Novels2Search
Can't I just build things in a dungeon?
001: My toilet didn’t lead to a fantasy world, last I checked.

001: My toilet didn’t lead to a fantasy world, last I checked.

Chapter the First

:001:

My toilet didn’t lead to a fantasy world, last I checked.

As it often was during a summer day in Australia the day was blisteringly hot. Fed up I laid across my living room couch with all the energy of corpse, my skin hinting red from overheating.

My legs were up and despite having an air conditioner it wasn’t on because the controller was on the second coffee table across the room. A week ago I’d torn the ligaments in my legs as well as a good number of muscles and I even injured my hip somehow. It all happened when I’d gotten a cramp and had the bright idea of forcing through it. I’d regretted my decision instantly. Now simply breathing too deeply sent shocks of pain shooting through my arse, down both my thighs and up from my ankles to my calves.

For the moment walking was an almost unthinkable act that required pushing through pain worse than that one time I broke my toe. The painkillers I was waiting to set in made laying down bearable and walking possible for short moments.

Despite acting like a child when I was injured I was twenty five years old. Upon my head I had curly hair that coiled upon itself in lazy salt and pepper colored curls and seemed to hold the opinion that gravity could go fuck itself. My hair stuck out in all directions like an upstart eldritch abomination growing on my head, no amount of care or grooming could tame it and I’d given up a decade ago. By this point in my life taking a shower and seeing that my hair wasn’t sticking out at the sides or directly up into the air was more than enough for me.

A sigh escaped my lips as I felt the burning in my thighs die down, though the ache in my right knee and shin remained along with the twinge in my hip whenever I moved it a certain way. Feeling ready to face the day I pushed myself into a sitting position and eased myself off the couch, letting out a groan and only a slight spasm of my legs as they protested loudly with copious amounts of pain. I stood and took two steps before flinching and catching myself on the edge of the couch as my hip twinged and sent my legs spasming again.

“Fucking, shitty, crappy, assfaced legs and their stupid, fucking, dumbass of a pilot.” I hissed and took the next few steps to the living rooms second coffee table.

Looking down at the coffee table I let out a resigned sigh and squatted, hissing as I pushed through the pain I grabbed the remote and eased back into standing. Panting and feeling like a total fool for having trouble with everyday actions I turned the air conditioner on and let out a relieved sigh as cool air washed over me.

With the amount of effort I had to put into that I knew it was victory dance worthy. I didn’t because I knew that would involved more pain that I was willing to handle. But the desire to dancing upon the field of victory was present.

“Feeling better?” My brother asked from the kitchenette built into the wide hallway between the living room and the front room my elder brother had turned into his bedroom.

I cast a glance to see him standing a few steps from me shoveling scoops of cereal into his face with a spoon, “No thanks to you.”

He smirked and raised his shouldered slightly in a shrug, “It is my divine right as your elder brother to be a jerk.”

“You don’t have to put any effort in to be a jerk to me bro.” I quipped with wry smirk.

My brother clutched his heart as if he’d been struck, “Ouch, my feelings. I don’t think I’ll recover.”

“Yeah, whatever.” I said sarcastically and frowned at the building burn in my legs, “I need to answer the call of nature so I’m gonna go do that before I fall over.”

“Sure.” He shrugged.

Hobbling over to the bathroom I only needing to stop and steady myself twice. Across from the bathroom loomed the door to my room which I hadn’t slept in for a week now. My bed was about as comfortable as a stone for me right now. I swung open the bathroom door and moved to enter, but tripped.

Surprised I mentally swore as I brought my leg up to catch myself and closed my eyes as I prepared for the muscles in my legs to blossom with indescribable amounts of pain. Instead I was happily disappointed.

There was no pain at all. Not even the ache in my shoulder from when I played sports in high school remained. I opened my eyes and decided that I must have fallen, cracked my head open and died. Because I found myself standing in the middle of a busy market street. There were people of all shapes and sizes, and of all fashions and cultures.

Staring as a honest to god cat girl brushed by me I tore my eyes away and spun dumbly in a panic looking for the door back; only to find a humongous stone arch gateway with large wooden doors open wide and a pair of raised heavy metal gratings. My attention wasn’t caught for long however as I felt something in the back of my head tug it towards a back alley and somehow I knew that was the way back.

