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Bureaucratic Hell
Chapter Nine: Oh Great… Politics and Paperwork

Chapter Nine: Oh Great… Politics and Paperwork

We traversed the winding corridors of the ancient tower, its spiraling architecture reaching toward the heavens, until we arrived at a door unlike any other. Crafted from wood enchanted to the core, its surface was etched with runes that seemed to murmur tales of law and justice to those who dared to cross its threshold.

The door swung open, revealing an office of unparalleled grandeur, a testament to arcane elegance and the solemnity of the judicial world. Here, the fusion of magic and authority was palpable, far surpassing the opulence of any mortal realm's seats of power I had encountered, including the formidable offices of Fortune 10 CEOs.

Bathed in the gentle luminescence of floating orbs, the chamber welcomed us into its embrace. The walls, alive in their essence, were adorned with shelves crafted from living wood. These shelves, breathing and subtly shifting, cradled countless tomes and scrolls—repositories of ancient laws and magical statutes. It was a sight to behold as they occasionally reconfigured themselves, presenting the most pertinent texts for the barrister's contemplation.

At the heart of this sanctum stood a desk of exquisite beauty, carved from crystal and laced with metallic veins that pulsed with magical life. Atop this desk lay instruments of the arcane: quills that danced across parchment without a hand to guide them, inkwells that promised an endless supply, and a crystal orb offering glimpses into legal precedents or scenes pivotal to ongoing cases.

The ceiling above was an enchantment in motion, a canvas depicting the celestial dance of the magical planet's sky. Constellations shifted, and planets journeyed across the firmament, mirroring the astrological conditions of the moment. This celestial ballet was not merely for show; it served as a guide, aligning magical rituals and judicial decisions with the cosmos' most favorable configurations.

Adjacent to this grandeur was a circular window, a portal offering views of the mystical landscape that stretched beyond the tower. Enchanted to reflect the realm's pulse, it provided vistas of lands touched by the wizard barrister's endeavors, landscapes that morphed to reveal areas most influenced by his work.

And throughout the chamber, a melody wove its way into the very air, a symphony played by an unseen, mystical instrument. Its notes were crafted to calm the spirit, to foster a sanctuary of thought and focus amidst the demands of justice and magic.

The room was further adorned with tapestries and rugs, each a weave of magical threads depicting monumental trials and triumphs within the annals of magical law. These artifacts stood as silent witnesses to the justice dispensed and the equilibrium upheld by the barrister's hand, a reminder of the profound legacy of magic and law intertwined.

Upon our arrival in the grand office, we were greeted by the presence of two remarkable beings, one of which immediately captivated my attention. A magnificent golden bird, standing as tall as a man, commanded the space with an aura of ancient wisdom and power. Reminiscent of a phoenix from the tales of old, its eyes sparkled with an intelligence that transcended the ordinary, hinting at the depths of sapience within.

Beside this majestic creature stood another figure, whose presence exuded a formidable strength that filled the room with an almost tangible pressure. While not as overwhelmingly powerful as Judge Draknavor Glazewind, whose might could easily overshadow the grandeur of celestial bodies, this individual's aura was nonetheless impressive, marking them as among the most potent beings present.

Being in such close proximity to these two powerhouses was akin to standing beneath the thunderous cascade of Niagara Falls, feeling the relentless force of the water bear down upon you. It was a test of resolve to remain standing, not bowed by the sheer weight of their combined energies. This encounter, beneath the awe-inspiring spectacle of their might, was a vivid reminder of the extraordinary nature of the world I had become a part of, where beings of myth walked alongside those of flesh and blood, each with their own stories woven into the tapestry of magic and law

As the initial awe of the phoenix's presence began to subside, my attention shifted to the figure standing beside him. It was a rabbit, but not just any rabbit – it bore an uncanny resemblance to the iconic bunny from the Blink-182 mascot. Clad in black robes identical to mine, the rabbit and the phoenix were distinguished by golden tassels adorning their attire, a clear indication of their esteemed rank within this magical judiciary.

Senior Barrister Malhone took the lead, bridging the gap between us with formal introductions. "Barrister Pavrimax, Adventurer Aaron, allow me to introduce Junior Ministers Aurelian Solflame and Arthur Carotenebloom," he announced, his voice resonating with a sense of importance that matched the gravity of the moment.

