned around and stopped himself from suddenly colliding with a small Lykan child. Suddenly the classroom was populated, each of the desks was occupied by one child of seemingly only four different species: Human, Lykan, Gargoyle and Garuda. All students wore some variation of the same kind of uniform; white with blue trims on their shoulders and down the sides of their shirts. They all had thick laced parkas with the similar colour patterns on them as some students removed the parka inside the classroom and set aside on top of their bags.
Each child sat at their desks with identical deep blue backpacks resting against the base of their table legs, on each of the backpacks a small white shield emblem was printed on the front facing flaps. Alex knelt down next to the nearest child and examined the logo which consisted of an old sailing ship bearing three masts with its sails fully unfurled and a crescent wave crashing against its hull. The words beneath read: Ernest Shackleton Public School.
Then it clicked for Alex, now he knew where he was and when he turned around to see the teacher walk in, he knew exactly when he was.
The teacher who walked in the classroom looked no older than Alex presently did. Slim built human with clear almost flawless skin, his jet-black hair gelled back reminded him of Clemens’ own hairstyle preferences. The man sat down at his desk then unslung his shoulder bag and placed it down on the ground before looking up to see his students chatting and laughing with each other.
If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
“Okay, settle down kids. Final class of the day so let’s make it count, yeah?” He said, feigning a smile.
The students collected themselves and sat at their desks with their eyes facing forward as the teacher began to instruct the lesson. Alex looked around the classroom looking for someone and he found them, sitting in the back of the corner was a thirteen-year-old Alexander Rowan.
Present Alex stared at his young counterpart with sorrow, as the latter had his hair used to obstruct parts of his face, but present Alex knew what was being hidden under there and he knew how this day played out.
Why this day, why this memory? Why must I be shown this?
The black eye Young Alex had poorly kept hidden using his hair stood out plainly against his clear white face. Present Alex looked over and as the teacher watched vigilantly over his students, he had kept glancing over and trying to get a better look at the black eye without it being noticeable. The bell rang and the students left the classroom in a hurry before the teacher had even finished his sentence about their homework. He sighed heavily and then slumped back down in his desk all the while Past Alex slowly shoved his pencil case and textbooks into his bag’s large compartment before slinging it over his shoulders before being stopped by his teacher.
“Master Alex, may I have a word?” His teacher said posing as an order more than a question.
Present Alex remembered his exact thoughts when he was little: Why now, I just want to get home and go to sleep and keep going before I can get out of here.
And his thoughts conflicted with his memories of this day: Don’t stop, you can get out of this conversation and just go home.
“Yes, Mr. Harrison?”
Mr. Harrison gestured for Past Alex to sit on the nearest desk closest to his own so they could talk, even now from an outside perspective looking back on this day present Alex could still feel his heart racing when he heard those words. For as though he is an experienced captain in his late thirties, nothing struck more fear into him than a handful of sentences spoken out loud. He watched as his old teacher; Mr. Harrison questioned his past self about his black eye. Past Alex dismissed it with a “It's nothing” He muttered but his old teacher didn’t believe it.
“Alex, are your parents hurting you? Your dad, did he hit you?” Mr. Harrison asked sweetly.
Past Alex averted his gaze even further than it already was from his teacher. After a brief moment of silence the young Alex Rowan said in a low tone “May I go now, sir?”
And Mr. Harrison reluctantly agreed.
The dream then shifted into darkness, the clean white walls melted away into darkness and Mr. Harrison faded out of existence and Alex found himself outside his old school shrouded in darkness with dancing green ribbons of light decorating the otherwise dark skies. He knew that despite the absence of sunlight, the day was still young and the main street that ran along the front of the school was unusually deserted. Hardly any other town residents were seen walking along the footpath and all the shops were closed shut. When he looked down at his feet to see a foot of snow coming halfway to his knees before he then looked up to see his past self standing before a granite statue of Ernest Shackleton, the young Alex shivered in his parka and yet Present Alex felt nothing as he found himself staring at the statue just like his young counterpart.
