Novels2Search
Can I Still Be Human?
Can I Still Find My Peace

Can I Still Find My Peace

I can't believe this is happening to me... This girl managed to record me and now she isn't me letting do anything else other than film her stupid documentary

We are currently at the park near the playground I used to deal at and she is recording... Herself?

"Hello everyone! My name is Melissa Sweetgold or Teacher Mel for short! And I'm a student at Astronova College in the phycological department and before I graduate and debut as a top phycologist I will be practicing with my friend Elias, he expressed to me countless times how he wants to change so today I prepared the first chapter of my amazing book "The genesis" a book about self-improvement I will be writing and will soon be up for pre-order to help him"

What's all that crap she is saying?

"You are a college student at Astro, that's why you were able to get footage of me right?"

The girl then turned her camera on me and started talking

"Well of course! You gave me consent to film your every move while you were under the influence remember?"

"I never gave you consent!"

"AAAAnd that's going to get cut from the doc!" Melissa said with a smile on her face as she closed her camera

"Are we seriously doing this?" I asked her

"You are still not convinced this is happening? I told you! You will help me make the doc and I will try to help you with your problem and I will also not reveal the fact that you know... You are doing the most illegal thing you can possibly do in this city at these times" Melissa said as she pretended to think

Might as well get this over with fast...

"So you will sit on this table and then I will be reading our "quest" for today, make sure you look a bit bothered, like you haven't gotten your fix for a while or something"

"I thought this was supposed to be honest"

"It is! Adding a bit of emotion to enhance the plot isn't the same as faking something!"

She said in the most unconvincing way ever

"Sooo, camera, lights, ACTION!!!" Melissa said as if she were a TV producer

"Let's start with chapter one! Realization of the problem! People often tend to ignore the root of their problem and blame the world for what is happening to them despite the world not affecting the subject! Would you say you think like that at times Elias?"

Before I could answer she interrupted me

"Of course you do! Moving on to a good way to deal with this problem..."

"WAIT! You are not supposed to talk you are the cameraman, and why are you even answering questions directed at me in the first place? You are a terrible director!"

"First of all, I'm a camera woman, not a man, and second of all I can do whatever I want! This is my special way of directing! If I did it the same way as everybody this documentary would be boring!"

"I don't have time to deal with you kid! Let's get this thing over so I can proceed with my work!"

Melissa chuckled

"What work? The one that you tried to escape by jumping off a roof?"

I hate that she talks like she knows everything, this thing is a "damned if do damned if I don't" situation, after I have done his dirty work he will ask for more and more until I can't do it, resulting in him killing me like he did John

"How are we supposed to realize the problem and correct it teach Mel"

She looked happy when I said that

"I'm glad you asked! First of all, you acknowledge the fact that you are a major part of the problem so that means there's room for you to grow and develop! So let's start with something that has proven to improve mental and body health and increase the level of happiness! A jog around the city's park!"

"A jog?"

"Why so sad? Running literally helps with everything! I mean look at ME! I have an incredible body and a positive thought process! Unlike you who possibly doesn't even exercise!"

Mel said with a smug in her face, sadly that smugness was quickly removed from her face after I told her my hobby

"I do kickboxing so I probably exercise my body more than you"

Mel also started to look disoriented as she started peeking at her notes

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

"Hmmm... You got to step two by yourself... So third and last step of this chapter is to socialize with more people... At a public area not in some dark alley exchanging your drugs and stuff!" Mel said with a disgusted tone

"And why should I do that? Most of the steps you have written I have completed so I think your very first lesson was a failure, Miss Mel"

After I told her that she slammed her notebook shut and got up

"GET UP!" She demanded

For some reason I was quick to follow, what am I even doing?

"We are doing plan B!" She said with a serious expression

"Plan B?"

It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.-Anatole France

Apparently, her genius plan B was to take us to Church and more precisely the Church that her fucking family goes too

"So he is one of your classmates huh? He looks... Mature..." Her mother said when Mel introduced me to her

Of course, I don't look like a kid anymore it's been a year and more since I finished college

"I'm sorry for not believing you kid but could you please show me your student ID?"

Melissa was sitting in between me and her mom so when she heard that she slowly turned her head toward me with an expression of "We are busted"

I had to find something quickly, so I searched everything in my wallet and to my surprise I found my student ID... The only problem is that it's an ID from my 4th year... I forgot to give it back to the college and they just didn't care so I kept it

I showed her the ID hoping she would believe me and to my surprise she did but she still looked at me suspiciously, thankfully she didn't look in the back where the information of your year and birthdate is located

"Oh I get it you are an upperclassman and you are helping her with her work!"

Somehow she made us a base for our lie, a strong one at that

"Yeah, that's what I have been telling you every time Mom!" Mel said as she giggled

She is lying to her face... And inside a church too...

The pastor then went on and on about GOD and sometime later we all got on our knees and prayed to GOD, I did too, It's one of the only things I have left but I still kind of neglect him lately

After everything was over the pastor gave us a 20-minute break before finishing this section, while everyone was on their break Melissa dragged me to the back of the church where allegedly nobody was going

"What the hell are you even thinking about bringing me here? If your mother was a bit sharper we would have been caught!" I told to Melissa

She didn't look happy

"What was I supposed to do then idiot? Take you to the college?"

