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Cannibal Cheerleader
101: Cold Cuts - Chapter 5

101: Cold Cuts - Chapter 5

As Alicia and Lindsey rode the lift to the top of the mountain, they recalled yesterday's game. “Wyatt sees an opening, and boom, he's in there! Sacked!” recalled Lindsey. “What an awesome play.”

“What an awesome weekend!” agreed Lindsey. “I'm still so high off that game and going to state. This is the first time the guys are going to state since we've been here. God, I'm so pumped.” She looked over the edge of the lift chair. She could barely see the ground between their height and the blowing snow. “First that and then this. Awesome skiing, awesome party,” she linked arms with Alicia, “awesome friends. We have to come up here a lot more this year. This is just a blast.”

Alicia looked over her shoulder. Chase was riding in the chair behind them. Alicia waved, and Chase waved back. “Chase seems to be having the time of her life. I'm glad she's able to get her mind off things.”

“She's been really down lately, hasn't she?” asked Lindsey. “She was always so listless when I went to see her in the hospital.”

“I think she thinks she's a burden on us,” said Alicia. “She blames herself for all this craziness. And if the guy who sent that sword chick after us is still out there, she thinks she's responsible for whatever craziness is still to come.”

“Aw,” said Lindsey, looking back at Chase.

“I'm trying to let her know that it isn't her fault, but I dunno. She still seems down,” said Alicia.

Lindsey thought about it, then turned back around to look at Alicia. “Maybe that's the wrong tack to take, Alicia.”

“How so?”

“I mean, it is partially her fault. Sure, she didn't start these fights, she didn't ask for these crazies to come after her, but all the same, none of this stuff would have happened without her here. You can't deny that,” said Lindsey. “And Chase is smart. She knows it's true, and you're not going to convince her otherwise.”

Alicia looked deflated. “But...”

Lindsey continued. “But that just shows how much we care about her. No matter what happens, we'll put up with anything if it's for Chase, because we love her and she's one of us now. That's what we should be telling her.”

Alicia thought about this. She smiled, then shivered. The air was getting colder the further they climbed. “You know, you're right.”

The lift dumped them off at the top of the mountain. It was quiet and lonely up there, with no one else around. The snow was falling thicker up here, and though they could still see it had an eerie way of creating a muffled quiet. It also felt a bit more claustrophobic. Lower down the mountain there were fewer trees. The slopes were like wide thoroughfares. Up here, though, it felt more like the mountains. Tall, centuries-old pine trees were all around them, their ranks broken only by a couple of narrow slopes breaking off downhill.

“Oh man, this is gonna be great,” said Lindsey, planting her poles with excitement.

“Don't go yet!” said Alicia. “We have to wait for-” She stopped. She cocked her head. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?” asked Lindsey.

“Ssh! Listen,” hissed Alicia. She sounded scared.

Lindsey listened. At first, she thought Alicia was just trying to scare her. But then, she heard it. Footsteps in the snow. Heavy, trudging ones, coming from the woods. Getting louder.

“It's probably somebody who works for the resort,” whispered Lindsey.

“Wouldn't they be on skis too?” whispered Alicia.

“Maybe, maybe not.”

The foot steps grew louder, and louder still. Whoever it was sounded huge. Alicia glanced over her shoulder at the lift. Why was Chase taking so long? She suddenly wanted OUT of there.

The footsteps stopped. She and Lindsey listened, not even breathing.

“RUHRRRR!” came a terrible roar from behind them.

Fear hit the girls in the back like a shotgun blast. They spun around as quick as they could on their skis, then looked up.

They couldn't believe their eyes. They were face to face with a horrible hairy beast. At least seven feet tall. Not quite an ape, not quite a human. Covered head to toe in matted yellow fur.

“Holy shit, it's the Gold Sasquatch!” shouted Lindsey.

The sasquatch pounded his chest with fists each as big as a thanksgiving turkey, and let out another vulgar, furious roar. “OOH OOH OOH! RUHHHHRRR!”

Alicia shivered and took a cautious step back, again hampered by her skis. “It's...it's okay, buddy. We don't want to hurt you or be a threat to you, okay?” she asked in a gentle voice. “We're just going to be on our way...”

“And if we pee ourselves, we're not trying to mark our territory in your stomping grounds, we're just scared...” added Lindsey.

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At the sound of their voices, the beast seemed to relax a little. It lowered its fists, and tilted its head to the side curiously.

“That's right,” said Alicia, continuing to slowly, clumsily back up. “You just stand right there. It's okay.”

The sasquatch looked between her and Lindsey. It blinked its black, beady eyes, and stepped forward. Its inquisitive gaze eventually came to rest on Lindsey.

The girl froze. “Nice monkey,” she trembled.

“Ooh, ooh,” the sasquatch grunted, low and brutish. It took another lumbering step toward her. It continued to stare, although its gaze was passive, almost mystified. It raised its right hand, and Lindsey flinched and closed her eyes. However, the ape-man did not strike her. Slowly, gently, it reached forward, until it was touching her smooth, straight blonde locks.

Then, in one swift motion, it grabbed Lindsey around the waist and tossed her over its shoulder. Lindsey screamed.

“Lindsey!” shouted Alicia. The ape turned, and in the blink of an eye, vanished into the woods.

At that moment, the ski lift delivered Chase. “Leash!” cried Chase, quickly skiing over to her. “What go on? Hear Leash yell for Lin!”

“Chase, thank god!” exclaimed Alicia. “Lindsey's been kidnapped!”

“Nap?!” demanded Chase, bristling for combat. “Who nap Lin?! Them die!”

