I remained still for a moment. Perhaps it was longer than a moment, either way, no words came out from under my tongue. I made sure to keep my eyes away from Rina’s; I couldn’t let her see into them again. Eyes show, words tell.
“I’m sorry, Rina.” I turned and headed for the exit. I knew there wasn’t much hope of staying for the night, as the outdoors would be my bed that evening.
“You can’t just walk away from me!” she yelled behind me, like a little girl who just got her doll stolen.
The thing is, she knew I could. I paid for my meals, my stay, and my comfort. If I wasn’t paying then I wouldn’t stay. It was as simple as that. I swung my travel sack over my shoulder, and just as I was about to swing the exit doors open, she stopped me.
“You were from the war … weren’t you?” she asked, slow, calmly this time.
I took my hand away from the doors, but I kept my back turned to her. I didn’t really know what to do or say. It wasn’t a question of how she knew about the war, but why she would ask me. She had to have known what happened to the survivors. There was no other explanation.
“I was a victim too…”
I couldn’t see her face, but from her tone I knew she wasn’t lying. She was desperately clinging on to distant memories from before the war, or perhaps the ones she lost during it. Either way, I didn’t care, although my interest increased.
“Many fell victim,” I replied in a rather rigid voice. “Many lost lives. Many lost hope. Many stopped searching.” I turned back around, making sure my face was still hidden under my hood.
She looked confused for a second, as if she didn’t have a reply but desperately wanted to give one. “What do you mean by stopped searching?”
To be completely honest, I didn’t know how to describe my answer. To my luck—which wasn’t a lot—Oscar gave me the splendid favor of explaining it horribly from the back of the bar where he sat, drinking his pint of beer like a broken sailor. “He means they’re weirdos who wear hoods and don’t speak a word!” He laughed to himself, but he wasn’t necessarily wrong. As a matter of fact, he got every part right except the only one that mattered.
“I’m still searching,” I whispered, my voice louder than I expected.
Rina started coming closer, and I started backing up. She stopped unexpectedly, glaring into the shadows of my hood. “Your eyes…” She spoke like an angel from the heavens. An angel I always wanted, but never found. “I want to see them… Please, may I?”
I thought to myself if I should really do it, but I knew it would only make it worse for both of us. I noticed my grip tighten around my travel sack, and my blood became warmer under my cloak. I sighed, for I have stayed far too long to let this escalate beyond my acceptable extent.
I grabbed three pennies from my travel sack and placed them on the nearest table to pay for the Fo. “Thank you, Rina,” I said, and walked out.
…
The moonlight above me was strong, guiding my steps, giving shadows to trees, reflecting off the marble windows above me. It only took about ten minutes or so to wander through the empty streets until I reached the edge of the woods. It would’ve normally taken twice as long if it was midday, but the midnight emptiness made my walk go smoothly without any disturbances.
After stepping foot into the densely packed trail and reassuring myself of my surroundings, I whistled with a swift motion, placing my thumb and forefinger into the edges of my mouth. “Phhhft.”
It wasn’t loud in the slightest, as I was practicing daily to get the perfect pitch, but it got the job done. It was a quiet whistle, like that annoying sound ringing in my ears when there’s too much silence. I let my fingers dry in the soft breeze of the trees around me and waited patiently for Mooks to show.
However, I noticed something out the corner of my eye in the distance. It was barely visible, but the longer I hesitated, the clearer the image became.
Two red eyes appeared from the darkness like glowing flames in a crawlspace. They rushed toward me, approaching closer and closer with every breath I took.
By my natural instinct, I went on the defensive, dropping my travel sack and making sure my knees were ready to launch me in any direction. I felt the dirt below me soften as my boots gripped the ground like a pair of shovels, notifying me that I would have to put more effort into my movements.
However, the red eyes had already leaped off the ground into the air, and all I could see were the vicious white teeth of a deadly beast glimmering under the moonlight. I could even see the drops of saliva leaking from the jaw of the beast, almost as if it could smell the remains of the Fo lingering in my stomach.
