THE FEY: Hey! Did I give you permission to find that already?!

SHUJI: I--huh? What?

The Fey hovers ominously right beyond the now open door. Behind them is a stretch of tunnel, rather than what I had presumed would be our freedom. There’s a vague sinking feeling in my stomach once the surprise is gone, but otherwise I can’t seem to muster a proper reaction.

THE FEY: Nosy jerk, openin’ doors and ruinin’ my dramatic entrances. This is twice now, I’ll have you know, that you personally have ruined my entrance! I should add that to the rules...No fucking up The Fey’s drama…

SHUJI: I’m...sorry?

MIKI: Don’t be. Fuck over its entrances as much as you can.

KATHERINE: Fuck it up so bad that they don’t come around anymore, more like…

THE FEY: Anyway, your time is up!

There’s an electronic squeal as they turn on the PA system and begin speaking into their headset.

THE FEY: Hey, dead kids walking! You’d better get to the foyer ASAP! It’s time for one of you to meet your maker, and the rest of you to deal out some sweet, sweet vengeance!

ISEI: Not justice?

I hadn’t noticed him enter, but he’s standing at the threshold between the foyer and the hallway leading to the dining room.

THE FEY: Justice? I don’t know her.

Everyone else gathers, appearing in groups of twos and threes, and The Fey beckons us to follow her through the front door and into the tunnel. Some people express shock at the fact that the front door is open, others express frustration and disappointment that it’s just another of The Fey’s tricks. Most of us are just quiet.

The tunnel isn’t as long as I’d initially assumed; it takes us less than five minutes to cross from the front door into another furnished area.

We seem to be in some kind of lobby. A tiled floor, some generic art of landscapes on the walls, and two respectable looking wooden doors. There are a few chairs along the walls, with a potted plant between each door, and a rack of magazines. It looks like a waiting room more than anything else. The door to the right has a small chain crossing it, apparently forbidding us from entering, while the other is already cracked open.

The Fey leads us to the open door, revealing…

THE FEY: Do you like it? My courtroom? I had it made special for all of you!

KATHERINE: ...tacky.

THE FEY: Would it kill you to be grateful for once?! I work my ass off...tch, whatever, take a seat.

I’ve never seen the interior of a real courtroom, but this doesn’t match anything I’ve seen on TV. It’s a circle of overstuffed chairs, all facing each other, in suffocatingly decorated room. There are brightly colored thick plush curtains on every wall, a deep red shag carpet, and a jewel encrusted throne on a pedestal set into an alcove in the back of the room.

Surprising absolutely nobody, The Fey takes a seat on the throne.

THE FEY: Your names are on each of your chairs. Find your seat or I’ll lose my goddamn temper.

Before I enter the room, Isei tugs on my sleeve. He looks pale and sweaty all of a sudden.

ISEI: You have to help me.

SHUJI: Please don’t tell me you killed her.

ISEI: What? No. I didn’t. I think I’ve figured out who killed her, even. But…

Sweating visibly, he looks at the large group of people now taking their seats. He looks like he’s about to cry.

SHUJI: Your thing about talking in front of crowds?

ISEI: I’ll...I’ll try, but you’ve gotta back me up in there or I’ll choke.

I think about it for a moment, but I nod. If he turns out to be the killer (he couldn’t be, right?) I’ll find out in the trial. If not, he’ll probably be really helpful.

I head to my seat, which has my name inscribed upon the back. Fortunately, Isei is seated nearby, so he might be able to help me out if I get stuck. Despite myself, I look around to see where Alena’s chair might be.

Rather than respectfully leaving it empty, The Fey seems to have placed a house plant on the chair. It has large googly eyes glued to it.

I feel like I’m gonna puke.

FUMI: Um...so, what do we do?

KYO: I guess we try to figure out who did it?

MIKI: Is anyone gonna address the plant-shaped elephant in the room? What the fuck is up with that?

THE FEY: Attendance is mandatory! I couldn’t leave poor Creepy-chan out, now could I? How do you like it? I’m basically a genius at arts and crafts. I think I really evoked her spirit with the googly eyes.

SHUJI: Er...Let’s...get to the trial...

PV: Are there rules? None of us here is exactly the SHSL Lawyer.

