Chapter 10. Xavier

"Xavier! Xavier. Xavier..." The voice echoed out getting quieter as consciousness came back to me.

I groaned as I woke up, my head throbbing and my eyes trying to adjust to the darkness all around me. I tried to grab at my neck remembering I had gotten choked but noticed I was restrained to the chair I was sitting in. After a few more moments I coughed and heard a gasp followed by rustling out in front of me and to the left.

"Ah, you're awake." Emily's familiar cold voice spoke out as she cleared her throat.

"Yup, and it sounds like you are just waking up as well, real professional for a kidnapper."

"What? No, I was awake the whole time!" She angrily retorted, denying the statement. "And don't you dare think about busting out of the restraints, I know you are fully capable and it's more for show but know I can slice through your neck in an instant." She threatened as she moved inhumanly fast from the shadows appearing right in front of me, two blades pressed against my neck. They had an insidious red glow and I could feel something strange about them but I ignored it.

"I'm not sure, I feel like no ordinary person could break out of these metal chains." I assessed.

"Stop playing dumb, I already know what you are, you're the same as me. I sensed it and I'm sure you could sense me." Emily chastised.

"Like those people with powers? Both you and I don't seem to be killing machines like I've heard about. I don't know why you did all this but you're clearly unwell and must be delusional."

"Maybe for those with weak wills and minds, but even then it will eventually overtake us. Can't you feel the hunger? I saw you eating, scarfing down the food. It made sense at lunch as you hadn't eaten in two days but I know it felt different than regular hunger."

"N-no, that's just how I eat, I don't have magical powers and I really don't know what's going on," I said, starting to become overwhelmed by what Emily said and the sinking feeling in my stomach.

"You really don't know do you?" She asked, backing off a little. "Here, I'll give a little demonstration." She said, holding the knife to her hand before attempting to cut it. Attempted, because the blade couldn't get through her skin, even after putting a good amount of effort in and stabbing it into her hand a few times

"Now watch this." As she spoke the blade lit up red again and a small cut appeared on her palm where the knife sliced through effortlessly. Shortly after the cut closed up, slowly knitting back together right in front of me.

"Now, we can easily test to see if you are indeed just a regular person or something more." She smiled, bringing the knife to my arm. Expecting pain I braced but it didn't come. The knife simply stopped, getting caught in my skin. I could feel a slight pressure of the knife pressing into me but it didn't penetrate at all.

I stared gaping at what was indisputable proof that what Emily had been suggesting was indeed true.

"I-I didn't believe it when Jordan told me what I had done, and those memories..." I trailed off.

Emily looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"He had told me I had healed him, I didn't remember standing up and moving beside him but I still thought it was crazy. But I guess now it doesn't seem so crazy. In fact, everything makes more sense, but I wish it didn't. Everything it implies is just too much to deal with." I said, a somber tone and look in my eyes.

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"Listen, I didn't kidnap you just to kill you as I would have done so already. I needed to ensure you weren't a threat and hopefully know I wasn't in this alone. I know breaking out of the delusion will be difficult but it will only hurt you more if you stay under its spell. You cannot keep it all buried deep down if you wish to survive, it will only bubble up and do more damage. Not only to yourself but also to those around you."

"Keeping it buried is the only thing keeping me from running rampant, I believe I would be better off dead. I've already killed so many, I got snippets of memory and, I didn't want to believe them. I couldn't. But it's true." I replied, tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to break loose and stream down my face.

"No, that's not true, I can feel it now, that there is something special about you, something that separates you from those murderous monsters. I wouldn't dare be so pretentious to say I'm also some special case but here we are. My theory on the matter, as I mentioned earlier, is it has something to do with will. Before all this went down I had been living on the streets for as long as I can remember. Fighting to survive, literally and figuratively, it molded me into who I am today. I'm sure you don't remember but there was an initial pain, it had hurt more than anything I knew possible. But even still I resisted, didn't let the pain take me. Compared to my life until that moment it was nothing, not long after that I passed out from pure exhaustion. When I woke up I was here, and I pieced things together based off stories and my own intuition. Every day I fear more and more that I will also turn into a monster, but with you, I figure we can try and figure something out. Or at least take each other out if it came down to that." Emily rambled, finally letting her walls down and relaxing as she opened up.

"Alright, we'll stick together yeah? And if you wouldn't mind releasing me from this chair."

Emily swiftly cut through the chains still slightly cautious of me even after affirming that I wasn't a threat. It was probably more just to cheer me up after all.

"Oh yeah, right when I was waking up I heard someone calling out to me. Xavier, I suppose that's my name." I recalled, rubbing my wrists as I got up.

"Xavier huh, that's a nice name, it fits you. Anyways, come on amnesia boy." Emily said, showing me toward the door.

