Sarah stared up at the glow in the dark stars and galaxies that doted her ceiling. She remembered putting them up with her father when they first moved into the house. She smiled at them and put her fingers up and made squishing motions between her fingers with a smile. And thought if only I could do that to Candace’s head. She sighed and looked at her shelf, the new state championship trophy sat amongst the rest of her sports related achievements on it hung the MVP for the game medal. Hana was right, nothing Candace could do could take that away from her. She heard her phone vibrate. It was a text from Hana she had taken a video of her dirty dancing with her trophy. Sarah laughed. And sent a laughing cat emoji and let her hand fall to her side still holding her phone. She sighed and got off the bed and put her phone on her desk and set her alarm.
“God grant me the strength to not punch Candace in the face tomorrow at the Grad, or the dance. And please no more nightmares.”
She crossed herself and rolled on her side. She slept soundly through the night. She still felt like she hadn’t slept at all when she heard her phone alarm going off. She stood up and repeated her morning ritual. This time skipping the staring at the wall for ten minutes after she finished peeing part. She flossed, she actually had time this morning. She had her phone playing a mix and she was brushing her teeth, between scrubbing she was dancing and spinning and lip-syncing using the toothbrush as microphone. She was in a t-shirt and her underwear she heard her mom clearing her throat.
“Mum!”
Sarah slammed the door shut. Her mother kept speaking in Scottish Gaelic.
“Get dressed Sarah, you’re going to be late for the hair and makeup appointment I made.”
Sarah’s eyes went wide as she stared at herself in the mirror, she had totally forgotten about that appointment she had begged her mother for, for weeks. She spit out the toothpaste and rinsed and opened the door while hopping and putting on her shorts.
“Yes, mum.”
“In the proper tongue like you were taught young lady, just get used to putting it on because when you do, you’ll miss it if you don’t.”
Sarah paused and then responded in Gaelic.
“Yes mum.”
Sarah pulled her arms out of the t-shirt.
“Hurry up Sarah!”
Sarah was still trying to brush her hair.
“Come on, they’ll wash it again and brush it out anyway.”
Sarah rolled her eyes and threw the brush on the vanity. She was halfway down the stairs when she had to run back upstairs to grab her phone from her desk. By the time she got downstairs her mother already had her medication out for her and glass of water. Sarah grabbed the pills and washed them down with the water. Her mother threw her the water bottle of milk she’d already pre-filled. Sarah reached for a muffin. Her mother slapped her hand.
“Not in my car you don’t, you’re one big mess when you eat, that’s what you are.”
“Mum! I’m not.”
“You’re like a tornado, nothing stays clean when you’re whipping through.”
Sarah pouted and drank her milk as they rode in her mother’s SUV.
“How did your history exam go?”
Sarah shrugged.
“How should I know? It’s not like its marked yet.”
Her phone vibrated and it was the google chat from her history teacher letting the class know their marks were posted. She opened the private window and smiled when she saw the mark and his comment on her essay. I’m not going to tell you, you’re wrong because I know you already tested this on some sort of simulation to make sure you were right. Good job, brilliant writing! A+ Congrats on State Championship win!
“Is that from a boy?”
“No! Eew… it was my history teacher telling us our marks were posted.”
“I am assuming by the smile you did well?”
“I did okay. I passed.”
“Passed? My Sarah happy with merely passing.”
“I got A+ on exam and in the class.”
“Who knew my girl was a civil war history buff what a nerd.”
“Am not mum!”
“Who else gets an A+ on an American civil war history class?”
“I just know he’s a big civil war re-enactor, so I tailored my answer to appeal to him.”
“You know, you sound like a lawyer sometimes. I bet you’d be a good one, maybe even get all the way to the supreme court.”
“Eew no! Boring! I’m going to play hockey for the Scottish Olympic team.”
Her mother laughed.
“Oh, are you? Why didn’t you accept the invitation to the AAA Bantam hockey team in the fall?”
“You and dad would have had an impossible time getting me to practice in the morning and after school. You can’t do that and work.”
“A parent will do a lot of things to make their child’s dream come true.”
“You’d have no time for the twins.”
“You’re making excuses my wee lass.”
Sarah rolled her eyes.
