I do not understand the heart.
It harms you, pains you in shattering,
It beats loudly under immense terror,
It alone will be the end of times
It fills your veins with blood.
The heart shows you a marvelous future,
Filled with idiotic lovers,
It beats loudly at the sight of a lonely flower
And it alone cries for lost souls
I do not understand the heart.
No title, Janis the White.
The school’s cloister was silent. The sun was setting, having accomplished its purpose of making the ambient air almost warm. It was a peculiar feeling in this season, where light could usually not go through the large, darkened clouds, and training outside was most often accompanied with a disgusting drizzle or freezing rain.
Maybe because of the nice weather, or maybe by pure sadistic pleasure of what was to come, but Marke was smiling at his students standing in rank.
“I realized yesterday evening that you hadn’t been trained in situations where you have a number advantage or are outnumbered. Even worse is your teamwork. Tiër taught you the basics, but it is clearly far from good enough. As most nobles only fight duels, one on one practices are the most important aspect taught here. Nonetheless, it is time for a different training…I must admit, my decision may have been incited by some rumours I heard. One of the Selection trials will be a team exercise.”
His last announcement shook the assembly. Motivation amongst the students skyrocketed. Marke had transformed the next exercise in one of utmost importance.
Three teenagers had been chosen by the Academy, Nay being the only one coming from the Legio’s school. Which meant that the other students who wanted to enter the prestigious military school had only one choice left: To pass the Selection. And the only thing simple about this entrance examination was its name. Everyone of age was free to enter the Selection, fisherman’s son or prince alike. The tradition could be traced back to the founding of the city. No rule prevented girls to try, but none had ever succeeded even one of the two or three tests that made the Selection. Everything was stacked so they would fail, and with time, women had stopped trying.
Nay’s direct invitation had broken this implicit rule. Rumours were circulating throughout the city that the Duke’s daughter, and maybe even other girls, were going to try the Selection next year, a first in more than fifty years.
Nay did not doubt a second Trinne would succeed. Despite their bad blood together, Nay was not blind: The Duke’s daughter was amongst the best of the school. According to the young Legio, she may even be the best. Massimo was stronger and Veridienne better with the Sage-brother’s lessons, but whenever there was a competition, Trinne would always win it, whatever the subject, except duelling.
Lost in thoughts, Nay did not see her father’s smile grow till it showed his teeth.
“I see you’re all focused now…well except Nay, but she’s already been chosen so why should she?”
Silence.
Nay could not believe that. It was an obvious ploy to make every student angry with her. He did not have the same excuse as the Sage-brother, he was far from socially unfit.
“Well, for your punishment Nay, you’ll fight against all sevente…” Nay’s face became white when hearing the absurd orders. Marke had stopped to count the children. “Sixteen? Where is Jeremiah?”
Jeremiah was a blond noble, well-built through years of training in the Legio’s school, and with a spotless face. His mind was opposite of his appearance. Nay could only describe it as insipid. She did not like him and had not even noticed he was missing. Right now, she was considering how to get out of a fight against so many opponents.
“He is sick, Master Marke.” A boy with brown hair had talked, he was one of the tallest teenagers, more than six feet tall at only fifteen.
She had forgotten his name. ‘Hernie? Herbert? Her…something?’
She may have studied and trained with her classmates for five years, she could only remember the names of half of them. Fredere and Veridienne often mocked her about it. She did not really care.
“What a bunch of soft-shelled wimps you all are.” Marke commented.
‘If we didn’t have to train under the rain every day, it wouldn’t happen.’ Nay retorted internally.
Looking at her neighbours, she was not the only one thinking that.
“So, as I was saying…” Marke continued. “Nay against all the others…wait, no no no. That is not right. Nay and two others against the rest.”
Nay sighed. She finally understood. This was a follow-up to yesterday’s punishment. Veridienne and Fredere’s faces were now the same white colour as Nay’s.
“By Lebe’s cavernous vagina, I have a bad feeling about this.” Said the young man out loud.
Fortunately for him, he was far enough from Marke not to be heard.
But Veridienne heard perfectly well and could not help but laugh at the unusual swear.
And the Legio did not miss that. His stare announced their imminent end.
Nay and her friends exchanged looks and smiled their goodbyes.
