19th March

Today is Ostara, the spring equinox. This is meant to be new beginnings and the official start of spring—fertility, rebirth, and renewal.

But I can’t shake off this low mood. I feel empty, and I want to keep crying for no reason.

Scratch that; there is a reason. Have I lost my coven? My friends?

I paused the entry there as a teardrop threatened to smudge the ink and decided to finish it later. I still did not go to school. The thought of potentially seeing them brought nothing but panic and sadness.

Leaning back away from my book, I took a moment to look at my phone. I switched it off. I knew this was avoidance. I did feared seeing hateful and angry text’s from the little coven. I put my head in my hands and scratched my scalp as a soothing habit.

I could hear the TV quietly from my bedroom, but there was whispering underneath that. It was close. It was the same whispering I listened to the other night before Leo was tapping.

I listened closely, homing in on it. Turning my head, it was coming from my bed. The voices came from underneath it.

The black velvet pouch sat clear as day in the centre, under the dusty storage/cat hideaway.

‘How did it get there?’

I last recalled it on top of my grandma's book. Shuffling under the bed, I reached for it; the voices got louder, almost deafening.

Pulling it out, the voices stopped. It did not feel different from when I found it hidden under the floorboards. It was suspicious; something did not feel right.

I decided it would be better under the stairs. Walking into the room, the candles were in a neat line on the bookshelf, and the alter had been cleaned down. Ready for new decorations. I placed it into the cauldron and placed the lid on top; it and its energy would be trapped until I was prepared to investigate it.

I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me and joined my mum on the sofa. We cuddled as I fell asleep.

----------------------------------------

I woke alone as the front door opened.

“I’m home!” Alex announced.

“Welcome home,” I yawned.

“Oh, you have a visitor…” Alex motioned to the door, and I saw a sheepish Seri standing.

“Seri?” I said groggily.

“Hi,” she let herself in, closing the door behind her.

With a sudden burst of energy, I got up to hug her but paused. Did she want me near her?

“I’m sorry, Lexi,” she sniffed, and I held my breath, “I am sorry I did nothing. I am sorry you had to keep it a secret. I am sorry you had to deal with this alone,” she cried.

I hugged her tightly, shaking my head, “I hated keeping it from you, but I had no choice. It was decided by the coven – by Nixon. That it would be best kept quiet.”

“I tried looking for you yesterday at school, but Devan told me you were not well.”

“Ah, I am not sick,” I revealed, “I was scared to see you all. What you would say…” tears formed in my eyes.

“Oh gosh! I am so sorry,” she gushed and held me tighter.

“Stop saying sorry,” I laughed and cried.

Happier to have my best friend back, “I am sorry if you tried to call or text. I turned my phone off.”

“That explains why you never replied. I tried calling you. I thought you blocked me!” she giggled, sniffling every so often.

We sat on the sofa after your tearful reunion. We talked about what happened two nights ago at the rites ceremony, and she updated me about the others.

“Devan and Quinn haven't talked. I don’t know if they had an argument or if Quinn is still processing it all. We haven’t talked about what’s happened, to be honest,

“Lathen refuses to speak to me about it and walks away when he sees Leo. I know Devan asked how you are; he asked me first before he went to Leo…

“I didn’t think you wanted to speak to me again, Lexi.”

I laughed at the irony, “I thought the same thing about you, Seri.”

“It was your brother. I plucked up the courage to ask him about you, and he invited me here,” she admitted.

She continued, “So, Leo has been looking after you, huh?”

“Don’t say it like that,” I grinned, “He’s sort of kept me sane in your steed.”

She laughed, “And you said he isn’t replacing me!”

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

I mock gasped, “Never!”

----------------------------------------

Sitting next to me, Seri encouraged me to turn my phone on. To see if there were any messages or missed calls other than hers. I nearly held my breath, waiting for it to start up.

Buzz. Buzz. Every few seconds…

“Sorry… I left a few voicemails and messages.”

I laughed at Seri’s confession. There is nothing in the group chat and a message from Devan.

“Devan: ‘How are you? Are you alright?’ Nothing from Quinn or Lathen.”

“Hm, it might take time for them to come around.”

From what I was told yesterday, I had a feeling that Devan’s name would pop up. I am a little upset that Quinn didn’t, and after the spat Lathen had, I am not surprised he hasn’t checked up on me.

“Does Quinn know about me slapping Lathen?”

“What? When did you do that?” Seri asked hysterically.

“Ah, shit. I forgot to mention it at the circle.”

I recounted the entire argument to Seri, her mouth opening in shock.

“You’ve had a shit weekend!”

“Tell me about it…”

“Anyways, I heard nothing about it. I am not sure if Quinn knows yet.”

Yet was correct. She always had a knack for playing detective. Nothing went past her nose for long. Well… except when her memories are altered.

“Onto another gossip.”

She had a mischievous smile on her face… I knew where this was going, and I smirked.

“Come on. Spill. The last thing you told me was your rude awakening. I hope you haven’t made a dint in your bedroom floor.”

I scoffed at her cheekiness, “Well, now I am not telling you.”

She pleaded her innocence. I rolled my eyes and told her everything. Summarising everything. The fainting after dinner, the coffee shop, the hospital, and the last night's visit.

“Oh la-la,” She said, wiggling her eyebrows, “and did the late-night visit end in a kiss?”

“Actually, no.”

“Where is he anyways?”

“You know we are not attached at the hip. I have no idea, probably at home…?”

