I woke up on Tuesday, maybe Wednesday...actually, could it have been Saturday? Whatever, the day doesn't matter; all that matters is that i had my mind set on being great.

The sun hadn't risen yet is was still dark af outside. I did what anybody would do and took my ass back to sleep, you though i was going to be productive? Are you dumb?

When actual daylight came i thought about getting up but then i thought "but sleep though.." an i took my ass back to bed a second time.

Finally after about a 14 hour nap i get up from my bed and go down stairs. While down stairs i take a sword from the fridge and throw it out the window to let some air in.

I check the oven for goblins and i find about 2 in there. I stab them in the face with my face cause their rent was over due and stuff their bodies in the fridge.

After that i take the trash out and feed it to my next door neighbors son, they're raccoon furies. I then go for a run to the store and on my way i see a couple of trap houses getting busted for having too many traps, the max capacity of males dressed like females in every house is none, they had 15.

I get to the store and tell the clerk that im behind on the the rent and the clerk lets me skips the rent to get to the front of the line. i ask for a backpack, baseball bat, a black sword, and fire magic. the clerk gives me a satchel, a shank, water magic, and an indestructible football signed by Mac Notwen.

I call the clerk a bitch and he shanks me with my shank and then hands it back to me, i call him a pleb and flood his store with water magic but he reverses it with time manipulation.

"You just gave yourself time manipulation?", i said confused.

"No i actually got it from one of the traps down the street for a quick one", clerk says with a smug and disturbing smile on his face.

"Gross" i said with the straightest face possible.

Clerk gets mad and then hits me with chaos magic and turns me into a black hound. he puts a spiked collar around my neck that makes me submit to him.

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He tells me that if i resist i will be sent to hell and be have to watch "Boku no Pico" on repeat till i like it and no matter what i always get aroused.

The clerk looks at me and tells me "who's the bitch now, bitch. you will be my familiar and help me clerk this store. from here on out your name is knives:the bitch."

I make peace with my new life and have no problems with being his familiar. clerk tells me to go outside, well technically he said "get on the corner and my guap bitch" but i like to think he said it nicer.

Outside i notice that no one wants to pet me so i come to the conclusion that i must be ugly so i run across the street, gets hit by a car, everyone in the car died but i was fine, didn't even move actually. however a spike on my collar fell.

Anyway i make it across the street and go in to the beauty salon and ask for them to fix me. the stylist pulls out a pistol and says "this is all we have, im afraid."

She shoots me in the head, the bullet doesn't kill me but it did go through my head. at the same time another one of the spikes on my collar falls off.

I deduce that every spike on my collar represents a life. so with that in my mind the stylist shot me 2 more times in the head and 2 more spikes fall.

Getting shot was getting annoying so i run out the salon but the stylist is chasing after me yelling, "i fix. i fix you up good, dog bitch dog."

My master comes out the store with a beard and gray hair, apparently he was messing around with time and he got stuck as an old man. he sees me running and yells, "why are you running. you cant die."

I yell back. "i just want to be beautiful." crying profusely.

Clerk Master og yells back and says, "bite that hoe."

My master is obviously a genius because i turn back around, dodge her bullets and bite her arm. the sylist drops the gun and writhes in pain. her arm begins to spark chaos magic and she tuns into a black hound as well but instead of a collar she has dog tags around her neck.

"What the fuck is this", the stylist now turned into a hound screams.

"Why am i a hound almost as ugly as that black bitch"

I say, "first, first, first of all, bullet bitch (yes that is her now from now on), that was racist. second of all you shot me three times so how is me biting you that bad. third of all, master kill her."

Master Master says, "first, bullet bitch, good name. second, you cant die unless i die. third she cant die unless you die, shes technically your slave. every time you bite someone weaker than you knives, you make them apart of your pack and your power rises in the process. everyone you bite has rules placed on them just as you have with me just not as strong.

I look at bullet bitch and she tries to run for it. i block her path before she leaves. she whimpers and lowers her head reluctantly saying, "what are your demands, master knives"

With a menacing stare and a sinister cackle i whisper her my commands.

"If you fail to follow my orders, i send you to hell, period."

She shakes her head in terror as i laugh a kingly laugh, i had won the day.

Over my laugh however, Master MC yells, "bitch you aint me, theirs no way you can send that bitch to hell."