“The thought of waking up at four-thirty in the morning to go practice hockey and skating then having to go to school afterwards then practice more didn’t appeal to me. And it was a boys’ team.”
“What does it say about how good you are at that sport that a AAA boys’ team was trying to get you to join?”
Sarah shrugged.
“That was it wasn’t it? It was a boys’ team?”
“No!”
“Sarah, you have a chance to be great, don’t let some girl teasing you slow you down. She’s just trying to drag you down to her level because you’re so much smarter and prettier than her.”
“Mum, at this point I doubt they would need to give me a different changing room. She’s not wrong.”
“Don’t you say that Sarah Elspeth MacCloud. You’re a highland girl, act like it.”
Sarah looked out the window tears forming in her eyes.
“I don’t want to talk about it màthair.”
Her mother glanced at her then back to the road. Sarah could tell she wanted to scold her for mixing English and Gaelic, but her face softened when she saw the tears. Sarah wiped the tears away and leaned her head on the window watching the Phoenix streets pass by.
“I forget you are just a teenager sometimes. I had it easy, we had a different way of doing things in Britain then these Americans. There, if you hauled off and hit someone it was done and over with, here you get arrested. You’ve had to learn to suppress your fiery Scottish temper, smile and nod and just take it. You are a strong girl, Sarah. In your own way. I just wish you could be like you are on the ice, or the field. I see you there and your team is looking up to you. Not the coach, but you. They know if they listen to you, they’ll win, and they do. You come off the field and all of a sudden someone calls you a name and you’re a wreck. What happens when they do it on the field?”
“It’s part of the game. They’re trying to get in my head like I get in theirs.”
“And that’s what this girl Candace is doing, do what you do on the field.”
“Mom it’s not the same. On the ice its part of the game we check each other its done. This has been two years straight of her just picking at me and when I fight back it gets worse.”
Sarah shook her head.
“I just don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay sweetie. What about this Ms. Thomas? Your dad told me about the call yesterday. Why didn’t you call me? You know he’s busy.”
“Because I needed moral support, not a thermal nuclear warhead launch.”
“I’m not like that.”
“Yes, you are mom. You totally are. You would have hung up and been calling the school then the board then the superintendent, then his boss…I’m sorry her boss. You would have been five steps into your war on Ms. Thomas and I would still be sobbing and trying to get out of my panic attack.”
Her mom shifted uncomfortably.
“Well, she had no right to talk to you like that. We fought hard to get you that adaptive learning plan I’m not going to let some glaikit guidance counselor take that away from you.”
“That’s why I didn’t call you mom, I needed support, not vindication. I love you mom, but I call you when I need someone to get mad for me. I call dad when everything is out of control and I need something to hang on too.”
Her mom drove in silence. Sarah looked her and bit her nail.
“Mom, I…didn’t mean anything by it.”
“No, you’re right. Sometimes I get mad and go full momma bear and I forget that you might need a mom, not a momma bear.”
She pulled into the strip mall. They were going to a business owned by someone at their church, she was also from Scotland. When the three of them got going there was no way anyone else in the salon would have a clue what they were saying. Another lady, Mariah, who was working there who also went to church with them shook her head at them.
“Now I know you girls are speaking English, but I do not understand half the words coming out of your mouths.”
Sarah laughed.
“Should see when you get a wedding full of us half drunk.”
Mariah laughed.
“Aye, the Irish have nothin’ on us. Do you want your nails done Sarah? We could put some acrylics on.”
“No thank you, ma’am.”
“At least let us use some polish.”
Sarah gave a small shrug. The older woman smiled and patted her on the shoulder.
“That’s a lass. Mariah let’s get her looking like she’s the ten she is, yea?”
“I’m not sure that’s possible, she’s already a ten, not sure what we can do make that better.”
Sarah blushed and by the time she was leaving she did feel like a ten.
“Oh, you’re going to look so beautiful in your dress, lass. You better take some pictures Mòrag.”
“Of course, I will Skye.”
Sarah stood up and look at herself in the mirror. Her platinum blonde hair was done up in a beautiful lose knot and it was curled in big curls down to the small of her back. Her hair was naturally thick so the was no frizz in the sun it looked like silver she smiled her nail polish was also silver. The eye liner made her eyes look almost silver too.
“Wow.”
