A shock and a gasp, and then there was light. It wasn't a spectacularly bright light, but it was enough for me to see that the air was pixelated, all crackling bunched up squares that vaguely resembled a lobby. The scene clarified slowly, going through stages that a voice in the back of his mind suggested started at Atari and ran through 8, 16, and 32 bit before shakily amping through the rest of the stages to something that resembled reality.
Whatever that was. Everything was so scrambled and confused. Who the hell even was I?
I sighed. Didn't seem to matter. It'd come to me. I surveyed my surroundings, finding myself standing in an unfamiliar office lobby. The glassy sheen of the floor reflected my bewildered expression as I took it all in. There was something familiar about it all, despite everything feeling so alien. Above the sleek reception desk, in letters bold and unyielding, hung an orange and yellow sign that read 'BuyMort'.
A woman stood behind the desk, waves of perfume radiating off her fit lithe body to sock me in my senses. The smell was extremely alluring, and I felt my heart pound hard and fast in my chest, harder still when she smiled. Shimmering platinum white hair fell in soft waves just past her shoulders, framing her strikingly beautiful face with a luminous glow. Her electric blue eyes locked onto me and she raised a hand to me, waving.
"Hello there, user Tyson Dawes," she purred, biting her lip suggestively. "We've missed you at BuyMort! I hope this message finds you well. It’s been some time since we last collaborated, and you have missed a large number of deals since your last visit to our service."
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"What?" I asked. The world glitched and shook briefly.
"As - as - as," the woman stuttered before the world calmed down again. The woman cleared her throat and started again. "As the universe continues to evolve, so does our suite of services and technologies. We believe that our new and constantly improving offerings could align well with your future endeavors and assist in achieving any and all of your goals in life."
The lights above flickered and sparked, burning orange embers streaking down from above.
"Thank you for rejoining our services, user Tyson Dawes. Enjoy a 10% discount on your next purchase, terms and conditions apply. Welcome back to the market of the multiverse. Welcome back to BuyMort."
She smiled and twisted sideways, stretching her arms out to frame a gleaming neon sign that read 10% Off! Her silky blouse seemed to crease and stretch as she moved, hugging her slender frame more tightly and letting the simple silver BuyMort pin stuck just above her right breast twinkle in the sparking and dimming light.
"BuyMort," I muttered, shakily.
"Yes, user Tyson, it’s been a while," she said, her voice all melody and charm. "BuyMort has missed you. Won’t you come back and start using our services again?"
The lights blinked off and I could feel myself sliding out of 3D Sales Space, back into the real world. Everything was still quite jumbled inside my head, but one thing I was certain of was BuyMort.
"Yeah. I expect I will be," I answered. "Thanks for the discount, BuyMort. We'll be in touch."