THE FEY: Of course there are rules! This isn’t a madhouse! You guys will all argue at each other until a conclusion is reached or I get bored! Then you’ll vote for the killer! Easy peasy.

LANI: That’s...it?

MASANORI: I don’t know what I fucking expected. We just tear each other’s throat out for the goddamn delight of the fucking….Rrrgh…

HEIJI: Hey dude, you’ve got a head injury! Don’t overwork yourself.

KATA: Does he, though? Do we have any proof?

ROXXY: Um, he was obviously attacked. Look at his face!

MIKI: He’s always ugly, what’s new?

ROXXY: Don’t be a jerk! He’s all scratched up!

KATA: Maybe he scratched his own face to frame me. He’s always had it out for me.

AIKA: To what purpose? He didn’t know Agyros-san had yet died.

KATA: Maybe he wanted me tied to a chair like Dan-san so he didn’t have to deal with me! Speaking of which…

MIKI: I didn’t do it!

MASANORI: You’re clearly deflecting. Can we vote for him already? He’s a dickhead in addition to a murderer.

NORIKO: Even if we can prove he attacked you, it doesn’t mean he attacked Agyros-san. Why should he feel the need to try to take two people’s lives?

YUI: Why, for that matter, should he feel the need to take anyone’s life at all? We have no evidence that Ama-san has ever had violent urges. I believe all of us know who among us is most likely to kill someone by means of head trauma.

She aims a pointed look at Miki.

MIKI: Oh, I resent that! I didn’t fucking do it! Ueda-san was with me the whole time!

FUMI: What was it you accused Agyros-chan and Saji-kun of being? Cahoots?

SHUJI: Hey! Shut up, everyone, for ten seconds! If we could stop slinging accusations at each other and try to... think about this? We might actually get somewhere.

PV: I agree. Let’s take things one step at a time. We can get to accusations later.

MASANORI: Oh, the french fuck thinks they can tell us what to do? Why bother? We know who did it!

PV: Fine. Who did it?

MASANORI, ROXXY, HEIJI, and LANI: [Simultaneously] Kata Ama!

KATA, FUMI, NORIKO, and YUI: [Simultaneously] Miki Dan!

PV: It sounds like you all have quite the consensus. Now, if there’s no objections, let’s discuss this rationally.

AIKA: Assuming there’s anything rational about murder…

PV : Let’s start with the murder itself, and we can determine from there if the attack on Nishimuraya-san is relevant.

NORIKO: And, more to the point, if it ever even happened.

PV: Stay on topic, please. Do we know how Agyros-san was killed?

BO: The fire, wasn’t it? Someone pushed her in and she got all burnt up.

ROXXY: If I got pushed into a fire, I’d just, get out. Wouldn’t you?

NORIKO: Perhaps someone held her down, forcing her to stay in the fire until she...um...

That doesn’t sound right…

LANI: Alena-chan was super strong!

MASANORI: Since when are gardeners buff? That makes no sense.

LANI: It’s true! She got swole from carrying bags of fertilizer all over the place! Plus picking up her siblings…[Frown.] Someone needs to tell them…

KATHERINE: It would need to be someone physically fit, then.

HEIJI: That rules Dan-san right out!

Something about this still seems wrong, but I’m not sure.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

I glance over at Isei, who is biting his lip nervously and trying to give me a significant look. When I furrow my brow in confusion, he merely takes out his tablet and looks at it, then at me again. I think I get it.

SHUJI: I don’t think that adds up.

MIKI: Oh, you’re gonna accuse me now?!

SHUJI: No, I mean. Alena-chan wasn’t killed by the fire. The Fey File listed the cause of death as head trauma, not burns or suffocation or anything that being held in a fire would cause.

BO: Oh...I didn’t look at it...I’m not great at reading Japanese.

PV: Wait. That cause of death doesn’t necessarily mean that she wasn’t held in the fire!

ROXXY: Yeah, what if the killer like, had a knee on her back and held her down in there and then went all whack-a-mole on her?

AIKA: Wow, that was morbid. Hot.

ROXXY: Oh, please.

PV: That would still require someone with some manner of strength, no?

My brain isn’t working as fast as I want it to. Everyone is talking so fast. But something here is wrong...I need to get a word in edgewise…

ISEI: Are you dense?