“Aye, lass you look just like an angel. The black dress your mother told me about is going to be amazing.”
Skye put her hand to her chest.
“You’re going to break some hearts. Are you wearing heels?”
Sarah blushed and shook her head.
“I’m already a giant.”
“Nonsense, you’re a tall girl, built solid, use it to your advantage. Go taller.”
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“I do have those silver heals from the Christmas party last year; Our feet are the same size Sarah.”
“Mom, no I couldn’t those were so expensive.”
Her mother put her hands on her shoulders and stood on her tip toes to peer over her right one.
“And they have sat in my closet for six months and collected dust.”
Sarah nodded and gave a small shrug.
“Oh Skye, Mariah did you hear? Sarah won MVP at the state championship game last night.”
“Oh Sarah, look at you. Beautiful and a star football player.”
Mariah looked at Sarah in disbelief.
“Wait, she plays football?”
Sarah smiled.
“They’re talking about Soccer. I’m not allowed to play American Football the boys are too scared of me.”
Mariah giggled.
“You go get them girl! You are looking fine.”
Sarah’s mother took care of the bill, she knew it was expensive and she felt bad, but her mother noticed her look and waved her hand dismissively. When they got in the SUV Sarah pulled on her seat belt and looked over to her mother.
“Thanks mom, I feel pretty.”
“Sometimes a girl just needs to get their hair done.”
“I can’t believe you made me sing Griogal Cridhe in the full.”
“You do it so beautifully.”
“I will never sing it as well as you mom.”
“You will sing it in your own way when you have children. And they will sing it to their children in their own way.”
Sarah blushed slightly.
“I’m not sure I want children.”
Sarah gulped; Those are six words you don’t say to a Scottish mother. The expected condemnations never came.
“You’re young yet.”
Sarah let the matter slide. She smiled at her reflection in the passenger window touching the reflection of her glossy lips. No one could say she didn’t look like a girl now. They could try but they’d be stretching it. She wondered how many boys would be upset they didn’t think to ask her to the grad party.
“What’s got you so quiet?”
“I was just thinking, well wondering how many boys are going to feel bad they didn’t ask me to the grad party.”
“All of them. You are a bonnie lass, even without this.”
Sarah sighed wistfully, they finally arrived at her school. Her brothers and father were already there. Her father held his chest when he saw her. Looked at her mother.
“Surely this bonnie lass isn’t my Sarah.”
Sarah blushed. Her brothers were nine and they looked up at her. Malcom and Blair. Blair narrowed his eyes. He was always the brattiest of the two Malcom was the quiet.
“Okay, you look good sis.”
Sarah ruffled his hair. Malcom nodded. The grad ceremony wasn’t anything exciting. She received her diploma. Several of the boys from her year gawked at her. She’d never bothered to put make up on or do more than a ponytail with her hair. Candace didn’t say anything at all, and Hana couldn’t stop talking about her hair. She said her goodbyes to her teammates which was the majority of the crowd she hung out with which was probably why she didn’t run into many boys. Her crowd was more interested in sports then dating. She spent the afternoon pacing not wanting to sit and risk her hair. Eventually it was time to get dressed so she did. She had picked a black dress that for once wasn’t baggy, it hugged her form and showed up the small amount of chest she had developed so far and her hips. It also showed off her calves. She’d always been embarrassed by them because she thought her toned muscles made her look to boy-like. She didn’t let it bother her today she felt like a bonnie lass for once. She put on the silver and ruby necklace her grandmother had left her. She took one last look at herself in the mirror before heading down the stairs where her parents were waiting. Her brothers took a break from their video game to look too.
“She’s wearing a dress!”
Her mother poked him in the forehead.
“Of course, she is.”
“I don’t think we ever saw her in a dress. It’s weird.”
“If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all Blair Liam MacCloud.”
He shrugged and went back to his video game. Malcom gave her a small wave before joining him. With the heels which were not that high, she was almost five ten and that put as taller than her father and she basically towered over her mother.
“Oh Sarah. You look magical.”
“Thanks mom. But you have to say that you’re my mom.”
“I don’t, if you look like a sack of trash, I’ll tell you so.”
Sarah smiled at her.
“Ah, Scottish parents always there to point out your shortcomings and tell you look like shi-.”
