"Software update! What the heck?"

Cold sweat started to pour down his forehead.

Rex could smell the burning cables and feel the searing heat of the melting metal on his skin.

"There is no need to be so upset, it is just a regular update from Gigasoft."

"Then why the hell can't the carrier provide support by sending a destroyer or something?"

The Space Jet was now shaking so hard that he missed several holographic controls.

"The main reactor is restarting but aren't you a little too concerned about these scummy pirates?"

"Shut up you useless calculator! Aren't we in this because somebody doesn't fucking know how to read a darn fuel gauge?"

"I won't hear that from the guy who asked them over the open channel: U got burgers and shakes or something?"

"I was just asking! Besides, why do pirates always have to be so rude?!"

"Probably because they make their living by mugging people?"

"They can do that with some etiquette! Or at least not laugh at me and start shooting!"

"In their defence I would have done the same, only I would have not even given a warning."

"That's because you're a bloody lunatic who shots at everything that moves!

Why did father thought it would be a good idea to put you in charge of this

omnidirectional carrier?"

"Shields at 30%, structural gaps detected, several heavy impacts in the hull, fire at 3 locations, time until the ship explodes...180 seconds"

"Time until we reach your main body?"

"...210 seconds. It was nice knowing you but all things must someday come to an end..."

"Are you telling me I'm going to die!?"

"Please don't make a scene, the black box is recording and you wouldn't want to embarrass yourself on your own funeral."

"I swear to all Star Gods I will delete you."

He got pressed in his seat as he was turning at such high speed that his head started spinning. After passing an asteroid and closely avoiding a torpedo he locked the throttle at 100%, got up from his seat and ran towards the back of his ship.

Avoiding the molten metal, while covering his mouth from the toxic smoke, he ripped aside a maintenance panel, began cutting and reconnecting wires.

Pulling apart tubes with dark liquid and plugging them with tape.

His skin was getting frost burn from the leaking coolant as he finished his patchwork modification.

"May I ask what hopeless endeavour you are undertaking?"

"I disconnected the life-support system and the cooling pump to get more power to the engine."

"Perhaps these pirates had a point in calling you crazy? You know that the Jet will explode if you continue with this?"

"What's the point in having all these fucking Space Jets if nobody uses them and we got like 100 more?"

"528... no I should say 527. Wait, why are you closing your helmet and what exactly are you going to do with this cabinet?"

"Well whatever, see you later."

"Wait, I don't understand..."

A loud explosion rang out as the ship got ripped apart.

In one of the pirates combat gliders:

"Wait, we hit it?"

"Yeah man, are you doubting my aim?"

"Yes you normally don't even hit the practice target... Au! What was that for?"

"But don't you find it strange that one guy just shows up at our secret base and asks for burgers like we are at a rest stop?"

"Maybe he has mental problems. Anyway it's really sad that his ship got blown up. I never saw a size 2 ship like that."

"Yeah he was making turns that are even tough for our small combat gliders. And his shields took forever to crack."

"How did he even stumble across our base? It's hidden so close in the corona of this star that it should be impossible to track."

"Let the higher ups like Fox do the thinking, it really doesn't suit you."

"You really have a nerve today! Just wait until we get back! I'll kick your ass in Darts!"

"Let's see about that..."

A cabinet is drifting through space. A man in a spacesuit that has a fully transparent helmet, climbs out and looks at the pieces of his destroyed ship that glide away from him towards the gargantuan blue sun in the background.

"This scene could use some epic orchestra music. Our hero thought about all he had sacrificed just to die in an empty and cold space like this. What have I done to deserve such a cruel fate! All I wanted was to save the universe! I wouldn't mind laying down my life for the honour of saving others. But this can't be the end! Enlivened by his desire to help others he once again starts to..."

"Are you done? You have been rambling for quite a while now. I might start to doubt that you have not taken serious brain damage."

"Let me have this please. Just one more minute."

"Fine but then I got to pull you in with the tractor beam. Otherwise you get a space cold."

"That's not real right?"

"Are you a doctor?"

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"Are you one?"

"Good point."

"I rest my case. OK I guess you can pull me back in."

The sound of his footsteps echo in the quiet hangar, dozens of space ships are neatly lined up.

"It almost feels like a ghost ship at times. If you wouldn't be here i might think I really died and am now wandering this forsaken ship for all eternity."