I wrapped my cloak around my arm as quickly as I could and stuck it out for the beast to bite on. I felt strong, sharp teeth sink into my arm, but no gruesome pain followed the bite. Instead, it felt as if the beast grabbed my arm with its teeth, similar to a handshake of some sort.
The beast let go, and both he and I felt stupid.
“Mooks?” I raised a metaphorical eyebrow, unwrapping my cloak.
The beast sighed as if boredom grabbed his attention, and that brought my tally of being fooled to twice that day. It was Mooks. There was no denying it.
The white fur covering his body like a blanket of snow in December. The glowing red eyes like two cherries fallen onto sheets of paper. The sharp, deadly teeth that could eat and pierce through nearly anything. The nose that smelled fear from hundreds of miles away and, of course, the self-proclaimed reputation of being the sneakiest wolf in the world.
“Why are you out here this late?” Mooks asked innocently, licking my arm by way of an apology.
“Why did you try to attack me?”
Mooks chuckled, but his laugh always sounded awkward since it came from a wolf’s mouth. “Fair enough… Did they kick you out or something?”
I pulled back my hood, giving him the answer he needed.
Compared to the rest of my body, my face might have been the only place left with fair skin. I would say I had a handsome face, but since I never revealed it, I didn’t have anyone to vouch for my claims, so, I had no idea. I’d been with a handful of women, but that was years ago, and an experience I didn’t truly enjoy too much.
“How does my hair look?” I asked.
Mooks squinted for a few seconds, then gave his answer in an unusual, laughable tone, “Dark like a starless sky with a few streaks of white running through like passing clouds.”
“I didn’t ask for metaphors.”
“Not a fan of the poetic arts?”
I didn’t bother responding. I had also noticed my clothing wasn’t very welcoming. Having countless knives and small vials holstered along my legs and chest probably wasn’t the best idea I’d come up with. I kept them hidden within the dim light underneath the table by the bar, but sometimes I could feel Rina looking when I opened my cloak to eat. My arms had bandages covering most of my previous wounds and scars. However, there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d be taking those off.
I proceeded to tell Mooks everything that had happened in the tavern, from Rina’s plan to reveal not only my reflexes, but my past as well, all the way to me leaving the tavern without giving her an answer. I made sure to leave out the part about her being one of the Gifted, thinking Mooks would do something irrational that I wouldn’t be able to stop.
“Why would she care?” Mooks concluded after my story. “There are plenty of war victims. Even if she’s one of them, and let’s say you were too, why would she care?”
This was exactly why Mooks and I traveled together. Our minds thought too much alike.
“However”—he interrupted my train of thought—“this is the first survivor you’ve met since the war. Befriending them might have been a good idea.”
This was another reason why we traveled together. Mooks would usually always suggest something I hadn’t considered, making me consider it even more.
“What good will it do?” I asked, lowering my head.
“What good will it do to always run away from opportunities? A life without risks is not a life worth living… Would you rather live a boring life up to 200 years. Or a life to 80, but one hell of an adventure.”
I gave him a wry look, one that’d show him he was right, but I was too stubborn to accept it. “Say I go back. Say I stay. Then what? We live happily ever after?” My voice was strong, and Mooks knew what my strong voice meant.
“All I’m saying is to take a chance. You need some friends. Friends could be your first step in finding what you’re looking for.” He smiled, but it looked like he was hungry rather than happy. Besides, there was no way to differentiate those two states in him anyway.
I sighed desperately, slung my travel sack over my shoulder for the tenth time that day, slid my hood back in its place, and started heading back to the tavern.
Mooks always knew how to convince me. Ever since I found him as a cub he attached himself to me as if I was his father. His innate ability to speak was the main reason I allowed him to accompany my travels. An animal that possessed abilities like this was as rare as a Gifted tending a lowly bar. However, he wasn’t my friend. He was my companion, nothing more.
When I arrived, I told Mooks to wait outside until I gave him the signal for coming in. That was, if everything worked out the way I hoped it would.
