I had to bang on the castle gate as it was already closed. The guards took their time. We apologised for disturbing them and gave them four buns, which cheered them up a bit. But of course, the main reason for not having camped out was blown. Tomorrow, everyone would know about our late return.

While Radel walked his gelding to the stable, I went to my room, took off my saddlebag and got my brush. Freya was not there, probably drinking with the healers.

The count was hanging his tack on the wooden pegs on the wall when I entered the front stable. I handed him the brush and smiled. He was very gentle, too gentle. After I pushed hard on his hand on the brush, he went more firmly through my fur, pulling out needles and leaves, twigs, pieces of bark and lumps of resin. The latter often came with a bit of fur. The little light from the single lantern was not much help in finding them all. I purred even when he had to tear out some fur. Soon Larina came to see who was being groomed so late. She smiled. "Congratulations."

"What?" the count and I replied together.

Now she laughed out loud. "There's only one reason to lock eyes like that. No, I'm happy for you both!"

We looked away for a moment. "Well," said the count, "I had proposed to her."

"And you didn't say 'yes'?" Larina walked in front of me, hands on her equine shoulders.

I looked at the floor. "Yes, I wanting but"

"But?"

"Not woman."

She slapped my face, hard. "Did it bother him? No. How can you say that? Countess Kiara is not a woman? What am I then?"

At that moment I was finished, emotionally and physically. All dams broke, I began to sob. I needed support and stumbled forward, but she avoided me and pushed the count into my path. I got down on my paws and hugged him, my face on his shoulder. He just comforted me in silence. Her hooves faded into the distance.

After a while, I calmed down. Count Radel, the wonderful Count Radel, was still hugging me in silence. I lifted my head a little. "She is right." I sniffed, "I saying Yes, if you thinking me is good." I babbled.

He kissed me and then started to cry as he laughed. Now I hugged him until the lantern's candle went out.

Larina had waited until then. She came with a freshly lit lantern, an extra candle and a bottle of wine. "Let's celebrate. My only bottle of wine. I have not tasted wine for months, no idea if I can survive it. But now is the time for it!"

* * *

Morning brought punishment for yesterday. Anticipated and still worse. Literally, everything that was a muscle hurt like hell. Even moving my ears brought stings from my hangover from whatever had been in Larina's celebration bottle. But it didn't matter. I had found Count Radel! Ouch, even smiling hurt. The scent of trees and larger pieces of wood still lingered in my fur after the candlelight grooming had been cut short. And his scent was there too.

I poked my head out. The morning had matured well, the sun was a good distance above the ridge. People were constantly entering through the castle gate. Today was the last day between the years, the new servants came and the old ones returned. And with them came food, something more than the slightly wilted cabbage and stale buns that were my provisions. I was certainly looking forward to it.

Having done my business and eaten the last of the stale buns for a frugal breakfast, I went to the third courtyard. I had to come clean with Freya.

She was resting in her bunk but got up when she saw me. Hungover too. United in this, for the first time. Even that though could not brighten my mind.

"Good morning," she smiled.

"Good morning," I said. "Please mindspeak."

"What's happened? Did someone die?"

"Count Radel proposed to me," I whispered.

"And you said yes." Now her expression matched mine. "Hug me."

I pushed my torso into her bunk. Not much space left. "I'm sorry. I, I don't want to lose you as a friend, but, I, it's so complicated."

"This is my speech. Kiara, I still love you. And I am forever grateful to you for opening my eyes to women's love. Of course, I had hoped that we would grow closer. But I'm not stupid, it didn't happen. I understood that already in Litra. Let me hug you."

"You can hug me anytime. Freya, you were the most important person in this world. If I had not met you, I have no idea. You took me for what I am, despite the claws and the tail and the legs and..."

"Pssh. I'm so happy I could help you." She started to cry. "I'm really happy I could help you, honestly. You are so beautiful, so full of grace. And you are so kind, funny, serious. Damn, I still love you."