“Do not finish that sentence Sarah Elspeth MacCloud!”
Sarah’s father laughed.
“You have your mother’s wit.”
Sarah’s mother was waving her hand in her face she shoved her phone at Sarah’s father.
“Liam take a picture before I start crying.”
Sarah put her around her mother’s shoulder and smiled for the picture.
“Now one of us ye hen.”
Her dad offered the phone to her mother and Sarah struck the same pose.
“Go on you two, get.”
Her mother basically shoved them out the door and her father opened the door to his pickup truck for her and she got in. He pulled out and started driving and was quite for a few minutes, but he kept glancing at her.
“Now… I know these grad parties can get a bit wild, but just because there is beer there doesn’t mean you need to drink it, this isn’t Scotland it’s not legal for you to drink.”
“I’m fourteen dad it’s not legal for me to drink in Scotland either.”
“Look I was your age once and we lads, oh we would get right drunk.”
“I’m not interested in drinking or doing anything with boys that involves clothes coming off Dad.”
“Well good, glad we had this talk.”
Sarah rolled her eyes and leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
“Dinnae dae that now you mom’s gonna think I have a girlfriend on the side. Lipstick on my cheek. Your mom is a right scary lass.”
“And she knows where we keep the knives and where you sleep. Better sleep with one eye open.”
Her father playfully punched her arm.
“You have her wit you do. I just can’t get over how grown up you are. Starting grade nine next year, playing senior sports. Soon you’ll be asking for my keys and going off to university back home.”
Sarah smiled at him.
“You still have me for four years dad. Better make sure you embarrass me a bit more I don’t think I’ve reached my mental scarring quota yet.”
He shook his head.
“If you don’t call me by ten for a pickup I’m walking in there and carrying you out.”
“There you go, that would do it, I’d have enough childhood trauma to hire a therapist and not feel like I was wasting my money.”
“Give her here.”
He motioned and he hugged her.
“Have fun Sarah-bear.”
“I’ll see you at ten daddy-monster.”
“That’s my bonnie lass now get out of here. Have fun. But not as much fun as your mom would have.”
Sarah got out of the truck and walked to the door of the graduation dinner/dance/party. She went to enter and one of the boys who was acting as a doorman reached out his hand without looking and then looked up seeing abdomen he paused.
“Do you even-”
He looked up and saw Sarah’s face.
“Oh, woah, Hi Sarah.”
“Hi Toby.”
“You’re in a dress.”
“Yes. It is formal attire required, isn’t it?”
“I…I mean you look good. Just go on inside.”
Toby was blushing. Sarah walked inside. She looked for Hana and spotted her with her date. She walked across the floor she noticed she was the only girl wearing heels, not even Candace had done it. She had a moment pause but then she gave mental screw it and kept going over to Hana.
“Holy shit. You actually wore a dress. The team had a bet. Damn it I just lost ten bucks.”
“What would make you think I wouldn’t wear a dress?”
“This is the literally the first time you haven’t been in pants or shorts. No skirts no dresses.”
“You’re not helping my self-esteem.”
“With legs like those you should be helping everybody else with their self-esteem.”
Her date was staring at Sarah slack-jawed Hana elbowed him.
“Put your tongue back in your mouth.”
He blinked and picked up his empty punch glass and hurried away.
“Well, you have done it Sarah. You have officially made every single boy in our year regret treating you like one of the boys.”
Sarah sat down. Three more girls for the team sat down with them none had dates. Hana’s date turned around abruptly when he approached and saw the girl jocks congregating. He finally sat down when the food came out, he had no choice. He ate his food quietly and looked like he was at a table full of nuns and too scared to say anything in case he might offend their sensibilities. The girls were in a heated debate about whether the US women’s team could win the world championship this year when Sarah felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. It was Richard he was one of the football players who frequented the weight room trying to bulk up and would shout encouragement as more weight was put on a bar and she was trying to lift it. It was a game the boys played to see who was the strongest. Sarah was further developed at least in the muscle department so was still crushing it most of the time.
“Hey Sarah…I… you look good… do you want to maybe dance?”
One of her teammates nudged her Sarah was kind of staring up at him. She was just as guilty as the boys as treating herself like she was one of them sometimes, so she was confused for a brief moment, but she nodded and they danced to the slow dance that was playing.