I gently shoved the swinging doors out of the way to facilitate my entrance, but as I stepped inside, not a soul was present. Well, besides Oscar, who was blatantly passed out drunk on the bar table. Fortunately, my entrance somehow woke him, and he popped up from his seat as if he hadn’t been asleep just seconds ago.
“Aye! The hooded dude is back!” he yelled, his head wobbling back and forth.
The back door behind the bar table swung open, and Rina came out, polishing another unclean glass. She looked confused, but there was a slight twinkle in her eye that made her look excited rather than puzzled.
I slid down my hood, revealing my face to her for the first time in the long six months that I’d known her.
As my hood collapsed across my shoulders, the glass she was polishing shattered upon the floor, and the excitement I had seen in her face vanished. Her expression faded into one I’d seen far too often when revealing my face. Even Oscar, who seemed like the type to always have a smile on his face, grew dim, perhaps even afraid.
I didn’t know what I looked like to them. Maybe I looked like a worn-out bag of rocks and dirt. No matter the case, there wasn’t a chance I’d be able to escape their questions now; so I prepared myself, and began to decide my next words carefully.
...
I could see Oscar scratching his head as if he knew me, or perhaps he thought he did. Somehow, I knew I wasn’t a complete stranger to them.
Rina, on the other hand, didn’t scream, laugh, or think about where she might know me from. She just stood there, frozen like a statue. Her face held no signs of fear, but it didn’t scream excitement either. It was plain, like mine.
After a few seconds, she started approaching me slowly, her leather-washed boots squeaking against the floorboards. She walked as if she was reaching for a light at the end of a tunnel, but I was far from the light she could ever ask for.
She stopped face-to-face with me, staring into my dreadful eyes like an open book. She observed me for a moment, almost as if making sure her speculations didn’t fool her. However, after she noticed the scar on my neck, her eyes began to water, and her trembling lips fell still.
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Without a word to spare, she buried her face in the cloak around my chest, using it in hopes of escaping whatever memory burst open inside her head. She sniffled, and I could feel her pain engulf me like the shadows in the moonlight. She cried. Cried like she’s been wanting to for far too long.
I didn’t know what to do, or how to react, so I let her. Her arms wrapped around me, my chin dipping ever so slightly above her head.
“It’s you,” she whispered, her voice muffled by the cloak. “I finally found you.”
Found me? I’d spent six months here, looking at her every day, and there wasn’t a single doubt in my mind I had no idea who she was; well, besides her being a bartender, having been blessed with beauty, and having an unusual axe-wielding friend.
“I remember you… I remember watching, feeling things I can’t even imagine… The nightmares I had…” she whispered, her words caught in her sobs.
My eyes drooped, and a knot started tying itself inside my stomach. There was only one place she could have known me from. A place I hoped never to think about again. A place where lives were thrown out like bags of garbage out in the alleys. A place where hope was a myth, invented by storytellers and beggars. A place I’d been running from for all I can remember. A place known as the Gulag.
Rina stepped back, wiping her eyes on the edges of my rather semi-clean cloak. She then patted them down with the same cloth she used to wipe the glasses clean. There were still a few droplets left in her eyes, glistening as if I could see each and every ripple of her pupils light up in the dim lanterns around us.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, weeping. “You don’t have to say anything… I have no right to ask such questions. ”
I cleared my throat, making sure it was ready for talking. “All I’ve ever done is run away from my past. I’ve left countless places, all from which I had nothing to stay for. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t even know where or what to start with.” I stopped for a moment, then continued after a thoughtful pause. “Perhaps it’s best for me to stop running.” My thoughts turned back to Mooks’ advice, no matter how inconvincible my true nature was.
“I only have one request.” Her face grew dim as she began backing away from me, wiping her eyes again, the strength in her voice becoming more vigilant. “Your name. I only wish to know your name…”
My name. A question I didn’t like answering, and yet the most powerful question of all. A name reveals a lot about a person. It shows their identity. Their meaning. Their sign. It can shape or change a person depending on the context given, but it will leave you something to cherish and hold. A name can be given at birth or perhaps later in life as a sign of successes and failures. It can direct you to the right path, give you answers to questions you didn’t even know existed, and clear a path for a symbol one believes in.