Walking over to the alley way I felt my attention being tugged to a weathered wooden door. I opened the door and tripped as I stepped inside. I caught myself again and suddenly I was back in my bathroom. Blinking in disbelief I threw my gaze about and confirmed for a second time that this was indeed the bathroom I’d been trying to reach. Tentatively I stamped my foot and hummed in pleasure as no pain shot through it.

Who’d have thought interdimensional travel healed wounds? And yes that was what i was going with because it was either that or I was dead.

It was probably the last thing I expected, I decided as I stepped up to the toilet and pulled down my pants. Relaxing and letting out a sigh at the sweet release of my bladder it took me longer than I would like to admit to realize I was peeing straight onto the floor instead of into the toilet. Feeling the wetness around my feet and ankles I let out a disgusted grunted and tried to grip my penis to orientate it to point the right way. Instead my hand passed through thin air and I frowned as I turned to the wall length mirror.

My hand fell to my side, it’s task forgotten as I stared at my crotch in the mirror. My crotch was a smooth hairless plane with a small bump and a split in the flesh at the bottom. Throwing off my jacket and then my shirt my mouth fell open in indignation at the small globes that hung off my chest.

“You have got to be fucking kidding.” I grunted with a feminine voice that sounded sort of similar to when I was a kid.

Throwing my hands up I tossed my shirt into the puddle of piss on the floor and shifted a glare between my reflection and the puddle. Relenting after a few moments of silently cursing my existence I let out a sign and grabbed one of the scruffy old rag towels we kept in the cupboard under the sink for emergencies.

Using the rag I wiped up the puddle of urine and lowered the toilet seat before finishing relieving myself. Then I wiped my crotch off with some toilet paper because I couldn't just jiggle the piss off anymore and took a shower to be doubly sure. Warm showers always make me feel better and this one did as well.

Now a little less pissy about things I dried myself off with one of the good towels and looked at my reflection. Thick legs, wide hips, dark skin, golden eyes and lean build like I’d actually exercised at some point in my life. My hair was the same untamable beast. But now it was much longer, reaching down to my knees when wet. I didn’t dare try to dry it anymore than no longer dripping wet because I knew how my hair was. If I tried it’d turn fuzzy and horrible like an afro.

Staring at myself in the mirror I let out a sigh at the loss of my beard. I’d spent five years growing that thing and now it was gone. It was a horrible, patchy mess of a beard because I couldn’t grow a proper one. But I was sort of attached it it. Now it was gone… and I was free from shaving my face. And if the hairless state of my armpits and crotch was anything to go by then I’d never have to shave again. At least that was something. My hair was still prematurely turning white though, like my grandmothers.

Wrapping myself in a towel I went back to my room and got dressed in a striped red and black shirt, and grey tracky pants. My shirt hung off one shoulder and I had to tighten and tied the waist strap of my tracky pants and roll up the legs. Though I was still my usual six foot ten I’d lost a lot of weight and changed skeletal structures so none of my clothes fit me properly. Dressed I returned to the bathroom and grabbed the piss rag and dirty clothes which I then threw into the garage through the door at the end of the hall where washing machine was. That was someone else's problem now and definitely not my fault. Anyone who says otherwise is a dirty liar and needs a better hobby.

Sniffing my hand I winced at the smell and went back to the bathroom to wash my hand. As room as I entered the doorway however I tripped up on something again. Catching myself with my other foot I found I was in the middle of the same bustling street again. Sniffing my piss hand again I cringed and went back to that alleyway I’d gone down previously. Rather then walk through the first door I saw this time I follow the tickling in the back of my head and kept walking until I reached a dead end. Instead of being the sensible thing and going back the way I’d come I climbed a solid-ish looking barrel and climbed over the wall.

Jumping down the otherside I landed harshly and fell to one knee but was relieved to find I was back in the bathroom. Letting out a sigh I turned on the tap and washed my hands with a bar of soap. Checking the mirror I was still changed so that unfortunately didn’t just fix itself.

Hands clean I now had to think about the hard things I’d rather not think about. My parents and brothers would never believe I was myself. Because last any of them checked I was a man, had a patchy beard, my teeth were in terrible condition and I was in large amounts of pain. Instead I was now a woman, with no body hair which would be hot if it wasn’t me, shiny pristine white teeth and was in no pain at all. Not even I’d believe I was myself if I hadn’t experienced it happen to me.