I just hugged her tighter. "I'm not going anywhere soon, I promise."

"Well, I might," she said. "I want to learn more about helping with births. So I will go into town and help the midwives. There are not many births here in the castle."

I swallowed my 'That's hardly far away'. This was not the time.

Freya's hand was doing something healerish. "By the way, you are different. Did you already?"

"Sorry."

Now Freya snorted. "Sorry that you were lucky enough to find a sweet, willing man. And then even a count. Ok, let me out."

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I wiggled out of the bunk and stood upright, my back muscles screaming with rage after all the abuse of yesterday. "I long squirrellinged before," I groaned.

"Had to impress him? Well, it worked. Seriously, come over."

She placed her hand on my back and closed her eyes. Wow, she really had practised a lot, her magic zooming through my body. She was done and smiled. "So, no squirrelling out for the next few days. For your tendons. Give them at least three days." And then she grinned. "And no cute little squirrels either, I think."

Somehow I was relieved. "Do you think I can get pregnant with the count?"

She got more serious. "Honestly, that is beyond me. You should ask your creator. Ah, that reminds me: There are rumours that Larina's request has been granted." She put her finger to her lips, although we had only been speaking in mindspeak as her hand was still on my lower back. "You didn't hear it from me. Do you want a bun?"

I shook my head a little and then groaned again. The neck was stiff too.

A servant entered. "Happy New Year, Countess Kiara of Earth and Litra." Then he looked at Freya. "Happy New Year, Healer Freya. Can you take a look at my comrade? He must have twisted his ankle on the last climb. He is sitting by the gate."

Freya nodded and then followed the servant after smiling at me. It still stung my heart.

* * *

I would not go to Larina with this rumour now. Larina could wait. I had to talk to Tarik. This time I dreaded the ascent and the bowing around the spirals more than the cobwebs. Well, the exercise should help, I repeated the mantra as I climbed the spirals, moaning like an old woman whenever I had to bend my lower back more sideways or lower my head.

His door was ajar and he was sitting at the window writing a rune. After he explained how difficult it was to taper the lines, I waited as quietly as I could until his quill ran out of ink.

"Good morning. Now talking?"

His face brightened. "Good morning, Countess." He put down the quill and stood up. "You are always welcome. Please enter."

Instead, I stood by the door and took a deep breath, "Count Radel proposing. I saying Yes. We, er, having fun."

With each word, his face changed. "Hu!" He sat down again. "So he had won."

My face must have shown my confusion.

"I wanted you too," he sighed.

I swallowed. Two suitors? For this body? "But you makinged me. I, you, my father."

He sighed again. "A father younger than you? You didn't think I would spend half a year working on an ugly body? But give this young mage father a consolidation hug, will you?"

Today was the morning of hugs. And he was my father, and he even was teaching me to write.

He was warm, but very scrawny. And even when I was down on my paws, he was barely above my breasts. The hair on his head was already starting to thin. Radel was at least half a head taller, I could look into his eyes without craning my neck, and the count also did not look like he was going to collapse under the weight of my saddle bag. Sorry, Tarik my father, apart from you merging the bodies, you don't have enough going for you, not a chance from the start.

"Feeling gooder?"

"Not really." He broke the hug. "Thanks for telling me early."

"Sorry. You is clever mage, you finding clever woman. And I wanting knowing. Can I making pregnant?"

He snorted. "To the point, countess. But I have no idea. I can give you magical protection for a month, should you worry about that. But I think you better ask your healer friend for it."

Of course. How could I forget to ask Freya for protection? Now for the second thing on my mind. "I want to write a New Year's letter. I only know a few words. I am sorry. Can we write?"

"Well, at least I can help there," he sighed.

I smiled, now that the white elephant was out of the room. Actually, I gave him my best smile, despite the aching facial muscles.

His smile was crooked. But he picked up a clean sheet.