This is the first thing he’s said since we got started. His voice is startlingly calm, the accusatory words lacking any tone of anger or derision. I look at him closely, and I definitely see tears in his eyes. Is he...so nervous he’s actually crying?

In other circumstances it would be cute.

He looks at me imploringly now that everybody has focused their attention on him.

I must have something that can counter the argument Pure Virtual was making…

SHUJI: Wait, I’ve got it!

Everyone’s attention swivels back to me.

SHUJI: Moreau-san, did you touch Alena-chan’s body at all before you got us?

BO: Huh? No! I couldn’t! Human bodies are crawling with diseases and I, as an alien, would be particularly--erk--I’m scared of corpses.

SHUJI: So she had to have gotten out of the fireplace somehow, right?

LANI: If she fought back, then maybe she got out herself! And then came the whack-a-mole that Roxxy-chan talked about.

SHUJI: I don’t think that’s it. The position of her arms and legs, plus the soot marks between her and the fireplace makes me think she was dragged.

PV: If she wasn’t held down, why didn’t she get up?

AIKA: I’d hate to be uncharacteristically helpful, but pain often makes people pass out if it’s bad enough. I’d say third degree burns to the face would qualify.

FUMI: I hate that you know that so much.

MIKI: So Ama attacked her, got her into the fireplace somehow, dragged her out after she passed out, and bludgeoned her?

KATA: Nice name drop there, you pest.

LANI: How did they get her in the fire, anyway?

BO: Sneak attack!

KYO: Elaborate on that one for me, please?

BO: Push her in when she’s not looking and then after she passes out, take the opportunity for murder!

Is that it?

SHUJI: I’m not sure…

YUI: Do you have evidence to the contrary?

SHUJI: Well…

Do I?

SHUJI: Yes, I think I do. The sitting room chairs--they were all pushed around, weren’t they?

PV: [nodding] I noticed that as well.

SHUJI: It looks like there was a fight. Unless the murderer decided to redecorate the sitting room in preparation for Alena-chan showing up which doesn’t seem, um, likely.

AIKA: You’re assuming this was premeditated at all, in that case. How do we know this wasn’t simply a crime of passion and opportunity?

HEIJI: Hey, Nishimuraya-san. When Ama attacked you, was he there waiting for you in the kitchen or were you there and he just went hog wild after he got there?

MASANORI: Um. Hog wild?

KATA: Yeah, liar. Why don’t you tell them about how I “attacked” you. Dig your fucking grave you goddamn liar.

MASANORI: Oh, fuck off murderer! I was already in the kitchen, trying to find some food, when he came in and attacked me.

ISEI: Hmm…

FUMI: That supports the crime of passion theory…

KATA: It only supports that theory if I’m the killer!

NORIKO: So what do you think happened?

KATA: [Surprised.] Oh! Okay. Let me think…

MASANORI: This should be rich.

NORIKO: Shush!

KATA: Maybe there wasn’t a struggle at all. The placement of the furniture doesn’t mean a lot, it could just mean that the killer expected a struggle. He lies in wait for whoever to come through on their own, and it happens to be Agyros. Before she can even react, he tries to attack her. She’s surprised, so she falls backward, and ends up in the fire. Then he drags her out to finish the job.

Something here seems wrong…

LANI: Oh! I’ve got it! Ama-san is right, there’s no way it was random! There was a burnt up note in the fireplace! The killer probably lured her out with a note and then burnt it as evidence!

SHUJI: You think so?

YUI: That would be a good clue, if we could figure out who wrote the note…

ROXXY: Um...uh...

FUMI: Do you have something to say, Roxxy-chan?

ROXXY: I, uh, wrote the note…

MIKI: No way! Roxxy-san is the killer?!

ROXXY: No! I didn’t! I was practicing, um, writing. Writing letters. But that one was bad so I threw it into the fire.

AIKA: As if that’s not incredibly suspicious…

ROXXY: It’s true!

SHUJI: I can back her up. Nishimuraya-san and I all talked to Roxxy-chan about writing love no--er, normal notes. Notes for normal, non-murder reasons.

FUMI: [Blushing.] Really?

ROXXY: So we can rule that out!