Darkside, I had to leave. Brightside I had a cool fantasy world to explore that may or may not actually exist. Better to live in insanity than live through stagnation, am I right? That is of course only if said insanity doesn’t involve copious amounts of pain and suffering before a sudden and immediate death.

What could go wrong? I decided and stepped out of the bathroom before walking back into it. Again as I stepped into the doorway I tripped over something and found I was in the middle of that same busy street.

Taking a deep breath I tried to order my thoughts in terms of what needed doing now as opposed to what could wait. Priority number one was that I needed a place to sleep, I refused to sleep on the street. Secondary was money and given the fact that this was a fantasy I could probably get it easier by killing monsters. However I wasn’t prepared, both mentally and in terms of equipment to take on monsters. So my third priority was getting a job and given that this was indeed a fantasy world I wanted it to be something satisfyingly fantasy.

Nodding to myself I began walking. Either alchemy or blacksmithing, I decided to myself. Despite having no idea where I was going I follow the twitching feeling in the back of my head and weaved through streets confidently with barely a moment of thought. I was actually fairly surprised when I happened upon a building with a crest made of two hammers crossed over a volcano. Rocking back on my heels slightly I felt a wave of dizziness pass over me as I suddenly felt tired like I’d pulled an all nighter and had the bright idea of going for a jog. Shaking my head I stepped up the incline to the door and knocked heavily on the treated hardwood.

Moments latter the door opened to reveal a white bearded grizzly old man in worn leather trousers and an ash stained grey shirt. To my surprise he was only as tall as my waist and yet despite his limited height he still managed to be intimidating, “What can Ol’Benez do for a young Amazoness like yourself missy?”

Not letting my confusion at the strange turn of phrase I got straight to it, “This may be sudden, but do you know any- “ I stopped suddenly as I felt something in the back of my head yank at me and insist that an apprenticeship would be pointless because I knew enough.

What I needed was to pick up a hammer.

When I spoke again it was with an entirely different tone, “I’m here to prove my worth.”

Suddenly the old man's grizzled frown stretched into a wide smile, “Well… far be it from me to keep your form that lass. Come in, come in, we’ll get the test set up in the guest forge in a moment.”

Entering the building I closed the door behind me. There was a counter to right of the room and a table with three seats on either side to the left of the door.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

“Take a seat lass. I have to go talk with our Goddess before we can start you test. Show us you at least have some idea what you’re doing and you’re a shoe in for joining the familia.” The old man said before wandering off down one of the halls.

Sitting at the table I digested what the old guy had said. He was going to tell their Goddess? What did that even mean? That same strange feeling in back of my head twisted and I nodded as information flooded my mind like it was the most obvious thing ever. Of course, their Goddess, right. Hephaestus, leader of their familia, which is like a guild or something.

Gods and Goddesses grant members of their familia falna which is basically a stats screen so that they can gather exalia which is like experience in RPG’s and become stronger. It’s all relatively simple and straight forwards. Though leveling up is apparently a huge deal and ridiculously hard to pull off unlike in RPG games since it isn’t a matter of simple numbers. You need to have at least one stat higher than six hundred and then do something heroic that even the Gods recognize.

Joining this familia should be fairly easy, I just need to not kill myself or act like a idiot while attempting to make a dagger. It’s a good thing I showed up while the Hephaestus familia was only starting up or I’d have a much harder time joining.

It was still ten years before the story of ‘Is it wrong to pick up girls in a dungeon?’ begins after all. Something I didn’t know at all until a moment ago but now seemed about as obvious and average as grass being green.

“Wait, how do I know that?” My eyes widened as I muttered the realization to myself.

The same twisting sensation in the back of my head and the knowledge simply appeared in my head, Mystikí Gnósi, secret knowledge? It was an inherent ability. Something I’d gained when I’d stumbled into this world. It made the unknown, known to an extent.

