Everything special about me was manufactured. No. Everything about me was manufactured, created, altered and groomed to be exactly what I needed to be. Needed to be for somebody else, for an idea, for a Machine.

Jacqueline Deveraux had lied to me. She had said if all my weaponry were forcibly taken, my rank, my uniform, the very existence of my military presence…she had told me to my face that I was still something. That had been a lie. Without any of that, Sabbath, Milithreat, hell, the idea of not having a pistol around my thigh was proof enough I couldn’t exist without that.

My existence was solely built on ruination. It was stupid of me to think I could be anything else.

“We will have to ensure the coordinates given are safe tomorrow for you, Alala. Tell me, how has your treatment been?” Magistrate Marhwanda spoke. Her voice was strong and deep, that a leader needed to bring people to a place like this.

“The men here have been very nice, exceeding previous reports or expectations,” Alala smiled, “You would be more impressed by their men than their women.”

Meaning Jacqueline.

“I doubt that,” Wanda laughed, “well, when they bestow you back to us, we will have to think about a possible partnership, or perhaps a non-aggression pact.”

“District Five is led by strong soldiers, their leader is a fine specimen,” Alala blushed, even looking at me across the tent with those wanting eyes, “We would be wise to consider such possibilities.”

“Noon tomorrow then,” Wanda concurred and the communication was severed.

My eyes trailed over to Grimes, who gave a very subtle nod. We got it. Our attempts at communication had never been faulty, only purposefully spotty. Seven were known to use scramblers, hiding their true presence or geolocation. The more communication we had with them, the more we could pinpoint where their main base of operations were located.

And according to Grimes, we had it.

He left the room at that, leaving just Alala and myself.

“I’m sure you’ll be happy to be back in safe hands,” I hummed, swallowing down my emotions to remain level headed.

“I have a thirst for danger, Rok. Right now, I’m feeling quite dehydrated,” she teased, leaning against the small desks to support all the communication equipment.

Our eyes locked, and I knew exactly what she was hinting at. With the science team already ready to move back into that archive, despite obtaining all the data, they wanted to work on either pushing further or just going one room at a time. I’m sure it was Jack’s call.

With that, there wouldn’t be that much personnel around, just enough for security, a few support staff, none who would care what we got up to.

A part of me wanted to, and that hurt more than the ache in my heart. A part of me wanted to find that temporary reprieve, to lust for someone who wanted me. But it wasn’t- no it wouldn’t be fulfilling. I didn’t want the woman in front of me. The only thing that would exist in such a moment was lust. A lust was a dangerous concept when not accompanied with more positive emotions. Lust was a man’s downfall when inherently selfish.

I already fulfilled such desire with death, which was why I was sick of lustful desire sharing the same. I wanted something that competed with death, an amortization for life. Something just as strong to kill me, I needed something as equally as strong, if not stronger, to resuscitate me. Alala would never in a lifetime give a man like me that. For a long time, I believed nobody could.

When she could see I wasn’t falling for it, she left the desk and approached me. A hand on the chest, the other gripping my own wrist to guide my hand. Yet my eyes still stared at her, seriousness laced in them, wanting to show her my fortitude.

“She doesn’t care about you…” she whispered tenderly, her voice soft as evaporating clouds.

“It does not matter if she does or does not. All that matters is that if I care,” I replied, my voice dry, maybe even cracking. But my discipline wouldn’t.

“Don’t tell me you are a tender man, Damien. I know what you are. You’ve been playing god for so long, you haven’t realized you’ve become one. And gods like to take. They don’t ask. You’re tired of asking, tired of doing someone else’s will. Why don’t you take for once? Take me with your brutality, bruise me, prove to me the strong fighter you are,” she insisted, her hand dipping lower on my chest, lowering from the area of my midriff.

I almost, shamefully, let it all collapse.

My free hand gripped her wrist tightly, urgently taking a step away from her.

“My answer is no, Alala. There is nothing you could do or say to tempt me. I cannot, nor will I be, the thing you desire, the water to quench your thirst,” I defied her.

