"This is the BBC evening news at six-o'clock, I'm Louis Eccleston. Our main story tonight concerns the strange disappearance of a man from the main stage at this years Glastonbury festival. For more, we are joined by our music correspondent Jamie Burns. Jamie, what do you have for us?"
"Thank you Louis. I am standing just in front of the main stage when the incident happened. At around three-fifteen this afternoon just after the headline act had finished, a man climbed up and stood in front of the microphone. He shouted for everyone's attention and asked for them to get their phones out and start filming."
"What happened next?"
"He took a small step back from the microphone stand, looked up and said 'Computer, Log off.' As he did, golden lights appeared at his feet and quickly travelled upwards into the sky. The man then dissolved from view."
"Did you say 'Dissolved'? How do you mean?"
"Other festival goers described it as like the teleporter from the show Star Trek."
"Oh my!"
"Indeed Louis. There was mass panic and confusion throughout the crowd. At the time there were tens of thousands of party goers in front of the stage and the ensuing chaos had event organisers and security worried. Some of the crowd starting screaming, while others starting shouting the same phrase as the man on stage to see if they would disappear.
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"Have the organisers commented on this event?"
"They have not. There have been no released statements or official word from them as of yet. I do know that they checked the stage and found no trap doors or hidden projectors anywhere. They are just as baffled as everyone else.
"Thank you Jamie, keep us updated if you hear anything further. We are joined in the studio by our science correspondent Robert Jones. Robert what do you make of all this?"
"Thank you Louis. As our viewers may know the Star Trek teleport device is not actually possible due to our current understanding of the law of physics. According to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle..."
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"Hey, I was watching that!"
"They were only going to talk about science-y stuff, it's all boring anyway. Can't do this because of that. Can't do that because of this. It's all far too complicated for the average man anyway."
"Still, I was watching it. Turn it back on please."
"Fine."
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"...fundamental law."
"And what have the science community made of the video?"
"Most of the scientists I have spoken too are calling it a fake, however there are some that that find it interesting. The fact that there are so many videos of it online from so countless different angles, including a couple from our very own BBC cameras at the event, makes this disappearance note-worthy."
"Thank you Robert. We'll bring you more news on this story as we get it. Next up we have news out of..."
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/ / /
"Holy shit, it worked! It really worked."
"What would you like for your second wish?" asked the Genie.