I had been living with my coworker, Theresa, for about six months. I’d known her for about four years, and in all that time, she’d never seemed anything more than a slightly frazzled, blunt, opinionated, animated, cosplay-obsessed renaissance nerd. This frantic, stammering, freaked out woman in front of me was a new sight.

“Omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod,” she started to hyperventilate, so I hopped up, and started rubbing her back.

“Theresa, dude. Chill out and tell me what’s going on. Have you found a new cosplay? Did you meet our Realm’s king? Is there another season of One Punch Man coming out? What’s up, darlin’?”

She started fanning her face with her hands in an effort to calm down. It would have been comical were it not for the obvious seriousness of the situation.

“Do you remember when I told you my parents are often down South, which is why I can use their house when I go to the Ren Faire? Well, my Father is on his way here for dinner.” She started gulping air, her face flushed.

“Oh yeah? Cool. I’ll figure out something I can cook for us. I’m sure we have some chicken in the freezer…” I started to rummage around in the freezer for the aforementioned bird.

“No. No, I don’t think you quite understand. Sit down. I don’t think you’ll be cooking tonight.”

I gingerly sat on the edge of the couch and leaned forward, giving her all my attention.

“Okay. You have me. Talk to me. Tell me what’s up. Is he a trained assassin or a covert CIA agent?”

“No. Nothing so…mundane as that,” she gave a heavy sigh, and I could feel the weight of the world on her. “What I’m about to tell you isn’t going to be easy to hear. My father isn’t quite normal. Dad is, well, he’s a man of power. Of substance; and is, in a word, mighty. He doesn’t suffer fools, and you literally cannot lie to him.” She took a deep breath, held it a moment, and let it out, looking me right in the eye.

“My dad’s name isn’t Luke. It’s Lucifer. That Lucifer.” She dropped her eyes to the ground, and I just stared at her.

“Like… The Devil? Lucifer? The Fallen One? The Morning Star? The supposed embodiment of the Supreme Evil?” I quirked an eyebrow at her, a smirk on my face.

“Yes. That’d be him. And I am his only begotten daughter. The only child out of literally millions of partners. And I may have told him one tiny little fib. Just a little one. Rather insignificant, really.” The way she delivered this set my hackles up, and I was slightly unnerved.

“I thought you said you literally couldn’t lie to him. What gives?”

“No, I said you couldn’t lie to him. I can because he allows it. I’m one of the few beings in existence that he actually, truly loves.”

I slid my glasses off, and dropped my face in my hands. This could be bad. I didn’t believe in the whole Christianity thing, but this woman just told me that her dad is the devil, and he’s coming over for dinner.

“Waitaminnit. You know I don’t buy into the whole Christianity thing, and neither do you. How does this work? How can your dad be Lucifer?”

“He’s tried explaining it, and I can’t wrap my head around it. Something about gems and faces and diffractions and a whole host of other shit. Don’t stress over the minor details. The detail you need to stress over is the little white lie I’ve told him.”

I didn’t even raise my face from my hands. “Oh gods. What did you tell him?”

“I told him I’m engaged. I need someone to pose as my fiance, and you’re probably the only person I could trust enough to maybe be able to pull it off.”

I froze. I had to lie to the Lord of The Damned for an entire evening? Convince them I was their daughter’s fiance? Just how much faith did she have in my acting chops? Obviously a Hell of a lot more than mine.

I started chuckling at my own joke, and Theresa started getting upset and smacked me on the arm. “It's not funny, dammit. He’ll be here in about forty-five minutes!”

“No, no. I just made a funny in my head. That’s all. I’m not laughing at you, or anything. If anything, I’m laughing at my chances of emerging from this unscathed. He loves you, not me. I’m probably gonna die tonight,” I grinned like a feral thing with little regard for his own safety. “So. What can I do to make this as easy as possible?”

“So you’ll do it? You’ll pretend to be in love with me, and help me convince him that you’re my man, and he doesn’t have to drag me back down to Hell?” Hope bloomed in her eyes as she stared at me.

I smiled and took her hand. “My Love, you know I will. I would do anything for you. Move the heavens to allow the sun to shine upon your sweet face just that much more; dredge the seas for the absolutely perfect pearl to adorn your lovely neck, and even have dinner with your father, The Devil.”

She playfully smacked my arm, “Oh stop. You could almost convince me of those things if you keep that up.”

“I aim to please, My Lady. Now. Lay it on me.”

She proceeded to instruct me on how best to trick her father into believing the entire thing. It took the rest of the time we had, but I understood it all pretty well. It didn’t seem much different than the role play I did at my monthly D&D sessions.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

We were joking about it all when a knock sounded at the door. Showtime.

Theresa went and opened the door, and her excitement at seeing her father overwhelmed her anxiety over what we were about to attempt to pull off. I stood and turned to meet this man, hands clasped behind my back. Thankfully, I’d had the foresight to wash them and rub my alum block over them to do something about my sweaty palms.

Once he finished greeting his daughter, he turned his attention towards me. I forced a pleasant smile through the shaking I felt at my core, and met his bright eyes. He walked over to me and stuck out his hand.

“Name’s Luke. You must be Ivor! My little girl has told me so much about you. I’m so happy to finally meet you.”

“You as well, Sir! She’s been anticipating this moment for some time.” I shook his hand as I would any other. Firmly and warmly. Hoping my fear couldn’t be felt.

“Quite a grip you have there, son. I trust you don’t use that on my daughter.” His left eyebrow arched up, and he gave a small smile.

