Thomas leaned against the far wall as he watched the young engineer pick out pieces of his brother’s body and lay them on a black tarp off to the side. Bits of rotten flesh still clung to some of the deeper parts of the machinery, the sickly sweet smell slowly permeating the room. Another sliver of bone was pulled free, and he told himself that this time, he’d look away, but he never did as more and more were added to the pile. A piece of an arm. Three cracked ribs. A part of a finger, the mottled flesh still stubbornly clinging to the smooth bone.
He couldn’t help but remember watching his father place the body on a similar table, his brother dressed in that neat black suit, eyes stitched closed. How it had arched when the electricity surged through it, the reek of burning flesh. The way he’d begged his father to stop, to place his brother back in his grave, to let him rest in peace. He thought he had. He thought his father had at the very least buried Rowan’s body back in the garden.
“How’s it going?” Brie asked, coming into the room.
Esi barely looked up from her work. “Tedious.” She replied.
“I never knew he’d go this far.” Thomas said, finally looking away.
“We never know until it happens.” Brie said kindly. “No one blames you.”
“Sebastian does.”
“He’s angry. Sad.”
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s locked himself in his room. He won’t talk to us, but I can hear him sometimes when I pass by. Like he’s praying.”
Thomas bit at his thumb, remembering the way the light used to catch on a box of copper-colored vials on Rowan’s dresser. The vials he now knew had to have been the embalming fluid. “Would praying even work at this point?”
“It never hurts.” Brie shrugged as she walked over to her cousin to view the body. Over half the pieces had been assembled, but it was clear Esi was avoiding the head, working meticulously on every other part.
“Can they fix him?” Thomas asked. “Even after all this?”
“That’s what you’re concerned about?” Brie asked with a smile even as she looked over the remains, her eyes troubled.
“My brother may be dead, his body desecrated, but this doesn’t have to turn into a complete tragedy.” Thomas looked up at the ceiling, tears welling up. “Is it so wrong to just want something good to come out of this? Rowan the android at least deserves a chance.”
“I’m doing my best to not break anything important.” Esi assured. All she had left was the detached head of the android which she carefully pulled apart to reveal a grinning skull. Bits of red hair still clung to the top with patches of flesh clinging stubbornly to his bruised cheeks. The remnants of a boy who deserved more than the world could give. Thomas found himself relieved to see the empty sockets staring back at him as he finally moved closer. He didn’t think he could stand to see his brother’s sightless eyes.
“Hey, Rowan.” He said softly, reaching out to brush a tuft of hair. His fingers snagged on the broken bone at its temple, the gaping hole mocking his pain as he broke down. He fell to his knees, taking the skull with him and cradling it to his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Thomas.” Brie knelt beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned into her and buried his face against her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him, the skull nestled between them. She rubbed his back until his sobs eased into minor hiccups.
In the corner of the room, he saw his brother watching him, green eyes clouded with grief. “Don’t cry for me.” The ghost’s whisper floated through the room. “Just take me home.” Thomas jerked to his feet as the ghost vanished.
“We have to get him home.” He said, eyes roaming wildly over the skeleton. “He needs a proper burial. We can’t--”
“Easy, Thomas.” Brie’s hand steadied him. “Breathe. We’ll get him there. You know we will.”
He took in gulping gasps of breath and nodded shakily. “Good, good.” His hands shook as he gathered his brother’s skeleton, wincing at the stickiness of some parts and the flesh sliding off the bones. The tarp hid the mess as he wrapped it around the remains and swallowed hard as he looked at the girls. The air tasted of heartbreak and misery, but something in Thomas finally loosened. Something like hope bled into his pain, and his grief, though still there, didn’t feel so bottomless anymore.
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Sebastian heard footsteps in the hall, the steady gait of a confident woman on a mission. He sat, wrapped in a cotton duvet, before the statue, the floor still cold to the touch. He’d been speaking to her, her obsidian eyes staring into the nothingness of his room. He hadn’t saved her either, had barely even tried. So easily talked out of stepping into the fight. Maybe he should find some place for her. A place with lots of sunlight and flowers. When he’d saved her from that laboratory, it’d been his idea to destroy her, a merciful ending for someone who had no place left in this world. But he didn’t think he could do it anymore. Not now. Not after already losing so much.
