This book would not be possible without me stealing the idea of some loser I happen to know who was stupid enough to mention something loser-ish in my presence. I took it upon myself to relieve that peasant of his creative expression and transform it into something beautiful.

And thus, truly, I am the reason this book is being made at this very moment. Not that idiot. Not a family member. Not even the buffoon who created the concept of cookbooks in the first place - arguably, there hasn't been a true cookbook since before this one came out.

So, reader, you are so very welcome that I am taking the time to bless your eyes and nourish your minds with my culinary expertise. Where would you be without my assistance? Floundering around in a world of nobody chefs, fumbling with spatulas while you try to figure out how much garlic you should dump in with your oregano while - Heaven's forbid - leaving your white rice burning on the stove! Megan, for Schwab's sake how many times do I have to tell you-

If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

Ahem. I'm getting ahead of myself. Whether you learn something from this or not, it is not of my concern but simply on you to figure out why you're such a failure to you, your parents, even your cow. Oh, you don't own a cow? Go buy one and then figure out how you managed to disappoint a non-sapient creature.

Plebian.