CHAPTER 8

A heavy cloak of shame draped over Gabriel's shoulders, its weight pulling him down with each step as he stalked as far away from Birdie as he could.

He followed the outskirts of the wall, not slowing his pace or bothering to look where he was going- a practice that wouldn't lead him to danger as he had done this many times. Gabriel found that on a typical day, most of his problems could be pounded into the ground by going for a solitary walk. Shields had put him onto it after a rather explosive argument he'd had with Cedar years before where he'd ended up destroying a practice sword rack.

A nice aggressive walk- one that left him with shin splints- that was his typical remedy for the white hot anger that so easily sloshed to the surface when evoked by the frustrations around him.

But today, as he tore through the thicket and sent startled grasshoppers springing away in all directions, he doubted even breaking a sword rack or destroying a practice dummy would be enough to clear his mind.

Detangeling the knot grass of emotion proved impossible. The anger. Fear. Shame.

He tried not to think about her. The look of pathetic concern and pity she wore when he'd finally snapped and turned away. Why did she have to be that way? Why must she always treat him like some injured animal? Her determination to lift him up burned like acid, exposing an unreasonable anger that held him hostage. He didn’t need a babysitter or hero right now. He needed her to listen!

But listen to what? He didn't even know.

The fresh memories of their conversation and the horrors of the previous night felt like a stinging new cut that refused to stop bleeding. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the sequence of events from replaying over and over in his mind. Birdie looking at him with those determined yet frightened eyes, the cruel and twisted face of the divine as he banished Gabriel from his domain, Cedar’s words as they stood at the edge of the trees, Brooke looking at him as if he were some poisonous snake waiting to pounce.

Why? Why wouldn’t Birdie listen?

He wanted to wash the thoughts physically from his brain. Drown them. Snuff them out and hold them under until they faded away. But it was out of his control, he could do nothing but dwell upon them.

He shook his head and screwed up his face in anger, digging his nails so deeply into his palms that he wouldn't be surprised if he were conjuring bruises.

"I'm weak!" He thought, "I couldn't kill it. I couldn't even try before it stopped me. And now Birdie thinks I'm insane! How am I going to convince her to walk away now?"

Terrible waves of fiery anger washed over him again and again. Hatred of the demon. Disgust at his own weakness and failure. It made him feel filthy. It made his skin crawl with anxiety. The sensation crept through his veins, tingling with an insidious mix of self-doubt and fear.

Had he ever had a chance? Or had he been doomed from the beginning?

For the past ten years, Gabriel had kept a secret so close to his heart that it had practically grown to be a part of him. A decade of planning lay in smoldering ruin behind him. A decade of keeping secrets. A decade of lying to everyone- especially Birdie. All up in smoke. Gabriel could hardly differentiate who he truly was from the thousands of days spent performing and playing a roll- just to trip at the finish line and fail. But now the deception was burned away, and he was forced to live with just himself- and not the lie- for the first time since he was eleven years old. He felt like some charred fraction of a being with no identity outside of fear and failure.

Each step forward seemed like a monumental task, hindered by the weight of shame and fear of unknown consequence as his stomping tirade slowed to a dirge.

The world around him seemed to shrink, the vibrant colors of the morning muted and dulled by his internal turmoil that seemed to make him feel like he was viewing the world from the bottom of the ocean.

Gabriel reached a small cluster of short trees that grew right up against the wall and out several yards. It wasn't until he was standing underneath their shade that he realized how exhausted he was. He hadn't slept at all the afternoon prior, no matter how hard he tried. The preparation the day before, the midnight hike, the trial, the fight with Cedar and then Birdie- all of those events loaded into a wave of exhaustion ten years in the making that seemed to hit him like a blow to the face, causing him to stagger.

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He caught himself against a tree and slid down its twisted trunk until he sat at its base, slumped forward in defeat and trembling. He squeezed his head with his hands, hoping that the pressure would somehow keep him from fracturing any more than he already had. An oppressive fog settled over his mind, obscuring any glimmer of hope or redemption, and refusing to relent.

