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4 – Pith of Self-Loathing

4 – Pith of Self-Loathing

“Since when were you so smooth? ‘Farewell’?” Donna cackled, “Oh and let’s not forget ‘forgive my tardiness’. Since when did you learn those complicated words?” she said sarcastically, belittling me for my usually over-casual manner of speech.

Damn right I’m smooth. You better recognise a ladies’ man when you see one. I bet I could sweep you off your feet, easy. You won’t be able to resist this.

She laughed even harder, an obnoxious guffaw, really. “Since when?! Hahaha, I haven’t had a good laugh like that in a long time. Tell you what, ladies’ man. If you score a girlfriend in one year from now, I’ll teach you three spells. A really strong spell, a really useful buff, and a cooldown.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You know you can’t turn back on those words with me! I will nag you until you die again. You really wanna make a bet like that?

“Yeah. And if you don’t get a girlfriend, you’re going to have to do me a favour. A damn huge favour.”

Deal, you got yourself a deal, Donna! As weird as the evening was, it paid off. I walked out the room calmly and the minute I closed the door I heard, “Is it done?” Needless to say, I wasn’t aware I could make such a high-pitched sound when I jump.

“You really have a knack for doing that, huh?” I placed my hand on my chest and calmed myself, “Yes, I cured him. Well, she cured him,” I pointed to the unusually quiet Hydra.

“Oh my!” Dawn’s sister exclaimed, “Not only are you forceful, but lecherous too. What a pervert!”

“Damn right I am,” I joked along. She walked me outside into the courtyard, “Hey, Eric, thank you. I owe you one.”

“Yeah, yeah you do. How about you become my girlfriend for a few days?”

She tilted her head confusedly, then gave a malicious smile, “Sure. You made a bet, didn’t you?”

“Are you psychic?”

“Maybe,” she smirked. “By the way, the name’s May,” she stuck her hand out and I took it, “I’m Eri–well, I’m sure you already know that, stalker.”

“So, boyfriend, what do you want to do? Seeing as we’re couples and all.”

I shrugged, “Don’t know, magic has been my only girlfriend.”

“Really? Well,” she walked forward a little, “magic can’t do this,” and kissed me. No, not on my cheek, on my lips, tongue and everything, for an absurdly long time. Fate really shat on me that day, because Dawn appeared right in the middle of it, and I wasn’t exactly resisting. The smile she came out with turned into a frown and she stormed back inside.

May stopped when she heard the door slam, she stared on in silence and puzzlement for a couple seconds, then released a little titter, then looked back at me, “Your ‘only girlfriend’, huh? Men are such liars. Well, don’t worry about it.”

About what?

“I’ll talk to her, see you around,” she waved me goodbye and I left.

Guess who owes me three spells?

“That’s cheating, you can’t just–”

Nope. You didn’t specify. I’ve upheld the conditions given to me. I knew Donna was pissed, but she admitted defeat.

The next few days, I practiced a spell called Levitate. It did exactly what the name suggested, allowed the user to levitate about a foot above ground, but that wasn’t all. It offered a sort of, telekinetic control of your own body. According to Donna, I could move about as fast as a galloping horse, which of course I tested and failed. The spell in itself was pretty easy, but maintaining a high speed was damn near impossible. Jogging speed was the best I could do. At least travelling to the Order was less of a chore.

I had a class in the morning, which I drudgingly decamped from the library to attend. This was the fifth class since I went to Dawn’s house, the fifth class that she was absent.

“So, what’s up with Dawn?” I asked the guys.

Pyro shrugged, “Time of the month, maybe?”

Volt barely held his laugh back, “As someone who’s engaged, I can tell you,” he rubbed his knuckle on Pyro’s head, “you probably did something that made her mad. She’s attending her other classes as normal, just not this one.”

Eh, really?

“Wow, all men really are the same.”

I could say the same, getting mad and hoping we men figure out what’s wrong is pretty cliché.

“That’s why I stay away from commitment, man,” Pyro said, shaking his head, “females are impossible to understand. Good luck finding out what pissed her off, teach,” he had a devilish smirk on him.

Why do I feel like the three of you are expecting me to fix things? I sighed, second-guessing myself for a while. Then shrugged it off, whatever.

“Alright, guys, time to learn how to summon a greater elemental.”

“Teach,” Volt interrupted, “You’re continuing without her?”

“Hmm? Yeah. If she’s immature enough to let a little kiss make h–”

“Aww, dude,” Pyro threw his hands up in disappointment, “rookie mistake. But still though, wow! Dawn actually got jealous! She must really like ya, teach!”

Like me? Wait, Dawn liked me?

“You’re a special kind of stupid, huh?”

How was I supposed to know? She’s as uptight about these things as ever. There were no signals, none!

“I saw a lot of signals. Maybe you’re blind,” Donna said, making me wonder if the problem really was with me.

“You talk like you know her, Pyro,” I sat on the desk, giving him a look that said he should spill the beans, but he only shrugged with a stupid smile on his face.

“Well, we’ve only known her since she was a baby. I guess that’s a pretty short time, huh?” he said sarcastically.