Extending my hand in greeting, the tactile connection with each of them was nothing short of an odyssey through realms of power and prestige. Their energy enveloped me in an embrace that was both exhilarating and humbling, a vivid reminder of my own nascent capabilities in comparison. It was a sensation that transcended physicality, reaching into the very essence of my being.

Aaron, standing beside me, seemed to navigate the exchange with a grace that belied his rugged adventurer's exterior. His interaction with the ministers appeared more balanced, a testament to his own strength and standing in this world of wonders.

However, for me, the encounter was transformative. The energy I had so carefully accumulated felt drawn out, seeping into my core before being whisked away as if caught in a desert whirlwind, leaving me feeling drained and parched. It was a stark reminder of the vast gulf that lay between my current state and the lofty heights occupied by beings such as Aurelian and Arthur. This meeting, underpinned by the palpable disparity in our magical prowess, left me with a renewed sense of purpose and a determination to bridge that divide, however daunting the journey ahead might be.

Minister Aurelian was the first to break the silence, their voice cascading through the room like a melody, more exquisite than any singing I had ever encountered. The beauty of their tone almost brought tears to my eyes as they began, "We have much to discuss."

Turning their attention to me, they continued with an unexpected apology. "Barrister Pavrimax, I must express my regret. When I tasked Junior Barrister Zeb with assigning this case to you, I could not have foreseen it would unveil malfeasance by a private practice barrister. And for the mountain of paperwork awaiting you, my apologies." With a graceful gesture of their golden wing, a daunting stack of documents appeared on the desk, prompting a gulp from me, while Aaron couldn't help but laugh.

Aaron's laughter was tinged with a hint of mischief as he added, "I'm afraid I have more daunting news, Barrister. I intend to appoint you as outside counsel for the new guild I've been granted. And, as you might have guessed, the paperwork involved in forming a guild is, well, extensive." The room filled with a silent anticipation of laughter as Arthur conjured another stack of paperwork, triple the size of the first, next to it.

Feeling overwhelmed, I couldn't help but think to myself, "I'm truly in bureaucratic hell… Hells Bells I whispered to myself"

Minister Aurelian resumed, addressing the room with a sense of urgency. "We must closely monitor the extent of Barrister Luke's malfeasance. A covert operative will conduct a thorough investigation, and depending on their findings, we may need to escalate this to higher authorities." The mere mention of 'higher authority' seemed to cast a shadow over the room, a collective intake of breath marking the gravity of such a prospect.

Senior Barrister Malhone chimed in, expressing relief at my decision in court. "Barrister Pavrimax, we are indeed thankful that you refrained from calling that man to the stand. While it might have expedited the collection of evidence, the political fallout would have been disastrous."

Minister Arthur picked up where Malhone left off, elucidating the delicate dynamics at play. "You see, Barrister, the relationship between humans and the rest of the magical races is, at best, fraught with tension. Humans have largely isolated themselves, with few exceptions. Were the human faction of Anopia to perceive that we deliberately targeted one of their barristers, the backlash could be severe. We must navigate this situation with caution to avoid inciting retaliation, especially from their prince. It's imperative we make them ostracize the offender, thus deflecting any political repercussions."

Minister Aurelian, with a gentle but solemn tone, shared a mixed blessing. "Barrister Pavrimax, the curious outcome of this affair is that you've caught the attention of royalty. Whether this proves to be a boon or a bane remains to be seen." Malhone, with a chuckle, added, "It took me over a century to garner such notice. You, Barrister, have set a record of sorts."

Standing amidst these titans of the magical world, I was simultaneously daunted and exhilarated. The path ahead was fraught with bureaucratic battles and political maneuvering, a challenge I had never anticipated. Yet, amidst the uncertainty, a sense of purpose took root. This was my fight now, not just for Aaron, but for the integrity of the magical legal system itself.

As the conversation shifted towards the staggering sum I had just earned through legal fees, the weight of the numbers nearly overwhelmed me. "Next, we must address the fortune you've amassed in legal fees," Minister Aurelian began, outlining the breakdown with precision. "From the damages awarded, twenty percent is allocated to the court, ten percent to our office. From our portion, you are entitled to fifty percent, while the remaining seventy percent, of course, goes to your client. Our office is set to receive eighty million platinum bars." The Minister paused, allowing the enormity of the figure to sink in. "To put it into perspective, it takes ten thousand coins to forge a single bar. This means, Barrister Pavrimax, you've been awarded the equivalent of four hundred billion platinum coins..."

