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Request 03: Vanquisher Hijinks

Request 03: Vanquisher Hijinks

[The following audio transcript is available for access with the… insistence of Cenna Wanderstar and Anise Orwyn]

ANISE

Yehoooo picnic picnic picnic!

CENNA

Haaaar???

We’re not going on a picnic.

ANISE

Yes! We! Are!

CENNA

Gal, we gotta submit the survey reports to Lucy. You know she doesn’t like inaccurate data caused by silly loitering.

ANISE

That’s why we’re going there a day early!

CENNA

…Anise, I know you’re trying to cheer me up. But wouldn’t it be better to do the happy-happy things after?

Y’know. Get the sad part done first.

ANISE

Of course! We’ll head to the crash site first thing in the morning, put our lily flowers down, light some candles… and then we’ll have a picnic.

Because by then it would be lunch time and we’ll be starving.

CENNA

Hah! We’ll only be starving if we get lost. I know exactly where to go!

Besides, I don’t feel comfortable having a picnic near THOSE rocks.

How about this? I’ll take you to this really cool clearing. If you’re lucky, you get to sit in a fairy ring.

ANISE

LE GASP!

You mean a REAL fairy ring? With real mushrooms?!?

CENNA

Yeah! So, do it my way, m’kay?

ANISE

Anything to observe a real fairy ring in the wild!

* * *

[At the old rockfall remains at the South side of Mount Ebott.]

CENNA

Hi Mama. Hi Papa.

…Okay, I know you’re not here anymore. The Vanquishers would have sent ya off a long time ago… But I guess this is the only place I feel safe enough to talk.

Have you heard? I officially graduated a few months ago. I say ‘officially’ because… you know Ol’ Mez. That guy has a tendency to take the ‘sink-or-swim’ approach.

ANISE

Hello dear friend’s parents!

I’m Anise Anise, Cenna Caraway’s human Alchemist!

I have a lot of things to complain about your kid, but it’s okay, I’ll take care of her the best I can.

CENNA

What the heck is with that introduction, Anise? And what do you mean ‘complain’?!

ANISE

Ribbing on each other is what friends are for. My brothers and sisters tease one another aaaaalll the time.

CENNA

…I don’t get your logic.

ANISE

I’m trying to tell them that we’re so close, there’s no pretending between us. Sisterhood, yeah!

CENNA

Heh. You’re sweet. Thanks.

ANISE

You’re welcome~ Fairy ring now, please?

* * *

[Late morning, at the meadow fields.]

ANISE

Oh mi gosh it’s REAL. There’s soooo many of them everywhere~~

I’m gonna dig up a soil sample to let the bio guys test.

CENNA

Okay, I wasn’t expecting an entire field of fairy rings. Last time I visited here, I only found one.

ANISE

You must have come during a rest year. Or maybe the weather conditions weren’t right.

CENNA

Why are you so interested in them anyway? They’re just mushrooms.

ANISE

You know your way around the woods, but you have no clue about this land’s natural history? Tsk tsk tsk.

CENNA

Er… I ain’t the science gal here. One of my weakest subjects. So, what’s up with this oddity?

ANISE

Before the Great Ebott Razing, there were ZERO fairy rings in the whole region. They simply didn’t exist!

CENNA

Huh? Interesting. So they’re an invasive species?

ANISE

Yup. And you know what else is cool about fairy rings? They rely heavily on bunnies to sustain themselves.

You know how much of a poop machine those fluffy critters are? Well, that means lots of nitrogen food for grasses and mushrooms alike. But the bunnies only eat their greens and not the fungi, giving the fairy rings ample opportunity to grow. Then, when the circle exceeds 6 meter in diameter, a second ring might even grow inside the first one!

CENNA

Oooooooh.

ANISE

Anyway, the moment grasses returned to the scorched earth, bunnies from neighbouring fields started moving in. The bun count exploded, and with them the shrooms!

I speculate that the emergence of fairy rings prevented the old flora from re-establishing itself. I checked out the photos from 75 years ago. It’s golden flowers as far as the eyes can see. They bloom like crazy from Spring to early Autumn. Then, they go to sleep for Winter.

