I begged my grandfather to house the Greek woman here for as long as needed. I did not need her to constantly be in my life as a Legionnaire, nor do I need her to be a distraction to my men, they have duties to attend to, lustful desires are beneath our priorities. My concerns fell on deaf ears, it would seem.

“My dear boy, we can barely provide for ourselves as it is. If we-” “I can provide for you, grandfather. This is why I became a Legionnaire.” I argued. “She would be better off with you and grandmother. If she were to stay with me at the camp, she would only be a distraction for the soldiers.” I said, then I noticed my grandfather giving a curious look. “What is it?” I asked.

“You are as strict and strong as your father, but as kind and caring as your mother, gods give them peace.” my grandfather commented.

“What are you talking about, grandfather?” I asked. “You care for this woman. And yet you won’t allow yourself to be the one to care for her.” he continued. “I cannot care for her, she is nothing more than a mere hindrance to my duties.” “Your actions speak louder than your words, boy.” I stood speechless, what could my grandfather be implying with his words?

“Please grandfather, you must understand what I am asking.” I begged him. I needed to explain the importance of my favor to my grandfather. I needed him to agree. I needed him to accept.

“I do understand, boy. And I will repeat what I have been saying, we cannot do this favor for you.” I sigh in frustration as my request fell on deaf ears, and sat back down on the chair, defeated. “Son, if we choose to harbor the woman, we will not only be accused of harboring an escaped slave, but we will be unable to protect ourselves from the soldiers, let alone protect her.” I turned my face to my grandfather with a softened expression. “Whatever the gods have planned for you, they have decided that this girl be placed in your care.” I turned my head from his, in disgust.

“The gods may as well be absent, for how could they leave so many people?... So many men to die. So alone, coughing blood.” I said, continuing a downward spiral thought of despair. “How could they leave women to fend for themselves against the wolves?” “WHY ARE THE CHILDREN LEFT TO GROW IN A LIFE WORSE THAN DEATH?!” As I finished I realized what I had done, what I had said. I got on my feet and paced myself, avoiding my grandfather’s eyes, which must have been filled with worry from my anger.

As I was pacing, I felt a warm head touch my shoulder, lifting a weight I did not know I had felt. “The war was an unfortunate tragedy, may the gods guide all those unfortunate souls that must be judged now.” he said, attempting to temper my anger. “Whatever has happened in our lives, it is in the hands of the gods, Pamphilus.” I raised my hand and covered my grandfather’s hand and faced him. “The gods have made a mistake, grandfather. I am no protector. In her eyes, I am merely the monster that killed her by letting her live.” I said with a heavy heart. “I am not her protector, I do not deserve to be nor will I ever be worthy of it. She is NOT my responsibility!” I said strongly.

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“My boy, had she been given to other men, she would not have lasted a day.” my grandfather explained. “Had you not made your choice to take her, she might have suffered a more severe fate.” I stood in my place, contemplating the words that my grandfather had said, and he was right. I made my choice to take her as a slave in order to keep her from my colleagues, in order to keep the men in line, but I never asked for this. All I wanted was to fight for my country and provide for my family, pleasures of the flesh be damned.

My thoughts waged war inside my head. If my intention was to keep her safe, why am I giving her away? Why am I so reluctant to take responsibility? As I asked more questions the more I sank in my thoughts, nearly forgetting where I was. I began to pace more, and I abruptly stopped to see her through the crack of the window. The dirt and her messy brown hair reminded me that she was a slave, the scars and bruises on her body reminded me that I fought back. These reminded me that she may as well have died a horrific death at the hands of the other officers.

Then, in the gleaming light of the sun, she raised her head, allowing her hair to fall back and her eyes seemed to shine if only for a moment. Her green eyes became a deep emerald gem in the sun. I had not noticed how beautiful those eyes were under all of the hardships and pain on the surface. Such beauty from one so broken.

“I do not have the strength to protect anyone, how could I expect to protect her?” I asked my grandfather, as well as myself. A moment of silence fell in the room, as our thoughts grew louder with our inaction. I eagerly waited for my grandfather to give an answer, some sort of wisdom from his years, but he stayed silent.

To my surprise, a gentle female voice responded to me. “You are a centurion, Pamphilus.” I turned my head to see my grandmother with a basket of tunics and cloth, with a stern but gentle look on her face as she looked towards me. “You are tasked to lead, to fight, and most of all, You are tasked to protect.” she said with more conviction than I had ever expected from such a kind and gentle elderly woman. ”“Your desire to protect us is what drove you to the Legion, and it is your strong desire and love for the country, your people, and most of all your family is what saw you through the war.” she said with her eyes beginning to shine and a tear falling from her cheek.

“Your grandfather and I prayed to the gods for your safety every single day, and we thank and praise them for the strength they have given you.” “And now, they have saw fit to put this woman in your care, planning something for you.” she walked towards me keeping eyes on mine, keeping her stern expression intact, not a single hint of uncertainty. She put her hand on my chest and I felt my heart beat more prominently than before.

“Whatever they must have planned for you, I have faith that it is your strength that they see.” she said to me. I took a deep breath to calm myself and met my grandmother’s gaze once more and took her hand. “I understand.” I said accepting the task ahead of me. At that very moment, I had vowed to protect the woman. From that moment, I had accepted that she is now in my care.