There was a knock at the door. Seri’s grin widened as we sensed who it was, and she scrambled for the door. I followed closely, trying to pull her away before the embarrassment.

My mum beat us both and allowed Leo in.

“Not attached at the hip, huh?”

I shushed her as a blush spread on my face.

“Hey Seri.”

“Hi Leo,” she waved, giggling.

A jingle from her phone made her pause.

“Oh, damn it! I have to go. Dad is expecting visitors,” she said, disappointed.

Phew.

“I will see you tomorrow, Lexi? At school?” she ventured and hugged me goodbye.

I confirmed I would see her tomorrow.

He passed me the homework from today, just one sheet.

“I told you they would come around,” he grinned.

“Well, Seri has and Devan maybe. I haven't heard a peep from Quinn or Lathen.”

“You’re in a better mood,” he noted, looking at my more relaxed state.

I nodded with a slight smile on my face, “Thank you for keeping me sane and the fainting stuff… That was sweet.” I admitted.

He held out his arm, and I took the invitation to hug him.

“I am here whenever you need me.”

I smiled and heard Mum clearing her throat. I sighed and pulled away.

“Yes, Mother?” I ventured and turned to see her in the living room doorway.

“I believe it's your turn to dress the alter,” she reminded, “Leo can help you if he wants to.”

I looked at him for confirmation, and he shrugged, “I have nothing planned.”

I opened the door under the stairs and invited him into the room.

“Woah, cool,” he complimented.

“Anything you need, we probably have.” I hinted towards the bookcase and turned to the altar.

We kept everything we used to dress the altar in a chest underneath the altar table. It was a treasure trove of crystals, candles, and nick-nacks. Leo, curious, knelt beside me and took a gander inside. I took out a lilac cloth to cover the bare top.

Ostara has the same associations as the Christians' Easter: rabbits and eggs. Years ago, we painted empty eggshells with symbols and beautiful patterns as a family. Along with bits of rabbit fur (that we found while foraging) and statues of the animal joined the eggs on the altar.

----------------------------------------

To finish, I added a wreath of daffodils to the back and rested it against the wall.

“There,” I whispered.

Dressing at an altar was therapeutic.

All five elements were present. To the north: earth – flowers, carnelian, and tigers’ eye surrounded bark from an old oak. To the east, air – --incense was lit, filling the room with magnolia and Sandalwood. To the south fire – sat white, pink, and green candles. To the west: water – a chalice filled with spring water. In the centre was a circle of eggs and rabbit statues.

“Looks great. Well done, you two.” Mum peeked her head in briefly and complimented the altar.

Stretching as I got up, I realised I had not put my grandma’s book away. Grabbing it, I placed it back on the shelf.

“Is that your book?” Leo asked, intrigued.

I giggled, “No, it was my grandma’s, Selena.”

“I was going to say that’s one hell of a concealment.”

I paused, turning to look at him. I repeated, “Concealment?”

He looked taken aback, “Ah, of course, you might not be able to sense it with the lock. Yeah, there is a concealment on it.”

“Like a glamour?” I took the book back out and inspected it.

“No, it’s better than a glamour. It hides things completely. A glamour can only do so much: a trick of the light or a ‘glitch in the matrix.’. Whereas this, is brilliant. May I?”

I passed it over to him, and he inspected it before focusing on the spine.

After a few moments, he spoke: “Diary, diary.” And opened it, I gasped.

Diary entries now filled the pages, and he flicked through.

“How?” I asked, bewildered.

He chuckled in response, “A concealment requires a password to unlock, and normally, it is etched into the bindings somewhere… In case one forgets.”

Huh. Sneaky Grandma.

Grinning, I returned the book and said, “When I get this lock off, you must show me how to make one. How could you sense it? Even my mum didn’t!”

Putting a hand on his neck, he replied, “When you are powerful enough, you notice everything.”

Hm, he wasn’t kidding. The book was still open, and on a random entry, I briefly admired it.

“Now you know how to open it.”

I giggled and thanked him.

“How's about an old Glenrothes Ostara tradition?” Leo bemused, holding up a pouch.

I looked in curiosity and nodded, OK!

He led me outside, and we wandered to a small part of the stream. Sitting down, he explains,

“In ancient times, many believed that beans contained evil spirits: Greeks, Egyptians, Incans, and so on,

“Throw one bean at a time and call out something you need to say goodbye to – a bad habit, a job, whatever personal reason,

“You are tossing away the negativity and discord, giving you a clean slate. Normally, you’d go to the highest point you can find and throw them from there, but it’s pretty flat around here.”

He placed a couple into my hand, and inspecting them, I asked, “What kind of beans are these?”

“Just board beans, kind of like the ones you might grow.”

He went first, “My relationship with my brother.”

“My anxiety holding me back.”

“Glenrothes.”

“Being a people pleaser.”

For a moment, I wondered what the others were up to and how their Ostara celebrations were going, if they did any… We usually spent the sabbats together. This was the first time without them.

I threw one last beam into the stream but didn’t say anything out loud and watched the ripples fade on the stream's surface. The sunset glinted in the water’s reflections, and I leaned back onto Leo’s shoulder.

Leo started murmuring, “I have been meaning to ask you for a while, but it never seemed like the right time.”

I hummed in response, and he continued, “Are you free this weekend?”

I grinned slightly, “I have my normal Saturday shift, but I am free on Sunday.”

“Dinner?”

Looking up at him, I smiled, “Okay, It’s a date.”

He leaned down and kissed me, sealing the deal.