Now? It’s mushrooms. Mushrooms everywhere!

CENNA

The grass here is a lot shorter too. Weird.

ANISE

That’s because the mushrooms out-compete the grass for nutrients. But! Some species release an enzyme that encourages growth. That’s why you see rings of darker, richer grass at the active fungus zones.

CENNA

So… why do they form rings?

ANISE

The mycelium depletes the center first. As the exhausted ground dies, the spawn radiates outwards into fresh soil. They grow bigger every season until they can’t maintain their shape anymore.

Some old spots have gigantic rings! Those are super fascinating.

CENNA

Gosh. I actually think that’s quite disturbing myself. Weren’t there lots of old legends about spirits and mushrooms? I wonder how many of them are actually DEMON infested.

ANISE

Please don’t ruin my wonderful picnic with your negativity!

Understand that objects themselves don’t attract demons. Yes, both ‘DEMON’ and and other devils. It’s human activity that contaminates lovely nature.

CENNA

I dunno man. Talk to any native anywhere in the world and they’ll warn you about ‘spirits’ in the wild. Jungles are super prone to hauntings.

ANISE

Superstition enforces the strength of the supernatural. As long you don’t believe that fairy rings are haunted, they will lose their power.

CENNA

It doesn’t work that way… Heck, I sure didn’t put any faith in that DEMON who almost shot us down from a helicopter.

Wow. I still can’t get over Mez’s stunt. To think he doesn’t have a military background at all.

ANISE

I hear that he’s the biggest adventure magnet in the Magus Association. Not surprising since he’s the Supreme Judge. Must be super tough being his go-to Vanquisher, hehe.

CENNA

Hey, YOU are under his direct command too! Is the pay really worth it?

ANISE

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

For most days, absolutely~~~

CENNA

‘Most days’, huh?

* * *

[The next day, after Cenna and Anise made their rounds. They did their report in a motel, working over a laptop.]

CENNA

‘No DEMON presence detected in the area. All traces of corrupt Determination have disappeared after the Great Ebott Razing’.

Sheesh. Making reports has to be the most boring part of any job.

ANISE

Of course it’s ‘boring’. Because nothing happened. Unless you’re an adventure magnet like Judge Thyme. You wanna be an adventure magnet?

CENNA

NO!!!

That old man has WAY too much adventure!

ANISE

Hehe. See? Boring is good. It means nobody got hurt.

CENNA

I suppose that’s one way to see it.

ANISE

Well, I am your senior for a reason~~

CENNA

…I still can’t believe you’re four whole years older than me.

ANISE

Thank you very much. My heart and face are still young. I wanna be those ladies who radiate youth all the way to their greying days.

CENNA

Good lord, already thinking that far ahead?

ANISE

Of course! What about you? Eighteen this year, right? That means you went to a bunch of REAL missions before you’re even legally an adult! As expected of a super prodigy.

CENNA

My big plan? Don’t die. Gotta hit 21 years old first y’know.

ANISE

Because of Frisk, isn’t it?

CENNA

Yeah.

ANISE

Not-dying is good then.

CENNA

Okay. I finished my side. Anything new about the Barrier?

ANISE

Still as strong as it was a thousand years ago. Here are the numbers.

CENNA

Thanks. A thousand years? Seriously, what’s powering this thing? People’s hopes and dreams?

ANISE

Shrug. Only the Big G knows.

[The typing continued for a while. Then…]

ANISE

…………………

Are you crying?

CENNA

…Is it stupid of me to wish something had indeed changed? Anything? Stronger or weaker or whatever. Just. Something!

Right now, it feels as though my parents died for nothing.

ANISE

Cenny. They didn’t die in vain.

‘No news is good news’ as they say.

Changes in the Barrier could affect the residents below. Ecology is complex and sensitive. One weird factor is all that’s needed to set off an entire chain reaction of NOPE. Just like a mountain-sized Rube Goldberg machine.

Remember, it’s our duty to protect the mountain residents from… well… human society, I guess. It’s a pretty crazy world out there.

