The crying doesn’t last long, but the anger does. Pacing around the narrow hold of the Chimera, I’m seething. Fists clenches, jaw tight, while Sparrow leans back against the bulkhead with a concerned face.

“They want me to change! To transform my brain, how my mind works, who I am at the core.”

She bites her tongue, brow furrowed. “I don’t understand… if Sergeant Rockchaser didn’t tell them, who did?”

I throw my hands up in exasperation. “Does it make a difference now? Maybe someone snooped the security feeds. It’s not even about us anymore, it’s about my ‘disability.’”

It’s silent for a few moments. Sparrow sits down and crosses her leg. She’s wearing overalls now, and I feel bad about interrupting her business, but I feel like I’m going to explode. Or deck someone. I take a few deep breaths, trying to steady myself.

Finally, she tilts her head. “Melody… can I ask? I don’t want to pry, but… what’s the damage here?”

I tense at that. “Does it matter?”

She nods. “Look, I’m the last person in the system to judge. And I know that I've held back and basically asked you to trust me. But you’re all wound tight about this, and not about the part that should worry you. Why don’t you want the treatment?”

My shoulders tense. “What, just let some random fucking technician laser my neurons one by one, shave away who I am? Go to sleep on the table while they fab me up a new personality without any of the defects? So tell me, is it the same person who wakes up on the table and walks away?” The tears are welling up again and I scrub at my eyes with my hands.

Sparrow puts a hand on my shoulder, rubbing it softly. “Melody… the Chimera is a safe space. Always has been, for me. You can tell me, I promise. It’s ok.”

She's hiding things from me. But she's told me she's hiding them. Does that make it better? She hasn't lied to me... that I know of...

I shudder, shaking my head. “It’s… not ok…” I swallow, breathing deep. “I don't know if it ever will be. It… last year, I was stationed on Luna, just off the Sea of Tranquility. Armstrong station, a pretty busy transit hub for Earthbound traffic. I had a partner. Alex…” I swallow hard. "We were... involved..."

Involved. Really, what else can I say? We never labeled it. I guess we thought it would make it too real. I was a chrome-licking moron. Still am.

Sparrow just nods. She's giving me time. And I need it.

I take a deep breath. I take a few more. "We were investigating some members of the Gaian League. We had just gotten an alert; an intrusion in the archive..."

***

I describe it to her as clinically as I can, but by the end, her brown eyes are wide and she's covering her mouth with her hand. Even her tattoo isn't moving.

“I don’t have augments governing dexterity, motor-control, speech, consciousness; none of the full-immersion suites. Even cutting off my augments, he couldn’t physically body-jack me, just cut me off from the Exonet. So he picked up the spanner and tried to kill me instead,” I say. That doesn't even come close to conveying what it was like.

“"Starless sky. You mean a legit body-jacking? Of a Code Enforcement Officer?”

I lick my lips and nod. “It was total. They were so deep into his augments; he couldn’t even control his speech.”

“What did he do?” Her eyes are wide.

I give a sharp, bitter laugh. “Oh, aside from infecting the archives? Tried his best to kill me.”

***

I'm sucking down lungsful of oxygen, sobbing and shaking. Alex twitches next to me, bleeding. I think he's still breathing. I try to report a medical emergency in the archive, but my overlay isn't responding. It takes me a moment to remember that my implants are dead. Tears spill down my cheeks as I rise on shaking legs, trembling as I claw at the neck of my uniform. Fuck, I still can't get enough air.

But the archive... there's heat radiating from it. What the vacuum-sucking hell is it processing? I stumble towards the console, tripping. My chest burns as I cough and wretch, more tears rolling down my face. I grip the console with shaking hands, pulling myself. The readout... holy void-spawned fuck.

Something is using every ounce of processing power in the archive. It's overclocked to the limits of the substrate. But... it looks like someone locked it down. It's been quarantined with a CE Key. All the gates out are dead and unresponsive. Alex? No, wait, that's my Key; I did it. It's all a fucking nightmarish blur. How long ago? Shit, the keys expire after ten minutes, what time is it? I can't call for help... and that... thing... My legs shake as I struggle to remember. There are gaps... roaring darkness... Fuck, don't think about it, Mel!

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

It was using Alex to try to get out... Oh no. No way. If that thing... I start shaking again. No.

I have to stop it. I've got minutes... how? Fuck... I try to access the console. But if lag was bad through my implant, it's worse here. Fuck, typing by hand is so damn slow! And my shaking fingers don't help.

I need something fast. Simple. I kneel slowly, reaching out. Grabbing the bloody spanner. I turn back to the archive. To the station filled with delicate fiberoptic cables and fragile silicon wafers and thin sheafs of polymer.

You did this. It's your fault. I don't see the flying chips, or smell the ozone, or hear the shriek of metal, or see the sparks zipping around me.

I don't stop until my hands are aching and my knuckles bleeding. I'm covered in slivers of metal and shards of plastic. My knees give out, and fresh tears spill down my cheeks. I hit the floor, sobbing anew, hugging the bleeding body next to me. "I'm sorry..." Alex... I'm so sorry.

***

"He barely survived. There was neurological damage. But his implants were fucked too; he was wired in waaay deeper than me."