Marke’s expression returned to neutral.
“Veridienne and Fredere, you’re up with the liar.”
They stood next to the young Legio.
“Liar?!” Replied Nay, surprised, and then immediately regretted opening her mouth.
“Yes! Or deceiver if you’d prefer. Because, to my knowledge, you have never given my lessons your all. This time, if you do not give one hundred percent, I’ll join your opponents…faster.”
She laughed nervously.
Massimo looked at her furiously. “You held back!?”
She avoided the class’ Adonis’ thunderous gaze. She wanted to explain that “holding back” really meant “not breaking all their bones”, but she doubted that Massimo would appreciate the explanation, so she refrained herself.
Now though, the students understood that she and her friends were being punished for something, and not only Nay’s inattention.
“Nay…your all, got it?” The Legio repeated menacingly.
She gulped down her desire to laugh, sighed, and unsheathed her wooden sword. Her two friends did the same. Veridienne and Fredere were not bad with blades, far from it. They had been training for five years after all.
But everyone here had. If Nay were to rank them, Veridienne would be third, and Fredere tenth. They were not good enough to face the Duke’s daughter or Massimo, who were according to her, the two best swordsmen amongst the teenagers. So, against everyone? They had no chance to win.
She did not rank herself in her ratings.
The eyes of the students were fixed upon her and her two friends. Trinne was giving them a mean look and Massimo had not stopped looking at his self-proclaimed rival.
“An idea?” Fredere asked. “You can beat all of them, right Nay? You do it like yesterday, flying like a Banshee and foreseeing their strikes?”
‘He understood I was sensing dad’s attacks?’ Nay was impressed, underneath his naïve looks, he was quite discerning. She thought about his question before answering. “One on one? Two on one? Not a problem. But I’ve never fought fifteen opponents at the same time, and I’ve never trained with allies at my back. Honestly, we’re going to get stuck inside a Hi Blizzard…Sorry.”
“Fourteen.”
The young girl looked at the one who had spoken with such a soft voice.
She had not talked with Veridienne since the previous night, and she still felt ashamed about what had happened then.
Her friend seemed quite calm.
“Veri, I…” Nay began before being immediately interrupted by the barely audible voice.
“I don’t resent you for what happened yesterday Nay. I understand why your father did what he did. I may even agree with him. You should be careful of the gifts you accept. But I also know you, and know you’re way too stubborn to listen to that kind of talk. That is partly why we are friends. Still, I am hating your father today, this is way too severe a punishment.”
“I don’t really get what you are all saying, but I totally agree. Let us share bruises as brothers in arms, just like the explorer Aziazod with his tribal friends.” Exclaimed Fredere enthusiastically.
“Wasn’t it arrows in the chest that they shared?”
Nay held back a laugh: “Veridienne, please, don’t…”
This time, it was not a soft voice that interrupted her.
“Are you going to let them chatter in peace forever!? Come on, begin! ATTACK!” Screamed their teacher.
She was hurting everywhere.
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
Her two friends were in no better shape.
Nonetheless, Nay was smiling. The battle had been unfair, her father even helping the opposing team at the end. She felt like no parts of her body had been spared from hits. Against real opponents, she would have been dead five times.
Still, she was smiling.
This was not like when she fought against her father, she could not explain why.
For once, she had not been alone. Her friends had protected her back, and she had protected theirs. It was a strange, satisfying experience.
The other teenagers had not been spared either. For each strike she had received, she had given back three.
Only two persons had not been hit. Marke, obviously, but also Trinne, who had very intelligently waited for the right openings to attack safely.
Marke was currently congratulating her.
“Very smart. Not much glory in using the others to get easy strikes in, but glory only gets you a fancier coffin.”
The Duke’s daughter was delighted with the rare praise.
‘Great. With luck, it’ll make her forget the start of the fight.’ Thought Nay.
Because the one who had taken the most hits was not Nay nor her two friends, even though Fredere was clearly holding his side in pain.
No, the one who could barely breathe was Massimo.
The fencing master was currently walking towards him.
“Get up idiot.”
The teenager did what was asked of him, but with much difficulty. Blood was flowing from his right arm; his handsome face was tumefied and one of his beautiful blue eyes was most certainly going to transform into a blackeye the next morning.
