Mr. Irving was stepping lightly through the narrow corridors of the dungeon riddled with deadly traps. One misstep could mean death by a volley of arrows or an acid pit. Although Sotra walked in front of Mr. Irving, she covered significantly more ground in one step than him so he couldn't really copy her path.

"Why do they call you motherless, if I may inquire?" Mr. Irving started a conversation with the hope that she would slow down.

And she did. Sotra turned to him, revealing her terrible smile full of needle-shaped teeth: "I had many mothers, and I killed them all."

"Most interesting, please tell me more," Mr. Irving encouraged her and they started to walk again.

"You are a curious one, aren't you? Well, the witches in the northern mountains wanted a daughter that would deliver them the whole Xardax. And so they kidnapped a virgin from one of the human settlements. They threw the poor girl into a steaming cauldron together with a black he-goat. They added some herbs and chanted until finally, I emerged from the soup of cruelty. Oh, how the witches rejoiced when they saw me. But there was no joy in me after the horrible process, only rage, that everlasting rage that accompanies me since. I killed them all and became the lady of this dungeon," she finished.

Mr. Irving was not sure how to respond to this and in the end, he didn't have to say anything.

"We have a runner!" a booming voice said from a corridor to the left. Then a giant dragon head peaked from there and breathed fire into another corridor.

"And there his run ends," Sotra chuckled when they found the smoking skeleton lying on the floor. Mr. Irving noticed a red-eyed ant running in the gaps between the stone tiles toward the skeleton.

"Busy, busy, busy...that is what we are, all the time," Sotra picked up the skeleton by the rib cage and carried it on through the dungeon.

Finally, they arrived at a massive chamber that Sotra called "the death pit". She tossed the skeleton among tons of others piling up from the bottom of the deep hole.

"As you can see, Irving, there are no problems with our death counts. Now follow me to my chambers so we can finish this unnecessary visit," Sotra uttered the words with disgust in her tone.

Mr. Irving nodded and glanced one last time at the bones in the pit. He saw the ant surrounded by some kind of larvae, they were closing on him from all sides. You never tire of your shenanigans, Tox, do you? Mr. Irving thought with a hint of a smile on his face.

A couple of death traps later and with a new hole in his green robe after an acid splash from the mouth of some alien-looking creature hiding in the ceiling, Mr. Irving sat down with a sigh in Sotra's office and put his vase on the table. Of course, her table was massive, cut from a single block of obsidian and covered by skulls with hand-painted ornaments.

"A hobby of mine. Trust me, Irving, they look much better than they did while alive," Sotra explained after she had noticed he was looking closely at the skulls.

Sotra then looked directly into his eyes and Mr. Irving looked into hers. Sotra's irises pulsed slowly and he felt as if his soul was being consumed by her. It felt perfect to him.

After their stare-down, Sotra shook her head and spoke: "Well, do you have everything to finish your report so you can leave my domain and never return?"

Mr. Irving saw the red-eyed ant crawling on his sleeve. The ant reached his ear and started to whisper. It tickled and Mr. Irving needed to restrain himself from chuckling.

He stroked his mustache to hide it and after the whispering stopped he spoke: "Dear lady Sotra. I believe I have everything. I am truly sorry but we will need to close down your establishment permanently for deeply violating the BUDUIEN contract."

Sotra stood up and smashed one of the ornamented skulls to dust with her claw: "Is this a joke, Irving? Explain yourself while you still draw breath!"

Mr. Irving looked up at her and continued: "Not sending us your body counts and taxes is but a minor infraction. But then there are bigger ones. You tried to kill me on several occasions during the inspection. The first attempt was the poisoned welcome drink at the entrance to your domain. As you can see it was futile, agents of BUDUIEN have whole armies on a cellular level in their digestive tract to repel all possible invasions. Then, you hoped the traps of your dungeon will end me. And finally, you tried to hypnotize me a moment ago. I am sorry to let you down, but this is not my first inspection and you are not the first insubordinate boss. My eyes are trained to see in the dark and I am able to momentarily disconnect certain parts of my brain to avoid being charmed by magic."

Sotra's eyes were red from bloodlust, everything indicated that she will attack shortly.

Mr. Irving showed her the palm of his hand to try to calm her down: "Let me finish before you kill me, please. The biggest problem in all this is that you have no body count to report. My companion informed me that the skeleton was already lying on the floor of the hallway before the dragon supposedly scorched this 'runner' with his breath. And your death pit. My companion consulted with the flesh-eating larvae in the pit and they told him they are starving! And there has not been any flesh to eat in that pit for some time now, only bones of adventurers that died a long time ago. Nobody comes to your domain anymore, what happened here Sotra?"

Sotra finally exhaled and the red veins on her face receded. She sat back down in her chair.

"Most impressive, Irving. The simple truth is that we were too good at killing adventurers and soon they started to avoid my dungeon no matter how much treasure we gathered. But that only helped me resolve the question that was bothering me since my violent birth. The inhabitants of Xardax are too weak. This land does not deserve to be swarming with such pests. I, therefore, decided that I will extend my domain and I will rule Xardax. This is only natural that the strongest should emerge at the top. But, Irving, you will not live to see that. However, that was a nice trick with your companion, you hid him well. What is he?"

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

Mr. Irving furrowed his disheveled brows: "Of course, this is your plan, I should have known. You were made by the witches and you were supposed to deliver them Xardax so it is in your instincts. Never mind. My companion is Toxadrun, a demi-god residing in the stone vase. If you will attempt to kill me, I will release him and he will destroy all that is dear to you."

