OK, the six snakes have surrounded us. I know what to do. I think hard of the sensation of breaking apart. It’s the opposite of joining myself back together. And lo and behold… I break into six pieces again, skull, arms, legs and torso! Each bit of me hurls itself at a snake. I grab a red one with gold stripes in my teeth and bite hard on its neck. My arms each grab one and bang them hard against the walls. My legs each stamp on one and my torso traps the last one in my rib cage.

Five of the snakes are dead. I will my right arm to get my knife and kill the blue snake that’s stuck writing and hissing in my rib cage.

I will my bones to come back to me and they all knit back together.

“Whew!” I pick the dead snake out of my ribcage and take Jaime by the hand. “Let’s get out of here, my love. Best just take our chances in the rain.”

But outside, the rain has stopped and we set off north again. Ahead we see a wooden bridge stretching over a dirty river. Bits of rubbish are floating down to the sea on its black surface and I give a little start and a cry at the sight of a human hand floating on the current. Odd isn’t it? A skeleton being unnerved by the sight of a human body part? But I just hate the thought of anyone else being hurt. I’d rather be knocked to bits myself. I can take it.

“Don’t look at it, darling,” says Jaime.

“This place…!” The bridge supports and columns reach high above us and I see skulls, both human and non-human, tied to them. The wind makes an eerie noise as it whistles through the bridge structure, sounding scarily like cries for help.

Almost hidden from view is a flight of steps going down underneath the bridge. We climb down.

“Ugh!” Jaime wrinkles his freckled nose in disgust. “The smell of the water is terrible!”

Above we hear the sound of footsteps crossing the wooden bridge. Built into the bridge foundations is a wooden hut. Drawn curtains obstruct the view into the small building, but it’s obvious we’re not welcome because the words “KEEP OUT” are painted on the door in large red letters.

“But this is where the Innkeeper said Oleus is,” I murmur.

I knock on the door with my bony hand.

There’s a muttering and the shuffling of feet, and suddenly the door is thrown open. Before us stands a white haired old guy with a long beard, wearing long robes of midnight blue.

He looks at us sternly. “Boy. Skeleton. Explain yourselves to Oleus.”

“Sir, your friend the Mayor of Willowmere has sent us to you. Here is is scroll,” says Jaime.

Oleus takes the scroll and reads it with a frown and then beckons us to follow him inside the hut.

He sits down in a rocking chair and starts to talk in a calm voice. “I am old and tired. But I do wish to do a favour for my old friend. Listen now…”

Oleus lights his pipe and after a moment with it in his mouth and his eyes distant in deep thought, he exhales a billowing blue cloud and continues. “I could get special permission from the cityport’s ruler, Lord Labyrinth Dred. But he would demand a favour from you in return.”

“I will do whatever it takes!” I say. “I’ve already sacrificed so much to make sure this marriage goes ahead. Just look at me. I think it’s obvious. I’ve sacrificed my flesh and blood. I’m just a ghost haunting the hollow structure of my skeleton.”

“That’s right,” says Jaime, squeezing my skeletal hand. “Seren has done more for me than anyone else. And she’s sacrificed more for Willowmere than anyone else in its history. We’re not leaving the city until we’re husband and wife.”

“Uh… Sir, there’s another thing…” I shuffle my feet. “Would Lord Dred give us permission to adopt a baby?”

“He would demand a doubly onerous favour,” says Oleus. “But it’s something that you could do, Miss…”

“Call me Skull-Girl.”

“Very well, Skull-Girl. This is what the mission will be. Listen close and I will tell you of the nightmare legend of the necromancer Zarath, as it took place twenty years ago…”

“Zarath the necromancer sent messages to all the rulers of our continent of Caucris, demanding that they acknowledge him as their ruler. But they ignored him. And so Zarath sent plagues to their provinces giving them until the next full moon to surrender unconditionally. Many warriors tried to slay Zarath and they all failed. But one brave man by the name of Lult succeeded. He owned a wonderful sword that he had found in a haunted mere. It was held up from the water by a skeletal hand. Lult took the sword. He found that nothing could dull its edge and that it could cut through plate mail with ease. The sword had once belonged to Zarath, but to become a necromancer he had had to give up his most prized possession – his sword! He could not find a way to destroy the sword, so he dumped it in the mere to get rid of it. We know how well that worked. A skeleton gave it to Lult. A twist of fate took the now invincible Lult to Zarath. Zarath was slain by his own sword! But Zarath left a terrible curse on the sword. Anyone who used it to kill him would turn into a skeleton. The moment Lult struck the killing blow, his flesh fell from his bones and he was left an undead nightmare…”

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

“Hey, hey!” I interrupt. “Please remember that you are talking to an ‘undead nightmare’ as you so kindly put it. I see where this is going. I’ve got to find that sword, because it can’t do anything to me. I’m a skeleton already. Where is it?”