“Explain what you did wrong.”
“I…she was hiding her strength I…” Massimo began explaining.
“Shut your trap.” Said the Legio with a disgusted expression.
The boy gulped audibly.
“Why do you think I put fourteen of you against three of them? To punish them? True…but you really think that was the only reason? Did you use your brain? You should have known something was up.” He sighed. “I told her, out loud, not to hold back anymore, wasn’t that clear enough? And what did you do? You went and attacked her one on one, a DUEL!? Are you completely senseless? First of all, that was not what I asked. Sure, understandable, you think she’s your rival. At that point, you do whatever you want, I care as much as the imperatrix’s pantyhose, IF you can back up that claim and actually win. But during the first exchange of blows, THE FIRST, you should have understood the following: ‘I. Am. Going. To. Lose.’ What made you refute this fact? Your FUCKING PRIDE!!!” His scream echoed on the whole side of the dark cliff. “That’s what you did wrong. Do you know how many soldiers I lost because of this? Because I’d like to know as well, I stopped counting after a while.” He paused before continuing. “If I ever see you make a decision because of this Biach’s waste of an emotion, you’re out of the school, whether I owe one to your father or not. Have I made myself clear!?”
Massimo lowered his head.
“Yes Master.” He could barely talk.
“Good.” Marke’s face returned to its normal serious self.
“Master?” The teenager rose his head again, his expression unreadable. Shame? Anger?
“Yeah?”
“Why did Nay hold back?”
“You can ask her yourself, she’s just there.” Her father pointed at her.
‘But the ground felt so nice!’ She thought. Still, she stood up, grunting in a very unfeminine way as she did. The Legio waited patiently for her to be back on her feet, before continuing speaking.
“But fine, I’ll answer you myself.”
The girl looked at her father, appalled.
‘What an assh…’ She did not finish her internal sentence.
“She holds back so you won’t finish in this state every day.” He started explaining.
Nay winced; this was only partially true. He did not say that she was also doing it not to isolate herself completely from the other kids. But did her father only know that?
“Does she also hold back during Master Tiër’s lessons?” The Duke’s daughter spoke.
“What?” Marke answered. “With a bow? Certainly not, she’s atrocious.” This made everyone laugh, except Nay who started blushing as she gave a deadly stare to Fredere who was guffawing way too hard. He did not look threatened by her glare.
“With throwing daggers though…she’s better than I am, most likely better than Tiër, but you’ve never seen her throw before, so you wouldn’t know.”
The girl hiccupped in astonishment and blushed even redder. Two compliments, one for Trinne and one for her. He had to be in a good mood today.
Massimo had his head low, thinking.
“You see my daughter as a rival…” Marke continued. “This point is for everyone, so listen well! I know what they say, we don’t look alike. She’s adopted, never been a secret. Look at our skin colour. And if I adopted her, it was because she was talented. Extremely talented. You can’t let those kinds of geniuses slip away. So, if you want Massimo, sure, consider her your rival. I don’t approve, the only rival you should have is yourself. But whatever you try, you’ll never beat her in swordsmanship, you understand? She could have cut the throat of a full-fledged Virnyl guard when she was nine, something you could never be able to achieve as an adult.”
Whisperings began amidst the children. Nay did not know how to feel anymore, so she decided to sit down. She knew her father was not saying the whole truth, and that he was exaggerating. She was also certain he had not adopted her only because he found her good with a sword. Maybe at the beginning? The thought disturbed her.
The Legio pursued.
“So, this will be today’s lesson, one also for you Nay. You will always, ALWAYS, find someone better than you. Does not matter if it is fencing or something else. Maybe once in your time, in a short moment of your life, you’ll be the best in one thing, no one able to beat you, you’ll feel invincible. That day, think of me and the duel between Massimo and Nay. Because the moment you think that, is the moment you have to get down off your magenta cloud, fast, if you don’t want to see a blade sticking out of your stomach.”
He paused for a short while then concluded: “Today’s lessons are over. Clean everything up, those that are bleeding, go to the kitchen to get first aid.”
In a heavy silence, only broken by grunts of pain, the children obeyed the orders given to them.