I was not a sip of cold water to hydrate her. I was blood, blood that would make her spit out with disgust. I was a warm, coagulated crimson that horrified everyone except myself. Maybe I should be horrified with myself.

Her eyes steeled, questioning her next move. I almost wondered if she’d find the nearest thing to incapacitate me, handcuff me, and have her way with me. I gave her my lack of consent, and she’d be foolish to try such a thing. She understood this wasn’t her place to do such a thing.

So, she accepted defeat.

“You are no fun, Damien. I expected better,” she pulled back, not letting her own disappointment show, “You’ll regret this.”

No. I didn’t think I would. Even if from this point on, I turned into some monk vying for a life of chastity, I would not regret it. My body felt right only for one person, same as my tormented soul. Even if I knew it could result in eternal punishment, punishing myself forever out of the desire I had for one person alone (one who did not want me either), maybe I deserved it.

Maybe I deserve to not get the one thing I truly wanted. I had soiled my heart for so long. I stole such pleasures of beauty and love from so many people. I tarnished whatever chance I could at obtaining a desire greater than bloodlust or accolades of war.

Alala remained in her small confinement, perhaps waiting for another male to enter her trap. A few scientists had conversed with her, but always came off awkward or certainly not her target. I was pleased enough that she had left me alone for the rest of the morning and hopefully for the rest of the day.

Jack was nowhere to be found, which was no surprise. I assumed she had taken off with her team. I knew I was a screwdriver when it came to solving problems, even with people. If there was a spat that needed clearing up, or something like an unwanted kiss, I wanted more than anything to correct it as soon as possible. I never liked sitting in my feelings for too long.

I wanted to get her explanation. After all, what had she even been doing in my quarters? It didn’t take the sting out of her words, but it was enough to make me wonder.

My morning was just filled with map studies and more of District Three’s discoveries, until an agent had urgently ran over.

“Sir, we have a major problem,” he insisted, guiding me back into the secured intelligence room. It was the only room, or tent, secured twenty-four seven given the nature of things. If they found a problem, it was one indeed.

“What’s going on?” I asked once it was secure, seeing worry on a few faces.

One handed me a tablet with an audio recording.

“Just picked that up five minutes ago, thought it might be a faulty artificial intelligent communication throwing us off. But it’s real…” an agent sighed.

We have Deveraux’s position, the virus worked. District Three will be pleased once we retrieve her. Remember, orders are to take her alive. Anyone else, kill on sight.

“Virus? What virus?” I asked immediately.

“Well that’s why we thought it was false. But then some scientist at breakfast this morning mentioned Deveraux had made a breakthrough in that archive, found a main port and all.”

The port I had found for her. It had been a trap, a smart one at that.

“We need to pull her out, now,” I insisted, “Prepare a team for a Sioc escort. I’ll have Grimes bring everyone back here.”

“She won’t like this…”

“I know she fucking won’t,” I sighed, immediately moving to get my things. I secured my gear quickly, weapons, armor and all before trying to get in communication with Grimes.

It took a good three solid times to ring him up on communications.

“Hey, sorry boss, a little spotty in here. Doesn’t help every single one of these scientists are transmitting information like crazy,” he grunted out of annoyance.

“Deveraux isn’t safe. We need to pull her out as soon as possible,” I demanded, “I need you to turn off her datapad now. You’re being tracked.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She unknowingly is bugged, I need you to-”

“I thought she was with you!” Grimes explained gravely.

My heart stopped at that.

“I haven’t seen her all morning,” I could feel my breathing increase, soon moving to the lab. Surely she had to be there, right? Wrong.

The makeshift lab was practically a ghost-town. I went into her own private tent, clean and pristine…and also empty. She wasn’t walking around the small base, nor was she with the science team. When I checked video surveillance of the Sioc above ground, I was hoping that the dirt bike was gone, that she isolated herself back at the main base. Unfortunately, that bike remained.

“She’s not here, Grimes,” I clenched my jaw.

“Okay, okay. Damien, just calm down-”

“I’m fine! I’m fucking calm!” I insisted, although the shakiness in my voice proved otherwise.