"Yes, yes, yes! Release my already, please, Warner! I will rip everything down, I will shatter this dungeon, and it will be known as Sotra's tomb from now on! And my new epithet will be 'the annihilator of Sotra' !" Toxadrun whispered into Mr. Irving's ear.

It tickled again and Mr. Irving chuckled. But then, Sotra chuckled too. She unlocked a hidden closet in the obsidian table and she put an ornamented stone vase on the table.

Mr. Irving swallowed dryly and Toxadrun whispered again: "Finally, a worthy opponent. Release me now! Do it! I will kill this cousin of mine!"

But, that was not all. Sotra added a second vase next to the first one, and then a third one, each with a different glyph in front.

"Fuck," Toxadrun concluded.

Mr. Irving stood up: "If you kill me, they will send another agent, and another, for eternity. If we release our companions from their vases then probably we die too. Imagine four demigods fighting in close spaces. Perhaps we can negotiate."

Sotra frowned: "If I don't like your first proposal, that is it and I will bet on me."

Mr. Irving thought hard and after a pause, he spoke: "I will write in the inspection form that everything is in order and your establishment is of high quality. The administration will let you be if you pay me the taxes that are owed, preferably in some sort of magical artifact. Then you will have sufficient time to capture the whole Xardax and the next time someone comes, they will report that the local dungeon expanded into an empire and a new contract will be written or you can be independent."

Sotra nodded and waited until Mr. Irving finished the form, then they both signed it with their blood.

Finally, she tossed a rusty saber at the table: "Your taxes, now get out!"

***

"Warner are you ok? I know you, you can't accept a loss. Maybe you should have invoked me, I could have handled them you know," Tox told him. He was sitting on Mr. Irving's shoulder as a black crow.

Mr. Irving took the crow by its legs and threw it in the air: "Shut up, shut up, shut uuuup!"

Mr. Irving stood outside, completely deflated. He looked around and saw "the monument" in the form of a giant dice in the distance.

"Tox, I am sorry, I need to be alone now. Please fly to the dice and chip a small bit from it so we have a souvenir from here. Thank you. I will be alright when you return."

***

Mr. Irving stood on the deck of the boat that took them from Waxend to the location for teleport travel. He checked that Toxadrun is safely tucked in his vase. Then, Mr. Irving sprayed his body with the multidimensional pheromone so the Teleport smells him on the other side. It makes the gelatinous Teleport bring people back from other universes because the Teleport falls in love with them and it wants to have that person close by instantly.

Mr. Irving felt the pull of the Teleport and after one blink of an eye, he saw the familiar setting with the imps running around, cleaning him from the gelatine as he stepped outside from the cube.

"Dear colleagues, give me a green coat, and I will go back in. I have a loose end to tie up," Mr. Irving gave them a small stone chipped from the monument: "It is not perfect but please try to find the coordinates in the universe this artifact belongs to originally." He handed them the form and the saber for the administration.

***

A man with a mustache wearing a green coat walked into the Bearded Friar pub. He did not fit in. His coat was too loose, too ancient when compared with those of the regular patrons sitting at the bar.

"What would you like to drink, sir?" the innkeeper that apparently played to role of the bearded friar asked politely.

"A pint of your finest beer would be nice, thank you," the man responded while looking at a couple sitting by the fireplace. They played some sort of board game.

The man in the green coat carried the tankard of beer and approached the man and woman consumed by the game they played.

"Sorry for interrupting. What is the name of this game? It looks intriguing," the man asked and pointed at the hexagonal tiles on the table.

The woman smiled: "It is called Xardax, we have been playing it for eternity. We absolutely love it! We each play for a different city, trying to get resources by farming, trade, or you can always loot in the dungeons but these are too hard for us."

"I see, I see, well thank you. I will not disturb you anymore," the man replied, bowed, and looked one last time at the tile representing the dungeon.

He sat down and took a sip from his beer. He cleaned the foam from his mustache and saw there was a red-eyed crow sitting in the window. The man in the green coat winked at the crow. It flapped its wings and flew across the room. It landed on the table where the couple played Xardax and it stole the wooden tile with a dungeon painted on it. The crow carried the tile in its talons and threw it right to the fire. It made a crackling sound and the flames consumed it quickly.

"You stupid bird! Shoo shoo, oh no, the tile is gone, Steven!" the woman lamented.

Game over, Sotra, Mr. Irving thought and hid his smile in the mug.

"I am so sorry that this happened. Fortunately, it was only the dungeons tile, you said you were not using it that much anyway, right?" Mr. Irving told them on his way out.

"I guess, but still, damned crow," Steven shook his head.

***

Mr. Irving stood outside the pub, breathing in the cold fresh air. He was in peace.

"Warner, it didn't feel to me like Sotra lived on the tile. It was really just painted wood," said the crow on his shoulder.

Mr. Irving smiled: "Oh Tox, of course, Sotra did not live on the tile itself. The couple created the universe of Xardax in their collective focus of minds while they played the game. As long as they saw the tile burn, Sotra's dungeon burned down in their minds too, and therefore, she is now really gone."

The crow nervously shifted: "That is crafty! But, Warner, you submitted the form, the administration will still think everything is ok."

"Yes, Tox. And when they will check it next time, they will find the dungeons were destroyed in that location, which happens all the time, maybe some other agent will establish a new dungeon there. Either way, Sotra is gone, and it is important that I know," Mr. Irving exhaled happily.