So that piece of “evidence” got us nowhere. Everyone is quiet for a moment as we try to figure out how to progress.

PV: I think you’re all missing something pretty important.

MIKI: Who died and made you our leader? Stop trying to steer this! For all we know, you killed her!

ROXXY: Sounds like something someone trying to deflect blame would say, right?

KATHERINE: [Dramatically Pissed] They didn’t do it! How many times do we have to tell you?!

MASANORI: Jesus, who taught the wooden doll how to be a real girl? Since when does Madam Monotone have outbursts?

KATHERINE: You shut the fuck up! You dare? You dare to even speak to me?! I wish you would die!

LANI: Whoa, maybe take it down a few notches…

MASANORI: Apparently she’s either 0 or 100, no in-between. Sounds like someone needs therapy...

FUMI: Can you stop insulting people? Why is it so important for you to belittle everyone? You’re not better than us!

MASANORI: I never said I was, you bitch! You’re all thinking you’re better than me, though! You with your cutesy mothering, Noro with her hamfisted attempts at justice, Suzuki with her rules, and now Pure Virtual attempting to be Boss Baby in a fucking murder trial?

ISEI: Could we...focus…?

This time, his comment goes entirely unnoticed due to the chaos in the courtroom.

ROXXY: How dare you talk to Fumi-chan like that! I’m in your corner, Masa-chan! Don’t ruin it!

NORIKO: Suzuki-san’s rules are to keep aggressive idiots like you safe , how can you not see that?!

LANI: HEY! Shut UP everyone!

There’s some muttering before everyone truly shuts up, but Lani’s outburst managed to settle things somewhat. I sigh in relief; I had no idea how to derail things from the way they were going.

LANI: [Takes a deep breath.] Okay. Listen. Do we even know what the murder weapon is?

ROXXY: I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume it’s not one of these pink coins I found? Does anyone even know if this is related? I’m like, lost.

MASANORI: I found one too, in the kitchen.

BO: So it’s related?

THE FEY: No, you little idiots. Those have been around since you first got here! You’re just unobservant.

KYO: Are they for the gacha machine in that closet?

THE FEY: I’ve said enough! Get back to work!

LANI: The murder weapon! Please!

HEIJI: I assumed it was like, a lamp or something. Not a lot of whacky weapons in here. Haha...whacky...wacky….

PV: I didn’t see any ceramic or anything around the crime scene, though…

HEIJI: Oh yeah? I didn’t get a chance to look.

MIKI: You didn’t even LOOK?!

HEIJI: Did you?

MIKI: I...no...but!

I think I have something.

BO: If you didn’t even look, how are you gonna get mad at other people for doing the same thing?

SHUJI: Hold up. The murder weapon. It would probably have blood on it, right?

AIKA: Snrk. Yeah, genius, the murder weapon would have some blood on it.

SHUJI: Then I think the murder weapon was a rolling pin I found in the kitchen.

Everyone grinds to a stop. I guess since I’ve been so zoned out nobody expected me to find something useful.

YUI: You found a bloody rolling pin in the kitchen?

FUMI: That’s not necessarily the murder weapon, though! What if it’s just what Ama-san used to attack Nishimuraya-san?

ROXXY: Oh yeah! He said that he knocked him out!

PV: Otherwise the placement of it would be rather...curious…

NORIKO: Well, Nishimuraya-san? Was a rolling pin what you were attacked with?

MASANORI: Yeah. I mean, I think. I didn’t get a chance to see it before I was out cold. Agyros probably got the same treatment.

Wait…

LANI: Oh right, she was snuck up upon in a similar way...it’s a shame she didn’t get to put up a fight…

That’s it!

SHUJI: That doesn’t add up!

MIKI: Tch, someone’s developing a catch phrase…

SHUJI: There was definitely a fight! Alena-chan had a bruise on her arm in the shape of a hand!

MASANORI: I thought we determined that she was dragged out of the fire already, that doesn’t mean there was a fight.

SHUJI: You’re wrong. I mean, you’re right about being dragged out of the fire, but if you looked at the position of her body she’d clearly been dragged by her legs, not her arms.

MASANORI: I never even got to see the fucking body, dude. How am I supposed to know?

