Someone knocked at my door and me off my memory. It must be dad. David always barged in, disregarding the respect of privacy to his younger sister and my mother reminded me that I had no privacy in her home. As she and David ensured us owning one.

I opened a gap and met my dad’s worried expression and hearty smile.

“Is there something you need?” I asked politely. Please, just say no and leave me alone.

He stepped back a bit and held up the laundry bag. “Come we hang up our laundry together. Valira returned to the base.”

I relaxed a bit and decided to help my dad with the laundry. Just outside our home was a small front yard with mowed grass and a patch of veggies. Mostly bell pepper, zucchini and tomatoes. We didn’t have enough space for more vegetables. But the remaining space was used for a rain barrel and our drying rack. And this evening was perfectly warm.

We hung up the laundry without saying one word. I looked up. The night sky was empty of clouds, full of stars and one of those white dots could be the station they housed to watch over us. I looked down. The houses next to ours were either filled with family members of pilots or with no one at all. Some lights were lit in them. One person must’ve designed it all. All our houses looked the same and were probably the same. Two floors, front and back yard with a drive in for anyone who had a car.

For some reason we all were here for one reason, to battle the Monoceros. In one way or the other. But what would happen to my family when I just vanished? Would David be sent to another hospital and decrease the chances of him waking him? Would mother and father lose their home? Mother was only half a pilot after the accident. Father was stubborn enough to rather live on the streets.

But then what?

Would they find another place to live in peace? Dad? Yes. Mother? Very unlikely. David? If there was one chance with all beds full in the hospital and they had to make space for one, who had better chances to live than David. Then David would not even be in the equation for peace.

I hung the last one, then looked up again.

Everything in space was so far away. He promised to return once his mission was over. Three years. He promised to show me the stars. He didn’t come back. He wanted to show me the different races and planets. He forgot me. He promised to run away from all those bad things. But he didn’t want to.

My heart tightened. Warmth vanished from my limbs and in return my face warmed and felt tight. I hated it. And instead of living in safety, I was forced to pilot again. I’d be one who ended up like mother or David. Crippled or on a deathbed.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

Dad hugged me and patted my head. “Sshh –” He led me to the living room, away from the promising stars.

We watched TV, as always we watched the news by the military. At least they cared to inform the people on this island. But I’d miss a lot once my new life began at the base. Dad’s food. The cranky sofa. The evenings of watching TV with dad. And visiting the forest and its rooty paths.

But my mother would always make me feel guilty for what happened. While fully aware that I didn’t remember anything and no one could explain what happened that day. I was put into a scanner, blood was drawn and urine samples.

Everything ended up normal, except for one thing. And yet her warm and loving smile vanished since then.

In the end, I had no choice. After all, I knew how to pilot and protect my family. But – There was the faint chance of losing control again.

My head leaned against my dad’s shoulder, then I started. “It isn’t fair.”

“It never is.”

Then what if I’d do the test tomorrow and I end up unable to activate the machine. They tested my compatibility back then. Doctors explained that it was unlikely for any change in compatibility, yet I was the rare case. From a solid eighty-five down to fickle nineteen.

“Do you think I’ll fail the test tomorrow? What if the nineteen stays?”

He put his arm around me, giving me a squeeze. “I hope it will stay that way, but that's not what your mother wants. She is worried about David and that he needs a bed over there.”

“It’s unfair.” My nose was stuffed, my vision blurred and it became hard to breathe. I gulped down any tightness and continued. “What am I supposed to do? Everyone will hate me if I lose control. I’m a danger for them as much as a Monocero. I can’t pilot a Terran and I don’t even remember why I lost control.”

Dad handed me tissues. “Your mother asked me not to tell you, but I think you need to know.”

The tightness reached my stomach.

“Your mother showed me the footage of your mock battle. Your partner lost consciousness half-way through. Then you assumed full control, saying you can keep going.”

I didn’t remember. I didn’t remember taking control of the entire Terran.

“You fought, as if you were made for a Terran. But in the last three minutes of practice, something changed.” He paused to take a look at me. “You maneuvered in ways that a V1 was not capable of. You broke armor after armor on your own Terran and then I kept fighting after command issued it to be done. Another three Terrans had to shoot you down. And they salvaged one girl with broken bones. Then you came out, speaking a language that was unrecognizable to me. The doctors at the end said the machine rewired your brain and you suddenly learned hebrew.”

“So something is wrong with me?” I cracked my voice, or cracked my pain down. “And I shouldn’t pilot. If mother knows all about this, then why isn’t she afraid of losing more soldiers to me.”

“Valira doesn’t show it, but she knows that you can do it. You experienced it. They expect you to never take full control.”

I clenched my jaw. That wasn’t impossible. And if I kept telling myself that it wasn’t, then at some point I’d believe for sure. Lying was also impossible. But I lied. I told my parents that I was going for a hike in the forest.

Then I nodded. “Thanks dad. I think I’ll manage.” I lied again.