“She couldn’t have gotten far. We will find her,” Grimes assured me before barking orders at everyone else, “Does Ruenova have eyes on her?”

“I do not,” Ruenova spoke over communications, clearly having access to every chat as well, “she hasn’t been considered online since last night.”

But I had seen her alive and well this morning, being a real bitch too. But it meant she had been alive then, she was probably still alive now.

“I’m going out now, there’s no time to spare,” I pressed, making sure my helmet was secured, “This place is a frigid ice box. If she’s been walking around, I might be able to pick up heat residue from her boots. She wears a different standard than the rest of us, it’ll make her stand out.”

“I can see why she wanted to keep you around,” Ruenova hummed.

“Damien, I think you should wait-” Grimes tried to suggest.

“No. I can go alone. It’s best to operate quietly in this place. Too many agents will attract attention,” I demanded, “Your objective is to bring everyone back here and secure the area as tightly as possible. Monitor any transmissions we pick up and report them to me.”

“Yes boss,” he agreed.

I took off immediately, letting my helmet adjust to thermal detection rather than normal vision. Footsteps were everywhere leaving the main compound, all heading southbound towards that archive. But there were faint ones, small indents of heels and a bit of the tip of boots heading the other way. Given the size and difference of imprint, I had to believe it was hers.

My heart was racing. I knew if anyone was monitoring my status back at Station Evolution, they would be able to perceive my anxiousness. Adrenaline was pumping, not out of fear, but of hatred.

How stupid was she to think she could just leave and not tell anyone? How could she say what she spitefully said this morning and just disappear? She couldn’t run from her decisions, from her past. Colony Negative never allowed anyone to run away from their fate. I wasn’t going to let her now, nor be taken captive.

Whatever District could get a hold of her, they would not be as nice as District Three had mistakenly been.

Then, the footprints had faded. The temperature was warmer at a division of hallways splitting into three.

“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath, taking the brief moment to control my breathing. My legs felt sore, my knee that had twisted from yesterday was begging me to stop running. This short break was a welcome reprieve.

Where could she have gone, and what was she looking for?

My mind desperately went through memories of maps, District Three’s paperwork and intelligence products, and most of all what Jacqueline’s instinct might have led her astray. There was one area of note, mentioned very briefly by Wueh about a place north east of that important room (the archive). Another room they couldn’t get into but clearly wanted to.

That had to be it. It wouldn’t be too like her to just go astray without purpose. It was my only choice. I took one last deep breath before continuing again, having to keep my mind clear on all my monitoring.

I could run for hours if needed. I fucking hated running but conditioning had it’s purpose. I had to save my energy for a potential rescue, and also the mental fortitude of having to check any sounds my suit picked up. We weren’t alone here, I knew that. Luckily, my team had cleared plenty of them these past couple of weeks in this area but I couldn’t ignore such possibilities.

As my luck (and pure skill and intuition) would have it, the footprints picked up again. It wasn’t long, maybe half a mile away from the forward base camp, that I found her.

Doctor Deveraux was kneeling down by a door, figuring out the code to open all on her own. She seemed so deep in her work, she didn’t even notice my approach. Granted, I knew how to silence my steps, regardless of whatever material the ground was made of.

I yanked that datapad out from her hand, stunning her before she drew her laser sword. It wasn’t until she noticed it was me, black and red suit familiar to her, that she sheathed it.

“What the hell are you doing?!” She yelled, having the fucking audacity to do so, yanking back her datapad.

“I could ask the same of you! You think you could just leave and not tell anyone?!” I shouted back.

“I told David…” she scoffed, “Just let me open this and-”

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

“Absolutely not,” I scowled, reaching for her datapad again, both of us tugging at it, “Give this to me, now.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Me?! We are in fucking danger here, Jack. I don’t have the patience to be gentle with you,” I answered.

“So, there is something you’re not telling me,” she stood, gathering her things.

“It is not within your right to know-”

“And neither is my work, yet I’ve been more than willing to share things with you,” she remarked.

“Jacqueline, give me your datapad,” I ignored her statement, asking a bit more politely.

