I laughed at the world, the universe. God, perhaps. Whichever cruel, twisted personality decided even if you get warped into the game you still needed to pay for membership. My credit card was off the table. Or maybe it was still literally on the table, but I didn't have the damn table now anyway.

So my next step was getting a bond. Or rather, my next step was figuring out how to interact with the systems of the game. I couldn't see my inventory, my stats, anything. There was no hud, no ui showing me where to go. Just the low detail, pixelated models of paper thin cabbages surrounding me.

I picked up one of the cabbages and it vanished, somewhere. My inventory, I assumed. But I still had no damn clue how to access my inventory anyway so it may as well have been gone forever for all I knew.

I screamed at the world, begging it to show me my stat window, and it stuffed the information into my mind.

Attack: 1//1 Hitpoints: 10/10 Mining: 1/1 Strength: 1/1 Agility: 1/1 Smithing: 1/1 Defence: 1/1 Herblore: 1/1 Fishing: 1/1 Ranged: 1/1 Thieving: 1/1 Cooking: 1/1 Prayer: 1/1 Crafting: 1/1 Firemaking: 1/1 Magic: 1/1 Fletching: 1/1 Woodcutting: 1/1 Runecraft: 1/1 Slayer: 1/1 Farming: 1/1 Construction: 1/1 Hunter: 1/1 Total: 32

I tried it again but without the screaming, just urging the world to give me the information and it complied. No embarrassing screaming then, that was nice. I tried the same thing for my inventory.

Cabbage - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Finally. An inventory. I pulled on the cabbage with my mind and it reappeared in my mouth. The whole. Damn. Thing. I couldn't even stop it if I wanted to — and I did want to. The world forced it into my mouth, pushing it down my throat for almost two whole seconds. And then it just vanished. I didn't feel sated, I didn't feel anything. It just disappeared.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Being here in this world makes me feel bad for what we put our characters through. I mean a cabbage was bad enough, but imagine a whole damn shark! Good lord what a nightmare that would be. I'll have to get used to it I guess, if I want to survive here.

Actually, that raises a good point. What happens if I die here? Logically, you'd assume that I'd respawn back in lumbridge. But I'm still me. I'm a human being. I don't just respawn.

I mean, I guess that I also don't eat a whole cabbage by warping it into my mouth from some eldritch plane, either. But dying is different. No dying, then. Hardcore ironman, or hardcore main, I guess. I hope I'm not an ironman. I can still trade right?

Best way to test would be to head to Falador, I assumed. If I couldn't find anybody there, the grand exchange was a short walk away and there would definitely be people there. Or hell, just the grand exchange alone would be enough even if there weren't people.

I walked north, to Falador. Following the wall to the west and arriving in the central square just outside the white knight castle. And then it happened. I found my first other player.

Somebody teleported to Falador. Right to where I was standing. Their body emerged from nothingness and for a moment I was inside of them and they were inside of me. They ran off east as though that were totally normal, and I shuddered at the experience.

I don't think I can describe the feeling of somebody else so suddenly being inside of you, around you, beside you, all at the same time. A valuable lesson, though. Don't loiter in teleport locations.

Had I been more prepared, I could have tried to trade with them. Pulled on whichever magical thread it was that dictated trades, and learned whether or not it was possible for me. I could only hope that I wasn't an ironman.

In the first place, even if I managed to get a bond, I had no damn clue how I would hop worlds to a member's world anyway. But at least if I was a main the option was there. Making that much money on an ironman in free to play? Shit, I barely had a clue how I was going to do it even if I could trade.

I wandered around Falador looking for players, but I couldn't find anybody. Maybe if I went down into the dwarven mines I could find some bots but I wasn't going to be fooled by them. There was a scorpion down there, somewhere. I couldn't really remember where, actually. But it was somewhere, and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it.

Grand exchange was safe, at least. I don't think there was anything to worry about on the way over there at least, and so I started making the journey.

The sights were interesting, seeing the dwarven mine in person, with the Ice Mountain towering over it behind was breathtaking. Barbarian village was quaint, the stronghold of security my normal first step on a new account. A nice ten thousand coins to get started would be real nice, but surviving down there when my life might be on the line? Nah. I'll come back with some good armour and food later.

The grand exchange was an incredible sight. Hundreds of people standing around the centre, magic pulsing through the area as people cast alchemy spells or enchantment spells. And I realized a problem.

There was no way for me to talk to the grand exchange clerk without walking inside of another person. Hell, without walking inside multiple other people. Such a creepy, invasive feeling and yet the world would be completely broken without it.

I took a breath and walked into the crowd. Even though I knew there wouldn't be, I expected resistance from the crowd as I pushed through their bodies. It was such an eerie feeling just walking through people, but I made it to the clerk.

"Hello," I said to her.

"Welcome to the Grand Exchange. Would you like to trade now, or exchange item sets?" They said.

I tried to say that I wanted to trade now, but what came out was something a little different.

"I'd like to set up trade offers, please." I said, my mouth forming the words automatically.

A familiar window appeared in front of me, the grand exchange. I let out of a sigh of relief, I wasn't an ironman. Thank god.