"Don't be ridiculous. In this galaxy there is no known species like that."

"How would you know that? Isn't this our first day in this galaxy?"

"I read about it in the pirates database, when I annihilated their space station."

"Wait a moment! When did you do that?"

"120 seconds ago. Regretfully some got away with their transition drive, they materialized 1.35 light years away. Currently several autonomous heavy cruisers are being dispatched."

"No stop! We have no idea of the political situation here! What if you kill someone important? Stop fixing everything with lasers and torpedoes!"

"Understood. But please note my protest. On another topic, although I do have to admire your way to survive that explosion, why do you still carry this cabinet?"

"It saved my life so I am now emotionally attached to it and I think I will place it in the captain's quarters to remind me of this fateful day on which I learned a valuable lesson."

"Oh really? This sounds actually like you learned something..."

"Fuck of. Of course I just forgot to put this trash down."

"And here I thought you had a change for the better and are trying to get rid of that vile personality of yours."

"The part about deleting you was no joke, you know that right?"

"I believe it is time for our mission briefing. Look, we made it to the bridge!"

They entered the room at the very centre of the spherical spaceship.

"I still can not get my head around how big this carrier is."

"It's size is at the widest point 3752 meters in diameter."

"Wow, I can't believe how much space this thing wastes."

"This ship is the most advanced piece of technology in the empire.

Be grateful that his majesty gave it to you for your little adventure."

"I was thrown out of the palace! This is an exile! The fuck adventure... and don't get me started on this ship.

It's nothing more than a big metal ball drifting through empty space!

You would need at least 10 thousand qualified people to properly man this thing... It's ridiculous!"

"With me and all the other simpler AI on board it can function with almost 30% capacity."

"You can pilot 30% of the docked ships? Including the destroyers?"

"..."

"I thought not. Anyway, what's our combat power?"

"Currently there are only 3 autonomous heavy cruisers with a 200 meter diameter and 100 combat robots, of which I can almost guarantee they won't rebel.

Furthermore my main body may be a carrier but I possess more firepower and defence measurements then most ultra battleships of the same size... if I had full control."

"So it's shit."

"Well I wouldn't recommend fighting a nation or invading a planet. Although I could easily destroy a small moon, should I demonstrate it?"

"No! Absolutely not! Please! What is wrong with you?

Anyway... did you finish the long range scan?"

"Yes, there is no fleet large enough to fight us within 100 light years.

We are at the outlines of what is called the Eternal Kingdom.

They seem to be related to settlers who came here a few thousand years ago.

So they consist mostly of humans and a few other known species.

Their technological advancement is still Type II, one step below our empires but it's obviously vastly inferior in comparison to this carrier which was made by a lost civilisation."

"So we just... go in and play tourists or what are we supposed to do here?

Remember I got exiled so why can't I go to a far off planet and wait for the storm to pass so I can return?"

"Well that's partially true, you were technically exiled but the main culprits were the dukes who wanted to place their heirs on the throne by marrying them to your sister. If you were to return too soon it could start an inheritance war.

Even if you would return when things cooled down, it would still be no good."

"Why's that? I am sure Daddy will sort this out."

"Even if he does his best to cover your ass, remember your reputation? And please don't call his majesty daddy."

"I totally did not do anything wrong."

"The accident at the royal capital?"

"Please don't mention that. I really thought the comms were off."

"And why aim the lasers at the dukes?"

"That's on me."

"..."

He looked at the gigantic holo of the galaxy. It started to slowly fill with information about outposts, fleet movements and data about inhabited worlds.

"So I would suggest you build influence and resources in this sector, in the hopes it will be enough when you return to the empire."

"I guess this is where we begin. Does the invisibility field work?"

"The capital of the Eternal Kingdom is closely monitored. I can only send in one heavy cruiser. So you best stay undercover.

Your new identity is Reginald, a young entrepreneur who made his fortune with garbage disposal in the outer sectors and I will be your assistant Sirius in the form of a disguised salvator combat robot."

"Sirius! You are garbage! A literal piece of trash! You did that on purpose didn't you? Is it because I said I would delete you? Consider it done!"

Rex started chasing the serving robot and hit it until the floor was covered in sticky soda which the robot was serving just minutes ago.

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yes absolutely."

"Then you can train your new undercover identity by cleaning this up."

"..."

Soon another 3 robots fell victim to his rage...