"Wow," I responded, an incredulous look on my face.

As we walked out I noticed we had been in the storage room which I had seen when surveying the dining room.

We quietly made our way back to our rooms but something still didn't feel right about what had happened. How aggressive and angry Emily seemed and how she choked me out, it just seemed unnecessary. Then again, maybe it was just her being serious and going about it diligently. Either way, the feeling stayed with me as I walked back to my room.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" The familiar voice of Jordan asked.

Turning around to face him I stumbled out a reply. "Oh, I had just forgotten something in the kitchen while I was cleaning and went to go get it haha."

"At this hour? It's the middle of the night"

Jordan's voice was laced with doubt and I could tell he didn't believe me. I could have told him the truth and it might have even been to our benefit but I couldn't reveal something that wasn't mine alone to reveal.

"I swear, I had gotten up to use the bathroom and then realized I didn't have my, uh, hoodie. So I tried to remember where I could have left it and figured I had taken it off at some point while working."

"So, how did you get through the locked doors? You have a key on you?" Jordan asked as if he was interrogating me.

"I was getting to that. When I got to the doors I ran into the obvious issue of them being locked. I knew I should have just gone to bed at this point but it was a bit cold and my hoodie helps comfort me." I said, as if I was embarrassed like it was something personal. All to better help the lie of course. "But I had gone to Emily's and asked if she had a key but when she told me no I had resigned myself to go back to sleep. Before I could she smirked at me and told me she knew where Dennis kept the keys and thought it would be fun to. We broke into the office retrieved the keys and got my hoodie. After that, we went into the storage room and made out like wild beasts-." I finished before Jordan cut me off.

"Alright, alright, I get it. You think you're so funny huh?" Jordan asked, rhetorically of course, as I laughed.

I entered my room and wandered into the bathroom, turning on the water in the sink I splashed my face and looked up into the mirror. Up until this point I had avoided getting a good look at myself for whatever reason. But I decided it might help me remember something, and I would be lying if I didn't say I was curious.

When my eyes met my own I felt a pang of recognition but it also felt like looking I to the eyes of a stranger. It was a weird feeling but I kept looking regardless. I reached up a hand to touch my face then looked at both my hands then back at my face.

My eyes glimmered a deep caramel color that paired well against my slightly darker skin. Black hair flowed down the left side of my face ending just before my eyes.

I looked away before dissociating any more, deciding to read before I fell asleep.

Before I knew it I was awake and panting heavily, covered in sweat once more. On the plus side at least I didn't wake up screaming and crying. I took a quick shower and got ready for the day, I hadn't gotten much sleep but I still felt awake and lively.

Walking down the hall I conveniently ran into Dennis, I made a bit of small talk and requested helping him with prepping breakfast and anything else he needed. The man was on the heavier side and had a dark complexion and an overall friendly appearance. His smile was contagious and his laugh was even more so.

Getting to work setting up food and helping Dennis prep it felt nice to be useful. Not only this but it kept me busy and my mind off, well, everything. About an hour later people stared coming through the doors and sitting down. In this time the coffee guy came and went, I did wonder what his deal was.

Seeing everyone enter and sit down I could feel how important this time was for everyone. They got to make human interactions and eat food together, it really brought everyone together and created community. It was honestly pretty heartwarming to see.

There weren't as many kids up this early the population mainly consisting of older individuals. An older couple came up first, grabbing their trays and greeting me with a warm smile.

"Dennis already has you working like a horse huh?" The older woman Said gently, lightly chuckling.

Her husband followed close behind her and gave me a warm smile and small nod.

After handing them their food and hot coffee I served the next people that came up. Everyone was kind and most people had some pleasantries for me and Dennis.

I had felt it a bit yesterday but the more time I spent back in the kitchen and out front serving everyone the more I accepted this as my new life. It felt good and it was nice to be able to be part of the process that fed these folks. To feel useful was more than what I thought I deserved or that I was capable of. I kept feeling this way but always ignored it and relished my role in the shelter instead.

When I wasn't working in the dining room/kitchen I was reading or meditating to see if I could remember anything important. Time flew like this and it was already time for lunch. I hadn't eaten anything at breakfast, too caught up in the work so I was a bit hungry. Dennis had told me I didn't need to help out with lunch as he had people helping out. But he did tell me if there was an opening at some point he would gladly have me fill it.

I sat down at the table, Emily the only one still not there. I told the group I had remembered my name and Jordan seemed to beam at the information. He quickly found an excuse to use my name and shook my hand as if we had just met. As Emily got her food and sat down I saw Jordan suddenly shift, his body language becoming hostile. I then remembered the conversation last night and had a bad feeling things were about to get complicated.