While I rolled that around the inside of my head Ol’Benez returned with two women. They each wore an eye patch, though they wore them on opposite eyes. The one with an eye patch on her left eye had long black hair that was at odd with her red eye and natural tan toned skin. She wore hakama low around her waist which resembled a long, wide pleated skirt; but were more like super baggy pants. On her upper body she shamelessly wore nothing but tightly bound soot stained chest bindings. Obviously she’d been busy in the forge. The other woman had an eye patch over her right eye, red hair that matched the color of her red eye and pale skin. Unlike the other woman she wore a clean white dress shirt and black long pants, on her arms however she wore thin black leather gloves. Gloves that were probably magically heat resistant somehow given that she was probably a blacksmith.

When I looked at the red haired woman the heat of flames and the scent of steel carried on the air as if it radiated out from her in a wave. There was something else beneath that however, like she was familiar and yet not. Even though I’d only just met her I felt like I’d known her all my life and that she deserved my respect. It was a strange sensation I’d never felt before.

“Here y’are, Goddess Hephaestus and my daughter Tsubaki. This is the Amazoness I was talking about, miss… ugh, what was your name again?” Ol’Benez stumbled over his words as he asked, eliciting a soft chuckle from the two women.

Immediately the strange sensation of secret knowledge twisted in the back of my head and granted me my true name or maybe my new name, “You never asked, but it’s Mitra Tor.”

It means… Friend Thor? Why is that my name now? I wasn’t that sure how I felt about my first and last names both being one letter away from the names of gods. Mithra was a god of light and friendship, the son of the supreme god Ahura Mazda. Thor was of course the Norse god of strength, thunder, war and storms, the son of the one eyed bandit Odin.

“Well it’s a pleasure to meet yah.” The woman that Ol’Benez had introduced as his daughter announced cheerfully.

“I as well.” Hephaestus greeted.

“Thanks for having me.” I managed to get out, still feeling more than a little intimidated by being the presence of an actual Goddess.

Even if Hephaestus was meant to be a man he made a passably hot girl. Hell, much as I hated to admit it I made a bombastically hot girl so I couldn’t knock it. Also I was still the tallest person in the room at six foot ten inches.

Before my mind could wander much further Ol’Benez spoke up, “Right, with introductions outta the way we can get to the entrance test then.”

Ol’Benez started walking off. Rushing to my feet I joined the two women as the followed the old geezer down the hall.

Tsubaki grined at me cockilly and slapped my shoulder, “Don’t let the nerves get to you. All you gotta do is show us you can heat up some metal and bang it into shape. The hard test is for when you want to sell your creations with the Hephaestus familia insignia on it.”

“That’s a relief.” I admitted, “I don’t have any experience with… well, anything. There’s a lot of knowledge packed into my head, but I’ve never had any use for it.”

“Why a blacksmith then?” Tsubaki asked conversationally, possibly able to tell I just wanted to talk about anything to take my mind of my nerves.

“When I came to Orario I decided to turn over a new leaf and actually do something other than sit around and go over papers. Reading, while education at times, hasn’t given me anything for me efforts.” I smiled softly, “One of my fancies was the crafts. Production of arms and armor, trinkets, construction and so forth. So I have a lot of knowledge gathered up. I just haven’t been able to put any of it into practice.”

Finally I admitted with a blush, “Also I somewhat admire blacksmiths for being able to make things out of what most people would consider a strangely coloured rock.”

Tsubaki burst into laughter and slapped my shoulder again, “Never would have thought I’d see the day I’d meet an Amazoness scholar. Thought your people were all about strength and the like.”

I laughed along weakly but didn’t bother to elaborate. My reading habit wasn’t because I was particularly scholarly, but because I was a shit-in. Today was the first time I’d been outside in five years.

Walking down the hall we passed several closed doors and entered into a large stone tiled room. To one side was a cooling rack with an unsharpened blades cooling off. A metal breast plate was on the ground next to the rack and also seemed to be cooling. Tsubaki must have been working on these until just moments ago.

“Welp, here’s the forge.” Ol’Benez proclaimed proudly with his arms out, “You can use whatever materials are in those crates over there. They’re just scraps left over from others work so don’t expect anything impressive lass.”

Before moving a looked around trying to get my baring and connect the objects in the room with what I knew about them. My eyes very quickly fell on the rack of hammers to one wall, the workbench with a number of vices bolted to it, the anvil and the blacksmith’s tongs. The forge was already lit and burning, good. I nodded to myself and went over to the crates he’d pointed out against the back wall. There were clippings of ingots and leather scraps. One crate was entirely dedicated to slag, jagged bits of iron that must have broken off during forging and iron sand. That last one boggled my mind a bit.