SHUJI: Well...Roxxy-chan took pictures, didn’t she?

ROXXY: I did!

AIKA: You keep surprising me with how morbid you are. You deserve another look, I think.

ROXXY: Gross! Here, Masa-chan. Look. Her legs are all straight and her arms are flopped, so she had to have been dragged, right?

MASANORI: ...I guess so.

LANI: If there was a fight, should we look for someone with injuries?

Lani very pointedly does not look at Masanori’s scratched face, but he doesn’t need to.

MASANORI: Hey! I fucking told you where I got hurt! I was attacked before Agyros even died! I’m still saying Ama did it! He told that whole story about the killer sneaking up on her to derail us!

KATA: I. Did. Not. Attack. You. Am I speaking Japanese? Do you understand?

SHUJI: ...it’s true, Ama-san has a flimsy alibi…

MIKI: So he did it! Let’s vote already!

MASANORI: I don’t know why we’ve waited around this long, we always knew who did it!

NORIKO: No! We have to find the true killer and bring them to justice!

SHUJI: I don’t think Ama-san did it.

MIKI: Then who the hell did?!

SHUJI: I don’t know yet! Just let me think!

PV: What do we know so far?

KYO: We know Agyros-san was attacked, we know there was a fight in which she ended up in the fireplace, was dragged out, and was beaten to death with a rolling pin found in the kitchen.

AIKA: Technically we don’t know for a fact that the rolling pin is the murder weapon.

KATA: Do you have any good ideas or are you just here to make things harder?

AIKA: I’d be happy to make something harder.

MASANORI: You disgust me. Anyway, the rolling pin was used to attack me, so it must’ve been used on Agyros too, right?

YUI: Ahem, we still don’t know who is telling the truth about the attack on Nishimuraya-san. It’s one word against the other, since neither accounts have witnesses.

ISEI: We should focus on the crime we know happened…

His voice is hardly more than a squeak, but people are nodding. At least they’re not paying too much attention to him. I’m not sure what I would say to try to save his skin.

PV: We’ll ignore the supposed attack for now and pretend neither of them have an alibi. Is there anything else we can use as a clue?

SHUJI: Yes!

Everyone looks at me. It came out a little more enthusiastic than I’d planned, true, but I’m still nervous under the stares.

SHUJI: I mean, yes. I think I know something that can help us solve this.

MIKI: Cut to the goddamn point, will you?

SHUJI: The bruise on Alena-chan’s arm. Did anyone else notice something weird about it?

ROXXY: Umm...No…

SHUJI: There’s only 4 fingers. Soga-kun said he’d bet the handprint was missing a pinky. So...someone’s missing a finger.

KATA: [Stunned] You think Agyros managed to cut someone’s finger off in the scuffle before she died?

AIKA: There would’ve been a lot more blood if someone had lost a finger.

BO: From here is easy, yes? Just everyone show hands!

KYO: I think we’re jumping the gun on the finger thing. Someone just as easily could have broken their finger in the fight and not used it to grab her arm, right? That would be a lot easier to hide than an entirely missing pinky.

BO: Ugh, you’re right.

PV: What about the murder weapon?

BO: Yeah!!

KATA: Riddle me this, assholes. If I attacked Nishimuraya, then randomly went off to find some other victim, killed Agyros, and then split--why would I put the rolling pin back in the kitchen?

ROXXY: To frame Masa-chan, duh-doy!

NORIKO: It’s possible that the whole attack on Nishimuraya-san was driven by an urge to cover up a crime you had not yet committed. Perhaps by wounding him, killing Agyros-san, and looping back to deposit the murder weapon you would assume that we would target Nishimuraya-san as the killer due to the scuffle with Agyros-san.

MASANORI: Yeah!

NORIKO: But I’m not sure how likely that is.

YUI: There were an entire ten minutes before Moreau-san found Agyros-san and alerted Kyo, Saji-san and I to the situation, according to the Fey’s File. A murderer could have easily thrown the weapon in with the disastrously messy kitchen and hoped it would not be found.

There’s something that’s been nagging at the back of my head since this whole thing started. Maybe even since we found Alena. We keep talking in circles, but nothing has clearly pointed at any one person yet beyond random accusations.

But...I think…

Oh.

I’ve got it.