In the beginning there was the Void and he was like the greatest edgelord ever, he was like always talking about death and nothingness, super boring right?

His talks pissed off the gods of creation even more, ya know, they like already bored out of their mind by the nothingness, so, they ganked him.

Once he was gone they went and made something out of his joint, like first they created the upper sky, but it was super monotonous, so they put stars in it to make it slightly less boring. But they were not , so they made the lesser sky and the earth.

Still not Satisfied with their work, they put a big fiery disco ball in the sky, and now there was light.

Now it was finally time to party, they created what really mattered, alcohol, music and appetizers so they could party like there was no tomorrow(and there wasn't, they hadn't made time yet).

  In their drunkenness they made all sort of crap, like the gods of chaos and order. The gods of chaos loved all the partying and creation gig, and they became B.F.F with the creation gods, giving even cooler idea like the Hecatonchires (hundred arms and fifty mouth) and the Graeae (one tooth and one eye for three crones).

   The gods of order hated the partying and the abominations, thiinking they were like super annoying, but they could not do anything about it with the Hecatonchires acting as bouncers, stinkin' the place to high heaven with their hundred armpits and fifty unwashed mouth. But when they heard about the creators working on a thousand arms five hundred mouth giants with one tooth and eye for three, it was the last straw, they rose against their fathers under the banner of their (self appointed) leader, the (still self appointed) lord of Cool and Dandy, Chronos the god of time himself.

   Though all the gods of order were reunited, the bouncer still posed a threat, there wasn't enough nose plug for everyone! Crafty, the chief god of order(remember, self appointed) bribed the giants with the promises of two of his greatest secrets: the cool mint and the deodorant! This allowed him to be cool and fresh at all times 'cause for Chronos it always the 'time to shine'.

   Deprived of their boucers, the bunch of drunks were not much of a threat and they got sealed them it Tartatus, like "bam, in your room". Oh, yeah, tartarus is a super boring cavern deep underground with super great insulation so their scream would not bother the gods of orders again. Chronos being an asshole, he also betrayed the giants; sealing them alongside their creators. He did not want to share his secrets, for there could only be one Cool and Dandy : Him the leader of all gods(self appointed). Then he went like, now I am the boss, obey me with his brothers and sisters who went 'Yeah, right, asshole!', and did their own thing as usual.

   Kaos, who was the supreme leader of the chaos gods(not self appointed) was super angry, all his B.F.F had been sealed in a super unreachable place, so he swore revenge upon the new lord(self appointed) of the titans. Disguised as a diviner, he told Mr C. wife that her husband was an asshole would kill and eat his own kids, then he told Chronos that one of his kid would be the most popular and swell guy ever, and everybody would love him the best.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  That drove C. crazy, He was the man! He would not allow some upstart coming out of the woodwork to steal his shine! There can be only one! So he started beheading eating his kids and his wife was like 'What an asshole !'. SosShe hid one toddler in a farm where he got educated by a super shiny goat(still a goat though). When she came back she gave her husband some blanket and stone to eat, and Mr C., being the super gool leader of the god(self appointed) dared not tell his kied was to hard to swallow, so... he went along with it(what a moron).

   Some times passed, and Zeus grew to become strong, beautiful, dandy, stubborn and horny. It's like, blame the goat right?! They ain't the best educator out there! He kneed his father in the stomach, who spat all of zeus' brothers and sisters. And having advantage in number they beat the crap out of the guy before sealing him Tartarus. The Hecatoncheire were like super happy to look after him... Oh, right, they sealed the other titans too because reasons.

  Not all of them though, 'cause Zeus kept Prometheus, Epimetheus and atlas around. Ya know, in case they was need someone who could actually do something with his ten fingers beside taking poses. Ya know, how there is always a need for good artisan and with Hephaestus (the only one among the olympian who was not spending his time sitting on his ass) volcanic temperament and terrible manners (he also had very hot and very adulterous wife which didn't help), he thought having some good workers owing him would be nice.

  Oh yeah righ, I forgot, Atlas scared the shit out of the olypian, so they left him alone.

  Then Zeus told his family 'I am the boss now!', and they also went 'Yeah, right, asshole!!', and did whatever they wanted as usual. As the self appointed chief god of order, he was super sad that no one would listen to him, so he asked the two working titans to make him creature who would worship and obey him(Which mean he creature torment and rape for funsies, he is an asshole too remember).

    The two brothers went to work like crazy, and Epimetheus was on the job like 24/7. Prometheus told him they should unionize but the fool actually liked that. In the hand he made a shiton of creatures, but they all lacked in vision: it was all hairy, four legs, sharp toothed killing beast.

  Prom. was like, 'Hey bro, they all look the same and shit!' and Epi. went like 'You're so right bro' so he made some with flat toothed beast and some fish(sharp toothed one, ya don't break habit that easily).

   Zeus came around and was super angry about all the dumbness and the serious lack of lewdness. So E pi. created monkeys and Zeus was like 'Too small and hairy'... So he asked his bor and made some bigger hairless monkey that stood on two legs, and Zeus was like:  'Yep, I can dig that!'.

  Zeus, being an asshole and not wanting to pay the two brothers for their work made up some imaginary shit. He sent the elder one to eternal torture, while he gave the other a super pretty wife who had been granted quality by all the other gods. That seems super cool like that, but remember, Zeus is always an asshole, so he made her super curious and gave her a box full of sinister deadly shit and told her not to look inside, like ever, t'was like "Here take this closed box you do not need at all, I give it to you, but do not look inside, that's super important... Here's the key!"

   After that all kind of shit happened, she looked inside, zeus transformed in all kind of things, to rape girls(and boys too), the other god punished the victim for their transgression 'cause, they're all assholes. It went on and on and finally someone got nailed to some cross and people liked him better 'cause he was not an asshole, so they switched side.

The end