I took a swig of the wine in my hand. *Gulp*. The dragon in front of me had proven to be against all persuasion. I promised him what I could give. Wine, getting him in touch with women that would be into him, the usual. The prick wouldn’t compromise though, he just wanted gold, and to be a nuisance to the townsfolk right next door. 

Fucking prick.

So I took a swig. Then another. This is gonna be a real bitch. “Ya sure ya wanna do this bud” I yell. Last chance. The dragon snorts, blowing smoke my direction. “Puny human, your lucky I haven’t ended you yet”.  ‘Kay bud. Least I tried.

At this point the fuckers got his face right in front of me. I punch him in his stupid nostril. He flinches (like a pussy). I use this opportunity to hop onto him. The dragon starts flailing around, forcing me to hang on for dear life. With that I also drop my wine. Which is a major bitch, since that wine was a good vintage. Such good wine. Such a pain.

Whatever, dionysus better repay me for this. The dragon starts to claw at his face, forcing me to drunkenly dodge around. A whoozy leap to the side, a dizzy spill just to the side of his giant friggin claws. All of this eventually leads to me puking all over the dragos face. Got some puke in his nostrils too. Would not want to be this guy right now.

The dragon stops, seemingly trying to absorb what just happened. This lasts only a couple seconds. He then starts dry heaving onto the ground. While he does that, I take my chance to come up with some sort of plan. Not really in any state to come up with a coherent set of steps, I go with the first thing that comes to mind. Wincing, I crawl into the dragon's maw. I start smashing at one of his teeth. Sharpest on I could see. 

This seems to remind the dragon of my presence. He stops dry heaving, and starts biting into me. He chows down right onto me, splitting me in half. My two halve start regenerating, reconnecting.

 People always seem to forget the fact that dionysus is more than just the god of wine and hard partying. The cycle of death and rebirth is also one of his domains. Although, I guess most of his disciples wouldn’t be able to do what I just did.

The dragon keeps biting into me, and I keep dying and reviving. While this happens I continue to smash into the dragon’s tooth. Eventually a piece of his tooth chips off. I check the chips sharpness with my finger. Ooh, just sharp enough for what I’m gonna use it for. I climb out the dragon’s mouth, frequently dodging the things claws. When I’m close enough, I leap into the dragon’s eye, stabbing into it with the tooth. 

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The dragon starts thrashing around, thankfully though I keep a pretty tight hold on the chip. All the thrashing around though gets me to puke. Goddamn motherfucking dragon. Dionysus Imma kill him so good. I’m pretty impatient by now though, so I start to burrow into his eye.

The dragon starts thrashing around some more. I ignore this, saliva, puke and probably any number of other fluids covering me by now. I keep burrowing into his eye some more, eventually getting into his brain. After that it just becomes a simple job of mining the dragon’s brain matter.

I act like a slow arrow, carving into the dragon like a butcher. After what feels like an eternity, after feeling the dragon slow down and eventually stop, I start carving upward hoping to reach open air. Of course, I forgot about the dragon’s super thick skull. That takes another hour or two to mine through. 

Halfway through my tooth chip blows away, having deteriorated too much to be of any use. Another fun fact about me, is that my only dionysus given blessings are extreme regeneration (strong enough to come back from what is basically death), being able to summon a shit ton of alcohol, and a collection of other mind altering drugs, and throwing absolutely fucking awesome party’s. And that’s it, no invulnerability or super strength in that list. 

Meaning.

When I was ‘mining’ through the skull, I was just bashing at it till my hands became bone stubs, then hitting it some more. After I penetrate the skull though, there’s the skin. The skin was flexible enough that it would need something sharp to penetrate through. Meaning breaking my arm clean off, and sharpening the end of the bone until it’s sharp enough for me to break through. 

Cutting through the skin (more like scales, let’s be honest), wasn’t easy either, I had to saw through, which took another half an hour. Imma throw a party big enough dionysus is gonna have to bless it personally (just means the dude’s gonna drink at the party). Then the moment is upon me, where I finally get to actual open air.

The moment the air hits me I take my first breath in what was probably three to four hours. I was holding my breath the entire time, what with the whole inside a brain with no real air. Just gotta survive the pain of holding my breath for that long, since I just die and revive over and over. Dionysus I hate this experience. Drowning over and over again.

  So now I am covered in all types of weird shit. Puke, brain fluids, a stunning amount of blood, saliva, and what could probably be snot, if dragon’s had snot. Dionysus this day sucks.. 

Walking away intending on throwing the party to end all parties, I turn back, and spit onto the corpse of the mighty dragon. Piece of fucking shit. Couldn’t have just accepted the booze and women (women consensually of course). Coulda landed him a night with a hot dragon lady, but no. 

Prick.

I summon wine in hand, and walk out the cave full of treasure. The only material pessions I needed was wine, booze and general narcotics of all kinds. Let’s throw a fucking party worthy of dionysus’ most devoted dicple.