Letting out a huff I calmed myself and decided it had to be part of the test. Looking around I grabbed a crucible and used a ragged bit of leather to shovel some iron sand and jagged bits of iron into it.

For a moment that same strange sensation of twisting churned in the back of my head. Looking around a grabbed a chunk of coal from a bin off to the side of the forge and crushed it using a hammer before adding it to the crucible. Almost as a side thought I pulled out three of my hairs by the root and put them in with the metal. Moving over to the forge I used a pair of tongs to put the crucible into the forge and began working the bellows.

Working the bellows to heat the forge for what felt like an age that same twisting in the back of my head told me the metal was molten. I grabbed the tongs and pulled the crucible out of the forge. Huffing I realized I hadn’t prepared a mold and after a few moments of frantic searching found a bucket of green sand and a casting flask. Green sand was essentially damp sand with clay in it. I put the casting flask on the workbench and used my hand to shovel the green sand into it, using a piece of wood to packed the sand in tight. With that done I used the head of a hammer to make an impression in the sand for the cast of the ingot and put the hammer aside after shaking it off.

With a resigned sigh I used the tongs to put the crucible back in the forge and heated it until molten again. Once that was done I wheezed a bit and attempted and failed to wipe away the sweat streaming down my face before getting the tongs. Pulling out the crucible I set it on the ground and took the lid off and couldn’t help but smile in triumphant satisfaction at the sight of molten iron. Even if I failed to get into the familia I was still proud of myself for coming this far. I poured the molten metal into the mold I’d made and leaned heavily on the bench as I worked to get my breathing under control.

Working a forge was damn hard work. Who knew? I think this is the most physically active I’ve been since I dropped out of high school. It was satisfying in a working hard for once in my life sort of way.

I glanced at the three that were still standing there watching despite who knows how much time passing. The three of them were watching intently and Ol’Benez was scratching his beard as he asked, “Yah aren’t very fit now are ya lass?”

Unable to hold it in laughter bubbled out from deep in my chest between pants as I tried and failed again to wipe away the sweat dripping down my brow, “Really? I never noticed.” I joked.

Hephaestus clapped her gloved hands together, “Right, you can come back to it in a few hours when it’s cooled off enough to work with. For now I think it’s time we all had lunch?”

“Heck yeah. Come on newbie, it’s Okonomiyaki day!” Tsubaki declared and dragged me off to the kitchen.

“Shouldn’t I shower first?” I questioned as she forced a towel onto me and began wiping the sweat off.

“Showers are for when you’re done working.” Tsubaki scoffed, “Wash your hands though, yeah?”

After washing my hands I helped tsubaki gather the ingredients from the cupboards and set them out on the counter. Haphaestus and Ol’Benez showed up just as we had everything out and we each began making Okonomiyaki to our liking. Mine was a monstrocity which embodied the western spirit by being made of mostly green onion, beef and cheese with some eastern condiments like fish flakes and japanese mayonnaise on top. It was honestly more of a beef patty when I was done with it.

Tsubaki and her dad were a funny pair. They sabotaged one anothers Okonomiyaki with hot sauce and curry powder. If I hadn’t needed to be focused after this meal I would have pumped mine full of the stuff. Chilli and hot foods were my flesh and blood. Hephaestus was much more reserved making hers with a good balance of vegetables and beef. She seemed to take joy in the antics of her familia members but seemed to be keeping herself composed in the presence of a guest. Though I was never much for conversation with good food and good company to go with it I found I had an easy time talking with them and listening in on their conversations.

All too quickly lunch was over and it was time I got back to making something out of my hunk of metal. Before I could though Hephaestus invited me for some tea and not really wanting to risk offending her I obliged.

Tsubaki and her dad wondered off as Hephaestus and I sat in the kitchen. Making a pot of black tea she poured a good amount into each of our cups and she began asking me questions, “Walk me through your thought process, tell me about what you were doing.”

Realizing this was probably part of the test I started explaining, “Well… I was surprised when I saw the iron sand. Most of the metal in that crate was still good so I chucked it all into a crucible. But I realized iron was kind of… not good so I adding carbon to the mix in hopes to make steel. I wasn’t sure what the right ratio was so I took a guess.”

