GALAXY OF APES
***
Jewels’ head throbbed like she’d been drop-kicked by a cyborg gorilla. She tried to move, but her arms were stuck. Tight. Like, “I’ve been kidnapped by a freak in a top hat and am currently bound to a chair” tight.
She pried her eyes open. The first thing she saw was Julio, tied up in the same way across from her, still unconscious. His head was lolled to the side, a thin line of drool running from his mouth.
“Julio, wake the fuck up,” she groaned, shaking her body against the restraints.
No response.
She kicked the chair forward, smacking the metal leg against his shin.
“AHHH—FUCK!” Julio shot up, eyes darting around. “Where—wait, why am I tied up? Why are you tied up? Why—”
“Because we got kidnapped by a skeleton in a suit,” Jewels said, rolling her eyes.
“That motherfu—”
VROOOOM
The ship jolted violently. A loud humming filled the room, deep and omnipresent, like the entire universe was vibrating. Jewels’ stomach flipped as the telltale sensation of warp travel kicked in.
Her heart skipped a beat.
They were moving.
Julio, who had gone from panicked to unreasonably calm in the span of three seconds, finally looked around the room. It was a metallic chamber—clean, precise, and lined with glowing blue strips of light. A single door stood at the far end, seamlessly built into the wall.
And in the corner, standing perfectly still like some sort of haunting mannequin, was him.
Mr. Dunce.
The tall, thin man with the top hat stood with his hands folded behind his back, his emotionless eyes staring directly at them.
“Ah,” he said flatly. “You’re awake.”
Julio and Jewels stared at him.
Julio was the first to speak. “No shit, Sherlock.”
Jewels sighed. “Where are we going?”
Mr. Dunce didn’t blink. “Homo Nebulas.”
Silence.
Then Julio burst out laughing.
Jewels groaned. “Julio—”
“Are you serious?” Julio wheezed. “We got kidnapped and now we’re going to the Nebulas? THE Homo Nebulas? As in the biggest city in the universe?!”
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Jewels felt a pit form in her stomach.
She had heard of Homo Nebulas. Everyone had.
It was a city that spanned an entire galaxy. The heart of humanity. The supposed center of all civilization.
And they were heading straight for it.
She swallowed. “Why?”
Mr. Dunce tilted his head. “Because you touched the hard drive.”
Jewels’ eye twitched.
“Well excuse me for doing my damn job.”
“It wasn’t a job,” Mr. Dunce corrected. “It was an accident waiting to happen. And it did.”
Jewels scowled. “Oh wow, excuse me for being ignorant to space magic. You fry your brain putting in a new neural chip?”
Mr. Dunce didn’t react.
Julio coughed to hide a laugh.
Jewels sighed. “Fine. Whatever. But why are we really going to Homo Nebulas? You’re telling me the Nebula government just lets random jackasses drag in prisoners whenever they want?”
Mr. Dunce clasped his hands behind his back. “I am no random jackass. I am Mr. Dunce, leader of the Jackers.”
Jewels raised an eyebrow. “The what?”
“The Jackers,” Mr. Dunce repeated. “A branch of the Congress of Nebulas. We hunt and study pre-Ascendance war relics.”
Julio blinked. “War relics?”
“Indeed,” Mr. Dunce said. “The Congress of Nebulas is humanity’s governing body, led by King Laviticus III. It oversees all major decisions, ensuring stability and order throughout Homo Nebulas.”
Jewels’ mind raced. “Wait, King? There’s still a monarchy? In the year 4724?”
Mr. Dunce nodded. “Yes.”
Julio scoffed. “Why the hell does the biggest civilization in history still have a king?”
Mr. Dunce’s expression didn’t change. “Because democracy is a failed experiment.”
Julio blinked. “Well shit.”
Jewels leaned forward. “And you’re saying we’re getting taken straight into this government because I touched a glowing hard drive?”
“Correct.”
Jewels and Julio shared a look.
“That sounds bad,” Julio muttered.
“Very bad,” Jewels agreed.
The ship jolted again.
A robotic voice echoed through the room:
[EXITING WARP IN 10… 9… 8…]
Jewels clenched her jaw.
This was really happening.
The hum of the warp drive grew higher and higher until—
[3… 2… 1…]
—BOOM.
The sensation of warping instantly vanished.
And then, through the ship’s single reinforced window, they saw it.
A galaxy.
But it wasn’t a normal galaxy.
It was a city.
Skyscrapers the size of planets spiraled around the galactic core, connected by immense, glowing highways of light. Colossal space stations hovered around swirling stars, each one teeming with life. Thousands—millions—billions of ships zipped through the void like swarms of mechanical fireflies.
Everywhere Jewels looked, there was civilization.
Homo Nebulas.
“…Holy shit,” Julio whispered.
Jewels couldn’t even speak.
Mr. Dunce remained still. “Welcome to the heart of humanity.”
Jewels’ mind was still processing the sheer size of it all.
They had only ever known Titan. A single moon.
And yet here was an entire galaxy, overflowing with life.
Mr. Dunce continued, his voice as monotone as ever. “Homo Nebulas is divided into several sectors. The Industrial Ring—where mass production occurs. The Residential Sphere—home to the billions of inhabitants. The Administrative Core—where the Congress and King reside. The Trade Bastion—where commerce thrives. And the Outer Wards—the lawless, uncontrolled fringes.”
Julio’s mouth hung open. “There’s an entire sector just for shopping?”
“Commerce,” Mr. Dunce corrected. “And yes.”
Jewels was still staring out the window. “So… you live here?”
Mr. Dunce nodded. “Of course. As do all members of the Congress.”
Jewels exhaled. “This is a lot to take in.”
Julio shook his head. “Bro, we grew up in shithole scrap piles on Titan. This place is basically a goddamn paradise compared to that.”
Jewels sighed. “And yet here we are, still tied up like hostages.”
Mr. Dunce turned toward the door. “You are not hostages.”
“Oh, great,” Jewels deadpanned. “So we can go?”
“No.”
“Fuck you.”
The door slid open. A new voice chimed in.
“Ah, you must be the two morons Mr. Dunce brought in.”
Jewels and Julio looked up.
A group of people stood in the doorway.
At the front was a man with golden implants running along his jaw, his cybernetic eyes scanning them like a machine.
“Well, well,” he smirked. “You must be the idiots who touched that thing.”
Jewels narrowed her eyes.
Who the hell was this guy?