“They stink. They taste bad. They’re weak, and their only use is as wyvern bait. There’s too many of them and they’re ugly,” I said, listing off my complaints about them. Although, the last one was added out of spite. I couldn’t really tell if they were ugly or not, but to me, their existence felt ugly, so I suppose it was apt enough.

The dryad’s tiny form looked at me oddly. “It’s a bit uncharacteristic, but the passion is adorable, even if poorly explained. So, you tried eating them?”

“Yes. I would have vomited if it were possible. I could make myself do so now, I suppose. Reject its aura and keep it from merging with my own.” I suddenly regretted not learning how to do so far sooner.

“Huh. You know, I think I’m starting to get it. I’ve never really paid any attention to their kind, so I never could confirm the old stories. There’s an old story about how the goblins came to be in this world of ours which kind of makes sense with your reaction.

“Long ago, there was a humanoid tribe. They might have been elves or Kin or dwarves, or something else entirely. They were a violent and greedy people that pillaged and plundered and massacred nearby villages until nothing remained in range for their raids. Then they would move on and start over again. This cycle of marauding went on for many decades, before they attacked a village that was under the protection of a celestial stag that lived in the forest nearby. This village was a wonderful, peaceful place filled with people of all kinds who lived in harmony with the land under the guidance of the stag. When they attacked, they were driven off in a great show of force, as the trees themselves rose up to defend the village’s people under the direction of the shining white stag. Many of the attackers died, and the village was spared. The stag warned the attacking people to not come after his village again, and that they should consider trying to live in a better fashion.

“However, the marauding tribe was filled with selfish and petty people, and they could not allow such an insult to stand. And so, they devised a plan to distract the great beast and slaughter the village. They set fire to the edge of the forest opposite the village. While the stag was away to deal with the fire, the marauders attacked the defenseless village and slaughtered every last inhabitant, tore down their dwellings and defecated on the pile of corpses that they’d stacked in the village’s center.

“Upon returning, the celestial stag was horrified and angered at the atrocity that had been committed in his absence and filled with a deep regret that he had been unable to save those who relied on him. And so, he dug deep within himself, twisting his pure heart into a curse just as vile and foul as the acts that had been committed. He poured the entirety of his essence and being and life into this retribution and inflicted it upon the perpetrators, sacrificing his own existence and forever cursing them and their progeny to be weak, vile things, as twisted in appearance as the deeds their kind had committed. It’s just an old story, but I think it fits.” Dendra finished the story.

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

“I don’t get it. What does that have to do with goblins?”

Dendra sighed. “The people in the story who got cursed became goblins. They are probably foul to your senses because the curse lingers in their aura, which you excel at perceiving.”

“No, that’s dumb. They’re just gross. Nothing more complicated than that.”

I continued washing the goblin filth from my body. Dendra was almost done weaving me new clothes again.

She sighed and changed the topic. “Anyways, we really need to go over your behavior for when you’re pretending to be one of them. You’re picking it all up quickly enough, but I am still worried.”

I shrugged. “I’m not. If I fail, I can just leave. These humans are all over, right?”

Dendra sighed. “I suppose you have a point there. Although, that brings me to another thing. You can’t call everything you see a human. Yeah, the races are all a part of the humanoid family but, you know… Pure bloods take it as an insult. Even half breeds will get uppity about it. Nobody likes being called a mongrel.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Human is just another word for a mixed breed. How to explain? Ah! So, if a Kin has a child with an elf, the baby is a human. If that baby grows up and has a kid with an elf, then that kid is a half elf. Oh, this is going to be complicated. Do you even know how most creatures breed?”

I nodded.

She looked at me with suspicion.

“They have sex.”

“Okay, I guess you do. Huh. My adorable baby Shaper grew up before I knew it…” Dendra sighed yet again before continuing. “Well, when they do, they get half their bloodline traits from each parent. Anyways, the different races can be kind of uppity about bloodline purity. Even so, interbreeding happens, and that’s how we ended up with humans. Heck, a few generations without closing in with one of the pure bloodlines and it’s almost impossible to tell where they came from. Which elves really hate, because those types can almost pass as half elven with a little bit of disguise work. You might be able to get away with throwing that term around by being too intimidating for them to get huffy about it. After all, your new form is probably pretty scary to any humanoid. But it’s best not to rely on that. I guess a good rule would be if they have fur or scales, call them Kin. Really tall and bulky? Giant. Short and stocky with stone for skin? Dwarf. Pointy eared, pointy fanged, and ranting about their own superiority since they’re soooo in touch with nature? Probably an elf. Ah, I love them, but I also hate them. Orcs are obviously the green ones with the tusks and the big muscles. Otherwise, it’s best to just avoid going around calling them by race. Maybe avoid it altogether?

“Ooh! Idea! Just refer to everyone as ‘Hey you!’ until you learn their name. Yeah! That’ll work. Maybe refer to a piece of their gear if you have to. Like, ‘Hey you with the sword!’ or ‘Hey you with the bow!’ Yep, I am brilliant.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Oh, and I almost forgot about your spear… Well, for now, let’s just claim ignorance as part of the whole lost memory act you’re going to do, okay?”

“Okay.”

“So, what do you say if I ask you about your spear?”

I shrugged.

“Good enough. You know, the whole tall, menacing and taciturn thing is probably going to work in your favor quite a bit. Oh, Blessed Earth Mother. I just totally jinxed you on that. No, that’s just silly bardic superstition…” Dendra trailed off and started muttering quietly to herself.

I finished scouring my fur in the stream of water, then stepped away and shook myself vigorously until I was mostly dry before donning the new set of clothes Dendra had woven for me.

“Also, can you try a little harder to avoid these goblin patrols?”

“No.”