If it makes you feel any better, my equipment did detect some life signs inside. Pretty robust ones at that. I think they’re doing well.

CENNA

Thanks.

Uh. Could you finish the rest of the report for me?

ANISE

Sure thing. Let’s go grab some grub after this.

* * *

[The two went to the local diner.]

ANISE

Nothing beats a greasy dinner after a tough hike in nature.

CENNA

Gotta agree with you there.

ANISE

You must have a pretty tight diet, right? You’re sorta the top athlete.

CENNA

Weeeelll… it only gets super tight if I stay in the Berendin Manor. You know, Lucy and her optimal nutritional calculations. Don’t get me wrong: it’s still delicious stuff. But, at times it feels like you have no agency.

ANISE

Makes me wonder what Judge Thyme’s diet is like. I bet he’s super disciplined!

[Cenna burst into complete laughter.]

ANISE

Oh my god. Food is his biggest weakness?

CENNA

Hooo boy. Take it from me, Anise. Never give ol’ Mez Jungle Curry. He will eat it. And he will suffer on the ceramic throne. FOREVER.

ANISE

Sounds like a great way to get free holidays!

[The girls laughed between each other. But then, Cenna stopped.]

ANISE

What’s the matter?

CENNA

Shh. Act natural. Talk about your usual subjects.

ANISE

Uh… D-did you know that a tomato is a fruit? And you know what else is made up of tomatoes? Ketchup! I know a gal who once made BLUEBERRY KETCHUP! It’s like, spiced savoury jam. How wild is that???

CENNA

Pretty nuts! What else did she make?

[Anise continued to spout a mix of botanical and cooking trivia. Footsteps passed by, and the diner entrance bell rang.]

CENNA

You can relax now.

ANISE

W-w-w-what was that? I-I felt my hair stand.

CENNA

Congrats. You just sensed your first DEMON.

ANISE

Whaaaaaaa?! T-t-that guy in the hiking clothes? I thought Mount Ebott is devoid of DEMONs.

CENNA

Something’s up. C’mon. Let’s follow him. You’re coming along too.

ANISE

Whine. Can’t I just stay at the motel?

CENNA

I rather not. You’d be alone. If he doubles back, I can’t protect you.

* * *

[Nightfall, Mount Ebott.]

CENNA

Dammit. I lost track of him.

ANISE

Cennnnnny! I don't like this!!! It’s already dark. Could we just pretend nothing ever happened and go back to town. Please?

CENNA

Ack, keep your voice down!

[A gust of wind rustled the grass.]

CENNA

Watch out!

[Cenna could be heard pulling her friend close. Many small, glassy bullets bounced off her magical shield.]

ANISE

!!!

Cenna, t-the bullets are made out of m-magic!

CENNA

Tsk, a DEMON got their hands on a Magus, huh?

[More bullets struck against the shield. It had started to crack from repeated impact.]

CENNA

Gah, I can’t pinpoint their location.

ANISE

I told you that you needed more skill points in your shields! Stop pumping all of them into attack power!

[Then, a loud scream interrupted the shootout. For some reason, it faded further and further away.]

ANISE

W-w-w-what was that?!

CENNA

Eh? Our attacker got attacked?

ANISE

Ce-n-n-n-na i-is that a will o’ wisp? T-t-the conditions are not right for methane gasses. I’m scared.

CENNA

Where?

ANISE

There! Over there!

CENNA

Let’s give chase.

ANISE

You gotta be kidding me! You’re almost as bad as Judge Thyme!!!

CENNA

Sorry, Anise. I guess I’m an adventure magnet too.

[The Vanquishers investigated. They followed the sights and sounds to a single, large fairy ring.]

ANISE

KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

I-I-Is that a DEAD BODY???!

Oh my god you’re right Cenna fairy rings are haunted I’m so sorry I doubted youuuuuuu!

CENNA

Don’t be silly. The mushrooms are innocent. Also, the dude’s alive. I saw him breathing. Probably sedated. I trust the guy who brought him here. He’ll be knocked out for a good couple of hours. At least!

ANISE

Oh, what a relief. Wait. ‘Guy’?