She refused, “Tell me what’s going on, and maybe I will.”

I didn’t like that answer. So, I did something I didn’t want to do. I grabbed the datapad from her hands, fingers prying at both ends of the device before snapping it in two. The electronics fizzled and died out as I completely tore it in half, without so much of a muscle strain.

Her eyes widened at the sight, growing with fury.

“WHAT. THE. FUCK-”

I didn’t have the time to entertain her anger either. I took her surprised state to catch her off guard further, immediately picking her up from her legs to hold over my shoulder. I could feel her light body weight press against me with utter shock, her fist clenching to pound against my backside.

“Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” She shrieked.

“Jacqueline Deveraux, shut up before I make you,” I demanded. I could practically feel body heat surging from her, mimicking her burning passion and fury.

I didn’t need to force her to shut up, as the sounds of nearby anathema screams seemed to do the trick. I held her from her back thighs with one hand, the other securing my rifle. She took the moment to squirm, hoping maybe with the distraction she’d slip through my grip. It didn’t work. Either she underestimated my strength, or overestimated hers.

I wasn’t going to let her go, not yet. Maybe a part of me took joy in this moment, while the other hated it. Our lack of communication would indeed be our downfall, but in a moment like this with survival on the line, I wasn’t going to exert my energy in explaining things to her.

The anathema noises quieted and I picked up the pace again, quick enough to not be walking, but not fast enough to make noises with my steps. Jacqueline only pinched parts of my armor with her fingers, as if afraid I’d let her go and she’d fall flat on her face. If only.

When we passed the perimeter of lights blocking anathemas from our secure site, she began to squirm again.

“You can put me down now,” she scowled.

“No, I don’t think I will,” I smirked slightly, “This will all just be easier if you simply comply, Jack.”

I could feel her hatred for me grow. I knew exactly what I was doing. Her datapad was already destroyed, we were approaching our safe perimeter…there was no further reason to have her lifted over my shoulder. The only thing it would provide for her was embarrassment. If I had to shame her for her recklessness, so be it.

“Damien, please…” her voice softened. It was almost enough for me to fall prey to it. Yet my anger, at this moment, overcame my adoration for her. She could have gotten herself taken, captured, tortured, raped…killed. And all of it could have been something I couldn’t stop because she didn’t fucking alert me.

If anything had happened to her, I wouldn’t forgive myself. I would have, though, eventually forgiven her for this stupidity.

The commotion of the camp grew louder upon seeing me with Jack’s bodice across my shoulders, both scientists and agents alike approaching.

“Fuck, you found her, is she-” Grime was about to ask.

“Damien Rok, put me down. Now!” Jack shouted at me. I could see Grimes’ face resolve from worry, into slight humor himself.

“Get your hands off her!” David shouted as he approached.

I did as he asked, dropping Jacqueline so she fell on her side with a grunt. I thought that would be enough to subdue her, gently, for now. But she quickly rose to her feet, turning her attention towards me.

“You fucking son of a bitch, Damien. You can’t just manhandle me like that. Wait until Ruenova hears about this,” she sighed, brushing dirt off her own light armor.

I let my helmet collapse in my suit, showcasing my hard work in bringing her back with the gleam of sweat.

“Oh, don’t worry. She knows. She authorized me to do whatever it took to bring you back to the main base,” I laughed softly.

“Main base? You can’t just send me back-”

“I can, and I will,” I crossed my arms.

“This is my expedition, Rok. This is my study. Without me, without my team, you fucking trigger happy idiots wouldn’t be here!” she shouted, stirring even more attention from Milithreat personnel who didn’t like her language. In all honesty, I knew she was just angry.

And holy fuck was she hot when she was seething.

“Your reckless decision to leave this camp without authorization-”

“Who’s permission do I fucking need?” Jack scowled.

“Mine,” I answered, tensing up. I hated using my authority against her, but at this moment I had no choice.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she sarcastically responded, “I didn’t want to bother you while you were too busy fucking our injured prisoner.”