The room seemed to spin as the realization hit me. After Ka-Del's explanation of what a commoner earns, the magnitude of this fortune left me speechless. In my past life as an American attorney, there were caps on earnings from a single case, but nothing could have prepared me for this. "I never imagined," I stammered, "as a public defender, I could amass such wealth."

Minister Aurelian tempered my excitement with a dose of reality. "Do not expect such windfalls regularly. In my three centuries at the Public Defender's Office, this is unprecedented."

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The moment was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was Horrace, the gnome who delivered all my packages. Clearing his throat, he announced, "My lord barristers, the plaintiffs in Barrister Pavrimax's case have settled their dues. The funds are ready for collection at your convenience. However, Barrister Pavrimax must first establish a bank account to access his share."

Minister Aurelian expressed his gratitude to Horrace, ensuring the gnome that the matter would be promptly addressed. Turning back to me, Aurelian inquired, "Barrister Pavrimax, do you have any questions for us?"

Standing there, amidst the grandeur of the magical legal world, with a newfound fortune and responsibilities, I realized my journey was just beginning. This case had catapulted me into uncharted territories, both legally and financially. The path ahead was fraught with new challenges and opportunities, and I was determined to navigate it with the wisdom and guidance of those around me. "Yes, Minister," I finally said, gathering my thoughts. "I have many questions, but first, how does one go about opening a bank account in this world?"

Aaron's laughter filled the ornate office, a sound of genuine amusement. "Oh, Barrister Pavrimax, I am going to enjoy getting to know you," he said between chuckles. "I wouldn't be surprised if a banker finds his way to your doorstep by tomorrow morning."

Junior Barrister Zeb chimed in, "Would you like for me to arrange for Ka-Del to assist you with the banking process? You two seem to have formed a good rapport." Grateful for the offer, I nodded in agreement. "That would be helpful, thank you."

Minister Arthur, sensing my curiosity bubbling, prompted, "What other questions do you have?" Taking the opening, I asked about the overwhelming power emanating from the judge during the trial. The room's atmosphere shifted as the cultivators exchanged knowing looks.

Minister Aurelian took the lead. "This is a topic we seldom discuss openly, but given your direct experience, a brief explanation is warranted. Are you familiar with the cultivation stages?" I mentioned my limited knowledge, stopping at the formation of an aura.

Nodding in approval, he continued, "Beyond the Mana Body phase lies the Magical Domain phase. The judge you encountered is at the peak of this phase, on the cusp of advancing further. It's a stage many cultivators regard as the beginning of the path to immortality. Junior Minister Aurelian and I are at the early stages of this phase."

His words sparked a fire within me, a burning desire to delve deeper into cultivation.

My next question concerned the guild leader's willingness to shift blame onto Barrister Luke. Aaron offered an insight. "The humans here live in a highly competitive society, often opting to cut loose those deemed weak rather than risk the downfall of the entire group." The others in the room nodded in agreement, echoing the sentiment.

Curious about the local calendar, I inquired, "When is Solisday?" Laughter erupted once more. Zeb explained, "We operate on an eleven-day cycle here. Solisday marks the beginning of our week, followed by Lunaday, Terraday, Astraday, Windsday, Flameday, Watersday, and today, Veriday, which concludes the workweek. Tomorrow starts the weekend, comprising Restday, Freeday, and Festday. Freeday is universally observed as a day off across all professions, so it's wise to plan your errands for Restday. Festday is a day of communal celebration, marking the week's end and the promise of the new week ahead. Our year consists of fifty-day cycles, spread over forty months."

The explanation offered a glimpse into the rhythm of life in this new world, a blend of the familiar and the utterly foreign. As the meeting drew to a close, I realized how much I had yet to learn about this magical realm and its inhabitants. The journey ahead promised to be one of discovery, challenge, and perhaps, a touch of bureaucratic hell.

With my final question addressed, Senior Barrister Malhone passed me the towering stacks of paperwork. "I suggest taking your client to your office to begin tackling this paperwork," he advised, signaling our meeting's end. I rose, Aaron following closely behind, as we exited the minister's grand office.