“Hm.” She hummed, “Why did you add some of your hair to it?”

Scratching of head I actually wasn’t sure why I added my hair to it. That changed when the still foreign feeling of secret knowledge twisted in the back of my head again, “Ugh… magic.”

Hephaestus raised her brows unconvincingly so I continued, “Hair and blood are magical to some extent or another, right?” She nodded at that so I continued my reasoning.

“There’s all sort of stories about adding the bones of your ancestors to the metal and having their spirits inhabit the blade. And I know that’s mostly a misunderstanding because the carbon in the bones made the iron into a form of low-quality steel. But the mysticism has to be there for some sort of reason, right?” She didn’t react and just looked at me almost as if she was seeing a different person in my place.

“So I figured what if I used a part of myself? Even if that part was tiny and insignificant there’d still be magic there, no matter how miniscule.” I finished with a shy shrug.

When you could magically teleport into the story inside a book you worldview ended up shifting. Yesterday? I would have vehemently denied the existence of magic. Now? All bets were off. Magic was something I wanted- no, that I needed to experiment with.

Every child grows up imagining a world filled with magic. Well, at least I did.

Before long I was back in the forge with the three of them assessing me again.

Cautiously I used a pair of tongs to pull the ingot out of the mold since it was still fairly hot and put it on the anvil. Repositioning my grip I dunked it into a trough full of oil that was set to one side of the room near the crates. It sizzled but didn’t crack so I took it to the forge until white hot.

The feeling in the back of my head twisted as I tried to decide what hammer to use and ended up grabbing a hefty hammer from somewhere in the middle of the rack. Using the tongs I brought the ingot to the anvil and began striking as the churning in the back of my head directed me in proper forms and technique. How to strike, where to strike, how hard I needed to strike, it all came to me as easily as reading a list. Metal rung rhythmically as I struck again and again only pausing to reheat the metal.

By the third reheat the short sword, a kopis, had taken form. Breathing heavily, heaving and huffing, drenched completely in my own sweat as sweat stuck my clothes to me. I collected myself for the next step before following through on the directions from the twisting in the back of my head. Taking it to a grindstone I sharpened the blade's edge and returned it to the forge. Heating it until white hot for a fourth time rather than tempering the blade I gripped the red hot metal hilt.

Letting out a scream in pain as my palm blistered and charred from the heat of it I pushed the pain down as best I could. Whimpering with tears flowing down my face I waved off the three as they approached me and raised the blade as I spoke.

“Within my hand is held hope, hope that these things will change me, that I will be unbroken, that this blade will be my hand, that no beast will be our end, that the road is behind us. That my travels can now end. I name this blade Avertas, after the distance between, after a past without worth, after a future of hope and so I promise just this.” With that I painfully shifted my grip and slashed the incomplete blade through the oil in the trough before me to cool it.

With a snarl I roared, “I will not run from you now, no more nor any longer!”

The burning pain in my hand flared as the blade suddenly began to glow, softly at first and then it quickly became blindingly bright. Averting my eyes I felt more than saw as the blade dissolved and crept across the skin of my right arm in intricate patterns of shimmering golden light.

Hephaestus gasped sharply and started saying something but I couldn’t hear her through the haze of exhaustion that washed over me. Slumping into the workbench my eyes now heavy and tired I shook my head in an attempt to wake myself up a bit and failed. Instead my head began to spin so I slid to a sitting position on the floor.

Despite my attempts to stay away I inevitably closed my eyes and fell unconscious.

----------------------------------------

Hephaestus Familia

Mitra Tor

Strength: 0 I

Endurance: 0 I

Dexterity: 0 I

Agility: 0 I

Magic: 0 I

Taxidiotiká kólpa | Travel Tricks

  Can instantly travel short distances

Mystikí Gnósi | Secret Knowledge

  Gain understanding into the unknown

Avertas | The Kopis; Turn

  You have found purpose, hope and resolve through a blade build by your own hands. The enchanted sword Avertas can be called upon and dismissed at will. Even if destroyed or misplaced the enchanted sword Avertas will simply reform or appear in hand when called upon. The more magic used when calling upon Avertas the more powerful and durable Avertas is until dismissed.

  Valis: 0🔸

Previous Chapter
Next Chapter