Sparrow tilts her head. "Like Rabi?"

"Hell no, not that much. About as deep as Brent." I waffle one hand, trying to express it. "But there's no free lunch, right? When you swap that much of your wetware for hardware, you get a whole bunch of vulnerabilities to balance out all those gifts. And sure, some implants are modular, or optional, so you can cut them on or off. But Alex... he lost everything all at once, destructively. The scrubs in medical managed to save his life, but... he was gone. Like, literally catatonic," I say, a shudder running through me.

"Melody, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that's like." She's hugging her belly.

I try to get through the next part. I barely shake as I say it. "They... there was a procedure, to reconstruct... what he lost. But..." I tail off.

Her hand rises, but she lets it fall. Like she's afraid to touch me. Like I'm too fragile. "It... didn't work?"

I give a bitter laugh. "Oh, it did. I went horribly right. The new implant and nanos... the procedure worked, and he even got most of his memories back. But it wasn't... he wasn't... him."

Sparrow clasps her hands together. "Like, his personality was different?"

I struggle and fumble, hands working. "Like... he was... something built in the image of Alex. He remembered the events, but in the abstract. Like a holo, not memories." I shiver as I remember it. "They didn’t affect him. The memories of that night, of... all our nights together. All those... special moments you have with someone?" I swallow hard, eyes watering. "They didn't mean anything to him anymore."

There's a long moment of silence. Sparrow sighs. "You lost the relationship and had to grieve it alone," she says softly.

My head snaps up. "Yes! It was a living nightmare. I couldn't stand to have him touch me. I tried to explain but... but everyone acted like something was horribly wrong with me." God, I hate remembering that. "I tried to express it to him. He just kept pressing me to get a resequencing or some other brain-hack to get over it!" I say, hitting my fist against the bulkhead. I breathe fast and hard. "He was even cleared for duty again! Every day, he’d come into the Precinct as chipper and smug as ever. Like nothing ever changed. He'd give me the same crooked smile, and my skin would crawl.”

“Starless skies…” Sparrow says, eyes wide and horrified.

I wipe my eyes. “And when the precinct closed the case without any suspects? Alex barely cared. Because it didn’t really happen to him; it happened to my partner. My partner died, and someone else woke up and walks around in his body, carrying his memories, thinking they’re him. But my Alex is gone." I shake my head, sniffing and rubbing my eyes with the heel of my hand. “I couldn’t go through with another augment after that. Or any wetware upgrades that even touched cognition or memory. I just...I can't lose myself." I rub my eyes. "And I couldn't keep working on Armstrong Station. I found myself wishing... that I had just finished the job with the spanner. That it would have been a mercy."

I killed you Alex. I'm sorry I didn't give you a burial too.

Sparrow's hand reaches out and touches my arm gently, fingers squeezing. "You lost him piece by piece," she whispers.

I nod. A few more tears spill down my face, but I keep from sobbing. "After my medical leave was up, I had to get out, so... I requested a transfer as far away from Luna as I could get,” I murmur. Wow, I haven't said that out loud before. It sounds so pathetic, but it's... I feel lighter. To finally admit it.

I feel Sparrow’s hand on my arm, running up to my shoulder. “Melody, I can't begin to understand what you've been through. And I’d never question the calls you made; I haven't lived your life. But honestly, you should appeal the Captain’s decision.”

Why can't I just stay here with you? Forget about it all. “And what? Tell the Board the whole story? And have it getting out I…” I trail off.

She arches an eyebrow. “Slept with a felon?”

A moment of silence passes. “Sparrow, I don’t care. I don’t. But the Board of Review…”

She puts her hand on my other shoulder as well, turning me to face her. Looking into her wide brown eyes. “I get it. Please, Melody, I do. But focus for a moment. Somehow, the Captain found out. And he found out fast." She pulls me off the wall. "Maybe he was looking for a reason to give you the boot. But I have met the man. He's a lot of things, but he's not petty. I can't imagine him crawling through security footage looking for dirt on you. Someone told him. If you appeal the decision-"

It clicks. "Then he'll have to disclose how he found out, and I'll find out who. And at least that gives me an idea who is undermining me..." And that person may just be the same person who tried to kill you...

She gives me a smile that lights up my whole world. "You never know," she says, shrugging.

I chew the side of my cheek. Well, there's something to be said about knowing thy enemy. And hey...

I look at Sparrow. I'm sure my eyes are puffy and my face is red, but I don't care. "You know... I guess technically I'm off work for a while... want to grab a meal?"

Sparrow blushes a bit. "Yeah? Just like that?"

I shrug. "Why not?"

She licks her lips. "You're not... upset? That I can't tell you... well, really anything at all?"

I reach out and slide my arms around her. "Maybe a little. But I know you'd tell me if you could, and it must be a good reason."

She presses her cheek against my collarbone. "Yeah? Known me for four days and you trust me that much?" Her arms close around me.

I think about it a moment. "Yeah... I do." Then again, I never claimed to have the best judgment. Well, if I'm making a terrible mistake, at least it won't be boring.

We hold each other. Just for this moment, I tell myself it'll all work out. Somehow, everything will be alright.

I suppose the most harmful lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

***