"Seriously? Three silver for a beer? I can get a quarter barrel for that much at the store!" The lizard man is prodding mighty hard at my patience, so I calmly take the tankard away from him and pull a big drink from it. "Hey!"

I slam the half empty tankard on the bar and stare the confused gecko right in his diamond shaped eyes, "I can afford to drink here. If you can't, maybe you shouldn't be here." I flick three coins over my shoulder and Indigo, my goblinette barback catches them and deposits them into the till. "So, will there be anything else?"

He ponies up the money for his beer and I draw him a fresh one. I slide him a shot glass full of Under Jungle Rum, "Wise choice, my scaley friend. No hard feelings."

He blinks dumbly at me and then smiles, "You're alright, ol' man." He slips an extra silver my way and heads off to explore the seven floors of the "tavern".

I add the coin to our tip bucket and mumble to myself, "I'm not old. I'm thirty seven…"

Indigo passes by me with a bucket of ice, "Keep telling yourself that, grandpa boss."

It may be true that the hangovers seem to last a bit longer than they used to. Sometimes I can feel my joints straining to move me, especially in the morning, but I've always chalked that up to my adventuring days. The other day I must've sneezed wrong and my back almost gave out on me. I grimace as I rub my tender lower back.

Indigo cocks an eyebrow at me, fishes a card out of one of her pouches, and hands it to me, "Try this place. They're known for combining Healing Hands and some unarmed discipline called Mountain Breaker."

I furrow my brow, "That doesn't sound appealing at all. Sounds like torture." I cram the card in my pocket, might change my mind if I can't get my own happy ending tonight.

I set a quart sized slurry of fruit juices and sweetend liqueurs in front of the seven fairy ladies and they greedily swarm the large wooden mug. The male fairy who told me he would be paying needed to be reminded of his agreement to give me money for the drink. "Yeah, yeah. Sure buddy." He withdraws a gold and silver coin from a pouch far too small to hold them and callously tosses them on the bar. "Keep the change," he says dismissively.

I smile at him, though I'm boiling with rage on the inside. First of all, the change was only three coppers. Cheap bastard. Secondly…

I pull out a dull gray coin of my own and flip it in the air. The ringing attracts the attention of all eight of them, and several other Fae within earshot of the bar, which includes many others on the other floors. The interior of our "little" establishment is actually seven stories high, though the outside looks like a modest little tavern, barely big enough to fit a family of four.

Their eyes are on the coin, as it flips end over end and lands in my palm, "No, no. I insist." I flip the coin one more time, but instead of catching it I let it hit the bar and it bounces towards his two coins.

The moment it touches the gold coin, the Glamour spell that enchanted them disappears, revealing two rocks shaped into flat disks. How green does this little shit think I am? Did he really think I was just going to take his word for it? I don't trust a lot of people, but none less than Fae. It may sound racist, because it is, but I've done my share of endless dancing and forest wandering because of them. That's why I always keep a Cold Iron coin in my pocket. It's not meant to kill, but it'll definately show them I mean business.

I get real close to the highly frightened male fairy, who is now trembling in mid air. I take a long, drawn out sniff and exhale in his face. "I know you. And I know your name. And if you don't pay me what you owe me, then I'm going to make you give me a very generous tip. Mister L--"

"Okay! Okay!"

He fumbles out two gold pieces and lets them clink against my own dull gray coin, proving their authenticity. I smile sweetly at him and pick up all three coins, leaving the rocks on the bar. "Thank you, sir. Now, would you like anything else?" He shakes his head nervously, looks over at the females, and flies off knowing he failed to impress. I put my coin back in my pocket, wipe my hands on a bar rag, and toss the change in the tip bucket.

I'm having a converstation with the female fairies, who are now fawning over me. Never considered this kind of situation before. Seven of them might be enough to-

A shrill voice calls out to me over by the service bar. Damn it, Marin.

I reluctantly turn and spy the Half-Siren waiting for me with her palms up, fingers pointing to my well, the area where I make drinks, in frustration. Her skin shifts through shades of red depending on the amount of light that hits her. Her hair does the same and it seems to wave in a gentle breeze no matter where she is. Marin's eyes are coal black and her lips are a full and pouty deep red. Her chest is always on the verge of spilling out of her uniform, though the rest of her is dangerously petite. She's never this abrasive, so I wave away Indigo when she suggests taking her off my hands.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

"What's up, rosebud?" She only ever lets me call her that, threatening to drown Alister in the toilet the one time he did. She brings up her screen and practically shoves it in my face, folding her arms and looking away.

"Two Mandrake Root Beers, one Frost Dragon Ale, three Dwarven Golds, two glasses of Drider Venom Wine (shudder), and I'm never dating anyone ever again because all men are jerks."

I start working on her drinks, "That's exactly why I stick to women, rosebud." She sniffles and casts her eyes down. "Maybe you should take a break?"

"From dating?"

I set all the beers down in front of her, grabbing two wine glasses, "From men, gremlin brain."

