"Do you have any prior work experience?" The woman said with a dry expression. Her very words portraying a person who'd rather be baked alive than be here.

"I have prior work as a software engineer," Sai responded. From plenty of early interviews, he knew it was never a good idea to give an employer a full glance at the cards an employee held.

Aside from being able to surprise your employer at the right time and maybe secure a promotion. Sai mainly did just so he wouldn't be bothered with any stupid questions. And more likely, tasks.

That was exactly why he was gonna spill out his entire gut to the woman in front of him who very clearly didn't care. And would likely strangle him the moment she found him alone in a dark alley for wasting an hour of her life she wasn't getting back.

Sai had been on a job hunt for the past week. he had gone for five days without food even though he carefully rationed the greasy snacks of Pepsi and some heavenly Sour Cream and Onion chips. But they had been barely able to fill him for two days.

Water wasn't a priority but he already knew it was coming up on rent and he needed to pay for the tap water he had been guzzling down to make up for his lack of food.

Thankfully he had been able to take a shower. Had some clean clothes loaned to him from a nice neighbor who didn't want anything to do with them for some reason. And was currently auditioning for a fast food place called My Donalds.

And apparently, it wasn't a Mcdonald's rip-off. The numerous failed lawsuits made that quite clear.

"Great, your hired."

"Wait what?"

"I said you're hired."

Sai just stared dumbfounded at the woman in front of him. H had been prepared to spill out his darkest of secrets. Talk about his deepest of shame, and even give her enough blackmail material to last a lifetime.

"I seriously got the job?' Sai asked. He had to be sure he wasn't hallucinating.

"Yes! Okay! Yes!" The woman shouted, her voice turning so high pitched Sai felt his ears hurt.

"Can I ask why?"

"Do that and you'll be fired on your first day."

"Right, when's my first shift?"

"Right now."

"Wait, what?"

----------------------------------------

"Sai had thought this was a normal place. He had thought he had escaped from the crazy battles of heroics and villainy. The battles between little girls who can move buildings. And grown men in power suits! But oh he was wrong, oh so very wrong!"

"Can you please stop interrupting my monologue Hazek? I really want to enjoy my last minutes of sanity."

"Don't worry, a good mind wipe can take care of that, well, before you get assaulted by the corpses of your loved ones for three hours straight."

"I really hope you're being figurative, or at the very least saying it happened in your mind."

"Quick tip my newest friend! Mad Science isn't a science at all, more just a crackpot of drugs dumped into a genius and then let loose."

"As if that wasn't already normal science."

"HA! to shay," Hazek laughed, his tongue rolling out of his dog mouth. Spilling saliva onto the table.

Sai couldn't believe his first shift was with a guy with a dog head, while he was serving people who very obviously were villains in their costumes.

"Sai, table twenty-seven want's to know what's taking so long with their Hell Burgers!" A waitress yelled at him. She was named Lucy, a surprisingly bland name when compared to his scene.

Hell burgers were also surprisingly normal. You'd think that something with that name being served in an establishment that served literal demons would be a bit more exciting, or as Sai would like to put it, weird. But the place was surprisingly normal.

"You son of an f&^%ing f%$#! You stole my money!"

"Like Mr.Cold V. Ms.Flame, any stolen object is not counted as the stealer's property, and therefore can't be stolen again!"

If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

Hazek sighed, "These guys always fight, one guy blows up the other guy, the other sleep with their wife. It's all very entertaining to watch till you have to clean up the resulting mess. I get why the janitor hates me."

"So, what do we do?"

"We? Sorry pal, I shirk this duty on anyone I can. Have fun sorting this out!" Hazek said as he went to the bathroom.

"What! How am I supposed to stop a fight!?" Sai asked.

"Beat them up!" Hazek shouted back as he disappeared from view.

"But I don't know how to do that..." Sai replied quietly. He couldn't believe he was going to deal with what amounted to a classic bar fight on his first day.

With a sigh and an unbelievable amount of bravery for a little coward and idiot like Sai, yes the narrator you all know and love is back.

Sai walked forward to handle the mess.

----------------------------------------

"I deserved that spotlight in Small Villain hits Big! But you stole it from me again!" Said a man covered in green scaley armor. Releasing a small shade of blue light that lowered the temperature around him by several degrees, Celsius that is.

Cause f@$# the Imperial System.

"Well, that's what you get for stealing a nemesis like Lady Night from me! Do you realize the ratings I would've gotten on Capes & Criminals if I had her when they pushed that diversity plan? A lot I tell you!" Another man or more accurately thing shouted back, a large body made of eldritch flesh in the rough shape of a humanoid, crammed into a suit and tie.