The footsteps hesitated at his door, followed by a soft rap. “Seb? You alright in there?” Brie asked. “Look, I know you’re upset, but I just wanted to tell you that it’s finished. Esi’s working on cleaning the parts now and reassembling Rowan.”
He threw open the door at that, still wrapped in his thick blanket. “Rowan. Is. Dead.” He hissed, a bit more viciously than he’d intended.
Brie didn’t recoil. She stared at him with steely eyes. “He is, but the android version isn’t. You will not abandon him.”
“I’m not abandoning anyone. Leave him in pieces. This has gone on long enough.” He turned back to his bed.
“You know I used to think all men were moronically stubborn, but I’m honestly starting to think it’s just you. You are the most infuriating person I’ve ever met.”
“Then why are you still here?”
“Because I’m your friend. Why are you doing this? I know how much he means to you.”
Sebastian stared at the opposite wall and tightened his grip on the blanket. “If the rest of the crew is ready, tell them we’re leaving.”
Brie pursed her lips. “Tell them yourself. I’m not the captain of this ship.”
They were angry. Sebastian had expected as much when he gathered them on the bridge. Brie stared at her feet, in a move so unlike her it was like looking at a stranger. Kenan and Lyra refused to speak, Kenan trembling with something Sebastian couldn’t identify, but he knew what he was thinking. If Sebastian would abandon someone this important, what would happen the next time one of them was in danger?
“I’m sorry. I know this isn’t the decision you wanted me to make, but I can’t stay here.” Sebastian looked around at the members of his crew, a crew he’d die for a hundred times over, but he couldn’t explain this to them. He couldn’t show them the part of his soul that was hurting. All he could do was run away. It was the thing he was best at.
“I’m staying here.” Brie said, her voice filling the room, her eyes a challenge as she finally looked up at him.
“Brie…”
“I haven’t seen my family in so long. I thought this might be a good time to stay and visit awhile. Go if you must. I’ll catch up.”
“I could really use you here.”
Her eyes softened. “I know, but this too is my decision. I’ll see you in the stars.”
She walked away, and Sebastian braced himself for the others to follow. He turned to them when they didn’t move. “Are you going too?”
“We have no family on this planet.” Lyra said with a confused lilt to her voice.
Kenan shook his head. “We’re staying. Doesn’t mean we’re not still pissed at you, but we’re staying.”
Sebastian grabbed Kenan’s arm as he passed. “I’d never abandon any of you. You know that, don’t you?”
Kenan stared at him, brown eyes serious. “I thought I did, but how can I know that now?”
Thomas stopped as he walked in, carrying a black tarp in his arms. “Am I interrupting something?”
“Not at all.” Kenan said brightly, shaking off Sebastian’s hand. “Good news, though: you get to go home.”
Thomas’s eyes darkened. “Without Rowan.”
“With the Rowan that matters.” Sebastian said.
“He’d disagree.” Thomas looked around. “Where’s my father?”
“Haven’t seen him, but I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.”
“Great. We need to make burial arrangements. Take us home.”
Sebastian felt an odd detachment as they shot up into space, as if a part of himself had been left behind. He tried to fool himself into believing it was Brie’s absence, but he’d felt this way before. After Neo’s death. And even before when he’d run off to space for the first time. Always running. Never staying in the same place. Because what if his past caught up to him? What if he eventually had to face what he’d done? Who he’d hurt?
He wandered the ship, willing that lost feeling to go away, forcing himself to not go into that locked room where the unfinished parts of the ship laid. The room where he kept his flares. He lost the battle sometime after two a.m. The lock unlatched with the turn of a key, and he stepped inside, locking it behind him. It was the more dangerous part of the ship, bent metal and unfinished rooms. He’d no idea what he had wanted it to become, probably would have just added on whatever parts appealed to him when he found them. The project remained unfinished with his indecisiveness.
There’d been boxes upon boxes of the blue flares, bought as often as he could, scared of facing the emptiness of space without them. He stepped over the now empty boxes and pulled out the only flare he had left. His fingers left smudges on the smooth cylinder as he turned it towards himself. If he sent it off, that’d be it. He wouldn’t buy any more. There was no one left out there to wait for them, to cross their fingers and pray for that familiar streak of blue. No one left to make wishes that’d never come true. No one else who dared to hang their hopes on a runaway space pirate. There was nobody waiting for him to come home anymore.