So what was my name? It had been so long since I’d said it that I’d almost forgotten. Even Mooks just calls me by random nicknames he learned to pick up on over the years. Whatever I was referred to as, I never cared, for my name was nothing more than a lifeless word to address my sins.
“My name,” I said, thinking about the best way to introduce myself.
I sighed, walking past her and taking a seat in my usual spot at the corner of the crescent table. She followed me to where our nightly interactions happened. I was in my seat, and she was behind the table. I was the customer, and she was the bartender.
I could tell she already knew who I was. Giving my name out wouldn’t do her any good, and it wouldn’t satisfy the real answers she wanted. To her, my name wouldn’t mean anything except what she could call the monster inside me. I didn’t even really understand why she was still talking to me. She knew. She—
“There’s no room for me to tell you how to feel.” She cut off my train of thought. “What you did, and what’s been done to you…” She paused, sniffled, and pushed back the faint sobs inside her throat. “Please, I just want to know the name of the man who saved my life…”
The man who saved her life? I thought as my mouth went dry, the knot that was already in my stomach seemed to tighten even more. I was certain I didn’t remember saving any lives in my early years of living in this world. If anything, I’d destroyed lives. Too many to even keep count of at this point. Well… I knew the count, but it was hidden, deep within the layers of my body.
“It has to be you,” she started again; her voice was soothing as always, but it had an extra tint of sadness I couldn’t get a good read on. “That scar on your neck, I can never forget it… Even in my dreams.”
My hand reached for my neck, feeling the edges of the smooth scar tissue brush against my fingertips. I could still remember the feeling of the blood pooling out as I lay motionless on the cold floor. I had only been thirteen years old at the time. I didn’t even know how I survived, but I remembered the darkness swallowing me, only for me to wake up to the horror I couldn't escape from once again.
Now that I thought about it, was Rina the girl who… No, it couldn’t be…
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. That knot in my stomach seemed to have a bigger impact on me than I could endure. It was like my very soul was attached to an anchor, and it was dropped to the bottom of the ocean floor.
It’d been so long since I even thought about my past that I never realized how treacherous it was. I couldn’t tell if I felt sorry for myself or if my mind was just pitifully reorganizing from the memories. Whatever the case, it bothered me.
Now that Rina said she knew who I was, or perhaps she knew an older part of me, it just made me think more and more. The longer I spent thinking about it, the tighter the knot got. It was like a puzzle without a solution. It just got harder and harder with no real ending.
“Whatever you’re thinking about…” Rina said timidly. Her hands were clasped together beside her heart like she was about to perform a song or step on stage in front of a thousand people. “Let go. You’ll never move on if you don’t let go. It’s what my sister always told me.” She became quiet again, and I could tell she was glaring into my eyes, despite me not looking into hers.
Let go? How could I let go? What do I let go of? My life? Memories? The past? It didn’t matter. I couldn’t let go, and that feeling just tightened the knot even further.
Perhaps it was wrong for me to have come back. Perhaps I should have stayed in the woods. Maybe even go on the search for a new tavern with even more delicious soup, but I knew Rina’s was the best anyway. Her hands were made to be precise with ingredients and carefulness. Even the small scratches on her knuckles and fingers showed she wasn’t afraid to get hurt.
Regardless, I pulled out the only memory I had that kept me going further and further every day. A torn, small piece of paper my mother had left for me before she passed. I’d kept it with me for 12 years, hiding it through fire and rain, only looking at it when I needed the extra push to take another breath.
Find your happiness, It read. I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew it was my journey to find it. Whether it was through life or death, I knew that my life meant nothing without it.
Rina watched me glaring at it, giving me time to direct my next words carefully. However, I didn’t need time. I needed to take a risk and see where it led me. It had probably been about two years since I last looked at that paper. It contained only three words, and yet it meant everything to me.
I felt the knot loosen in my stomach as if the paper gave me instructions on how to untie it. So I let out a deep sigh and took the risk.