Seven different eyes were placed randomly around its 'face', which happened to look like a hammer had been brought to a piece of uncooked meatloaf and then dumped into a pile of dog hair. Which had then been molded into a thumb.

Very specific, but you all want to know the face of the guy our intrepid hero, or coward depending on your flexible political and moral view. Was about to rearrange.

"Finally admitting that you only wanted that half-wit hero cause it would get you better views? A startling amount of courage for a monkey's thumb which looks like it was halfway through surgery before you came into being!" The man in scales replied. The argument growing more heated as the temperature around him grew cooler.

"Like she's any better than that guy Ax," the eldritch mafia boss said.

"He can actually fight!" The man in scales shouted.

"Your definition of fighting is laughably low when you got beaten up by Rodent-girl."

"That was a mistake and she caught me off guard!"

"With what? Some rats crawl up your leg and bite your balls? Explains why you give your every lover some disease."

"Oh. You. Son of a-"

"Um, could you please take this fight elsewhere?" A meek voice interjected into the argument. Acting like a fresh slap to both of the men(let's call the eldritch guy a man for now) involved.

Both of them turned to the source of the voice. One very nervous Sai, sweat running down every nook and cranny of his body. As he tried to get two people who could kill him in a second to stop fighting, rather than turn him into some fresh paint.

'"And who are you?" Both of them asked at once. Their voices asking nothing but the answer.

"Um... Sai?"

"Yeah we got that, why are you here?"

"Cause you need to stop fighting, I may be new, but this bar doesn't seem like it's equipped to handle villains of your caliber punching it out. Might we go outside?" Sai asked, hoping to every god, demon, and random eldritch lamp that he wouldn't die today.

"Sure, you first."

"Wait, what?" That was all Sai could to say before the eldritch crime boss, we really have to come up with a better name, grabbed him by the collar, and hurled him out the nearest window. Before promptly going back to arguing with the man before.

Sai crashed through the window, smashing into the concrete road outside with a brutal crunch. Blood exploded out of his mouth and several newly acquired holes.

Sai couldn't even scream as he bled out on the road.

He hadn't even been here for more of a week.

Yet he was already going to die?

----------------------------------------

"That's too boring."

"Pardon?"

"I said it's too boring. Plus your guy's narrator skills are crap. There are always seemingly random tone shifts that break the immersion. Plus the narrator isn't funny, at all."

"I'll see what I can do sir, do want me to revive this character?"

"Yeah, but take him off the registry, he's too boring for his own good."

----------------------------------------

Sai let out a gasp as he woke up in a bed, not his own.

He knew better than to think that the last week was all a dream.

You don't feel pain in dreams.

"You awake?"

Sai turned to where the voice was coming from, finding the familiar half-dog half-man Hazek looking at him. Slowly drinking what appeared to be some beer.

They weren't allowed to serve alcohol.

Drunk supervillains always blew the cover of a place like this. Better to give them less unhealthy things to enjoy so they won't be found out.

"Yeah. What happened?" Sai asked slowly, his mouth and throat hurting like crazy, never enough air making it in to keep him alive and say more than a couple of words.

"You got your ass kicked, I thought you had some skills on you, you know, powers?" Hazek asked.

"Nope, just a normal guy who got thrown out the window. Thanks for healing me up by the way," Sai told Hazek, Hazek didn't listen of course. He now had a new problem, they had let a civilian see one of the safe places Villains could go to for rest and relaxation.

Such things were rare, and if word got out. The rest of the underworld in the city would purge the place.

A hero had caused plenty of damage when they snuck in last time. So when word gets out that there was someone who didn't belong.

It was taken seriously.

Hazek looked at Sai.

"Hey, Sai?" He asked.

"Yeah?" Sai replied.

"How would you feel about me murdering you, like, how up are you for that?"

"..."

"Nope, you can't do that. Can't do that at all, I'll haunt you if you do it," Sai threatened.

"You can do that?" Hazek asked.

"I'll work something out with whoever I meet when I'm dead."

"Than that settles it, I can't kill you."

"Great."

"So I'm gonna make sure you don't get all of us killed."

"Great, how does that work?"

"I lock you in here for the rest of your life!"

"No!"

"Too late!"

And with that stunning display of negotiation skill, Hazek went running out of the room. Closed the door, locked said door, and then threw away the key.

Quite the stunning display of wit and courage is what no one thought.

Well, one person did think that.

"Heeeeeeeee-Hazek was so cool back there, villainously running away after he's trapped an enemy to let them starve to death! I must take notes!"