Surprised noises, half of them amused, the other half shocked, left everyone’s throats at the audacity of her comment. The accusation alone made me turn red. To some, it might be seen as pure embarrassment and shame, if they believed Jack to be true. To myself and Grimes, and a few other agents, it was just anger.

Alala even appeared out of the corner of my eye, making this entire situation worse.

“Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on?!” Jack asked, turning her attention away from me.

Grimes took a slight step forward, “Jack, you’ve been put on a hit list, bigger than any previous ones. District Three is paying anyone, regardless of District association or alliances, a hefty payout for anyone who delivers you to them, alive. Enough fucking credits to last a lifetime of luxury.”

“What? For what?” she inquired, clearly confused.

“Oh, I think destroying the majority of their science team is a pretty big enough reason…” Alala commented, which made me close my eyes out of annoyance. She really should just keep her mouth shut.

“I…but that wasn’t me. I didn’t…” she clenched her fist. I knew nobody could know. Again, I think most people did assume Jacqueline was not capable of all the reports and lies District Three was spreading. But, if they learned about Wueh, about the truth about his death…even I wasn’t going to let that spill out.

“Regardless, Doctor, your datapad was bugged and being tracked. Orders were to extract you out of danger and back into Station Evolution where you’d be safe until we can fully control the intelligence reports. They waited until they could confirm you left your lab to send out more information demonizing you, encouraging your capture,” I added, trying to control my adrenaline and anger with deep breaths.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, looking directly at me this time.

“Well I-”

“You don’t think she has a right to know?” David asked, fellow scientists nodding in approval of his beckoning. They were pissed their lead scientist was unknowingly a target. Hell, she was a target when she first arrived but this was different. This had every sector after her.

Even someone from our own District, if tempted enough, could turn her in. All for fucking credits.

Instead of just a dissonance created between Jack and I, one that had been there since our first meeting, it was now growing between my agents and her scientists.

“This operation is tight lipped. I can’t just disseminate information freely,” I answered firmly.

“‘Tight lipped’ my fucking ass. What a way to back up your statement by bringing a District Seven whore of a spy into this very secretive, locked down facility,” Jack refuted.

“She was hurt, I was trying to be nice-”

“You are a fucking terrorist trying to play hero. That’s all you are. That’s all you’ll ever be,” David returned with spite. At that, I could see Jacqueline’s rigid demeanor falter slightly, almost disapproving of his words. .

“If I need to play hero to save the ass of your reckless boss and her ideas she could thrive in this Colony without us, so fucking be it. I’ll be whatever it takes to do my fucking job!” I approached David, feeling Jack step quickly between us.

“Oh, I’m the reckless one now? I didn’t achieve breakthroughs in science, enough to cure cancer by playing it safe, Damien. I know the risks I take, and at least mine are calculated rather than your brash, testosterone filled actions to make yourself feel important,” Jacqueline gently pushed me away.

“I am doing whatever it takes to fucking protect you,” I moved closer, gripping her wrist.

“Let go of me, Damien,” she requested robustly.

“Jacqueline, I am allowed to be brash, daring, reckless to the point of stupidity. I die, there’s someone right there to replace me. You can’t afford to take such risks, you don’t have the luxury of knowing there is someone of equal or greater worth, waiting for an opportunity to take your spot. I need you to think of your team, think of yourself…hell, think of Angelique. If she knew what idiotic, brazen decision you made today-”

I didn’t know what specifically in that word-vomit of mine lit her fuse. Whatever it was, it ignited the burning anger and passion residing inside her like a pressure cooked explosive. One that had been there in both of us since our meeting.

She slammed her fist into my cheek hard, with no hesitation or resistance. I admit, I didn’t see it coming. I thought my words would have provided a rational, emotional plea that I was only trying to protect her. Instead, I got quite the opposite. It was a stinging blow, one I couldn’t dodge or avoid. I didn’t think she honestly had it in her, but that was proven wrong.

My hand quelled the sting on my jaw, my eyes looking at her. I saw her anger wither and decay upon realization of her violence. Regret filled her, not just because of her aching sore hand which she shook the pain out of, but also at striking me. Her wrist shook, most likely out of pain from never hitting someone before in her life. Her own faulty technique had gotten her hurt, but it didn’t soften her blow against me.

