Loose smoke tendrils hung in the air, slowly dissipating in the soft breeze. Acrid smells of singed plastics remained. The pungent scent was an assault on the nostrils. Unidentified ash seemed to coat every surface around them in damp smears and splashes.
The house was no longer ablaze, but throes of people remained. Firemen in thick, protective gear gathered around the silenced engines that blocked the narrow street in both directions. The whirling blue lights remained on, flashing warnings to the many residents that had gathered in whispering groups. Some firemen held mugs in their gloved hands, blowing at the hot liquid or merely cradling the soothing liquid gifts that had been bestowed upon them by thankful neighbours.
The paramedics that had administered aid had disappeared from sight and had instead been replaced by uniformed police. Officers in hi-vis jackets patrolled and ushered onlookers further away from the area. Other officers cordoned off the surrounding gardens and road. The obnoxious yellow and black tape danced in the breeze like macabre bunting. The bright lines of colour were echoed on Alice and Jess’s faces. Clean streaks cut through the ashy grey smears where tears had left their tracks.
Jess’s hand tightened around Alice’s as two men in white protective overalls carried a stretcher from the remains of Alice’s home. The long, black bag that lay on top remained still, but uneasiness prickled up the back of Alice’s neck. In sombre silence, it was loaded with care into the back of an ambulance that had accompanied the one that they were currently sitting in. No siren called through the air as the vehicle drove away. No lights flashed. The scene was disquieting, hitting Alice like a punch to the gut. How close had they been to sharing that same fate? Silent and faceless. Muted hunks of singed meat.
Do not go gentle into that good night. What had it mattered in the end? He had been stronger, had fought harder than any of them only to be loaded like cargo in the back of a van. A shiver rippled through her at the thought.
“It’s over now,” Jess whispered beside her. Her grip was still fiercely tight, strangling the circulation to Alice’s fingers.
No, Alice thought. He was over. Her eyes flitted between the congregated groups of spectators. Phone cameras flashed and words flowed freely. The rumour mill would no doubt have begun turning.
A white van pulled up further down the street. Most of the lettering across the side of it remained obscured, but it was clear that it was a news van. Soon there would be more than camera phones flashing.
A niggling thought burrowed its way into the forefront of Alice’s consciousness as she watched people climb out of the van.
“You knew?” she asked.
The question hung in the air and for a moment, Alice doubted herself.
“I knew.” Jess’s reply was quiet and resigned.
Alice swallowed hard. It felt as though the ash in her throat had suddenly solidified. “How long?”
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“I don’t remember.”
“Liar.” The accusation came unbidden, and Alice winced at the sharpness of her tone. Her hand remained clasped in Jess’s, but the hold went slack and limp.
Jess sighed softly. “Your uncle didn’t run off, did he?”
“You’re dodging the question,” Alice replied.
“I didn’t know it was this…” Jess started before trailing off and giving a quiet, rueful laugh.
Alice frowned but remained silent.
“I thought you were a witch. That you were so lucky,” Jess continued. Her grip on Alice’s hand tightened again. “We must have been… what? 12? Maybe 13? I was staying over and woke up in the night. Wanted a glass of water. I figured I’d borrow your blanket so that your dad wouldn’t see me in my underwear. I guess I must have missed the top step in the dark. Scared the shit out of me.”
Alice’s stomach tightened as Jess paused, gathering her thoughts.
“I didn’t fall. The blanket caught on something, so I managed to steady myself on the wall. Didn’t really think about it until I tried to shake the blanket free,” Jess said before pausing. “It had been tied around the bannister. Not caught. Not looped over. A solid knot.”
Pieces and memories began to click together for Alice. Jess had never questioned her continued use of the comfort blanket, even into her adulthood. It had never been a simple piece of childhood memorabilia, but Jess had accepted it though it were as natural as the sky being blue. More than that, Jess had welcomed it. Movie nights and sleepovers had been frequent during their teen and adult years as Jess sought refuge from a difficult home life. Alice had assumed that her friend had appreciated the familiarity of the blanket or that it was somehow a symbol of their closeness to share something so sentimental. It hadn’t occurred to Alice that there might be a deeper acknowledgement.
“Are you a witch?”
The question took Alice by surprise, and she frowned, turning to Jess. Her friend’s eyes were wide and full of worry, like those of a child asking if Santa were real. Alice wasn’t sure whether or not she hoped for the truth.
“No,” Alice answered, looking away quickly. It was true but, nonetheless, her stomach churned with guilt.
They sat in silence, side by side. The fire engines were slowly making their way away from the address. Officers waved pedestrians out of the way and forcibly escorted less amenable onlookers out of the way of the heavy vehicles.
“Did they deserve it?” Jess asked in a heavy tone.
Alice mulled over the question before answering. “Yes.”
She had expected more from Jess, but there were no questions. There was no shocked outrage. She gave only a content nod.
Alice lipped her dry lips before forcing herself to ask the question, “So, what happens next?”
“You should get in touch with the guy from the bar,” Jess replied.
Alice gaped at her friend. “What?”
“Not our friend Mr Crispy. The nice one,” Jess explained. Her eyes remained on the engine that had finally freed itself from the crowd, “You still have his number, right?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” said Alice, bitterly.
Jess sighed before explaining in a wistful tone, “What’s done is done. You still deserve better.”
Alice’s focus moved from her friend to the ruins of her front garden. Water pooled in ashy puddles amid congealed clods of turf and mud. It would take days to clear the wreckage of what had happened, literally and figuratively. It felt like her fragile peace lay shattered like the many shards of glass on her lawn.
Her eyes focused on some colour amid the trampled grass, and she leaned her head gently against Jess. The wool was dirty and torn, but unmistakable. It lay unmoving and unnoticed. A shadow, walked over and stepped upon, but present. Always present.
She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Jess’s fingers untwined from hers and her arm wrapped around Alice’s shoulder. Her movements were stiff, and Alice heard the soft grunt she gave as the motion pained her.
“At least think about it,” Jess said.
“I’ll think about it,” Alice lied.