Heh, I remember thinking it was hilarious how the icicles came out of the guy’s nose.
Alex then heard soft crunches getting further and further away from him and he saw Past Alex trudging through the snow all the way back home. Many kids in his class were quick to abandon the class and rush to get to their homes but Past Alex despised it for what he had to go to. At best all he could do was delay and casually stroll through the snow on the way to his home and Present Alex followed suit. By the time the two versions of Alex arrived at his childhood home, both versions felt their nerves tremble in anticipation of what awaited them inside. Past Alex hoped for he would be spared for the day but it did nothing to ease his discomfort and the knot in his stomach, however, Present Alex knew that the hope was wasted for he knew the chain of events and it was a day he dreaded more than most.
Once inside the house Present Alex took in all the old familiar details, an odd sense of nostalgia was piqued as he looked around the house’s polished wooden floors and pillars that supported the two-story house. A roaring fire illuminated the living room, crackling loudly, Past Alex tip toed his way to the staircase but it was too late.
“ALEX!” A voice shrieked from the adjacent room, scaring both versions of him at the sound of the familiar voice. His young counterpart hung his head low, hands trembling and his heart racing at the loss of confidence trying desperately to keep his breath steady as he marched towards the source. In the adjacent room, a man sat next to a child smaller than Past Alex at a wooden table whose surface was littered with tablet devices all open with different reports. The man wore a long sleeve shirt that was a lighter shade of blue than his school uniform and he gestured for Alex to stand next to him as he hastily got the small child off the chair next to him.
“Alex, are you fucking stupid?” The man angrily asked.
Past Alex didn’t say anything, all he tried to do was avoid eye contact as best he could.
“Look at me when I am talking to you, it's rude when you are not looking at people who are talking to you!”
Rude, you want to lecture me on rudeness?! You are lucky I took an oath to protect the people of the Alliance.
Past Alex slowly brought his head up to meet his father’s eyes. Struggling to keep his face emotionless and not get teary eyed and his hands from shaking.
“What have I told the two of you about your studies?” His father asked sternly.
“A-always s-study hard and not fail?” Alex’s younger brother, Tyler asked shakily.
Their father grunted and he turned to face Past Alex waiting for an answer. Present Alex knew he was terrified beyond the capacity to think for himself and he mimicked his brother’s response, including the shaky delivery hoping it would be the thing their father was angry about now.
Their father then turned around and presented the two boys with the tablet devices that each had a report posted on the main screen.
“Read it.” His father ordered.
Young Alex looked over the recent school report, a bunch of it consisted of stuff he either didn’t understand or was too boring to grab his attention, he was only reading the first line in the first paragraph when suddenly their father spoke. “Out loud!” He said with frustration in his voice.
“D-dear Mr. Rowan, it has recently come to the administration's attention that your sons, Alexander Rowan and T-Tyler Rowan are not performing academically to their fullest potential.”
The rest of the reading spoke of the school administration pointing out the difficulties Alex and Tyler have had in recent weeks at school. Alex tried his best not to fumble some of the words from his shaky breathing and strained voice that was closer to breaking down than Present Alex had remembered him being. Then his young counterpart finally concluded his reading. “If you wish to further discuss strategies to improve your son's academic progress or place them in after school tuition then please contact the schools office during its opening hours (Seven AM to Five PM) to arrange a meeting.”
Then Alex lowered the tablet from his face and looked up to see his father’s expressionless face that restrained a tsunami of anger that he wanted to release. His hands quickly flew and grabbed the tablets out of his son's hands with such speed that it startled the two, making them jump in their places.
Their father stood up letting out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his hand over his face aggressively. Past Alex prepared himself for what was coming next, muscles tensed and his eyes were squeezed shut in preparation… then nothing came. He opened his eyes to see his dad staring down at him and Tyler with his hands on waist.
