'Mmmm... buttocks! Mmmm...'
It was a nice quiet spring morning, with the sun lazily hanging over the treetops, perfect for those who cared to venture outdoors. One of those under the sun should have been a half-asian, humanities sophomore, named Lei Bu. Studying at a non-descript public university in a quiet suburban town, far from anything remotely interesting, Lei Bu had rarely spared a thought for trivialities like grades, career, passion, and such. Indeed. on the very same morning, he was too busy dreaming of large round female features, unaware that his mid-term in Aboriginal Mythology would start in a few moments.
He was not a bad student, really. It was just his luck to have two lovely roommates to care for him. Jin Seng and Pete Mulberry ensured that important life events didn't affect their dear sleeping beauty. To this effect, they had turned off his alarm before it could croke and break the spell. The two good fellows vigilantely kept watch over beloved Lei Bu. They even consumed copious amounts of moonshine and vodka to tickle their ingenuous brains into inventing a rather devious, uhmmm.. i mean, wonderful scheme to amuse the three of them further, though one may disagree if he had a vote in the matter.
Jin, true to his name, was looking for tonic water to add to their alcoholic breakfast, giggling sporadically in fits and coughs, belying both his age and his gender. One could find this cute, alas, that one would retract there judgement if they ever saw Jin.. He looked like a failed sadistic super-villain from a 90s cartoon with his thin stache and a stubble often glistening with fresh tequila, or gin, or hair gel. At the moment, his long limbs flailed as he busied himself with opening cabinets while messily holding onto atleast three half-filled bottles and a joint in his hands. His suppressed laughter caused his red nose to drip beads of snot and he occasionally wiped it on his folded shirt sleeves...
Jin's quest for a suitable mixer was destined to fail as he was rather distracted,.. which brings us to the last person in the room, the cause for Jin's jolly - Mulberry. He sat on his haunches at the top bunk, a toothpick stuck in the gap in his teeth while he sucked on the brined olives, his feet planted to each side of Lei Bu's chest and ass cheeks staring squarely at the closed eyes of our still asleep and ignorant hero. Mulberry was a big fellow with thickset muscles and broad shoulders like a sailer. Looking at his freckles and orange hair, people usually mistook him for an Irish ancestry that he firmly denied and claimed that he was native-American. No one believed him, of course, but the truth of the matter was hard to determine either way since he was abondoned on church steps as a baby and grew up hopping foster homes.
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Right now, Pete was trying his best to recall a skill from his well-spent childhood - farting at will. He had been intermittantly successful which motivated him to take the high seat and further request the aid of his good mate Jin to concoct the gassiest drink ever. Initially, he was rather uncomfortable sitting on his toes, given how inebriated he was, but he shifted his weight around from one foot to the other and soon found the right posture, all the while he stared at the burning spliff that Jin held and added it to the to-do list for the foreseeable future.
Although middle schoolers are usually expected to engage in such actions, these good folks had added years and years of practice on top and now stood at the pinnacle of their inane arts as college sophomores with nothing better to do. You can only play so many sports and fuck so many girls in a small town, hence one must find more creative ways to fill the rest of the hours in the days with fruitful activities. And so, this morning they had decided to spend quality time as roommates. Well, a majority of them, anyway.
Jin didn't find any good drinking material but ran into some Mentos in one of the shelves. The two pranksters deliberated quietly for quite some time whether or not to waste some good coke. The matter was mostly a misunderstanding on Mulberry's part regarding the nature of the aforementioned coke. Fortunately for Lei Bu, they were drunk and whispering rather loudly and he woke up before any serious plans could be put into action.
"Ummmm... um.. What the Hell!!?" Lei Bu cried when faced with the freckled abominations as we came about.
Pete fell off the bunk as Lei Bu jumped up in fright and confusion. All the glorious dreams and plans evaporated in thin air. Lei Bu stared down at the two idiots grinning at him - one sitting on the ground rubbing his shoulder, the other caught in the act with candy in on hand and soda in another. Then, he noticed another problem.
'Too bright', he mused, 'Fuck!...... Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!'
He snatched the phone off the charger, turned on the screen, and immediately jumped down and scurried out of the room. A few seconds later, he ran back in, kicked Pete in the ass, grabbed his bag and a random pen from Jin's workbench, and headed out again in full sprint.
"I'll fucking kill you!!!! Just you wait... Assholes! Fuck!!!"
The sound nicely echoed in the long hallway waking up the neighbouring population who steadily made way towards ground zero. Meanwhile, the two self-proclaimed geniuses inside the room 420 got up and clinked half-empty bottles and gulped large mouthfuls of cheap whiskey to celebrate, and invited in the half-asleep visitors for another round. In the background, through the window, one could see a poor boy in pajamas in the distance, racing his bike uphill on an otherwise peaceful, wonderful day.