“The secrets I’ve kept have cost me more pain than fire and lightning. I’ve told stories that woke even the mightiest of gods from their slumber. I’ve crossed paths by moonlight that most wouldn’t dare to speak of during the day. My mother passed in my arms when I was just a boy, leaving me broken, forgotten and hopeless. I was beaten, tortured, and forced to kill, all before the age of fourteen. I was imprisoned in the Gulag for five years, and came out alive… My name is Cairo, and all I search for is happiness.”
...
A long, eerie silence crept its way inside the tavern after I finished speaking, a silence that morphed all types of quiet into one uneventful pause. This silence seemed to take all and any noise and replace it with the sounds of beating hearts and shallow breaths.
That was how I came to realize, I had said too much.
“Cairo…” Rina whispered beneath her breath, smiling. “I don’t have the right to stop you from wherever it is you plan to go, but I’d like for you to stay a little while longer,” she said, as if there was more to staying than just a free room and nighttime meals.
I continued looking down at the table, unresponsive. I always thought about my actions. How would they affect the future? Would it be in my best interest to do this? What would I achieve by following this path?
Those were the questions I was always trying to find the answers to. Questions I hated the most and the questions I would always get helped with.
It was Mooks. Mooks would always help me decide which path to take. Sometimes I felt like I was following him instead of him following me. It might sound foolish, but he’s never been wrong about the direction I should take. So, naturally, I only prayed his undefeated streak wouldn’t end there.
“PWWHHHHFFTTT!” I whistled, loudly this time. If I was trying to impress anyone with my whistling skills, I would have succeeded. Instead, I ended up waking Oscar again.
After my whistle escaped through the small cracks and crannies by the windows, the front doors swung open, and the white fury beast made his entrance from the dark outdoors. His eyes radiated fear onto anyone they crossed paths with. His paws creaked and cracked the wooden floorboards beneath him. His jaw opened its deadly bite like a great white shark, and his nose could smell the uncooked meat from the back room as if he was a starving lion.
“Hello everyone!” Mooks smiled and waved his right paw at Rina and Oscar.
Oscar thought he was dreaming, so he just yawned and walked upstairs. Rina however, remained still as a rock. She wasn’t sure if she was afraid or confused, but the stir of those emotions hindered her ability to produce any sort of movement.
“Uhm, Cairo?” She leaned in close to my ear—with as little noise as possible—like a tiger approaching its prey. “Is that a friend of yours?”
“We travel together,” I answered, giving a firm nod and inviting Mooks to the barstool next to mine. He hopped up with a smile, panting from the tavern heat.
Rina backed up against the countless shelves of glasses and aged wine behind her. The sight of Mooks so close must have startled her, but his welcoming smile eventually brought her closer. Her guard remained strong, slowly easing to his presence.
She made an awkward gesture as if she was waving, but it was painful to watch. “Uhm… Hello there…”
Mooks stretched out his paw, keeping his hungry smile in check. “Hello! My name is Mooks! This is Cairo!” He looked over at me as if she didn’t already know that was my name. “We come in peace, friendly human!”
Rina slowly outstretched her arm, shaking Mooks’ dirty paw with a twisted expression on her face. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Mooks.” Her tone of voice changed into a more playful one. That was when I saw her eyeing me down as if that was how I should have introduced myself six months ago.
She washed the tiny patches of dirt from Mooks’ handshake, then wiped her hand on a clean white cloth. “You never told me you had such a lovely friend.” She directed her words toward me, but I didn’t give a response.
Mooks put his paw on my shoulder. “He’s a bit of a tough nut to crack…”
Unlike me, Mooks loved to talk, hence why I whistled him inside. He usually always knew what to say on my behalf, but I didn’t take kindly to his metaphor, no matter how truthful it was.
“Well…” She hesitated for a moment. “You two aren’t in any danger inside here. You don’t have to leave, as much as you feel the need to.”
I kept to my silence, as did Mooks.
“Listen…” Her voice became quiet again. “I, along with a few others, am planning to go on a quest. An expedition, to say. One that’ll yield a reward that only gods can dream of.” She paused for a second, pulling up a stool and sitting beside us on the opposite side of the table. “I know asking you to join us would be—”
“We’re in!” Mooks barked at her with excitement.