CENNA

What you saw ain’t no wisp. It’s Lichborn fire. And, I know the bearer pretty well. Let’s just say Ol’ Mez has our backs.

Question: what species of mushrooms do we have here?

ANISE

Gotta shine a torch first, then I’ll tell you.

………………

Oh my, these are poisonous.

CENNA

Perfect for the next step, right?

ANISE

You serious?

CENNA

Totally. All we need to do now is plant the extermination scrolls and use our free reagents to our heart’s content.

ANISE

Let’s see… poisonous mushrooms for Corruption, sodium chloride for Neutralizer…

[At the cost of the fairy ring, The Vanquishers drew out the DEMON. It’s a loud and restless one. Futilely, it tried to escape its chains.]

DEMON

…Curse you…!

You’d dare challenge a deity?!

CENNA

Totally wish I have your True Name right now. Would save me a ton of trouble. But eh, whatever, I’ll just brute force my way through.

DEMON

That shine…

Ha. Ha ha ha! I see!

Pitiful witch. A candle that burns both ends never lives long.

Join us Ancient Ones. Abandon your mortal flesh before it’s too late.

Is it not better to die whole than to rot alive?

Ignorance won’t save you!

CENNA

Y’know, that kind of smacktalk won’t work on me.

You just worry about your judgement in the Spirit Realm. Sayonara, DEMON.

[As Cenna dealt the finishing blow, silence returned to the grassy field.]

ANISE

Wasn’t that psychological warfare?

CENNA

Yeah, totally. They’ll say all sorts of nonsensical shit to get you off guard. Never listen to them.

Anyway, let’s get our victim to the nearest hospital.

* * *

[The day after, at the hospital, Cenna and Anise interviewed the victim: Oliver Stuart.]

OLIVER

Thanks for saving my bacon, Vanqs. I heard I got possessed pretty bad. Sorry if I caused you any trouble.

ANISE

Mmgh, you could have killed us.

Oliver

What? At my magic level? N-no way!

CENNA

Cut him some slack, Anise. He’s the victim here.

Oliver, right? How do you feel?

OLIVER

Like I got hit by ten trucks. My muscles are sore everywhere. My chest feels super heavy too…

CENNA

Both your Psychia and your body got pushed way past their usual limits. Blame the parasitic DEMON. Do you remember anything from last night?

OLIVER

I… I don’t. Anything since last week is a blank.

CENNA

Okay. That’s real bad. Were you on duty?

OLIVER

No. I’m on vacation. Or rather, was. I like hiking, you see. I used to marvel at my late great-grandparent’s photos and wished to follow in their footsteps. Witness those places with my very own eyes. Mount Ebott included.

CENNA

The Gungnir let them into their territory? Odd, I thought they were super protective?

OLIVER

My old folks weren’t Magi, so they had the opportunity to hire a local guide. The guide would always take them along the ‘safe’ routes, far away from the village and their secrets.

When I heard that the Vanquishers declared the region as a safe zone, I didn’t think twice to go and see what all the fuss is about.

ANISE

Aww… I understand how you feel. But, the flora and fauna in the lowlands changed a lot. Only the higher altitudes escaped the blaze.

OLIVER

Um. Well. About that.

CENNA

…Don’t tell me you climbed the mountain alone. Without informing anyone to boot!

Buddy. That was a terrible idea! Even if there were no DEMON infestations, you could have gotten lost. Trapped. Fallen to your doom somewhere. Or worse, eaten alive by some wandering bear.

ANISE

Erm, Cenna. It’s lynx territory. Not bears. Bears have been gone for a couple of centuries as is.

OLIVER

It’s fine, Miss Anise. I get the point. My decision was plain stupid.

I’m just glad that I didn’t get eaten by a… a… actually I’m not sure what attacked me. Looked like something straight out of some sort of gothic horror video game.

CENNA

Er. Uh. A wild dog, maybe?

OLIVER

These bite marks don’t look like they belong to any dog…

CENNA

Well, I can only guess. It was pitch black out there. The beast scooted off when we arrived.

OLIVER

Boy, am I grateful for that.