“Oh.”

“Yup. ‘Oh’ is right. Listen uh, teach, I mean, not like I have any right, but,” he ran his fingers through his burnt hair, “she’s our friend you know. Our best friend. Seeing you shoot her down like that, is kind of…”

“What he’s trying to say,” Volt stood up, unusually assertive, “we’d like for you to give her more consideration. We’d like to see her happy. Don’t just leave her like that. Either date her, or outright reject her. Until that is resolved, I’m afraid my own principles disallow me to continue your classes, teach,” he bowed a little, then stood up, and left.

Man, I was left speechless at that. I didn’t expect that from him in the least. Pyro shrugged right after, “Who’d you kiss anyway? Gotta be a real hot number, right?”

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“M­–”

“Hope it’s not her sister,” he cut me off before I could tell him anything, “Dawn’s got a real nasty inferiority complex to her sister. Well, see you around, man!” he vanished.

“I’m not gonna say you messed up, but man, you messed up.”

Whatever. I left for the plains outside the city and continued practising Levitate. In about an hour of trial and error, I gained a little speed increase and bruised forearms from bracing my fall. This spell, was extremely frustrating. Every day, for a week, I focused on Division with no progress. Every day, I practised Levitation, mastering the speed challenge, but not the third and final step, slow-falling. Each class I had, Pyro and Volt would show up, maybe chat for a while, but leave if Dawn didn’t attend.

Admittedly, I was beginning to feel horrible about it, and the only person knowing this was Donna, who was literally inside my mind. She didn’t say a word about it to me, but she did speak to me as usual. Was she trying to hint that this was something I should gain the motivation for myself and rectify all on my own? Was Volt and Pyro telling me I wasn’t worthy enough to teach them summoning magic because one stupid kid chose to ditch her classes and run away from a non-existent problem? As much as they made it feel like I was at fault for this, it only served to irritate me, hence, pushing me away from even communicating with them for such childish behaviour. The more I thought about it, the more it irritated me. Eventually though, in the coming weeks, the situation frequented my mind less and less, and my focus on learning returned slowly.

This was exactly what I wanted–no responsibilities deterring me from constant learning–what I planned to do from the very start. My Levitate was mastered, I could glide at a horse’s sprinting speed, and slow-fall if jumping from any height. Division was closer to me than ever, and I even began learning a new spell, Timedial. When mastered, it could slow the movement of time and space but it was a forbidden spell. Any spell deemed too destructive or harmful to the user, which Timedial was the latter, would be pulled from the shelves and forgotten through time, but Donna knew it. She advised the use of it, or at least, when the user stops the spells, the body is jerked, like a speeding bullet coming to an immediate stop. This stoppage is what made the spell dangerous. I was achieving so much, but I didn’t feel like myself. The usual sense of accomplishment wasn’t there.

“Hey, little shit,” my dad called me after finding me in the Order’s library, “heard your classes stopped. It was fine for a while, what happened?” I put the heavy tome down on my little corner desk, looked up at him slowly. Not that it’s a long story, but I didn’t want to discuss it in the library. I felt stuffy and needed to get out, so, like any normal father and son talk, we ended up in a bar with two mugs. No, no, this wasn’t some depressing melodramatic story, it’s just that we were passing by and saw how good those mugs of mead looked and we got won over in an instant.

“…so yeah, she got mad, I think, and slammed the door after she went inside. Volt and Pyro,” he looked at me strange when I mentioned those two names, “y’know. The brothers in my class. I don’t know their names so I just gave them those nicknames. Anyway, they refused to come to class if Dawn didn’t come. And here we are today.”

His mug was nearly done by the time I finished talking and he exhaled, placed his hand on his forehead, looked into his remaining mead, then back at me, “Man, you suck,” he chuckled, “but I can’t say I haven’t made similar mistakes before. Anyway, don’t wanna sound like a psychologist, but how does that make you feel?”

I was well on my second mug, “Well, uh, to be frank with ya, it pisses me off. How immature can they be? You halt your own learning because of something like that? I don’t know who’s more ridiculous, Dawn, or the brothers. Now I’m sure those geezers from the council are squirming in their seats because I’m not teaching any classes. And if they’re not squirming, then they have no inkling of just how much of a wealth of magical knowledge I possess. They love collecting mages, after all.”

Dad finally got a refill, “Bah, this should be the part where I lecture you, but man, I honestly feel the same way you do. Their actions are pretty childish. But the thing is, in this situation, no one is really pressured to start making up. Dawn is an aristocrat mage, she doesn’t need to know summoning magic, plus she’s still a kid, a girl who happened to see her potential partner somewhat stolen away. It may be immature but it’s understandable. Volt and,” he took a few seconds to remember their names, “Pyro, well. Hmm. I can’t really explain their situations, but they’re the least required to do something about it. As for you, if we go on current human norms and ethics, you’d be the one that should do something about it. However, even though you should, you’re not required. This was something out of your control. Now, the council holds me responsible for you, since I made the deal. They want me to convince you to do whatever you can to resume teaching, but they’re not pushing it down your throat since all they know is that your students aren’t attending. If the students aren’t there, ain’t much the teacher can do, ya?”