"MAYBE DO NOT TAKE ME ANYWHERE YOU ARE ASSOCIATED WITH? Anyway, now it's done... So you come here every Sunday?"

"Pretty much! My mom is a strong Christian so I don't have a choice either... We have to keep our ties a bit loose for a bit since if my mother figures out I'm "friends" with you then she will eventually call you home and then she will start suspecting you more and more, plus my brother can be a big nuisance when it comes to boys, so he is a problem too..." Melissa said with a troubled expression

"How nice! Now I have to worry about your whole family figuring us out!"

"HA! I KNEW IT! YOU ARE DATING MELISSA!"

My heart skipped a beat, it was Melissa's mom, was she spying on us?

"Mom it's not what you think!" Melissa said in a way as if she was in a movie

"No... My little girl is dating a boy behind my back... Don't tell me you are having sex secretly!"

Melissa became bright red

"O-Of course not!"

"Why would I even have sex with her? She's barely an adult!"

I think what I said was a bit suspicious

"I knew it! You are not the same age as her! How old are you? 30? 40?" She said as she covered her face in agony

"God damn ma'am! Do I look this old? I'm 23"

"Have you even finished school? You probably don't even have a stable income or a job at all! In fact, I know you are living off your parents' money!"

Her mother said as she completely ignored what I said

"That's not true ma'am! I pay my bills and I do have a job and I hobby too!"

"What hobby doing drugs? And your job? Do you deal the drugs?"

I have to say she is sharper than I thought...

"It's not like that Mom! He is a graduate of Astronova College and he is tutoring me for free! He is the brother of my best friend Ness, I was just embarrassed to tell you I'm depending on someone else..." Melissa said with puppy eyes

Her mother paused for a moment to think and then quickly got her wallet out of her black purse, she then took a twenty and a ten dollar bill and gave them to me

"I'm sorry if this isn't enough! But I can't let you do this for free! If my little Melissa takes her degree she will be able to find a job as a private therapist for some people I know! She already is doing some therapy for my friends for practice and she gets a decent wage! As much as I appreciate you for doing this if you lay a hand on my daughter I will cut your pe..."

"Okay, that's enough Mom please let us be! We are discussing some important stuff about school!" Melissa said as she dragged her mom away from our little secret spot

She then returned with a clearly embarrassed look on her face, I remember that every girl I knew was embarrassed about their parents for some reason...

"I'm sorry about this but my mom can be a bit weird sometimes... Anyway, now you also have a wage for being the protagonist of my document so now you can't leave for sure!" Melissa said as she chuckled

"35$ is what I need to shop stuff for the week if you consider I only eat lunch..."

"Okay is not much but don't forget you are under peer pressure! I can show this to the cops remember?"

"Yeah, yeah I get that! Why don't you do it already? I don't have any point of existing anyway..."

At the moment the reality hit me... What the hell am I even doing with her? Filming a documentary? Playing pretend? Who gave me the right to have such a nice time with a human?

I threw away my humanity long ago so I have no right to complain about anything, in fact, I should favor the choice that will hurt me the most since it's the easier of all... Or ideally the choice that will please humans, no matter what I do for myself I won't be pleased, it's hard to please my soul now, only a handful of stuff can do it now but it's too much of a hassle to do it, I prefer leaving myself barely happy rather than try so hard to make me feel good just for me to fail and make myself feel twice as shitty...

Looking at this situation I'm in I can make my life slightly better while helping Melissa... I will make sure to help her because that's all I will be good for now

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.-Dale Carnegie

"You know what Elias?" Melissa asked me as we both were staring at the river above the bridge we were relaxing at

"What's up?" I said as I exhaled smoke from my mouth, it had been long since I last smoked

"I noticed that you never look at people's eyes when you talk to them... Why is that? Do you have a phobia or something? Maybe a traumatic experience when you were a kid?"

"I can't recall something like this... Maybe it's not one particular event..."

When I finished talking Melissa grabbed my head with both of her hands and made me face her

"Look into my eyes when you speak to me otherwise I won't be able to tell who you are talking to" Melissa said with a smile while looking into my eyes

I never realized that she had honey eyes, a yellowish shade of brown that could only be described as the color of honey, paired with her light brown hair she looked like the personification of autumn

Her hair reminded me of a maple tree and her eyes the sunlight that shined through them, truly nice

"I always wanted to look at your green eyes like this but you never gave me the chance to... It's quite nice since they are very detailed and beautiful! It's like I'm looking at a damn forest!" Melissa said as she stared amazed

"Yours are like honey..."

For a moment we paused and stared at each other, then suddenly Melissa let go of my head and started running across the bridge

"SUDDEN RUNNING EXERCISE! IT'S GOING TO IMPROVE YOUR SOCIAL ANXIETY"

Without thinking twice I started running too

"IT'S NOT SOCIAL ANXIETY!" I yelled back at her as if I was in a football match cheering up my team

For a moment my mind went blank and I followed the shine of the maple tree that guided me to the then-gloomy park