"Barrister Pavrimax," called Minister Aurelian, his voice a melodious echo that lingered in the air. I paused, turning back to face him. "I eagerly anticipate witnessing the contributions you will make within this office," he said, a note of genuine curiosity in his tone. Nodding in acknowledgment, Aaron and I made our way out, our first stop at the treasurer's to collect his substantial earnings.

Once in my office, we dove into the sea of documents, crafting the foundation of the 'Dragons Luck' Guild. Aaron, as the guild leader, and myself, appointed as outside counsel, meticulously filled out each form. The creation of the guild required not just names and titles but a charter outlining membership, fair loot distribution, and operational standards. Amid this bureaucratic marathon, I also detailed my courtroom encounter with Barrister Luke, attaching audit reports to ensure a thorough account.

The hours melted away under the influence of my abilities, enhancing our efficiency. As we wrapped up, Aaron handed me an enchanted communication stone. "Let's stay connected," he said, "I'll be heading back to the outskirts of the Anopia system soon to begin recruiting. I look forward to the day you wear the guild badge proudly." Our farewell embrace marked the beginning of what I felt was a lasting friendship in this new world.

Exhausted yet fulfilled, I slumped into my office chair. "Hells Bells... I need some mead," I muttered under my breath. Aaron paused at the door, curiosity piqued. "What does that mean?"

I chuckled, "It's a long story. There's a wizard in Chicago, and that's kind of his catchphrase." Aaron's puzzled look deepened. "You have magic where you're from?" he inquired. "Not the kind you're familiar with," I replied, "We have the magic of storytelling."

As Aaron departed, I leaned back, the weight of the day's achievements and the promise of tomorrow's challenges sinking in. Alone in my office, I reflected on the journey ahead, fueled by the "magic" of this new, fantastical world and the stories yet to unfold.

An excited knock at my office door roused me from the day's reflections. Glancing up, I saw Ka-Del, her eyes twinkling with excitement, accompanied by Ja-Vazee, the Fire Mantis Barrister she had mentioned before. Ja-Vazee's enthusiasm was palpable as he exclaimed, "Barrister Julius, I've heard about your court ordeal today. Let's drown those sorrows in the drink!"

His invitation was a balm to my weary spirits. "Music to my ears," I replied, clapping him on the back with a smile. "Lead the way." Ka-Del chimed in, "I'll swing by your place tomorrow to help with those errands you need to be completed." Gratitude warmed me, and I nodded in agreement, eager for companionship.

Our trio Making our way downtown Walking fast, faces pass and we are bar bound! Into the evening, briskly navigating the bustling streets. Ka-Del and Ja-Vazee shared tales of their day—client meetings and legal research, far removed from the courtroom drama I had faced. They explained the procedure of case assignments at the week's start, a glimpse into the rhythm of their professional lives.

Our destination emerged as an ethereal meadow, magically nestled among the city's architecture. Fey patrons, recognizable by their delicate features and aura of enchantment, populated the bar, greeting my companions with friendly waves. Curiosity piqued, I inquired about Ja-Vazee's lineage, learning of the Fire Mantis's esteemed role as guardians within the Fey Court, though Ja-Vazee himself was an anomaly, lacking the expected combat abilities.

We settled into a secluded booth, the server promptly attending to us. Seizing the moment, I boldly requested, "The strongest, fruitiest mead you have, in the biggest serving possible. And keep them coming until the bartender cuts me off."

Their laughter, sparked by my ridiculous order, it was was infectious. Joining in, I felt the weight of the day's events begin to lift. Surrounded by newfound friends in this magical meadow, the promise of reprieve and camaraderie beckoned, a welcome end to a tumultuous day.

As we settled into the rhythm of the night, my mead—a behemoth vessel that demanded both hands—was a concoction of sweet blueberries and honey, a taste of celestial indulgence. Amidst this, Ja-Vazee, curiosity piqued, ventured to ask about my encounter with another human from Earth in Anopia.

My response tumbled out, laden with the weight of my disappointment. "Meeting another human here should have been a moment of camaraderie, but it turned sour almost instantly. His disdain for the magical races of Anopia was palpable. Here I am, marveling at the chance to meet beings from lore and legend, and there he was, sowing discord and prejudice."