“What are you saying?” I asked. He placed money on the table and stood up, “Do what you think is right.” He paused, “No, do what you want to do. Whatever is the first feeling you get when you think about Dawn, follow it. I’m pretty hungry so I’m going home, later.”

Well, how do I feel? Donna, you’ve been quiet about it for a pretty long time. What are you really thinking?

“I’m thinking if I should bother teaching you that ‘powerful’ spell. Can’t practise it without destroying an acre or two.”

Don’t do that, Donna, I warned her, don’t get me excited. I’m already drinking. Just tell me what you think I should do about Dawn.

“Eh, my opinion won’t matter. You already know what you want to do, so just do it.”

She wasn’t one to mince words. I set down my money and stepped outside. I chose to glide slowly with Levitate, the alcohol’s influence was somewhat slightly amplified this time around and I didn’t want to crash into anyone. As I was bypassing an alley, I felt someone’s hands grab me by the waist and nabbed me into the darkness. A bag went over my face, the number of hands tugging me along felt like there were at least two men. Startled as I was, I kept calm and used Discharge, shocking them into petrification. I pulled the bag off my head and used Phoenix Wave, a spell that released a wave of fire that travelled lightning-fast speed, it of course took the form of a miniature phoenix, ergo, its name.

They were set aflame, and the burning sensation forced their bodies’ nervous system out of its submission to Discharge and they began rolling about in pain. Instead of sticking around, I chose to flee, gliding speedily out of the alley, but toward the other end. There was a carriage parked right outside, and May poked her head out, “Geez, can’t you get kidnapped like normal people?”

“What the–those guys were your men?”

“Hmm? ‘Were’? What’d you do, Eric?”

“Uh…”

She jumped out her carriage and looked down to the alley to see her men on fire. “Oh, God! Eric, do something!”

I sighed, pointed my palm towards them and distinguished the Phoenix Wave’s fire. Hydra healed their burns after. Moments later, the four of us sat in the carriage, May at my side and her two men opposite us. “Man, you’re ruthless,” one of them commented.

I tilted my head. I know that voice. “Pyro?”

“Yup!” he said, and took his mask off.

“So, then…” I turned to the other man.

“Hey, teach,” Volt greeted.

“It was pretty fun,” Pyro said, “at least until we got shocked and burnt,” he shrugged. “So, don’t you wanna know why we tried to take ya?”

I exhaled, almost exhaustingly, “Something to do with Dawn, right?”

“Ding, ding, ding! We were gonna drop you off in her room and hope you two make up, but uh, well, that failed.”

“Nah,” I opened the door, “it didn’t,” and glided away.

Sometimes, whether or not you’re right, you’ve got to ‘take one for the team’, according to my dad. I went to her house, hoping her father was out.

I held the circular door knocker, ready to knock, but the door suddenly opened. A servant was on the other side, and behind her, was Dawn. She gasped, and like it was contagious, the servant gasped when he saw me too.

“Should I dramatically inhale too?” I jested.

“Eric, why, are you h–”

“To, ensure my student has done her homework. Mind if we talk a bit?”

She nodded and continued outside with me into their flower garden, well, that’s an understatement. It was more like a greenhouse. She looked straight at me, not removing her grey eyes for one second. I on the other hand, was in awe, slightly, at the assortment of flower decorations they had. The insects here probably lived better than people in the southern district.

“Listen–” we both said in unison, but she opted out to let me speak first. “I’ll be blunt. I think I like you, and I’m sorry, to both you and myself, that it took me this long to realise, especially after what happened,” I peered her right in the eye, but she couldn’t decide which eye to look me in. “For the first time in my life I was learning new exciting spells and was not excited. What happened really plagued my mind, more than I wanted to admit. I won’t lie to you and say I’m in love or anything, but I’d like to explore these feelings, whether or not it’s real or just infatuation. Well, if you’d let me.”

I might’ve been the one spitting these difficult words, but her watering eyes certainly made it seem reversed. “I don’t know what to say,” she chuckled weakly, “just when I was about to apologise, you beat me to it. Eric, what I did was uncalled for. In my anger, I refused to face my own feelings, which was just childish of me. I’m sorry.”

I opened my arms and she flew right into them, after a moment of hesitation. Man, she’s really emotional. “Well, where does this leave us now?” I inquired.

She looked up to me, “Well, first, we could…” she stopped, looked at me funnily and asked if May and I weren’t dating.

“Well, the thing is about that,” I said and her embrace on me loosened a little, “I made a bet with someone. If I could get a girlfriend, they’d teach me three spells, and if too much time passed by, I’d owe them a favour. So, uh, I just, asked May. I didn’t actually expect her to agree. But, we both know there are zero feelings between us anyway. It was just her way to thank me for helping Mr Pendulum, I guess.”

She pouted, and punched me in the stomach, folded her arms, “Why didn’t you ask me, then?”

I laughed, “Need I remind you you’re the most straight-laced girl I know? I thought you wouldn’t even entertain the idea.”

“Well, I’d like to entertain that idea now.”