My mind worked as well as hungover minds tended to work. And my hands and paws ached, even holding the quill, despite Freya's earlier treatment. But I was determined to catch up. After all, I had written the letter. It was to read: 'New Year's salutations, Count Larel. I am to marry Count Radel of Karenburg. Greetings, Kiara' But the number of ink drops and splashes and crossed out letters would give any reader a hard time. And I had given up on writing the date. None of my hands or paws could hold a quill anymore, they all cramped up just thinking about it. I was still as proud as a five-year-old; the letter certainly had the looks of being written by one.

He stroked my fur. I didn't mind. I even swiped my tail through his cheek.

I had almost forgotten what Freya had said. "Ah, is getting Larina a full soul?"

The mage smiled, now honestly. "Yes, the emissary is pushing hard. I think the clerics have just agreed to silence him. That is why I am preparing new runes." He pointed to the one he had written when I had arrived. "Maybe already tomorrow."

* * *

I was high up in the castle, but I would tell Larina next. And my fur was still a mess, the cobwebs from the spiral staircase joining the remaining resin and bark. So down the four flights of stairs to the stable. One last groan and I was down the stairs.

Larina was out in the sun, munching on grain. She had made herself pretty with ribbons in her hair and tail. She smiled and came towards me when she saw me. Her light gait meant that the wine had had less effect on her than it had on me.

"Good day. You looking beautiful. You hearing good news?"

"Thank you, countess. I'm not sure what you mean. But I like good news."

"News, I meaning, you getting full soul. Maybe tomorrow."

"Oh," but she did not sound very surprised. "The emissary seemed to have succeeded then. This is for today, the last day between the years. Tonight will be another feast and fireworks."

"Oh, yes, no cabbage!"

She laughed. "Yes, and something other than grain for me." She looked at me critically.

"I knowing needing brushing," I said, pulling a random cobweb from my ears.

She laughed. "Yes, indeed. Come."

She took one of the brushes from the stable and, with the expert strokes of a fellow furred woman, removed all the debris stuck in my fur. From yesterday's sweaty exercise, the fur was even stuck together without resin. To be honest, the longer she worked, the more awkward I felt for leaving my room like that in the morning.

"Tarik saying too loving me."

She didn't even pause a moment. "What did you expect? Working on your body for half a year. Even with his hands inside you. I think he had a lot of dirty fantasies about you."

"He not saying." Ok, that was stupid. "He is friend. And like father."

She snorted very horse-like. "Mine too, somehow, or? Let's build a temple for soul magic." It was sarcastic, of course.

* * *

Larina did a thorough job. After the first pass, she soaked me from lower shoulder to tail and repeated a wet brushing. When she was finished, my fur felt light and flowed in the light breeze. Even I felt lighter. Then she wove some green and white ribbons into the longer fur of the thighs. The project of beautifying Kiara was progressing well. While she did like this, I washed my hair.

But today I would do without the dress, feast or not. When done, I thanked her and went to my room to put on Dame Grendel's shirt, the green and white one. And then it was time to go and see Count Radel.

He opened the door himself. "Oh, Countess, come in!" His tired face smiled again, and I am sure I did too. "You look so pretty. I think I better learn grooming now."

There was so much more I wanted to say. Since words failed me, I just grabbed him and kissed him. After a few seconds, he broke contact. "Sorry, Jacob will be back any minute. There will be plenty of time later." He smiled even more. "Actually, I wanted to make it official tonight. Is that ok?"

"Please wait, not ready yet." I looked down, holding myself back from any more kissing.

Just then there was another knock and Jacob, his servant, entered with a large basket of vegetables and two loaves of dark bread. He bowed to me and then to the count.

At that moment, my stomach rumbled, for it was afraid that the opportunity to eat something other than cabbage and bread would pass me by.

Therefore, we had a very late lunch. Afterwards, I helped the count and his servant clean up (not much to do) and prepare some tarrek buns for tonight. I wished I could talk to Jacob more. But he was rather reserved, and my poor command of the language did not help.