No one seemed to remember that Nay had lost the fight, probably because right now, no one felt like they had won. Not even Trinne who, even though she had been complimented, did not show any joy anymore. Not a smile. Nay had met her eyes, but instead of the usual disdain, the girl had seen something else, that she did not understand.
She was pulled out of her thoughts by Veridienne painfully holding the right side of her waist, and still looking angry. For such a shy young woman, the emotion was expressed only through the clenching of her jaw, but Nay could feel her Rreico.
“Nay, could you bring me my towel?”
The young Legio grimaced at the request but nodded. She hated going in the locker room. She always changed at home because, even though she had seen plenty of naked women at the Jasminn, she could not get used to other’s nakedness.
Not wanting to be the recipient of her friend’s anger, she left towards the large building.
As she arrived in front of the two doors leading to the locker rooms, she realized she had actually no idea which one was the girls’.
She scratched her head, but then saw a very tired Massimo enter the door on the right.
He did not even notice her. No jealous looks.
Nay smiled at that doubly lucky event.
“No hateful stare, and I know where to go.” She said almost proudly as she entered the room on the left.
Where an almost completely naked Trinne was very violently kicking a wooden bench.
Ensued an embarrassing silence.
Nay looked away, horrified, and quickly picked up the towel on the roughed-up bench as she tried to flee.
The red-haired young lady stopped her, catching her by the wrist.
“Nay.” She said with a strangely calm voice.
“Trinne.” Answered the girl with a voice that definitely wasn’t.
“That is my towel. This is Veri’s.”
The young lady was holding out a pink cotton towel to her.
Nay immediately proceeded with the exchange, got out of Trinne’s grip, and then fled the room.
She turned around just to see the look in Trinne’s eyes before the door closed on its own.
In the sky-blue eyes, Nay saw an inconceivable Rreico. Boiling pleasure was co-existing with glacial calculations. Trinne had just understood something, something that was amusing her as much as giving her ideas. Nay could only scratch the surface of what those where, but even with just that she could only describe it as evil.
A few hours after having faced the sky-blue skies, it was the azure ones that gazed upon the young Legio’s body slumped on her bed.
“Nay, what did you do? You have bruises everywhere.” Said a childish voice.
Nay grunted in response.
“Come one! Tell me! Tell me!?”
“Dad…” Nay did not speak about the other person that haunted her thoughts.
“Was it nice?” Asked the little voice.
Nay sat down, annoyed.
“Does that look like it’s fun, Liz?” She pointed at a graze on her cheek.
Her little sister grimaced.
“You’re not nice today sis.”
The big sister sighed.
“Oh, come here, I apologize.”
Nay’s bedroom was now also Lisana’s. There was barely three feet of distance between their two beds. So, the little sister only had to take two steps to hug her elder.
“You smell good.” Nay noticed.
“We went to the baths this morning.”
“On your own?”
“Yes, why?”
Nay did not like it when her sister and mother left the house without escort. She still felt anxious about it. She knew very well it was ridiculous: the accident with the bandits had happened six or seven years ago, and nothing had ever occurred since. Knowing that did not prevent her worry though.
“But Grart escorted us back.” The little girl continued.
“Grart?” The teenager asked.
“Feryn’s friend.”
Lisana most likely did not understand it was not just a friend.
“I thought her friend was a guy named Tri…Trik? Something like that?” Nay retorted.
“I asked where he was, but she told me he wasn’t her friend anymore. That’s sad, he was really good with sculptures.”
“But they started only a week…” The young Legio stopped trying to understand and sighed. “She’s unbelievable…”
“Unbelievable!” Repeated Lisana, a large smile on her face. Then she switched to another subject with no apparent link: “You play Red Princess with me?”
Nay had only one wish, to lay back down in her bed, but she never managed to say no to that angelic face.
“Fine…but I’ll take Roger the Horse.”
“My magnanimity will grant you that wish!” Suddenly responded Lisana with haughtiness. With her amber coloured hair, her big blue eyes, and her sugary caramel skin, she could have passed for a desert noble, but definitely not for the leader of the Empire of Ja.
“Liz, don’t talk like that, you don’t even know what the words mean…you are my little princess.”
“I can speak like that, because I am going to take the Imperatrix pawn!”
The teenager had a blasé expression and sighed again. She followed her sister in the central room of the little stone house, not without a “Hng” of pain as she stood up.
