I haven’t slept for 6 weeks. Crying babies, loud TV sets, cars, trucks, and that alarm. That alarm I dread every hour to take my medication for my heart condition slowly engraves its noise into my brain ripping me from any silence. Beep beep beep. Just as I drift off into my pure bliss state of mind and sleep, everything gets turned up to max volume, breaking my ear drums like a hammer preventing any rest. Sometimes during my work shifts I’d pass out in front of customers from exhaustion, only to waking back up in the break room by my hourly alarm.

The alarm doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. Unlike animals, I realised that this is for my own good, and if I don’t take them I’d die. Having another heart attack is not on my todo list and isn’t the best way to go out, I’d rather die in a hospital surrounded by loved ones, singing my favourite song from my childhood. I couldn’t just go out on the spot, I couldn’t do that to my children, they’re broken enough from their mother.

Beep beep beep. As I slope down the shopping isle ways, stacking shelves and telling this teenager where we keep the tampax, I reach in my left pocket and take the last 2 pills of the day. I turn back at the girl, and she’s stops and looks at me, whilst chucking the tampax on the ground, with a rage. Her face dropped, slowly walking away backwards, and tears filling in her eyes. She turns the corner and leaves out of my sight. I’ve never seen such a scene before, it was kind of beautiful seeing something so less mundane than usual, I would say I even felt more alive. Us humans thrive on drama, it fills our hearts wanting more! It’s why shit like love island exists.

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I walked over to the tampax she chucked on the floor and put it back on the shelf. I turn back around and continue to stack the shampoo and sunscreen from my little trolley. After the time had past from that scene just now, my fatigue started to grow from in me. My hand movements got slower, my body began to shutdown, I started to move like a slug. I finished my isle and went back to stock up my trolley for medicine. I’d always pick the categories no one liked because it meant I’d get my own thinking time. I’d treat this like my sleeping time really. Just to shut off, think, and relax. I moved across the shop into the back room and stock up my trolley with products labelled “medical”.

I moved back into the shop with my trolley and down the medical isle. I started at the top and started looking for Paracetamol. It’s only when I found it I looked up and saw that teenager again. She was just standing in the middle of the isle, looking at me. Staring deep into my soul, not looking scared of anything but soulless, like a husk. She slowly turned her head, picked up a bottle of something and began looking at the label. I thought she was either drunk or on some drugs. She fit the proper description of a drug addict, black pants, reddish hair, big boots that go up to her kneecaps. I couldn’t remember how long she looked at the bottle for. I was extremely tired.

She looked at the bottle, looked back up at me and I saw a slight tear drop from her face. Her breathing picked up and face lit up in fear like she just saw a ghost and was about to run away. Although she didn’t run, she opened the bottle. She opened the bottle and started swallowing every pill she could in there. Essentially committing suicide. I couldn’t have done anything. I can’t say it’s my fault. If I did I would self destruct like most people do. Looking forward at this girl, she dropped the bottle only having a 1 or 2 pills left in it. They rolled under across the isle in my direction, I looked back up and she stands there. Silent, quiet as a mouse. Her breathing slows down, her shoulders unbuckle, and her eyes close.