“Its clear to me now more than ever that me disciplining you is not working,” His father said
No shit, Dad. What tipped you off? The bed wetting, the constant tremors, the ever constant fear in our eyes?
“So perhaps I need to try something different.” Just as he said that, he began to remove his belt that had been looped through his pants and pulled it out.
Alex watched his young self and Tyler prepare themselves for the inevitable pain and discipline that was about to come, little did they realise that was coming would be far worse than the two could have imagined at the time. His father looped his belt over his fist and forcefully grabbed young Alex’s wrist and placed the belt in his hands only to be met with confusion on his face. Alex looked at his dad, curious to know why he was giving him his brown worn out belt.
“Hit him.” He said sternly.
“W-what, what- I don’t understand.”
Then his father leaned in until his face was almost inches away from Past Alex’s, he could still remember the smell of his fathers afternoon beer on his breath.
“Hit. Tyler.” He repeated once more. “Use the belt and hit him. And not some sissy little, fucking slap. Put all your force into it!”
Past Alex looked horrified at his father then to his little brother who stood there with his mouth slightly open in shock. Tyler looked at Alex with big, watery eyes that pleaded with him not to go through with it.
Present Alex spoke softly. “Don’t do it.” His voice was on the verge of tears.
Alex struggled to hold back the emotion he was experiencing rewatching these memories, internally in his own mind he was damning whatever force was responsible for making him relive the worst moment of his life, well perhaps second best compared to what came after that day.
“Don’t listen to him, he’s just a bitter asshole. You can do it Rowan, don’t listen to him!” shouting louder, Alex tried in vain to get through to his young self hoping he could change the outcome. Instead, his younger self turned and looked in his general direction as the world around him started to drain into a black void. His father, his brother, his old home. All of it bled out of existence until it was just the two versions of Alex staring each other down in the blackness.
Past Alex looked down at the bunched up belt in his hands before looking back at Present Alex. “It was all your fault. Tyler, Tobias, Milo… That officer who you allowed to get cut up in front of your very eyes. What was his name again? Oh wait, you never bothered, did you? All of them are on you.” Past Alex said in a mocking tone.
“No…”
“Dad was right, you are unreliable. Anybody who relies on you gets killed or worse.”
“Listen you little shit!” Present Alex snapped, but before he could deliver his rebuttal, his younger self disappeared just like everything else had.
“Oh, what a fucking cop out!” He shouted to himself.
Light slowly blurred its way into his eyes, he saw something moving but his eyesight was too blurry and unfocused to make any sense of it, he focused with all his available strength and his eyes responded to him by giving his vision clarity to allow him to see the long scaly snout of Liyurch in front of him.
“Fuck! Doc, what are you doing in my room?” Alex exclaimed, startled. “Can I not have privacy?”
Liyurch thrusted himself off the side of Alex’s bed and stood on all fours next to him, looking apologetic.
“I’m sorry sir, it’s just you were mumbling and talking in your sleep. Loudly too, I might add.”
Alex pinched the bridge of his nose to rub out the sleep dust in his eyes. “Oh. You heard that huh? Did I wake everyone else?”
“I don’t think anyone besides Christopher heard it. But then again as a Draconic I do have better senses than most Terrans.” Liyurch happily chirped.
“What makes you think Christopher heard it?”
“Oh, I was examining him… to find the source of his coughing fits. Then as I was about to sleep when you started making noises.”
Alex sighed, it was bad enough he had to relive those memories but now he was talking to himself in his sleep. Perhaps he was more messed up than he thought initially. The young dragon cocked his head to the side unaware of the terror he witnessed, the fear in his brother’s eyes at seeing him with that belt.
Then the conversation with his younger self started to sink in. Damn, is he right? Anybody that relied on me got burnt. And Tyler. No, Tyler was the only one. Tobias brought that all on himself, he got what was coming to him. Milo, you fool. Why did you do it? I know you are smart enough. Goddammit we are friends. We stick together!