Alicia gulped. “You're not gonna believe this, but...”

....

The sasquatch moved through the woods at surprising speed. Lindsey shouted for help, but the resort was surrounded by nothing but national forest service land, so there was no one around to hear. Plus, with the way her stomach resting right on the ape's shoulder and the bumpiness of her ride, it was hard to take a deep enough breath to really call out loudly, and when she did, her attempt would be inadvertently foiled by a jump over a fallen log or creek.

After an hour of running, the ape reached a cave. He stumped inside, and tossed Lindsey on the floor.

“Ow...” she groaned. She looked up at the ape, who loomed over her. “Alright, take it easy...”

The ape crouched down in front of her. “Ooh, ooh.” It leaned forward and sniffed her deeply, first at the nape of her neck, then sticking its nose into her hair. “Ooh, ooh, ooh!” it grunted eagerly.

“Oh, oh, okay then,” said Lindsey, slowly realizing what this was about. She cautiously backed away. “L-look, I know what kind of reputation I have, but I do have standards, no offense...” When he followed her and sniffed again, she said, “Whoa, okay, seriously, knock it off!” She forcefully pushed her hands against his shoulders. This, mixed with the urgency in her voice, made the beast take pause.

It pulled away from her. It looked at her blankly, not understanding. It leaned back and sat down. “Ooh, ooh?” it asked curiously.

Lindsey sighed with relief. “O-okay, that's good. Good monkey. You know what good monkeys get? Um...” She took off her backpack and quickly rifled through it for something that might placate a sasquatch. “They get...a...banana Laffy Taffy!” She pulled out the yellow stick and held it out for him.

The sasquatch took it. He sniffed the candy, then smiled. “Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ah ah ah!” He peeled it like a banana and took a bite before wandering off to the mouth of the cave to enjoy it in peace.

“Whew,” said Lindsey, wiping some sweat off her brow.

…..........

The sasquatch left some easily-followed tracks through the snow, so it wasn't much work for Chase and Alicia to pick up the trail. Following said trail was not nearly so simple. Alicia had no idea how to ski uphill, and obviously neither did Chase, so they were forced to take off their skis and hike in their awkward ski boots, only utilizing their skis when they were graced with a brief stretch of downhill.

“Why sassy take Lin?” asked Chase, as they stomped heavily through the snow. Her skis were slung over her shoulder, and her breaths were visible in the air. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the summit of the hill they were climbing. She sounded personally offended. “Trust sassy! Thought of sassy like friend!”

“You haven't even met him yet.” Alicia was bringing up the rear, panting heavily. She had asked Chase to slow down once already. She was still having trouble, but knew time was of the essence. She would push as hard as she had to for Lindsey. “But to answer your question, by the way he looked at her hair...I think he thinks she's a girl Gold Sasquatch.”

“Oh...” said Chase. “Sassy not that bright, huh?”

“Probably not, no.” Upon saying this out loud, a realization came to Alicia, and she wasn't sure how she should feel about it. “He's half-man, half-ape, but really he is still an animal. Animals don't have the same rules we do, he probably doesn't even know he did anything wrong. But at the same time, that also means you might not be able to reason with him.”

Chase took this to heart. There was Alicia's sympathetic side again. That sense of civility and understanding that Chase respected and coveted so much. This was the thing that Chase believed could have ended many of her past conflicts before they started, if Chase only had the consideration to use it.

Now was her chance to have that consideration. “Will take slow. Look at what sassy do. If sassy beast, might scare sassy off with no kill,” said Chase. “But if him hurt Lin...not can stop from hurt sassy.”

.......

Realizing she was parched, Lindsey took the last drink from her water bottle. She snapped the lid shut, tossed the empty bottle into the mouth of her open backpack, then noticed something out of the corner of her eye. The sasquatch was watching her.

Upon being seen, the sasquatch shrank behind a stalagmite. This was an instinct he'd cultivated over a lifetime of hiding from the hairless sasquatches and their loud, disorienting, ever-expanding world.

The sasquatch had been leaving Lindsey alone ever since she pushed him away. It seemed she'd spooked him a bit. For a while, Lindsey was simply grateful for this. But by the time she saw this shy behavior, she was beginning to realize he didn't want to do her any harm.

“It's alright,” she told him. “You can come out.”

The sasquatch cautiously stepped out from behind the mineral formation, but he did not come closer. “Ook ook?”

“Yup, come on out, it's fine. Just don't do anything creepy, okay?” asked Lindsey. The ape wavered a moment, then eagerly lumbered over to her. He sat down on the stone floor in front of her.

“Alright, there you go. See? Now we're chilling,” said Lindsey. She pulled her backpack into her lap and opened a side pocket. The sasquatch perked up, looking at it hopefully. “Nope, sorry, I'm out of Laffy Taffy...but I do have...this!”

Lindsey liked to carry around a deck of playing cards. Not only was there all kinds of flirting you could do over a hand of cards, but it was also useful just for killing some time in a friendly and social way. She knew a lot of different games (and any one of them could be made even more friendly and social simply by adding the prefix “strip-” to its name).

This situation seemed to call for lightening the mood and keeping her simple minded host distracted by something. She doubted he could understand something like poker, so she taught him a simple game: Go Fish.

The sasquatch understood the game without much difficulty. There wasn't much to it except trying to match numbers. He didn't even need to be able to communicate with the girl sasquatch in order to play it.

“Ooh ooh,” he said, holding up two fingers.

“Nope, no twos,” said Lindsey, shaking her head. “Go fish.” The sasquatch drew a card.