It was a couple of days before I got a chance to go to the library and see Claire. As I opened the door and stepped in, I was immediately comforted by the smell of pulped and processed wood. The library wasn’t extensive, but it was sufficient for the few people who frequented it.

I walked down the rows toward the desk where I always sat with Claire. The limited lighting due to the walled-up windows created pockets of looming darkness that were great for getting engrossed in a good book. Unfortunately, the library didn’t have a very robust selection of those types of books. Being in the shadow-filled library also made me wonder about the original purpose of the Walker Camp and why it was so imperative that we not know where we were.

I passed the final row of books and turned the corner. As expected, Claire was sitting at the table reading. She had a thick, heavy tome with a picture of a battle on one page and dense writing on the other. Even though Claire was reading about war, she wasn’t one for fighting and didn’t go to the matches.

She did seem happy that I won and was interested in how I beat him. But I still hadn’t divulged my secret, even with how close we were. I flirted with the idea almost as much as I flirted with her, but I never felt there was a suitable time.

While telling her about my match, I remembered my dream while still in the locker room. It had been happening since my first day at camp, but I hadn’t experienced it for a while. I decided to share it, so I brought it up to Claire.

“What was it about?” she signed.

I focused on the table before me while explaining my dream. “At first, I heard my dad’s voice, which is strange because until then, I couldn’t remember what it sounded like. But then, I woke up in the white room.” I looked at her to ensure she knew which room I was talking about. Everyone woke up in a similar place, but I didn’t want any confusion with my story. “But it was different from when I first woke up. When I woke up, no one else did. I yelled for help, but no one came.” I left out the part about crying for my mom, but that didn’t have any bearing on the story.

“Strange,” she commented with a frown. “Maybe it was just from stress before the fight?”

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“Yeah,” I said and nodded in agreement, but I couldn’t get the image out of my head. I felt as if it wasn’t a dream, and I finally remembered something from the gap in my memory, but I didn’t say that.

“Have you mentioned it to anyone else?” She asked.

“Like who? The cadre?” I may not have shared all my secrets with Claire, but she knew I didn’t really like the camp or the cadre. She never said anything bad about them, so I refrained from saying too much, but there's only so much that can be hidden from people who were as close as us.

“No, not them. I know how you feel about them. Plus, I don’t think the cadre will care. I meant the other Carpenters.” She pointedly stared at me after she signed the last part.

I hated it when she pushed me in that direction, and she knew it. I wasn’t close to them, but Claire always tried to get me to open up. She always mentioned that I needed other people to talk with; that not having friends was terrible for me. I always countered that she was the only friend I needed.

Nevertheless, I tried to take her advice and occasionally attempted conversations with others. It was a good thing I did too. If I hadn’t, then I might not have been able to get John to be in my corner.

“No,” I said.

I looked away from her because I didn’t want to get into the same argument again. Luckily, she didn’t press the issue. Not only did I not want to talk to anyone in general, but I didn’t want to talk about my dream to them because it would open the door for other questions about my parents and why I was in the camp. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing that information with anyone. I didn’t want to know about what they were told, either.

Also, if I told them about my family, I would be inclined to mention how I think the whole thing was a lie and how much I wanted to escape. I had enough trouble not saying it to Claire whenever she brought it up. With more people to keep my true feelings from, it would be harder to hold them in.

Claire knocked on the table and pulled me from my daze.

“Will you tell me if it happens again?” she asked. Her eyebrows raised, and she smiled brightly.

“Of course,” I replied. I thought then that I would do anything for her if she continued to smile at me like that.

We talked a little longer after that, but it wasn’t about anything serious. I regaled her with how I was celebrated when I went back to the rooms and showed off my new rank. She was happy that the others celebrated my win but was nonplussed about the position. I thought that maybe she had already heard about it.

She didn’t really care about those things, but she knew I wanted to be on a mission squad, so she was happy. Eventually, I had to return to the Garden for some extra job details, so I left her with her book. I found out what day she would be in the library next, then said goodbye and left.