“I didn’t recognize you at first tonight, Sarah. I thought you were someone’s date they brought from another school. I don’t want to sound… well like an ass, but you should wear a dress more often you look good in them.”
Sarah blushed.
“We watched the soccer game, we were cheering for you. You crushed them so bad. It was kind of brutal to watch.”
“We had a good team.”
“No, they had you, same as hockey. Glad you decided to play this year. We couldn’t have won the championship without you.”
“It wasn’t me.”
“It was mostly you; We suck. You spent a whole Saturday showing us how to stop properly and how to hit someone without getting called on no contact. Then another Saturday showing us how to take a slapshot. Mr. Cane is fine but seriously he is no hockey star. That’s why you were captain of the team.”
Sarah blushed again.
“And he also can’t quite curse like you can, I mean when you start cutting into someone for being an idiot you got a whole new level of making someone feel dumb.”
“I’m sorry.”
He laughed.
“You shouldn’t be it doesn’t feel like you’re talking down to people, just sounds like you’re upset because you know they can do better.”
“If I’m so amazing why didn’t anyone ask me to grad?”
“Well, I thought of it, but then I was like nah, she’s too cool for that. She’ll say no, or she’ll say…Dinnae be a numpty ye daft bawbag. Did I get that right?”
Sarah giggled.
“Aye, but I probably wouldn’t have said daft.”
“What does that even mean anyway?”
“Don’t be an idiot you silly ballsack.”
He coughed a bit.
“You mean you were calling us all ballsacks at practice.”
She looked down at him.
“You’re all boys aren’t you? You were all being idiot boys. So, I called you numpty bawbags. With numpty its less insulting, it’s sort of like what I’d say to my brother if he say tripped because he was running where he wasn’t supposed to. I’d call him a numpty. I probably wouldn’t call him a bawbag, my mom’d box my ears after calling me by my full name.”
“So, it’s like when friends are teasing each other.”
“Yes. But daft is more of a British thing, mostly British.”
“But Scotland is part of Britain.”
“See them’s fighting words ye numpty bawbag. That’s the kind of thing that gets you beat up in a pub.”
He smiled.
“You knew that didn’t you. You were baiting me.”
“I might have been, I saw how mad you got when Mr. Teague forgot Scotland had declared independence. Oh, the best was when that Coyote’s player said cheerio yea cunt, God save the queen just before he beat you in that face off. I have never seen someone hit the ice that hard. Bet you thought it was worth the penalty.”
Sarah blushed.
“Okay, one question when your girl teammates are being idiots what do you say?”
Sarah narrowed her eyes.
“Richard did you ask me to dance so you could get free Scottish insult lessons?”
“No, I asked you to dance because you’re the prettiest girl here. I’m just using the Scottish lessons as an excuse to keep going.”
Sarah blushed. The danced to the next song for a while. They were pretty close together and Sarah was enjoying it a lot, so was Richard. When the song ended, he started to pull away she pulled his hand back.
“I’d call them daft fuds.”
“See you would say daft. What’s that mean?”
“Basically, silly vaginas. It’s not really sexist, not like calling someone cunt here would be, and cunt is kind of the same thing, just more vulgar. Like where’s the coat check in, someone might say, that cunt over there’s got it. Could be a man or a woman.”
“You’re awesome. I bet you could go a full conversation insulting me in English I’d still think you were telling me how great I was.”
Sarah laughed. She tugged his arm gently.
“Come sit with us, you know we only bite other teams.”
He laughed and motioned to the rest of the gym rats who came over with them. The table was full and poor Eddie who was the quiet, shy one of the school. Hana being the social butterfly she was, had dragged him into the conversation kicking and screaming. As it turned out everyone present was currently addicted to the same streamed show that was coming out weekly. Richard was sitting next to Sarah and she kept finding his hand on her somewhere, or her hand on him somewhere. When it hit her time to call for a ride, she hugged Hana and said her goodbyes. She texted her dad and was waiting for him outside, it was Phoenix in the summertime it’s not like it was going to be cold. She heard the doors open behind her and she glanced back it was Richard he had his hands in his pockets and was looking at her through his bangs. He was one of the few football players that had them the rest went for shorter hair. He hesitated for a few seconds then walked up to her.