Maybe I deserved it. No. Surely I deserved it.

Yet, the sounds of panic from my men, pistols being touched shook me out of my disbelief.

“Stand down,” I commanded, my tone harsh but even I could feel my resolve soften.

David had reached out for Jack’s wrist, as if to observe if it was alright before she immediately jerked away.

“I…I’ll fucking go, alright?” she muttered, barely loud enough for everyone to hear before she retreated to her tent to gather her things. I could feel the gaze of everyone there on me. Her team viewed me as some monster, who did all of this to humiliate and demean her. And in return, my team viewed me with slight humiliation, letting a woman speak to me like that without proper authority, letting her fucking hit me of all things.

In some ways, Jack and I were oddly relatable in the pressures exerted upon us. We both had to be perfect, for different reasons, yet that stress had reached its limit. In this moment, everyone could point at our flaws, laugh, tease, or angrily demean. Would it stop us? No.

We couldn’t let anything stop us.

When Jack exited with her pack and helmet, Grimes was the first to approach, signaling to me that he’d escort her back to her bike. And I let him.

I was angry at her. Angry at myself. Angry at the fact Alala stood there with a proud grin on her face, like she was the instigator to this entire spectacle of drama. She wanted District Five to lose resolve. After all, she didn’t have a team of scientists to combat with.

She thought, again, after all of this I would go crawling to her.

If I truly hated her, Jacqueline I mean, then I would have.

But I didn’t hate her, nor the idea of her, her morals or personality.

Quite the opposite…

-

The hours had passed late into the night. No amount of burying myself into intelligence work, fabricating narratives or work to diminish District Three reports of Jacqueline seemed to distract me. I knew I needed to sleep, but something lingered on the back of my mind.

I sat on the edge of my bunk, stretching out my sore knee before grabbing my small communication device to insert into my ear.

“Ruenova? You still there?” I asked into the dark, knowing it was late. Yet like every single supervisor, Jack, myself…Kylie, we all were haunted by our decisions late at night.

“Mhm, barely. You caught me just in time,” she muttered, drowsiness laced in her tone.

“Sorry, I just had a question,” I sighed.

“Proceed.”

“What you said earlier, you said something like ‘I can see why she wanted to keep you around’,” I clarified.

Ruenova remained silent, to the point I almost thought she had fallen asleep.

“Milithreat requested you be assigned elsewhere after the incident with Owen. My own word of mouth wasn’t enough to save you from such consequences. They requested another person to vouch for your character, specifically one not from Milithreat or under your command. They asked Doctor Deveraux for her opinion of you,” she finally answered.

“What?” I asked, quite shocked. I thought she fucking hated my guts.

“She was more than happy to vouch for you. In fact, she wrote practically a whole ass essay arguing for you to stay as the lead for Acid Squad, which was more than enough to convince them. She stated, and this is a summary, that she couldn’t trust anyone else to be at her side that would protect her and her team. She wouldn’t feel comfortable going out in the field without you.”

“I…uh,” I couldn’t believe it. I knew Ruenova would never lie to me, but it still felt a little unbelievable.

Of course, I could still continue my true purpose as Saboteur here without the pleasure of leading this team. It would make things more difficult without a team to assist but…Jacqueline Deveraux argued for my defense. Hell, I didn’t even know I was on trial and she argued on my behalf, even after the kiss.

“And since I know plenty about the both of you, let me add to your surprise. Doctor Deveraux doesn’t give people second chances. You make a mess of her lab, spill an important piece of data on the floor…any mistake that results in a loss of her work, she will not forgive anyone for. She won’t forgive anyone who’s wronged her. She does not give second chances, but she did, for you,” Ruenova added.

It was my turn now to stay silent. After all I had done, bringing back Cole’s body to result in the loss of numerous staff, not be quick enough to pull her out and result in her getting bit, dragging her unconscious body out of there into danger…fucking kissing her.

It didn’t make any sense.

“Good night, Agent Rok,” Ruenova logged off, clearly not waiting for me to put my thoughts together.

