Claire wrapped her arms around her knees, facing the ruined tree where Marcus had gone missing what felt a lifetime ago. She could barely make out the soot or the scuff marks against the bough and the dirt anymore and the air was crisp and fresh instead of metallic and burnt. Beside her, Marcus worked his mouth funny directions, like he wanted to tell her something. Since their return from Kelnarium, the times they felt closest were sitting alone by the dam, as they did now. She waited patiently for Marcus to speak.
“It hasn’t been the same since we came back,” he said, fiddling with a pebble he’d found on the track. “You don’t want to do everything with me the way you used to.”
Claire didn’t answer. Something had snapped inside her with Marcus’s betrayal. His shine was tarnished.
He flung the pebble into the dam. “I miss it.” He looked up, finally meeting her eyes, voice breaking. “Do you?”
“No,” she said truthfully.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Not just for refusing to listen in Kelnarium or for dobbing you in to Eidan, but for treating you pretty shittily in Shale long before we ever knew other worlds existed. I took you for granted. I wanted your adulation even as I told myself you were my pesky little sis. That wasn’t fair.”
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“It’s fine,” Claire said, reaching out to touch his bare arm. “I don’t need you the way I used to. Kelnarium taught me things about myself I hadn’t thought possible. Really, you don’t need to keep apologising. I’ve never been happier.”
He turned away like she’d slapped him. “I know,” he mumbled, “but I miss mucking about together. I miss our adventures. Will things ever go back to the way they were?”
Claire smiled, as a girl in a faded cotton sundress wended her way down the trail towards them, her brown hair wisping every which way. Ella. Claire remembered the way she’d avoided her at the supermarket aeons ago, afraid of more stinging remarks or another failed friendship. How wrong she’d been. Ella, it turned out, loved painting and baking as much as Claire and Suranne did, and she’d long been in awe of the way Claire’s family did stuff for charity without shouting it from the rooftops the way some families did. This school term, the pair had struck up a friendship.
“Claire?” Marcus prompted.
“Things can’t go back to how they were,” she said a little impatiently, as Ella broke into a grin at Claire’s enthusiastic wave. She turned back to Marcus. “I’ll always love you, silly. No matter what, you’re my brother, but I have to have my own life too.” She tilted her head towards Ella. “This afternoon I promised my friend we’d help Mum with cooking some lasagne. I’d better go.” She got to her feet. “Don’t mope about too long. I also promised Ella you’d take us on a trail ride tonight and I’ve told her you’re the coolest brother ever when you’re away from the schoolyard. Don’t let me down. I’m counting on you.”
He took a deep breath and nodded. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
And this time, Claire knew he meant it.