“I was wondering if you want to go… out or something sometime, just coffee?”
“Are you asking me out on a date Richard?”
“If you’re saying yes, I am?”
She shoved him playfully. He gave her a playful shove and they found themselves close together and their lips met. Her first kiss and it sent tingles through her. It wasn’t a long passionate movie kiss, more like a quick nervous peck on the lips but it was long enough for her dad to see, and she blushed so badly when he yelled.
“Dinnae stop now just cause your dad’s here.”
Sarah was beet red and so was Richard.
“Sorry, text me. This is so embarrassing.”
She pulled away from him and their hands lingered together, and she got in the truck and was staring firmly at the truck’s dashboard.
“How was the dance?”
She white knuckled her clutch and was staring hard at that dashboard. She was a mix of furious and butterflies. Her first kiss and with someone she never would have suspected was interested in her. She was also embarrassed for life.
“Aw dinnae be like that Sarah.”
She just kept staring at the dashboard caught between being furious and feeling on top of the world.
“He looks like a good lad; Do you know him well?”
She looked out the window, thinking he might take the hint. He sighed and waved his hand dismissively. She shook her head; It was just her dad being a Scottish dad. She looked towards him and she dressed him down in Gaelic her word choices leaving no doubt for what she thought of his antics.
“You shouldn’t have done that dad. It was mean.”
He shifted uncomfortably in his car seat tugging on his seat belt. She’d deliberately used Gaelic because when her mother was right pissed off, she would use it.
“I’m sorry Sarah-Bear.”
She continued in Gaelic.
“You better be dad.”
He sunk into his seat a bit and focused on the road. As predicted the Gaelic had sufficiently chastised him without her having to yell. She leaned her head on the window. Even as embarrassed as her dad had made her, she was on top of the world. Her phone buzzed it was Hana sending a bunch of thumbs up emojis she smiled at it and sent a kiss emoji and in return she received a hands-on cheeks shocked emoji. She let her hand fall to her side, and she got another text she was going to assume it was Hana but she checked and it was Richard he’d sent her a video of him doing the Les Grossman dance. She nearly coughed she laughed so hard. She texted back, Never, do that again the world has enough darkness in it. His response was slow in coming but was just single sad panda face. She sent rolling smiling face and then a devil emoji. She was expecting more emoji but it was words: Thank you for saying yes. She touched the text and blushed.
“You kids and those phones these days.”
Sarah slid it back into her clutch and snapped it shut.
“You know when we wanted to talk, we’d-.”
She cut him off still speaking in Gaelic.
“Walk uphill both ways in the snow to their house and you would talk in person like civilized folks?”
“Well yes.”
She kept up with the Gaelic.
“Well, I’d still be talking to them in person, but my dad told me if I didn’t call for a ride home before 10 he’d carry me out to his truck.”
“I’m sorry dinnae know you’d have so much fun; I was giving you an excuse to cut and run. You usually hate these things; You only ever liked your hocky banquets.”
“I grew up dad.”
He pulled into their driveway and Sarah hopped out and kicked off her heels and scooped them up and rushed inside leaving her dad staring after her. She was still pissed off. Her mother watched her run past and up the stairs from the kitchen and shook her head. Sarah heard her laying into her father in Gaelic. The first question being.
“What did you do?”
Sarah lost the rest over the conversation when she shut her door and started getting out of her dress. She heard a knock on her door in response she connected her phone to her Bluetooth speaker and turned the volume up. She was feeling like avoiding that conversation, so she put on the Black Sabbath Paranoid album and started jumping to it as she cleaned the makeup off her face. Her head was almost head banging to it as she threw on her PJs and leaned her phone on the vanity and started to a video and started lip syncing to the current song which was Paranoid. She was dancing and getting into using her toothbrush as a microphone she finished the song and sent the video to Richard. She brushed her teeth and saw her phone vibrating she looked at it like it might bite her. She wasn’t sure why she’d done it in the first place she was regretting it and wondering if she could take it back. She reached down and picked up the phone toothbrush in her mouth. It had a text from Richard. Holy shit who is that? That was baller! She hit share on the album from her music app and sent it to him. A few minutes later she got a devil finger’s emoji. She smiled and laid in bed after fluffing her pillow.