I thought she'd be shocked, but her aura becomes more depressed, "Who ever heard of a Siren that attracts women to their doom…"

I snort out a laugh that seems to get her attention, "You still living in your parents' fishtank, kiddo?" I already know she moved here from the coast a year ago, but she shakes her head to answer my question. "Well, what city do you think you live in? The holy capitol?"

She laughs, wiping her dampening eyes and scooping her drinks into her ring. "Yeah right, Puck."

"I'm serious, Marin." She looks at me, a little suprised that I used her name. "I'm not telling you to switch sides, it'd be a huge loss, let me tell you. What I mean is, find someone who enjoys you for you and make sure you do the same, no matter the gender or race." She smiles at me, rocking on the spot and shifting between burgundy and pink. "You're a sweet kid, and if I wasn't such a jerk I'd take you out myself."

Finally, her smile and laugh are genuine, "Thanks, Puck. I might take you up on that some day since I'm attracted to jerks..." She heads out on the floor and another bar maid takes her place.

By now the live music starts and I roll my eyes right out the front door. Its another eight piece band. I'm chatting with an old Bugbear regular of mine, sitting him near the group of fairy girls who have a fresh drink in front of them thanks to him. He and I used to go to Halfling college towns and try to pick girls. Hey, I never said I was a White Knight. "Whatever happened to the days of one bard, one lute?"

"It sounds like a tribe of goblins rutting in an instrument workshop," he commiserates and gets a round of giggles from the fairies.

"You know, ladies, Jogrus believes that the Levitation spell is far superior to Fairy Dust." To a non-adventurer that seemed like a very stupid comment to make. Both may grant ther target a limited floating ability, but Fairy Dust also allows a little bit of freedom of movement. So, the dust would be preferable.

But, for those who've been in the field and experimented with both, we were really talking about the use of them to create long lasting magical erections.

If one were to use, say, a stamina increasing potion and the Levitation spell you could maintain for at least a couple of hours. Applying the Fairy Dust directly to one's self would do the same thing for a much longer period of time, but it is far more expensive to get and to use for something so juvenille is a huge waste of money. Still…

The fairies are blushing and giggling. They start a playful argument with Jogrus about the merits of the Dust while trying to be as discreet as possible. I go over to help another costumer, leaving the Bugbear to his fate. I lost interest in them after speaking with Marin, not to say that I'll change my dirty old man ways for good, but tonight I'm taking a break.

The "band" is actually not so bad. He's a young Dark Elf Bard who enchanted seven other instruments while singing and playing the lute. During the cool down of whatever spell he's using, he uses an instrument that looks like a larger version of a lute that I've never seen before. Six strings, body like a dwarf, and sounds like a Siren in heat.

I get Indigo to watch my well while I go talk to the Bard on his break.

"Get me an autograph!" She's the only barback who gets to tell me what to do, but I still shoot her a look as she mixes a few drinks like a small tornado, not even looking back at me.

I stand by his table where a tip bucket and a box of Music Crystals sit. He's in a chair, wiping sweat from his brow. He's wearing something similar to Gunther: white ruffled shirt, waistcoat, matching pants, but his outfit is a bright purple color. There's a stack of parchments with his face and name on it and I grab one, "Ernil? That's not Drowish. Self titled?"

He smiles, shaking his head, "Nah, you can blame my mother."

"Don't we all," I hand him the parchment, "Can you make it out to Indigo?" I point a thumb over at her and look over my shoulder. She's standing on the bar, waving her arms and I facepalm with an audible slap. He laughs, handing the parchment and a Music Crystal back to me. "How much for both?" I already know that the crystals are normally around three silver: one for the crystal itself, one for the enchanter to put the song into it, and one for the bard. Not a bad deal for a song you can play anywhere.

"Just two silver, my man."

I scrutinize him, but he's being genuine and honest. I slide three gold into his hand with a shake. "Wait for me at the bar when your show is done. I got some items you might be interested in." He's about to protest my generosity, but as I turn around someone is already shoving a parchment in his face to sign. A huge line had quickly formed behind me.

I send Indigo to my apartment, a fifteen minute drunk walk or five minute jog away, to search my Chest for a few items and a spare Storage Ring to keep them in. "If you see anything you like, just please let me know you grabbed it, okay?" Her eyes widen like dinner plates and her gaping toothy smile stretches from pointy ear to pointy ear. I swear the top of her head looked like it was about to slide right off.

At some point when I was still trying to decide my first job class, I thought about being a Bard when I got several items I thought would be cool to use from a few dungeons. There was a Ring of Minor Illusions that I thought could create a few cool effects. An Amulet of Echoing Voice, that doubled the Area of Effect size of a Bard's voice. And an enchanted lute that could change into four other instruments that you attune it to. All those cool toys and I thought I was going to be a star.

My heart sank when I realized they were just the ramblings of a drunk, stoned kid without any real talent. But this kid. This kid is the real deal. Maybe he can pull it off. I've seen high level Bards who could only control five instruments at once, and at a mediocre level at that. This kid had a total of eight; including a set of drums, a lute in his hands, and a decent voice. But his name… I shake my head and grin. Ernil? Ernil is Elvish for

"Prince, huh?" I pull a tap handle, pouring a beer and wondering how far this kid will go.