“Was I saying much?” Was all that Alex could bring himself to ask, hoping that he didn’t say anything specific.
“Most of it was mumbling and a bunch of noises, the only part that I could understand was ‘don’t do it’ and then you started making sounds like you were breathing sharply. Do you want to talk about it, maybe get it off your chest? Because it sounded heavy.” Liyurch offered.
Alex looked down at the rest of his body underneath the covers before he looked back at the young dragon. And with a hint of sadness in his voice Alex agreed.
He went on to recount the events of his dream, the sights, the smells, the sequence of events. Alex filled Liyurch on the finer details between the transitions in time in his dream before hesitantly getting to where the dream had ended. The whole time, Liyurch nodded every now and then as he listened carefully, hanging off of every word Alex spoke while his eyes did not move away from him.
“Now the thing is, doc. My dad was a bitter, spoiled man-child. He would always remind me and Tyler of how he established this magnificent reputation back home in Endurance.” Alex said with a tone mocking his father’s reputation. “The man always berated us whenever we failed to meet his ridiculously high expectations because he thought our failure was an insult to him and everything he worked for… Like failing a difficult exam was our way of saying ‘eff you’ to you and all your hard work.”
Liyurch breathed in through his nostrils
“What about your mother, where was she during all this?” Liyurch asked.
“I’ll get to her in a moment,” Alex casually dismissed. “Where was I? Oh right; So one day we come home and there’s my dad in the living room with these two tablets and his signature ‘I’m too disappointed to actually emote’ face and he shows us this letter from the school’s faculty telling him that my brother and I are somewhat behind on our grades but not far enough to actually fail. Just enough for the teachers to be worried. Tyler and I were ready for another round of his discipline but instead he handed me the belt that he was wearing and he told me to hit my brother.”
Liyurch gasped in shock, it almost sounded like it was unintentional and it caught him by surprise as well. His eyes widened as well while his finned ears flattened themselves against the sides of his head.
“What happened next?”
“My father hit me across the head, urging me to hit my brother with his belt. He made me do this because he thought his usual methods of punishing us weren’t working so he made me do it to teach us both a lesson.” Alex’s voice slowly became sullen and sad. He almost didn’t notice it until he stopped for a breath and resumed speaking that he altered his voice. “I… I couldn’t do it, Doc. My brother had these big sad eyes pleading with me not to do it. And… I didn’t know what else to do. Either hit him or my dad would hit me so I chose Tyler.”
“Gods above, you shouldn’t blame yourself for that, sir. It's obvious he made you do it because it got him off the power he had over you two.” Liyurch quickly interjected.
“That’s just it, everything after that… It all went downhill from there.”
“There’s more hill? How much worse does this get?”
“After I belted him, Tyler was never the same again.” Alex sniffed. His eyes became blurry and watery, forcing him to squeeze them shut in an effort to clear his eyes of moisture. “When our dad took the belt off me, thinking Tyler had the right number of beatings, he looked at me and I knew in his eyes the look he was giving me and I knew things weren’t going to be the same again. God, I can never unsee the look in his eyes when he looked at me!”
“What look?”
Alex turned to face Liyurch and uttered. “Betrayal.”
“From there on, things between Tyler and I were never the same after that day. I honestly don’t blame him. He used to always come to me for comfort and security and then one day that trust is betrayed by the only person he trusted the most to protect him from the likes of our dad.”
“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, captain.” Liyurch placed his claws on Alex’s shoulder. “You were placed in a difficult situation and given a difficult choice. Nobody could blame you for that. And I’m sure Tyler understands that now looking back.”
“He doesn’t.” He said in a low tone. “Because he’s dead.”
In shock, Liyurch retracted his arm as though Alex had burnt his fingers. His snout was open slightly as he looked at his captain trying to figure him out until Alex started speaking again.