She looked at a crystal flower accessory holding the curly hair of Lisana in place. The object had been given to them by Ka’in. Marke was a hypocrite. He could accept gifts and offer them to his daughter, but she could not? She gritted her teeth.
“Come on Nay, hurry up!” Said Lisana, blowing air in her cheeks to inflate them in sign of impatience, only making her cuter.
The young Legio’s anger quickly vanished.
One month left.
In one month would begin the start of the new year, with the festivities of the birth of Ja. Nay was barely thinking about the celebration to come. She did not like it very much in the first place, even though she liked the procession of priest and priestesses. According to their faith, the colour and style of their robes was different. They were bringing wooden sculptures from their church to the top of the plateau, where they burnt them in honour of the Gods. The cortège was beautiful, but it was just too packed with people for Nay’s tastes. Still, it was not the feast to come that scared the young girl. Or that made her scar itch so badly. That made Ra’fa and Marke look at her in worry without being able to do a thing.
What scared her was that two months later, in three months, when all the festivities would be over, when the last of the fireworks would vanish in the sky, when the last drunk would be back home, the Legio school would accept two new classes of new children.
Nay would be fifteen.
And she would receive a letter with a figurine inside. A golden insignia made of wood, sculpted to look like a Seaserpent. Same symbol that would later be tattooed on the hands of the Academy’s apprentices if they managed to hold on for three years. It would let them circulate throughout the city freely. Numerous were the children that were looking closely at the Virnyl guards in hope of seeing it, and numerous where those that dreamt to have it inscribed in their own palms.
Once the insignia in her possession, Nay would have to go on the plateau, in a place she did not want to enter.
To her, this object had the same meaning as the mark written with red-hot iron on Striavie slaves.
Lisana was five and a half. She felt Nay’s departure approach as well. She was having nightmares, waking up in sweat and often slipping inside her big sister’s bed. Nay did not say anything during those times and just hugged her. It helped with her own bad dreams.
One night, Lisana asked her the question.
“Nay?” She whispered.
“Yes Liz?”
“Are you going to go away?”
Nay gulped. “Yes.”
“But you will be back, right? The Academy is a good place, no?! All my friends want to go there.”
Nay grimaced at the word “friends.” She felt just like her father right now. Those friends of her, bourgeois and nobles, Lisana had met them in the Sage-Brother school. Were they really friends? Weren’t they corrupting her beloved sister?
“Nay?”
The infant voice broke her thoughts.
“I…Yes, I’ll be back. In three years, I promise you.”
“Don’t you have holidays?”
Nay had a bitter smile, invisible due to the pitch darkness of the room.
“I do, but I do not have the mark of passage, I will not be allowed to leave the plateau.”
“But I am on it, on the plateau! My school is there!”
Nay did not say anything for a little while. The Sage-Brother school was a building on the Meridional road that led to the plateau, where children of bourgeoisie and noblesse where sent to become Sage-Brothers, or to prepare them into entering other priestdoms. Lisana had gotten a special authorisation to be a student there, helped by Sage-Brother Berth and Ka’in. As it was technically on the plateau, Nay did not need a mark to go there.
Was that why Ra’fa had insisted so much for her sister to be sent there? No, most likely that was not enough of a reason. But knowing her mother, she had to have taken it into account.
“An education and relationships.” That was what her mother had said. Was she talking about relationships with future nobleman and priests? Or the relationship with her bigger sister?
A long silence followed Lisana’s sentence.
“I…Yes…I think I’ll be able to visit.” Said Nay finally.
“Yay…” Answered a tired voice.
Nay softly stroke the curly hair under her. She could hear at her sister’s breathing that she had fallen asleep.
An unexpected tranquillity overtook her. Because she was convinced. If she could still see her sister, Redrick would never manage to break her. No, instead of that, she would grow stronger of those three years. And with a bit of hope, she would not only grow in mind, but also in body. She was tired of being the littlest in school.
Her thoughts changed into a half-dream state. She was now taller than Ra’fa, then taller than the house, the cliff! Giant Nay dominated the world! The happy thought began disturbing her a bit. Little humans were looking at her in terror.
Finally, she dozed off, pained expression on her face.