Cold, Cool, and Stable.

That was my room. As long as my room was that, I wouldn’t have any trouble.

Cold, Cool, and Stable

I sat at the edge of my room staring at the blank search bar on my computer which illuminated the entire room.

Cold, Cool and Stable

The blinds were shut barricading me from the outside world, whether they were blocking out the harsh rays of sunlight or the soothing strokes of moonlight I didn’t know. The only light that was invading my room was the white of the blank search screen, and my cell phone.

I need to be cold to it. I need to keep my cool from getting into it. I must be stable to resist it.

Cold, Cool, and Stable

Just like this room.

But no matter how much I thought about those three words, words that should define me in this very moment, the opposite came to me.

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Hot.

Warm.

Unstable.

My room temperature didn’t change, but I was on fire. Everything from my body to my brain was on fire.

I NEED to be cold to it. I NEED to keep my cool from getting into it. I MUST be stable to resist it.

To resist her.

Upon that thought my computer and phone exploded.

Message after message. Image after image sprang forth like sparks.

Pop, pop, pop

The words were scathing yet somehow warm in compassion, the images scorching yet warmly soothing to the eye.

My room was no longer Cold, Cool or Stable.

It was hell.

The flames roared, and my willpower shrunk in response.

I have to get out. I have to leave. If I can just leave my room, I can make it.

At those thoughts I slowly mustered the courage to move. Through the flames that engulfed my computer, desk, chair and bed, I slowly moved forward until I was face to face with the door.

I can make it this time. This time will be different. This time I will-

Knock, knock

My hand which had touched the doorknob froze.

I can’t go outside. I can’t go outside. I can’t go outside.

At that moment two arms wrapped around my neck. Unlike the hellish flames they were warm, comforting and inviting.

“Stay with me please?”

Her words melted me, I had no willpower left. My eye sight grew hazy. My strength left me.

All I wanted to do now was to be with her, to rest in her embrace and to give in. Nothing else mattered, not the smoke, not the flames, not anything.

She smiled and stroked my hair gently.

“Just rest with me, I’ll take care of you.”

She slowly began to pull me back into the room, back into the raging flames.