I got up from my bunk, grabbing a few of my things and weapons before stepping out. The base was quiet, only a few souls still lingering around. Yet, Grimes was standing around, as if waiting for me. He had the slightest smirk, throwing a small object in my direction. I caught it with ease, seeing it was the Sioc keys.

I didn’t need to explain to him what I needed to do. Hell, Jacqueline might not even be awake at this hour which meant I’d have to wait until morning. But as long as I was back here before we sent Alala back to her team, that’s all that mattered. Grimes understood that.

“I’ll hold down the fort for you,” Grimes smiled, letting me make my way towards the tunnel up towards…what, redemption? Forgiveness? I didn’t even know what to do. All I knew was that we needed to talk. Alone.

I arrived within the hour, surprising the late night security staff who were more than obliged to let me park in the main hangar and give me access. Her lab was empty, her office as well. I was almost glad she didn’t dive straight into her work after such a spat.

When I stood outside her door, I almost feared that she wouldn’t be awake. She deserved sleep and most of all just peace of mind. Yet, I could hear the faintest sound of jazz music: classical piano, a distant, wailing saxophone to accompany it. It sounded so beautiful.

I knocked on her door gently, preparing myself for the simplest rejection. Maybe she didn’t want to talk until morning. It was probably wise to give us more time and comfort to really soak into our thoughts.

Yet, the door opened. She didn’t have her mask, displaying her beauty right in front of me. Clearly, she knew it must have been me if she had opened without thought to cover up her scars. That, or maybe she didn’t care anymore. Yet by the soft gaze in her eyes, she knew it was me.

“Can I…?” I asked softly, seeing her nod immediately and step inside.

Her room was neat on one side, scattered and messy on the other with documents, letters of anathemic writing strewn all over the damn floor as if she was organizing a puzzle. The jazz music was only louder inside, a comfortable volume, but almost impossible to fall asleep to. Her black hair was still damp from a shower, the scent of her vanilla spiced shampoo still lingering in the humid air.

Her eyes held a bit of redness inside them, between the whites and the green.

“I brought you a new datapad. I collected the data shard from the one I smashed and transferred everything to this one. It might look a bit disorganized but it should have everything all there, passwords the same and all too,” I handed it to her gently.

“Thank you,” she whispered softly, taking that from me before placing it on the table at the side of her door.

We both looked at each other as if time itself had stopped. I couldn’t piece my thoughts together in my head, my heart really only wanting one thing. I could feel this animalistic need rise inside me, wishing to disappear any rational, intelligent thoughts inside me. I had to swallow down such instincts, knowing that I would not betray her again with a stolen touch or kiss.

“Jacqueline, I-” I began to ramble but it was far too late. It wasn’t my instincts that seemed to overtake any sensible thought, but hers. Her fingers yanked at the chain of my dog tags around the neck, forcing my tall nature to lower just enough for her lips to smash into mine.

I couldn’t fucking believe it. Not once, but twice today, she had stunned me with such physicality.

Her lips were soft, still damp after her shower. Her scent of vanilla was only stronger with her lips pressed to mine, an intoxicating aroma that only made me want more of her. I wanted everything from her.

Yet, I think her actions had absolutely frozen me in disbelief, because she pulled back soon after with a look of worry in those eyes.

“Is this not what you came here for?” she asked, wondering if she had made a righteous fool of herself, kissing me like that.

I couldn’t help but stand there with a bewildered smirk, my smile widening at her sense of worry.

“I mean, I was going to apologize but…” I trailed off, seeing relief on her beautiful features. I loved the strength of her sharp jaw, the deformed lips that offered an amorous smile, and those fucking gorgeous green eyes. All that worry had left her, leaving a confident woman before me. It didn’t matter what she needed me for, what I needed her for. If it was just a moment to release stress, to ease our anxieties about each other, or perhaps a glorious moment of dominant passion…it didn’t fucking matter.

I just fucking needed her.

“You know what? Fuck an apology,” I insisted, pinning her against the nearest wall, my lips enveloping hers with the same passion our voices had used hours earlier.