What was almost worse than the sudden shock to purpose or the shame of his failure was the fear of what was to come. Gabriel had no idea what would happen now that he hadn't been able to kill the divine like he promised. He'd only been told that ruin awaited should he fail; Fjordrock hadn't mentioned what ruin would look like or how long it would take to get there, and Gabriel highly doubted he'd have a second chance to try again now that the forest demon knew his secret.

"What do I do?" He hissed, his eyes stinging with tears of helpless regret and anger.

"What do I do!"

You would think that after ten years of reliving that day in his mind, Gabriel would better remember meeting Coastlund's divine. But the whole interaction was shrouded in uncertainty from day one, seeing as he was already half drowned when he washed up on his shore. It was due only to his obsessive repetition of the words, that the deal and prophesy were etched so deeply within him.

Despite his uncertainty, one thing was for sure, the divine hadn't mentioned any opportunity for second tries.

He missed his chance. And now he was going to lose it all.

"Please," Gabriel begged, digging his fingers deeper still into his palms.

"There has to be another way!”

In the recesses of his heart, a warm chill blossomed. Gabriel gasped and looked up wildly as a strange, paranoid feeling spread about his being, almost as if someone was there watching him.

"Hello?" He called in a loud voice, getting to his feet and looking around.

The thicket was silent- not just in lack of reply. No birds sang. Gabriel couldn't hear the whisper of the river in the distance. The dancing leaves were undetectable from sound alone. If not for the volume of his calling voice, Gabriel might have thought he'd gone deaf, or that he had cotton or water in his ears.

A cold chill ran down his already trembling arms, and he continued to search for the source of his uneasiness.

He wasn't alone here.

"HELLO!" He shouted, whirling around and placing his hand on his hip where the hilt of a knife hid beneath the folds of his cloak.

Piercing through the silence like an arrow through a beast, a voice hissed. Low and even, it whispered directly into his mind, and Gabriel fell to his knees as fear and recognition flooded his system.

"And so it is a failure that brings you back to me."

"Fjordrock?"

"I am here." the voice responded in his ear.

“But how?” He cried, his mouth dry and stale as he stammered.

“Why have you never answered me before?”

Gabriel wasn't sure if elation or terror was the right word for the surge that rose up within him. The divine was speaking to him. After ten years of silence, Fjordrock, divine of Coastlund, had answered his call.

“Your survival has ensured my own, and for that I thank you. But I am still very weak. I have been holding on all these years, waiting for your success before I depart."

Gabriel shook his head in cold denial.

“I failed! I couldn't kill the demon in the trees! I broke our deal!”

The level tone of Fjordrock’s voice shifted, and suddenly it was cruel and harsh, like the barking of a dog as it reprimanded loudly in his mind.

"You would really be so foolish as to think I didn't plan on redundancy, in case my servant failed?"

"N-no, I mean…" he hadn’t thought of that. From what Gabriel could remember, the divine hadn't mentioned a back up plan or a course to take should he fail. He had spent the past ten years operating under the assumption that the fate of the world rested upon his ability to kill a powerful demon on his first try.

He fell back to his knees, blinking up at the sky and waiting for his answer.

"I still have a plan for you Gabriel,” The voice whispered, resuming its cadence of level coldness. It felt as if the words caressed his heart in an icy reassurance that stung but felt right.

“There is still a way to fix this. To save them."

A surge of powerful hope cleared his mind.

"I can still save Birdie?" He asked carefully,

"I can stop the disaster?"

"Indeed. But you mustn’t fail me again. For now the demon in the woods knows our goal, and he will try to stop us."

"Just tell me what to do!" Gabriel had meant to sound determined, but he couldn't keep the hint of pleading from his voice.

“I will do anything!”

He knew he must have been imagining it, but it felt like the presence tightened its grip around his very heart as it beat loudly in his ears.

“Good.”