ANISE

Hey Oliver, did you bring along any references for your hike? Like photos? Or are you a secret genius who memorizes everything?

[Oliver chuckled.]

OLIVER

Wow, you think too highly of me. I brought as many references I could carry. In fact, I have one of the best pieces right here in my bag.

Could you get it for me? Thanks.

[After some rummaging…]

ANISE

Le. Gasp. Of. All. Gaspness!

It’s an Ebott Goldenflower. A REAL Goldenflower! Preserved in resin!

CENNA

…I have serious questions how your foreparents managed to smuggle THAT out of Gungnir territory.

OLIVER

They didn’t smuggle anything. In fact, this was a farewell gift from their Gungnir guide.

ANISE

There’s some text inside.

CENNA

‘Friends Forever’, huh? Strange world we live in. So. was your expedition successful?

OLIVER

I… can’t remember. One moment I was up in mountains. The next, I’m right here in hospital.

CENNA

What about the hours before you got possesed? That could help.

OLIVER

Hmmmmm…

Well, unable to find anything that matched the photos, I challenged Mount Ebott. I know. I’m an idiot. After all, the legends do say: ‘those who climb the mountain will never return’.

I distinctly remember regretting not bringing a machete. I avoided The East side. That’s where they rounded up the monsters for The Sealing, right? Didn’t wanna enter the wrong cave and get shredded by The Barrier, y’know.

Then… I detoured into the bush and…

Oh.

OH! THAT’S RIGHT!!! I found a cave that didn’t exist in my photo collection!

CENNA

How did it look like? Is it small? Big? Oval or round? Maybe den-shaped?

OLIVER

There was a split in the rock wall. Remember that weird quake from a few years ago? I think it made that crack and opened up a path.

CENNA

…I remember. So, what’s beyond the crack?

OLIVER

It led to a hidden airwell about the size of this ward. There, I found them. Beautiful golden flowers! A whole carpet of them! They pretty much took over every sunny spot, and more. I got way overexcited trying to harvest their seeds. And that’s… the last bit I remember.

ANISE

Cenna, t-this could be a rock-shattering discovery. Oliver might have walked into an undiscovered DEMON haunt!

CENNA

Survivors of the Great Ebott Razing…

Sorry for being the bearer of bad news, Oliver, but we might have to destroy them… the Goldenflowers.

[Both Anise and Oliver were horrified.]

ANISE

EEEEH!?!?!? No way! If we do that, we’ll cause a true extinction!

CENNA

I realize that! But, the Great Ebott Razing happened for a reason. There’s a definite connection between the flowers and the Gungnir’s demonic rituals.

If the Vanquishers can’t exterminate the grounds by normal means… a complete purge may be necessary.

ANISE

You gotta see it from a scientist’s perspective, Cen! This could be the last patch of Ebott Goldenflowers on the planet. If you destroy them, we’ll lose precious research data. FOREVER!

OLIVER

Um. Miss Anise? While I appreciate your ‘scienceness’, your colleague is right. It may be too dangerous to keep them around.

I mean. I barely passed my magic classes, yet you said I almost killed you. What would have happened had those DEMONS possessed someone stronger?

I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did.

Once I’m better, I can show you the way myself. I’ll be happy to help. Anything for the duo who saved my life.

CENNA

Appreciate the thought, but you better concentrate on recovering. That DEMON dragged you to the ground.

All you need to do is give us the approximate location. We’ll take care of the rest.

[Cenna and Anise gathered the required information from Oliver Stuart. Once done, they exited the ward.]

CENNA

…Damn. I really gotta be careful for what I wish for.

ANISE

Hmm? What do you mean?

CENNA

Mez always complains that whatever I say has a knack of coming true, no matter how crazy it sounds. He calls them ‘premonitions’.

My big mouth wished that Mama and Papa didn’t die for nothing. Well. Something did happen alright. Guess it’s time for us to strike that ‘no DEMONS presence detected’ line from the report.

ANISE

If that’s the case… Cenny! Tell me when I’ll win the national lottery, first prize~~~~

CENNA

Hah! Fat chance, Anise! This witch only casts jinxes.

ANISE

You. Are such a party pooper.