Both Rina and I looked at him with sharp eyes and ominous scowls. However, I’d had enough of Mooks’ carelessness. “A quest? Why are you asking us? You seem to be putting an awful lot of trust in two strangers you don’t know.” My voice was strong and thick like a bucket of tar.
“Cairo.” She smiled, her lips shining in the light. “When you look into my eyes, what do you see?”
What do I see? I thought as I stared into her gaze. I saw two pupils, both unique and vivid. Both having something to witness. Both having a story to tell…
She pointed at her abyssal-black pupil on her right. “I always thought that this one was for sadness.” She then pointed at her sea-blue eye on her left. “And this one was for happiness. One for seeing and one for viewing. One for water and one for drought. But over the years I realized it didn’t matter which eye was for what. All that mattered was what they told me.” She smiled, resting her hands atop the table. “And they’re telling me your heart is trapped in a cage of darkness.” She paused for a moment, rolling her hair back. “You need a key, Cairo. And you’re looking too far ahead to find it.”
I sighed, her words stabbing through my skull like daggers. “What’s in it for us?”
Rina hesitated in giving her reply, her eyes telling me more than her words ever could. “The reward is the Jewel of Mynotna, a jewel that can grant one wish to the holder. Anything they’ve ever wanted or any question they’ve ever wanted to be answered. I am only asking for your help on the journey. It is up to you whether or not you decide to make a wish.”
“What’s the catch?” Mooks was quick with his answer. “Seems too good to be true. And how would you know of such a thing? Will there be others who are trying to get it? Will we have to steal it? Who else knows? Do you have a team?”
With so many questions at once, even I couldn’t follow Mooks’ train of thought. Nevertheless, he was right. This did seem too good to be true…
“Well.” Rina gave an innocent giggle; it was pleasant to see her in a state other than grief. “It’s on the bounty board. It’s been up there for a couple of weeks now.” She pointed to a large rectangular board nailed to the side of the entrance. It had tons of papers stapled to it, each with a different drawing of some sort and a different reward written on the bottom. Come to think of it, I should be more observative.
Personally, I’d always thought of it as a chore list or something similar to the matter. Then again, prior to that day, my hood had always remained atop my head, so my vision was never obscured from my next steps forward.
Rina poured herself a glass of tart cherry juice, sighing and finally feeling more relaxed. “As shitty as this place seems, this is a Guild. It’s just that the others are usually off doing something else, so business here is pretty slow. There is one member who always comes in after you… Usually pretty observant. his name is Faibel, and he’s only been with us for half a year I think. Aaaand…”—she exaggerated that last part to draw more suspense—“everyone else just arrived earlier this afternoon after being gone for weeks, so they crashed for the night hours ago.” She took a sip of her juice again
“How did you come upon such a quest?” Mooks made his question direct, his voice betraying his curiosity.
“The Bureau is responsible for all bounties that arrive at any Guild. The Bureau is…” She thought of a way to describe them for a moment, then continued. “Kind of like our employer in a way. They send bounties and quests with great rewards to any Guilds in the country, kind of hoping that the Guilds will take care of any dangerous messes.” She sighed again. “The Jewel of Mynotna was recently said to have been sighted in the Catacombs of Nirvana, deep within the capital of Harvoria. So, the quest to retrieve it was sent out, but no one has found it yet.”
I thought about what she said for a good moment. Then I thought about what Mooks had said previously. This did seem too good to be true. If there was one thing I’d learned throughout my miserable years living in this world, if things are too good to be true, then they are indeed too good to be true.
However, a wish that would come true was a wish I was willing to make. Even if this quest was nothing more than a trap of some sort, or even a dumb joke played on its victims, I was willing to take the risk. The risk of finding my happiness. The risk that would make my mother proud.
I got up from my seat, gave Mooks a look of no regrets, and cleared my throat of any anticipation I had remaining. “When do we leave?”
Rina smiled delightfully, staring into my eyes like a lost soul. “Get some sleep first. You’ll need it for the journey.”