Ka-Del and Ja-Vazee, listening intently, offered smiles of understanding. Then, venting my frustration, I recounted how this individual, cloaked in arrogance, dared to challenge my perspective, suggesting I'd eventually come to share his narrow view. Both Ja-Vazee and Ka-Del smiled at this and then this Asshole was being rude to Zeb, and instantly felt like Goblins couldn't be trusted and when I voiced my opinion it was like I was being way too Naive about the situation! He had the Audacity to say I need to experience the Universe a bit and when I finally see the light to come find him. Like it's inevitable for me to see the Universe the way he does. And to think they have their own world where they live in seclusion from the rest of you sickens me. I ranted and drank my mead. "The thought that they isolate themselves, choosing seclusion over the rich tapestry of this world, it... it just doesn't sit right with me," I confessed, my rant dovetailing with another generous gulp of mead.

Ka-Del, with a note of caution in her voice, explained the nuanced ability that allowed such deceit in court. his ability allows him to say what he truly believes as truth even though it may not necessarily be seen as a Universal truth. It is a very tricky ability but most judges can see through it and they grant the ability to the jury but it still fools some of them.

The conversation, heavy with revelations, lightened as Ka-Del summoned a feast to our table. By my second jug of mead, the world around me softened, my senses dulled yet delightfully aglow. Ja-Vazee, ever the gracious host, heaped a plate with an assortment of delicacies for me, urging me to eat.

As I indulged, I let the mana infused in the meal and mead weave through me, offering clarity amidst the haze of intoxication. Yet, the pull of the mead was strong, and I surrendered to its embrace, my laughter and words flowing as freely as the drink itself. The server, with a knowing smile, kept the mead coming, ensuring this night of urban fantasy and newfound friendships would be one to remember, or perhaps struggle to recall.

Ka-Del seized the moment to suggest, "You know, if we get Julius drunk enough, he'll sing songs from his world." Ja-Vazee's eyes lit up at the idea, promptly signaling for the server. As the server approached, Ja-Vazee ordered three honey bombs for each of us. Ka-Del and Ja-Vazee shared a laugh, proclaiming, "If honey bombs don't get him drunk, nothing will."

The server returned with nine honey bombs, presented in small cups reminiscent of whiskey glasses back on Earth. Without hesitation, I downed all three of my servings like shots. Their faces registered surprise at my swift consumption, and then I polished off my blueberry mead. I harbored absolutely no regrets.

Within minutes, I was belting out "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada, followed by a unique rendition of "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton, and wrapping up my sudden karaoke outbreak with "Enjoy" by Tekno. The entire bar seemed to join in, singing and dancing along. People from all around the bar were buying me drinks, which I happily accepted and consumed. I went through the entire Burna Boy catalog; Afrobeats is my favorite music, and I've missed listening to it dearly.

Soon, I became too drunk to sing and dance and fell back into our booth, earning a standing ovation from the entire bar. Delicious fruit cakes and chocolate cakes began to be delivered to our booth. Ka-Del remarked, "The Fey must have really enjoyed your singing. The cake is a very special delicacy that we do not share lightly, and for so many to be sent to us is a true honor."

I dove into the cake like a child on their birthday, and it was the best cake I had ever tasted in my life. Ka-Del and Ja-Vazee happily watched as I indulged myself in delicious cake and mead. We laughed and talked the night away. As we got up to leave, Ka-Del paid our bill. I drunkenly whispered in her ear, "I will pay you back tomorrow." Ka-Del smiled and responded, "Julius, it was my pleasure to treat you, plus patrons from the bar covered most of the bill. We only owed a few bronze coins."

"I don't care," I insisted. "I will give you a silver for being such a good friend." Ka-Del smiled again, saying, "We'll talk about this tomorrow." Ja-Vazee, already at the door, declared, "My friends, I am too drunk to walk with you to Julius's house," and then he leaped into the air, flying away in a somewhat zigzag pattern.

Ka-Del and I walked arm in arm, very drunkenly making our way back to my apartment, just as all three suns were rising over the horizon. When we reached my front door, I asked Ka-Del if she wanted to sleep in my guest bedroom instead of going home.

Ka-Del just nodded. She went to the guest bathroom, and I headed to the master bedroom, quickly showered, and then dove into bed.