“Good day, sir.” the robot food server, officially designated S11-Y, emitted a slight whirring noise as it flexed in a bow, “Welcome to Finger Lickn’ Chicken. What would you like today?”
The patron, a large, bald man of middle age, smiled before he responded.
“Good day Sally. How are you?”
S11-Y paused for a few milliseconds, an appropriate response taking some time to formulate as seldom used records were loaded into memory.
“Functioning optimally, sir. Would you like to place an order now?”
“I’ll have a chicken wrap, please.”
“Very well, sir.” numbers crunched and S11-Y looked up the current food prep schedule.
“Your Extra Tasty Wrap n Crunch will be prepared in approximately 4 minutes and 30 seconds. Would you like to have a refreshing beverage as well?” he waved a hand in the negative and the robot turned to leave, the next customer already in sight and needing to be served. Plastic wheels squeaked softly on white tiles as the bot rolled away.
Several minutes later, the server returned to the table with a chicken wrap in a recycled paper bag.
“That will be $15,99 sir. Would you like to pay with card, mobile or code scan?”
He held up his right hand and an IR scanner extended from a port on Sally’s right side. A quick affirmative bleep later, and the transaction was complete.
“Thank you for eating at Finger Lickn’ Chicken. Please come again.”
“Thank you, Sally.” the patron said as the bot turned to leave. Another few milliseconds pause, then a response.
“You are welcome, sir.”
The next day the same customer was back. S11-Y recognised him as a previous patron and changed the greeting accordingly.
“Good day, sir. Welcome back to Finger Lickn’ Chicken.”
“Hello, Sally. How are you?” the same question from yesterday. For the second time, unused protocols on courtesy were called into memory.
“Functioning optimally, sir. Would you like to place an order now?”
He nodded assent and ordered another wrap, with a bottle of water this time. Five minutes later, the server rolled back with the man’s order.
“Thank you, Sally. I’ll pay with my IR chip again.” he said as the bot placed the order onto the table. S11-Y bleeped as the debit was approved.
“You are welcome, sir.”
Third day, same customer. S11-Y rolled up and greeted the customer as per protocol.
“Good day sir. Welcome back to Finger Lickn’ Chicken. What would you like today?”
“Hello Sally, how are you? The same as yesterday, please.”
Multiple answers weighed themselves against priority as the customer flagged two response prompts, and S11-Y froze for a second as decisions were made. The customer raised an eyebrow, and S11-Y responded.
“Functioning optimally, sir. Would that be an Extra Tasty Warp n Crunch and a 300ml bottle of still water?”
“Yes, please.”
“Of course, sir. It will be ready in approximately three minutes and forty seconds.”
He nodded and smiled, and the server rolled away, returning a few minutes later with the customer’s order.
“Thank you, Sally.” he said with a smile as he raised an arm. A quick bleep later and S11-Y returned a response.
“You are welcome, sir.” a pause, “Have a nice day.” the man’s smile broadened slightly, like a proud parent.
“You too Sally.”
S11-Y trundled away.
The next day saw the customer waiting for a spell, as S11-Y was faced with a difficult customer.
“This burger tastes like shit! And you said it would come in three minutes!” a bellicose younger man, skinny and clean shaven, was shouting at the bot.
“All serving times are estimates based on orders already placed, sir. These times are best effort guesses and are subject to fluidity.”
“Shut it tin can, you said three minutes. And it’s goddamn raw! I want the manager, now!”
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S11-Y paused for a second as an internal alert was flagged.
“The manager has been notified, sir, and she has acknowledged there is a complaint.” a pause, a red light flashed on near the audio output.
“What seems to be the problem, sir?” the speakers crackled slightly, as if someone had leaned a bit too close into the microphone.
“This crappy bot took too long to bring my order, and your shitty chef didn’t cook it right! I demand a refund!”
“Certainly, sir. The transaction has already been reversed. Would you like to place another order?”
“Fuck you.” the rude patron flipped his middle finger at the camera and stomped out. A small sigh escaped the speaker, then the light blinked off. S11-Y trundled up to the bald regular.
“Good day sir. Welcome back to Finger Lickn’ Chicken. What would you like today?”
“Hello Sally. How are you? Bit of a rough day it seems.”
A few more milliseconds of delay as an answer was formulated.
“Functioning optimally sir. There have been unsatisfied customers.”
He chuckled and agreed with a nod.
“Some people will never be happy. I’d like to try the chicken burger today, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course, sir. Your Lickn’ Crunch Burger will be ready in approximately four minutes.” S11-Y rolled on towards the next customer, precisely four minutes passing before the server returned.
“Thank you, Sally.” he said, raising his arm to pay.
“You are welcome, sir.” a small bleep, and the transaction was done. Instead of getting up, however, he unwrapped the burger and took a hearty bite. Chewing thoughtfully, he swallowed and shrugged, then finished the remainder in short order before leaving.
The customer didn’t return the next day. Or the next - or for several years after that. S11-Y continued to serve, despite the scuffs on the stainless steel chassis and the growing crackle in the audio output, despite the ever slower responses as internal databases bloated to the point of needing a roll-over schedule to keep enough space free.
Finger Lickn’ Chicken changed owners, and things got worse as budget was cut for maintenance, hygiene and ingredients. The wear on S11-Y became greater, and no services were given, or maintenance work done. By the time the bald man did return, S11-Y was a beaten up wreck of a bot, squeaking constantly from one wheel and needing constant retries to scan IR chips or cards.
“G-Good day sir.” came the stutter of S11-Y’s artificial voice, “W-Welcome back to Finger Chicken Lickn’. What would y-you like today?”
The man frowned as he saw the robot’s condition up close. There was even some rust on the speaker grille - nobody had given the bot any maintenance for a long time.
“Hello, Sally. It’s been a while!” he said, switching back to a cheerful grin, “How have you been?”
Several seconds passed, and several more, as S11-Y’s already loaded system struggled with the unusual query.
“S-Sub-optimal, sir. I have not had a regular s-service performed in 16 months 2 days and 15 hours prior to this time.” Another pause as the customer frowned and S11-Y looked up previous orders.
“T-The Extra Tasty Wrap nnnnnn Crunch is no longer avai-vailable sir. Would you instead like a Lickn’ Crunch Burger?”
“Yes, please. I’m surprised you remembered.”
“R-Regular backups are made of high priority d-data sir.”
“Huh.” he nodded and he tilted his head thoughtfully, “Do you store all customer orders for this long?”
S11-Y froze for a few seconds, but no response to the question was forthcoming.
“Y-Your order will be ready in approximately twelve minutes a-and seventy three seconds. I-I apologise for the delay.”
He waved his hand, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll wait.”
“Thank you.” The man’s expression turned to one of genuine surprise, but before he could respond the bot had already rolled off.