“Gods, no. I would only lay hands on a person that actually deserved it. Anyone that attempted to threaten her, for example.”

“Good man. I’m glad to hear that,” he clapped me on the shoulder. “Theresa, darling. You have chosen a fine specimen as your husband. As strong in body as he is of mind. A good combination. Now. What were we going to do about dinner? Ah!” he snapped his fingers, “I know. I’ll treat you both to dinner at a steakhouse. How’s that?”

Theresa’s eyebrows scrunched together, “Daddy! You don’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense! Nothing is too good for my little girl. I’ve got the car waiting outside. Now, why don’t you change into something appropriate for the evening. Ivor here looks okay, if a little dirty. I want to see you looking your best.” He made a shooing motion at Theresa, who walked off into her room to change clothes.

Her father watched her leave, shaking his head. He turned to me, and in a low voice said, “You know what, Ivor? I don’t think I care that she’s lied to me about a fiance. Oh, don’t look like that. I’ve known from the very beginning. From the moment she said it. The fact is, you were willing to risk my wrath, knowing what could happen. All to make her happy, right?” I nodded my assent, and swallowed hard, “That’s very noble of you, son. In fact, you’ve been doing such a fabulous job of acting, that I’m inclined to let it go on, and see what happens. I do love surprises, you know.”

“I’m not surprised you knew. I wanted to make her happy, that’s all. Come to my friend’s aid in a time of need. I would like to make a request of you, sir. If’n you’ll allow it, of course.”

He smiled and looked me in the eye. “Certainly you may make a request of me. I don’t know if I’ll honor it, however.”

“That’s fair. Look, I just want to know things. I want someone I can talk to about the hard stuff, about the existential stuff. About the weirdness that is our universe. Both the Seen and the Unseen bits. Knowledge excites me, and you, I’m sure, have a fair bit tucked into that head of yours.”

“Well, that is a surprise. Thank you for that, Ivor. For that, I think I will honor your request, and will be at your disposal for at least the evening. Ah! I think she’s just about ready. Remember, don’t let her know that I know, understand?” I once again nodded. After all, you don’t refuse a request from the Devil.

We left and went to a fancy, upscale steakhouse in the area. We all ordered some of the best food we had ever had, and laughed and talked and drank late in the evening. Several hours had passed, and I was doing what I thought was a good job in my acting.

“Well, the hour grows late, and I’m sure you two lovebirds would like to get home and into a cozy bed, yes?” Theresa, her arm around mine, and her head on my shoulder, just nodded, a happy smile on her face.

“Yes, sir. I think we have had a very full day, not to mention full bellies. I should think sleep will come with swiftness tonight.”

“Not too swift, I hope, right honey?” Theresa looked up into my face with a mischievous grin. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I kissed her forehead.

“As you wish, Love.”

“Oh, that just warms my heart. I can see exactly what she sees in you, Ivor. You’re quite the charmer. Just never stop pursuing her, even after fifty years of marriage.”

We both turned a bright red at her father’s words. She had to struggle to keep a straight face. “Daddy. Stop. You’re embarrassing me.”

“It’s the privilege of all fathers, sweetheart, to embarrass their children. Let’s get you two home, shall we?” He stood and offered his hand. As Theresa took it, he pulled her in for a quick hug.

As they broke contact, she came over to me, and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Let’s go, then. Lead the way, daddy.”

We left the restaurant, and began the trek back to our home. Luke regaling us with tales of his life that seemed too outlandish to believe; but then again, he was the Devil.

In short order, we arrived home, and Luke walked us to the door. “Now. I hope you’ll come visit me sometime. Both of you. I’ve enjoyed my evening tonight,” He extended his hand to me once more, and I gave it a hearty shake.

“Likewise, sir! I would be happy to visit you at your place. Once we can both get time off, I think we should do so, right, sweetheart?”

Theresa nodded and leaned into me. “Absolutely. As soon as we can,” She gave her father a strong hug and kissed his cheek, “Don’t stay gone for so long, Dad. I miss you.”

“You know how my work is, sweetheart. However, I will do my best to make the time,” He turned to leave, and looked back, “I hope he is everything you wanted! He seems good to me,” then sauntered off towards his car, whistling a jaunty tune.

I shut the door, and waited until I heard him leave; and then waited a few minutes more. “Holy shit. I think it worked,” I looked over at my roommate, who was fidgeting where she stood. “Theresa? You okay?”

“Um. I think he knows. Look in your hand.”

Confused, I raised my hand and looked into it. He had palmed some paper when he shook my hand. I opened it up, and read it, smiling.

“Heh. Whether he does or not, I ain’t dying tonight. Look here.” I showed her the note:

My dearest Ivor,

I thank you for the kindness and love you’ve shown my daughter. I can tell that it is real and genuine. Please don’t squander it, as I’ve done in the past. Treat her well, and I can assure you that you’ll be happy for millennia to come.

My best,

Luke

P.S. Here is my number, in case you’d like to chat sometime. I’m looking forward to your call!

“He actually gave you his number? Wow. You’re a pretty good actor,” she said, her eyes widening.

“Heh. Yeah. Actor. I thought I couldn’t lie to your father?” I arched an eyebrow at her.

“Of course you can’t lie to…” she trailed off, rereading the note, “Wait. Does this mean you weren’t acting? You really just…” she trailed off, her hands falling to her sides, her face slack, her eyes boring into mine. I cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead.

“Goodnight, Theresa. Or should I call you Princess of the Damned?” I gave her a grin and a wink as I headed to my room, leaving her stammering in the hallway.