“For the next three years, Tyler and I rarely spoke let alone had any meaningful conversations. Our parents had to leave early and I was in charge of getting my brother to school. He doesn’t respond when I called out to him and so I go into his room and… and…” Then he drew in a deep breath, struggling to find the words or perhaps the strength to even say it out loud. “I open his door and I find Tyler suspended three feet above the floor. By the time the paramedics arrived there was nothing that could be done as they estimated he had been clinically dead for three hours by that point. There was no note, no indication of depression. But I knew that it was because he felt alone after I betrayed him. Then, after his funeral, our- my dad focused his sole attention on me. From there on I swore to get out so when I turned eighteen I signed up for the Alliance Navy. Sure enough, my eighteenth arrived and my dad had this whole thing planned. Just what every kid my age at the time wants. A birthday party planned by their dad just so they can meet his business partners so he can network and get a job. I ditched the house and went to the town pub and the next thing my dad knew was that I had been shipped off to Mars for my training.” Alex concluded.
The dragon looked away from his captain for a moment, thinking to himself. But Alex didn’t want to think anymore, he had just woken up and already he was emotionally tired and exhausted again.
“You blame yourself for his death, don’t you?”
“It's not just that, doc. Milo was my friend, after that incident with beating up Tyler was when we first met. Milo was the only one who knew the truth and now he’s gone.”
“Captain… You’re grieving.” Liyurch said plainly. “All these emotions, these repressed memories you brought up because you blame yourself for their deaths and you hadn’t coped with it. You never made peace.”
Hearing those words sparked anger within the emotionally exhausted Alex. He narrowed his eyes and locked with the Dragon. “There’s nothing to make peace with, they’re dead. End of story”
“Is it? You blame yourself for betraying your brother's trust and thus you feel guilty on some level for his death. Perhaps even partially responsible.”
No, I don’t feel responsible for Tyler taking his life, I feel bad for picking him and getting punished instead of me. But if I hadn’t done that, then maybe he would be alive… Or he could have told me was going to hang himself and I could have saved him. I… I think I might be responsible, oh god.
“And with the loss of your closest friend and Executive officer, you feel like you failed your friend by not dying in that explosion.”
Shit, is he right? Do I blame myself for their deaths? I repressed them so much It almost seemed like I forgot it at times.
Liyurch continued his hypothesis, sympathy crept into his voice as he tried to ease the distressed Alex. “And because you lost Commander Hammer, it's bringing up all these things to the surface because it could be more than you could process.”
For a moment, Alex’s breathing became laboured, he started feeling lighter in his chest as though a massive boulder had been taken off it. Tears streaming down his checks and pockmarking the bed sheets in small wet dots. Liyurch said nothing, he sat down on his rear legs, curling his tail forward to the front of his claws while he folded his wings close to his body. After a while, Alex’s laboured breathing eased up allowing him to regain control of his breathing, starting with slow deep breathes in, followed shortly by forceful exhales of emotion leaving him. Then he looked over to his side to see his Draconic doctor patiently watching him.
“Thank you, doc.” Alex spoke emotionally, nodding. “I felt like I had too much blood on my hands.”
“The blood isn’t on you. You just need to forgive yourself, let yourself mourn their passing. Deep down I think that’s what is truly bothering you, you never said goodbye.” And with that Liyurch got up on all four limbs and walked towards the door. “You should rest sir, its going to be busy later.”
Truly, Alex was indeed exhausted. Too much to register and process what Liyurch had meant by that so instead he opted to go back and get some rest. Then out of nowhere, a final thought disturbed him.
“Oh, before you go, doc.” Alex called out, prompting Liyurch to spin in his place to face his captain once more. “What were the results of Christopher’s examination?”
“Well, I am not a hundred percent certain. Nevertheless, don’t tell him, but I think he is in the early stages of Transmutation.”
Suddenly, Alex’s eyes went wide with shock. “Wait, what!?”