Jeans, button ups, a brown apron covered in saw dust. Neither of us looked like we were on a date. If indeed we were. Andie and I had decided to head to the plantation right after work. It was a burn the ships kind of approach to dating. There was no going back now. We were sweaty, tired, and more than a little trained from a full shift. There wasn't a person on the island who'd see us from across the street and think ‘What a cute couple.’ Maybe that was for the best, let’s just take things slow. We could be cute another day, tonight let's just be.

“It’s cool that you wanted to come along.” I said shyly. “I’ve missed hanging out with you.”

“Same.” She smiled as we walked along the cobble stone streets. “I hope I can start doing this more. With him getting better, it shouldn’t be so bad.” Her words were hopeful, but not so confident.

“You’ve been really strong.” I honestly couldn’t imagine how she lived. She went to school, worked all these double shifts, and took care of her dad. It was honestly intimidating. What exactly did I have to offer her? She had everything I had and more. It was sort of sad actually, like I'd somehow tricked her into doing this with me. If her dad wasn't sick we would have dated a year ago, and broken up ten months ago. None of my relationships lasted long, she'd be over me by now. Yet by some twist of fate the two of us spiraled around fixed point in space together like celestial bodies.

“I don’t feel strong.” She admitted. “I feel like I’ve been dying all this time too. Like I’ve just been kicked until… wow.” She laughed. “I couldn’t make it five minutes.” She shrunk, and suddenly crossed her arms.

“What’s wrong?” I could feel her slipping through my fingers. It was sad how much control she had over me. On a whim she'd decided to come with me, and I was happy. Now she could take it all away with a word.

She stopped, all the momentum I'd been feeling stopped with her. “Nothing.” She sighed and looked away. “This was a bad idea, I think I should go.” She looked towards the path that we were on, and then back at the hardware store, still in sight. “Sorry to get your hopes up.”

It was like I'd been punctured and all the air left my body. I was deflating in real time.

"Test your luck?" I hadn't even realized we'd stopped in front of a street performer’s booth. He was hard to miss with a blue and white jester's outfit, complete with pointy hat and bells. What a show we must have been giving him.

"Sorry." I stepped back from the table to clear the path. Street performers were pretty common around town, especially right before a festival. I feared this one step would be all the distance needed to end things with Andie forever.

"Test your luck?" He said again. His mouth didn't move and that's when I realized he was wearing a mask, a simple thing denoting a laughing face. He held up a die with one hand, and gestured to six boxes on his table labeled one through six. "Roll the die, get a pri...ze." His voice was gravely, like two packs a day scratchy.

Andie gave the set up a curious look, and by this point I was desperate. "How much?"

"All games this week are free." He nodded and jingled his bells. "Spread the word so I make a killing during the festival." He held his free hand up to his mask and pantomimed laughing.

I looked to Andie, who just shrugged. "Sure." I held my hand out for the die.

He made a grand gesture of waving it above his head. "If I had to guess from what I just saw, you don't have any luck at all." He held the die above my hand and let it drop.

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Fast as I could I moved my hand so the die fell to the table without touching me. It bounced a few times before landing on a six. The sixth box on the table suddenly clicked open.

The Jester looked between his die, and the box several times in a comical display of confusion. Then he put his hands on his hips, tossed his head back, and barked out a long and loud laugh. "Now that was quite the trick!"

"You seemed luckier than me." I smiled. In truth I thought the dice was loaded, and would land on a one. Then I was going to say something clever about him not being luckier either. Alas.

"Big winner right here!" The jester clapped, and pointed in my direction. Andie giggled and joined him, and a few passersby clapped and circled around to see what I got. "First one of the day." He scooped the box labeled '6' off the table and held it out to me, like he was about to propose.

I reached into the tiny wooden box, and pulled out a blue 'Admit One' ticket the same color as his outfit. I looked it over curiously. It wasn't made out cardstock like a normal ticket. It seemed to be some sturdy kind of cloth. The words on it were handstitched with black thread. It was a cute little prize I guess.

"That'll get you through the gate for free." He explained. Every time he spoke I felt the need to clear my throat.

"The festival is always free." What a cheat! Sure the game was free, but... this is why no one likes clowns.

"Not that gate." He leaned forward, and the eye behind his mask winked at me. He then leaned towards Andie. "You might even be able to bring a friend if your luck holds."

She smiled and crossed her arms. "Maybe his friends wants to earn her own ticket."

The jester mimed laughter. then held the open box out to her. Cautiously she reached for the box, but he snapped it closed at the last second frightening her into a laugh. The jester rolled back onto his chair and kicked his feet.

"He's got tricks." Andie said, and gave me the side eyes. She snatched the die off the table, and gave it a roll. The die made a big production about bouncing around, but it landed on a one, all that sound and fury signifying nothing. "That seems about right." She sighed with a half smile. "What's behind box number one?"

"Ta-da!" The gesture picked up a new box, which was brimming with little wrapped candies.

"Oh butter scotch!" Andie happily took one the candies and gave me a condescending look. "Jealous?"

"Little bit."

"No refunds." The Jester squatted in his seat. "You two be safe, and live each day like it's your last. Now," He moved his hands like he was trying to swipe us away, "git!"

"Well that was free." I said stuffing the ticket into my pocket. We cleared the way for a new contestant to test their luck.

"Just for future reference." Andie saddled up next to me, already sucking on the candy. "It'd be more romantic to take me to see a singer, than a clown."

"Well we're just friends." I informed her. "So it works."

"Harsh." She winced a bit, and I instantly regretted it.

"I didn't mean..."

"It's fine." She shook her head. "It's really confusing." I knew that feeling all too well. Her eyes were distant she was lost in the vast expanses of her own internal universe. Even with the total insight she had into her own head she was confused. What hope did I, or any of us have of truly understanding? "But I think the clown was right. If today was my last day here, I think I'd regret two things." She counted them off on her fingers. "Going to work, and not going to see the plantation with you."

Even the things that our beyond our understanding are still capable of giving us great joy. This fickle and confused goddess had given me a few more moments in her light, and for now that would be enough. "Not much I can do about that first one." I held out my hand. "But I think I can help with the second."

She reached out and took my hand in hers. They were soft, and cold. It was a shock, like my floating self was suddenly pulled back to the ground. I felt myself rooted suddenly, in the here and now. Just like that I was in hand holding territory. I don't consider myself a hero, but the people who saw really should have been cheering, and setting off fireworks. For the first time all day I wasn't thinking of shadows or guys with hammers. For the first time in weeks I wasn't lost in a haze of depression.

I was actually thinking about the what I had in front of me now: at least one more step, hand in hand.