“Lult fled to the mere. It’s a few miles north of the cityport. He’ll still be there. He cannot get rid of the sword unless someone takes it from him. You must take the sword from him. You are immune to its power.”

“Yeah, good to know I can’t possibly get any worse,” I say, folding my skeletal arms. “I agree to the quest if it means we get married and can adopt a cute baby. And we'll need money to help build up our home.”

“Then our family will be complete,” says Jaime, squeezing my skeletal hand in reassurance.

Oleus empties the ash from his pipe onto the floor. “In that case your marriage can take place at nightfall.”

00O00

The wedding ceremony takes place in a room in a crypt carved in stone, underneath an old building on Candle Street nearby. Black candles burn with blue flames that cast an eerie light on the proceedings. A pale guy in a black skullcap is the witness and Oleus has the seal of approval from Lord Dred.

Jaime and I stand facing one another. Once again, I remind myself that I’m doing this all for him. Doesn’t any girl wish more than anything for a hot husband who’s loyal? I’m looking into his soft brown eyes and thinking that he’s the kindest, gentlest person I know.

Oleus reads the vows: “Do you, Seren, promise to love and cherish Jaime as long as he shall live?”

“I do,” I say. I’m gazing enraptured at Jamie, his freckled nose and cheeks, his strong jaw and stubble, and savouring the firm grip of his soft hands on my hard, bony ones.

“And you, Jaime,” says Oleus, “do you promise to love and cherish Seren as long as you shall live?”

“I do,” says Jaime, gazing into my eyes.

“Then I proclaim you husband and wife,” says Oleus. “You may kiss the bride.”

Jaime takes me in his arms, tips up my chin with his finger and presses his soft lips against my teeth. I feel all warm and tingly and hunger for the kiss to go on forever. I let this night burn into my memory. At last, I have scored a victory. It’s cost me so much, even my life, but now I have won. We are married.

00O00

The night is glorious. I finally get to spend my wedding night with my husband! Sorry, but the details will remain private. The next day is the second stage of the bargain. The messenger guy sent by Lord Dred takes us to the ward where there are green half human half troll babies being put up for adoption. I haggle and we get to adopt two. A little boy and a little girl. I pick the plumpest, cutest little green bundles of joy I can find. It’s so adorable watching Jaime cradle them both in his arms, that I go into an ecstatic state and my skull flies off and floats around the room. We name our new daughter Ember, and we name our new son Jace.

That afternoon, Jaime is to take our babies home to Willowmere. Lord Dred has guaranteed his swift and safe journey – ordering a first class carriage with Oleus the old wizard as part of the armed guard.

I cradle baby Ember in my skeletal arms. She’s swaddled in a blanket. “Goodbye, my little one. Mummy will be back soon,” I say softly.

Then I cradle Jace in my arms. “Goodbye, my son. I’ll be back soon to tell you all about my adventures.”

I fervently hope I do!

Jace’s little mouth is looking for something. He wants feeding! Jaime has a bottle of purified goats milk on hand. Feeding and taking care of our little ones will keep him very busy while I am on my dangerous quest. He hugs me and kisses my lipless mouth.

“Be back soon, my love.”

“I’ll be thinking of you all every moment,” I reply. Oh gods, I would be tearing up if I still had tear ducts!

All too soon, I’m heading out into the hills north of the cityport, armed with a new leather satchel and a magnificent opal studied dagger given to me by Lord Dred (the messenger brought it to me). Now I’m heading north into the hills.

As night falls, I am approached by two skeletons in red robes.

I wave. “Hey there, fellow undead. Nice night to be a restless spirit, isn’t it?”

The skeletons don’t answer. Their eye-sockets glow red.

“Rude!” I shake my skull at them.

One of them speaks in a raspy voice. “Zarath sent us. We will reduce you to splinters of bone.”

“We will grind you into dust,” says the other, clacking his jaws.

I put my bony hands on my hips. “Oh, come on! Just because you’re skeletons doesn’t mean you have to be so miserable and anti-social. Look at me. I’m a skeleton too, and I have a husband and kids. A gorgeous flesh and blood husband who is beautiful and kind. And two chubby babies.”

“We will pulverise you,” says the first skeleton. “For the glory of Zarath.”

“For the glory of Zarath,” repeats the other.

“You both really need to get lives,” I tell them. “It’s OK for me to say that, as another undead.”

“You stand no chance against both of us,” says the first skeleton.

I shake my skull in exasperation. “Oh, you really think that do you? Come on then, if it’s a fight you’re after, lets fight." I beckon with a bony finger and they advance on me…